by Mana Sol
But I’d forgotten one thing in my panic. I had caught Zedekiel by the wings, but nothing was stopping him from coming directly at me. The spelled bind slackened suddenly against my array, and I scrambled to etch another one. But I couldn’t let go of the bind, which meant I had to sacrifice the Dispelling sign I was holding in my other hand. Shit! If I did that, he could easily use his Nephilim aura to overcome me.
But what choice did I have? All my remaining options were stupid ones, so naturally, I went with the most terrible. I closed my eyes, released the Dispelling, and drew a reverse anchoring sigil before weaving it into the existing array. Instantly, the rope stiffened like a rod, stopping Zedekiel in his tracks before he could take a step closer. Between the force keeping me firmly planted where I stood and the one keeping him away from me, surely that was enough to -
He kicked Addy in the chest, fighting against my spell, and the force twisted the hardened restraint and sent me to the ground. “Blair!” she screamed. “Genie, burn this piece of shit!”
Burn. Burning - I did smell fire. It wasn’t the grass, either, but the Nephilim, right through his sleeve. I blanched at the realization that Genie had actually hurt someone, but it said something that all her fiery rage couldn’t slow him down. He was still keeping all three of us contained, and I had almost broken the magic array into pieces when I fell.
I couldn’t depend on the others to save me this time. It had to be me. I had to be the one to come to rescue; my pride demanded it. So when Addy let loose with an agonized groan courtesy of a fierce punch hooking straight into her solar plexus, I released the inverted anchoring force and let the rope slacken. It began winching him in now, hauling him backward - and straight to me.
God knew that was the last place I wanted him in, but it was the only way to keep him under control so he couldn’t keep dodging around the other two. And if he was coming toward me, then the others knew exactly where he would be, where he was headed, where to attack. I had to do it, had to prove I wasn’t afraid, had to prove I could be dangerous, too -
But suddenly he was in front of me, and before I could stumble back, he grabbed me under the chin. My teeth sank into my bottom lip, cutting deep in my panic, and I let out a pathetic sound when he knocked away my hands so hard I thought he wrenched my shoulders. The arrays shattered between us into millions of glowing slivers, and before I had a chance to even summon up the Dispelling sigil in my mind’s eye, Zedekiel leaned over me and stared directly into my eyes.
I fell. I didn’t stand a chance. In pain and still paralyzed by shock, his Nephilim aura swallowed me up like a storm, and it was all I could do to squeeze my eyes shut and turn my head. But that did nothing to protect me from the sharp rap to my temple, and his grip along my chin tightened when I fell limp in his grasp. My vision blurred then shrank, and when I sprawled over the ground, the last thing I saw in the closing tunnel of my vision was Genie opening her mouth in a scream toward the Nephilim - expelling a jet of fire straight at his chest.
Darkness.
And then nothing.
20
I sulked for an hour. I shouldn’t have since it was my fault to begin with that I’d been as injured as I was, but I sulked anyway and refused to say anything even when Addy shoved open the curtain and plopped down in the chair next to mine. Genie was right behind her and fell into the other chair, knees pulled up to her chest and her bare feet on the seat. I said nothing.
“Well, there went that plan,” Addy said finally. “Thought we were going to go easy so we wouldn’t ‘do too well,’ but we ended up getting our asses kicked anyway even when we went all out.”
“I got in trouble…”
“Well, it’s their fault for having a pyromancer anywhere near trees if they didn’t want them set on fire. Besides, it didn’t spread that far. Would have been nice if someone had been there who could put them out quicker, but at least there was a water caster around.”
I didn’t want to hear it. I’d missed everything from when I fell unconscious to when I woke up in the infirmary bundled in healing magic and bandages, and I had no interest in learning what transpired between those two points. I was exhausted, angry, and smarting not from the injuries but my battered pride. Worse, Addy and Genie were probably thinking the same thing as I was. Me, a swaggering Thaumaturgist, top marks, and one of the most academically competitive students in all the Citadel between every race - me, dropped like a rock with one blow. I wanted to die.
“So, what now?” asked Addy. She crossed one leg over the other and scratched at her abdomen, under which no doubt she bore charmed bandages similar to mine. I could hear the fabric rubbing against her shirt, and she winced with a fierce scowl on her pretty face. “He said we were done since he’d learned all he needed to know for today, and also that we’re obviously in no shape to continue.” She pitched the word at a whiny, mocking inflection. “So, that’s it. We have the rest of the weekend to ourselves, thank God.”
The rest of the weekend? Was that what concerned her? I wanted to shut myself inside my room and never come out. I closed my eyes and settled further back into the plush pillow, the only good thing to come out of this disaster. The infirmary bed was the most comfortable one I’d ever slept in, truly. Almost comfortable enough to make me forget for a precious moment that I was only here because Zedekiel had knocked me out cold with a blow to my head.
To my head! That asshole. Even with the healing charms, I knew a bruise would remain. Humans didn’t take well to those, and I was no exception. Any more would risk exhausting my natural energy and hurting me even more in other ways. All because the Nephilim pummeled us on our first day of training. Was this really what our future looked like? Getting the wits beaten out of us until we got good enough to fight outside the Wall and then fight there until we died? I wanted to punch him for being so smugly superior. I wanted to punch the infirmary nurse for putting me back together so he could beat on me again. I wanted to punch the school, brick by brick, for dashing every single one of my plans and dreams into pieces and ruining my life.
“Okay, if you’re just going to lie there and be bitter all day, I’m going to go. Genie, you wanna come with me? We’ll go get some food. Dining hall should be empty right about now.”
They were leaving? Of course, they were. I was being an ass and I should have chosen this moment to apologize for it, but I was secretly relieved they were leaving me alone. I wasn’t just sulking - I was overwhelmed. Not that I would ever admit it. But I’d just gotten twisted and rolled up like wet dough, and I’d stood there and fiddled with my stupid attempts at botched spell crafting while Genie and Addy got whaled on over and over because I could do nothing to help.
I sighed in the silence. The infirmary nurse was in her office and I was the only one here, leaving me to wallow in my humiliation just the way I liked it. I threw my arm over my forehead and winced when I pressed on the sizable bruise - damn it. Every part of me still hurt. Most of it was only a dull ache now since the charms had done their work over the last two hours, but maybe it was my sour mood that made the healing even slower than it should have been.
I heard the door latch click from the other side of the large room, and I closed my eyes to pretend to be asleep. Addy probably wouldn’t fall for it, but maybe she’d do the decent thing and pretend she did. One could hope. I remained motionless when the curtain pulled back again on its metal rungs and waited patiently for her to disappear again.
“You were useless.”
My eyes shot open from under my forearm. What the hell?
“I know you’re not asleep, Blair Kaine. Look at me.”
God. What even…I considered ignoring the cool order because that voice was the last one I wanted to take instructions from, but I would only prove how bitter I was if I did. So with a soundless sigh, I removed my arm from over my eyes and pushed myself up to sit on the bed.
Only for a hand to plant itself on my chest and push me back down. My head hit the downy pillow with a ru
sh of air, and I stared up into a blue-eyed glare hovering over me.
“You did everything wrong,” Zedekiel said coldly. His hand was still pressing me down into the bed, and when I reached for his wrist, he used his other hand to knock mine away. I narrowed my eyes to match his glare, anger rising inside me too swift to reason with. I knew myself. If he didn’t let me go, if he didn’t stop touching me, I was going to do something stupid. I tried to convince myself to do the smart thing and pretend to be frightened and cowed because obviously, that was what he wanted and that was what would get this over with the quickest, but hadn’t he gotten more than his fair share of treading all over me today? Didn’t I deserve to get even, didn’t I deserve one chance to do the impulsive thing and not the smart thing for once? Of course, I did. My fingers twitched, flying in a blur -
“This is why you couldn’t do anything, Blair. You react without thinking. Without planning. Without protecting yourself. It was over the moment I had you.”
I swallowed back the sound that almost climbed out of my throat when he grabbed my wrist and slammed it down on my pillow next to my ear. Strands of my splayed hair caught underneath it, and my scalp stung when I twisted my fingers anyway in a spiteful but ill-fated attempt to etch a spell anyway.
“Don’t,” he warned. “Like I said, this is why you lost. You can’t fight me when I’ve already gotten to you.”
“I didn’t ask for your advice.”
“I’m giving it anyway.”
“It’s not wanted. Why are you even here? Don’t act like you were concerned for my wellbeing or my performance. Did you come here to gloat? Is that it?”
“You have a lot of courage for someone who can’t even sit up unless I let you.”
“Because we both know you’re eventually going to let me go. Or do you not have better things to do than play this game of scare the human?” I scoffed. “Neither of us have the time for each other. So let go.”
“You might ask me politely.”
“Or you could leave me the hell alone.” I still had one hand free. I wondered if it was worth the trouble. “You did your job already. Training, introduced us to the hard-knock way of war, all that. You don’t need to be here.”
“Provoking me won’t get you anywhere. If I’m offering sound advice, be smart enough to take it. And considering how helpful I’ve been -”
“Knocking us around when we’re unprepared is being helpful?”
He pressed down harder on my chest ever so slightly as he leaned in. “I’m not talking about today, Blair Kaine. I’m talking about how everyone’s been steering clear of you. Because of me. Or did you think it was because you were clever enough to dodge three hundred students this week that you were left alone?”
“I’m not stupid,” I snapped. “I know they’re avoiding me because they don’t want to step on your toes. But don’t think for one second I owe you anything. You’re not protecting me or helping me on purpose. It’s incidental. Accidental. Just because they misunderstood you doesn’t mean you deserve the credit for it.”
“One word from me and your life would be a lot harder than it’s been.” Suddenly, his eyes darted down from my face to my hip where my other hand rested. “Don’t. You’re too slow to cast that before I stop you.”
I held the half-etched sign at my fingertips anyway, daring him to do something about it. I’d meant to catch him off-guard while he was too busy haranguing me to notice, but even though he was the one to catch me instead, I found I didn’t care. “Then get off of me,” I said. “And unless you’re here to get bandaged up yourself, you can leave the infirmary, too.”
“You think you did anything to me that would need healing?”
“I banged up your wings a little, let’s not pretend I didn’t. I saw the look on your face when I trapped them closed.” It was stupid to provoke him, but I smiled anyway. It felt too good not to. “Do they still hurt?”
He leaned in so close I could feel his breath fan over my face. “I wouldn’t expect a human to know, so I’m telling you now. Never touch a Nephilim’s wings. They’re sensitive.”
“I figured something like that. That’s probably why I did what I did, isn’t it? Wasn’t to coddle you.”
He leaned closer. “It didn’t hurt, Blair Kaine.”
“If you say so. I’ll be more careful next time. Wouldn’t want to hurt your sensitive wings.”
I was ecstatic that I was saying exactly what I thought without filtering myself even though I’d probably pay for it later, but something about the abrupt silence that fell between us then felt - wrong. I tensed when Zedekiel continued to fix me with his stare without a word, and I realized for the first time how close he was. And his hand was still on my chest, the heel of his wrist decidedly close to the swell of it. Maybe I should just do it, I thought. Finish etching the spell as fast as I could, throw him off of me -
“I didn’t mean that kind of sensitive, Blair. Like I said, it didn’t hurt.”
I froze. I froze like a wet rag hung out in a snowstorm. My throat closed and I couldn’t breathe, and for a harrowing moment, I thought I felt his hand that kept mine pinned by my head slowly moving, fingers inching upward to slide between mine -
The office door creaked open.
“Is that you, Zedekiel? What a surprise! Are you here to check on Miss Blair?”
He let me go as if nothing had happened and straightened his back. “Everything seems fine, Nurse Willat. How long will she be in here for?”
“Nothing to worry about. She should be fine in an hour, I’m just making sure she doesn’t show any adverse reactions to our healing magics. Though she needs rest, I will say…”
He turned and stepped back, then closed the curtain around my bed behind him. I still couldn’t breathe. My chest was tight. Unbearably hot. My heart raced like I’d just sprinted around the entire Academy.
“I’ll be going, then,” he said. “Blair Kaine and I will continue our conversation later.”
Yeah.
Like hell, we would.
21
I didn’t see him at all until Monday after I released myself from my self-imposed lockdown. But even then I dedicated greater effort than usual in ignoring Zedekiel the entire following week. It was harder in the mornings with the tiny classes where everyone sat within feet of everyone else and there was nowhere to look but at the professor or each other, but he seemed no more eager for confrontation than I was.
A relief, because I didn’t think I could handle looking him in the eye when I could still hear his voice echoing in my memory. Sensitive. I scowled and clenched my hand into a white-knuckled fist, ruining the miniature array I’d just etched above my paper while following along with Professor Pompey’s lecture. God, this couldn’t be happening to me. Annoying, infuriating, unforgivable…But it was, and worst of all was the fresh silvery handprint stamped on my wrist. I’d been so intent on getting out what I wanted to spit in his face last weekend that I’d forgotten all about avoiding any further Nephilim marks, and now it was worse than before. Not only was my entire wrist a shining silver, my palm and inner curve of my fingers glowing streaks as well. I didn’t want to think back too hard on the incident, but his hand must have wandered up at some point. It almost looked like we’d held hands, a thought that made my stomach turn inside out. If I thought I could get away with it, I would stand up from my chair this second and walk over to put my fist in his mouth.
And of course, Addy had noticed, too, which was bad enough, but then she had dragged Genie into it. Thankfully, they had both promptly concluded without my input that the Nephilim marks had come from when I’d tried to fight Zedekiel off.
“That asshole,” Addy had seethed. “I’ll give him a different kind of shiner. Next time, I’ll be ready. Black his eye and make him walk around explaining how a human popped him in the face. I was so close, so close, you don’t even know.”
I’d let them think what they wanted, and I didn’t bother cautioning them against trying
too hard this coming weekend when we had to go meet him again. He’d been playing with us last Saturday and nothing more. If we truly wanted to leave a dent, we had to fight smarter, and until we could do it without utterly embarrassing ourselves, we were going to keep getting mauled behind the Academy at Zedekiel’s hands.
We weren’t even good enough to fight in the Arena. I’d gathered as much when I stopped by the amphitheater. These students - they were pompous and insufferable, but they were good at it. Fighting. I saw two other Thaumaturgists out of the bunch in the Form above me, and they didn’t have a scratch on them.
We’d done it wrong. All wrong. Zedekiel had been right to warn me when he came into the infirmary; he hadn’t merely been gloating. But he didn’t have to put his hands on me like that to deliver simple advice. He’d pay for that. I’d make sure of it.
The girls didn’t know about that, though, and I had no plans to tell them. I could only imagine Addy’s reaction, and Genie - I couldn’t even do that. What would she do? Calmly burst into flames and burn down the school until he came out and prostrated himself before us?
“Miss Kaine.”
I turned around. Professor Octavius. I hadn’t spoken with him outside the classroom setting since the day before classes started, nor did I want to. He might be the head of the Alchemy Department, but I had no intention of ever soliciting him for his help or his approval. This man, this pureblooded vampire who I had thought was so uncharacteristically kind and gentlemanly, had turned out to be anything but. He had been in on it. He’d known from the beginning what the girls and I were being tricked into - and I could safely assume he’d been one of the people to even decide on it. He was one of the two Deputy Heads, after all. Him, the red-eyed man who had just stopped me in the otherwise deserted hallway outside my dormitory wing. Why was he even here? To check on his human pets, his battlefield fodder?
