by Jenny Oliver
Hamish looked nonplussed. ‘Go to a spa? Like you always do.’
Alicia grinned. Her husband rolled his eyes.
Julia found herself wanting to be invited to the spa. They made life seem so effortlessly exciting. But she knew Alicia would never include her. If Lexi had still been in the hot tub she would have done. Since it was now just Julia, Hamish and Alicia in the pool, the lack of invitation made her feel even more awkward so she made the excuse of needing another drink and climbed out.
She hunted for a towel but realised there were none. And since there was no chance she was going to stand around in just her swimsuit, the only option was to pull her dress on over her soaking wet costume. Her fingers were shrivelled like prunes. The material went immediately damp and see-through. Hamish and Alicia were still talking about the holiday. Julia felt invisible. She suddenly envied Charlie his forsaking of the whole hot tub malarkey.
The afternoon was getting hotter. Clammy and close. The music had got louder. More and more people had arrived. To get anywhere was a squeeze. There was a queue for the cocktails. The sun poured through the wispy clouds giving everything a hazy edge. Julia looked around for Charlie but saw just a sea of faces, some of them she recognised from the street, she waved a few hellos but the groups were so tightly packed it was hard to get involved in the chats as she squeezed through the gaps.
Finally, in the far corner, sitting on a low children’s picnic table, she saw Charlie. He was animatedly chatting with Lexi’s weird old neighbour who had clearly only been invited to fend off any complaints about the noise.
‘Hey, Julia,’ Charlie said as she approached. ‘You know Harry?’
Julia nodded as the old man in the flat cap sitting by Charlie smiled his gappy grin at her. He looked like he’d dressed up for the occasion in his tweed trousers, old cream shirt and threadbare waistcoat.
‘She always lets me go ahead in the Costcutter,’ said Harry, taking his cap off and nodding his head at Julia.
‘Well it’s just you’re only ever buying a paper,’ Julia replied, itching to get Charlie away, to go and socialise with – she cringed with shame at herself for thinking it – better people on the street.
Charlie took a swig of his almost full pint. ‘Harry says Mountain Magics always get blight.’
Julia frowned. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘Tomatoes,’ said Charlie, bemused that she hadn’t remembered.
‘Oh.’
‘Dixie Golden Giants,’ said Harry, waving a shaky wrinkled hand, ‘they’re the best tomatoes on the market. You can pop round whenever you want to see mine.’
Julia smiled politely, but had to back away when Charlie turned his attention once again to Harry and said, ‘And what was it, never beetroots and carrots together?’
Julia left them to it, feigning interest in a limbo competition that was just starting, not that Charlie noticed she’d gone.
The bow-tie wearing waiters were in charge of the limbo pole. Alicia had hopped out of the hot tub to have a go and was currently contorting herself with ease, dressed in just her bikini while sipping a martini, to the heckling cheers of the semi-naked waiters.
Julia’s phone beeped. It was a WhatsApp from Meryl. It was quite a relief to look away from the spectacle to read it.
Meryl: How’s the party?
Julia: There’s semi-naked limbo-ing and Charlie’s talking to an octogenarian about tomatoes!
Meryl: Time to run off with Hot Hamish then ;-)
Julia: I never wanted to RUN off with him!! I just wanted to have SEX with him!!
Meryl: Haha, my mistake!
Julia put her phone away, first laughing, then immediately feeling bad for making out that Charlie was a disappointment. Then she suddenly panicked that she’d sent the WhatsApp reply to the right person and got her phone out to double-check it had been to Meryl. Christ, that could have been embarrassing.
After that, Julia went in search of Lexi who she found in the kitchen dealing with a canapé crisis still wearing just her bikini.
‘Oh Julia, darling, I was just going to come and find you. Could you do me a massive favour?’ Lexi took hold of Julia’s arm and gave it a squeeze. ‘One of Vanya’s waitresses has just sliced her finger open and has had to be taken to the walk-in clinic to get a stitch. We’re down two of the waiting staff. Is there any chance you could just hand a tray or two around? I’d do it myself but I’ve had a complete blonde moment and lost my dress,’ she tittered. ‘God knows where it is. I’m going to pop upstairs to find something else to wear and then I’ll take over.’
‘That’s fine,’ said Julia, ashamed that she was secretly pleased that she was one of the friends Lexi would be comfortable enough to ask for help. ‘Absolutely, no problem.’
‘Oh you’re a lifesaver!’ Lexi sighed. ‘Here, this tray of smoked salmon blinis needs to go out before the fish starts to stink in the heat.’
Julia put her phone down on the counter and took the tray.
Lexi looked a touch less flustered. ‘Right. Now to find something to wear.’
Julia held the silver platter. ‘Are you sure your dress isn’t over by the hot tub?’
‘Well I thought it was,’ said Lexi, ‘but I just WhatsApped Alicia to have a look and she said it’s not there. I think someone might have picked it up for me, I don’t know.’ She shook her head, and grinned. ‘Only I’d be able to lose my dress at a party.’
Julia laughed. A couple of people trouped through the kitchen, one of them, a chiselled guy with a beanie hat, aviators and a white vest top on, plucked a salmon blini from the tray with a vague nod of thanks to Julia as he chewed it whole. ‘Kitchen’s looking good, Lexi,’ he said, mouth full, as he carried on out the front door where a break-away party had started round the olive tree.
‘Thanks hun!’ Lexi called.
Julia recognised the guy from an Instagram story of Lexi’s at Christmas. She’d taken a screenshot of it and studied it intently, amazed that someone could have such a good-looking, picture-perfect Christmas. He was Lexi’s cousin, she’d deduced. They’d all posed wearing matching Christmas jumpers and pulled it off with ironic cool.
As he was walking out, however, someone else was sauntering in with no regard for his status, brushing him to one side without a care. The guy stood back against the wall, confused by the dismissal. ‘Hey,’ he said, clearly annoyed.
Lexi looked up. As did Julia.
Walking into the party was Julia’s next-door neighbour, Amber Beddington. All cool with her pitch-black hair, maroon lacy bra showing through her snakeskin silk vest, skin-tight leather leggings and buckled boots, complete disregard for the heatwave. She always looked like she’d just rolled out of bed, smelling of cigarettes and heavy Chanel. Her kohl-rimmed eyes were all-knowing and her skin was lined like she’d seen what the world had to offer and sampled the majority of it.
Lexi visibly acquiesced in her presence. ‘Amber, hi. You made it. I didn’t think you were going to come.’
Amber strolled casually towards them, eyeing the decorations, expressionless.
‘Can I get you a drink?’ Lexi gushed. ‘We’ve got killer negronis.’
Amber huffed a laugh. ‘No, you’re OK.’ She paused when she got to them, reaching into her back pocket to get something out. ‘I just came to return this,’ and she handed Lexi the note that had been sellotaped to the battered VW van out the front. ‘I presume it’s yours?’
Lexi took a step back, ‘I’m so sorry. I didn’t know it was your van. If I had I wouldn’t have written anything.’
Amber shrugged. ‘It’s not my van. I’m borrowing it.’
The fact Lexi was apologising more for whose van it was than the fact she’d left a note in the first place wasn’t lost on Amber, her expression openly mocking.
As Lexi’s pettiness seemed to grow in the silence, the note crumpled in her hand, Lexi got more flustered, retying her hair, shaking out her bracelets, trying to compose herself as
best she could standing in just her bikini. ‘Seriously, Amber, I’m so sorry,’ she said. ‘I shouldn’t have done anything. God, what a psycho!’ she berated herself. ‘Please, have a drink, let me make up for it.’
Amber shook her head, ‘No thanks.’ Then she gave the kitchen one last glance, did a little laugh that seemed to undercut all the effort that had gone into the party in one fell swoop, said, ‘Enjoy,’ then turned and disappeared outside.
‘Oh God.’ Lexi put her head in her hand. ‘How embarrassing. Amber of all people.’ She looked at Julia. ‘You know she’s a buyer for Emerald House? The private members’ club?’
Julia did know that.
‘I’ve been hoping she’ll get me in one day. Now it’ll never happen. Shit, why did I have to write that bloody note?’ Lexi tipped her head back at the ceiling. ‘Damn.’ There was a pause. Julia didn’t know what to say. Then taking a deep breath, holding it for five and exhaling, like something she’d learnt on a relaxation podcast, Lexi clapped her hands together and said, ‘OK, it’s OK. Right, where was I? What are we doing? Oh yes, you’re doing canapés. I’m finding something to wear.’ With that, she nipped off up the acid yellow staircase.
The caterer was ushering one of the young waitresses outside with her silver platter of miniature roast beef and Yorkshire puddings, then she turned to Julia and said, ‘You need to get going with that salmon!’
Julia turned to follow when she saw her phone ping on the kitchen island. She glanced at the screen, it was a message from Alicia: Found dress, hun.
Immediately Julia realised it wasn’t her phone. That Lexi had picked up hers instead and this was Lexi’s. She grabbed it and called out, ‘Lexi, I’ve got your phone. Alicia’s found your dress.’ But there was no answer. She put the tray of canapés down on the kitchen counter and went out into the hall. She was just about to call again when another message popped up, Yeah Julia will do it for you, she’d kiss your ass if you asked her to
Julia paused.
The sound of laughter and the smell of cigarette smoke flooded in through the front door where the mini olive tree party was in full swing. She could hear Lexi upstairs, opening and shutting wardrobe doors. But mostly Julia could hear the sound of her heart thumping in her chest.
She knew Lexi’s PIN code was a simple default 1243 – ‘Two kids and a blonde brain… I can’t remember anything more difficult than that!’ Julia had laughed that hers was exactly the same and with brown hair and no kids she had no excuse for the simplicity. A conversation about how they had always been able to remember the most convoluted phone numbers as kids had ensued and they’d blamed mobile phones for the demise of their memories while simultaneously scrolling through Instagram.
Now Julia’s fingers hovered over the keypad of Lexi’s phone. Did she even want to read any more? Of course she did. How could she not? Upstairs Lexi was singing along to the song the DJ was playing. There was the clatter of the caterers behind her. Julia was aware she was meant to be handing out canapés.
She turned to shield herself from any onlookers out the front and pressed the PIN code numbers.
It appeared that Lexi, Alicia and Nicky had a spin-off WhatsApp group called CEDAR LANE BLONDES.
Already Julia felt a stab that it didn’t include her. She just had a bog-standard message thread with Lexi. The only Cedar Lane WhatsApp group Julia was on was the main one that campaigned against the new Sainsbury’s and reminded them when bin day was going to be late.
Her eyes scanned the messages. Looking fast. Aware that Lexi was upstairs, that she was prying, that anyone could see her, but feeling a desperate, craving sickness to read:
Lexi: That dress Julia is wearing is DEFINITELY in Whistles. I saw it, too!
Alicia: Why lie? So weird. And was she ACTUALLY wearing the same shoes as you?
Lexi: *Sigh* Yeah. She does it all the time, totally copied the swimsuit, too.
Alicia: I knew it! Well what is it they say, imitation is sincerest form of flattery…
Lexi: Yeah but really f*cking annoying. Haha.
Nicky: The dress isn’t Whistles. I saw an H&M label when she took it off.
Lexi: I never shop in H&M. The material is so cheap.
Nicky: Ditto. And what about that at the hot tub…
Lexi: Poor Charlie!
Alicia:
Lexi: Shit!!!!! One of the bloody waitresses has cut her finger off. I NEED A WAITRESS.
Alicia: Actually cut her finger off?
Lexi: No. It was like a tiny sliver, TOTAL drama queen. Do you think it would be bad to ask Julia to waitress? BTW is my dress by the hot tub?
Julia was horrified. She felt sick. It was like seeing all her worst insecurities there in black and white. She didn’t know what to do. Some guests barged past her on their way out the front. She looked up disoriented.
‘The salmon needs to go, NOW!’ Vanya, the caterer, called.
As if on autopilot, Julia went back into the kitchen. Closing WhatsApp, she turned Lexi’s phone off and put it back where it came from, then she picked up the tray of salmon blinis that were waiting on the table.
She tried Lexi’s trick of taking a deep breath and counting to five but it did nothing. She tucked her hair behind her ears, the tips still damp from the hot tub, and then she headed out with the tray of canapés, pushing through the crowd of people in the open plan living room, past the giant photo of Lexi and Hamish dancing at their wedding, past the custom neon wall light – a scrawl that read Live, Love, Lexi on the exposed brick wall – out into the oppressive heat of the garden.
In the far corner Alicia and Hamish were still in the hot tub, there was a big group in there now, all with champagne, bottles being tipped up and then chucked onto the grass. The music was really loud. The sky was a smothering duvet of cloud.
But as Julia stepped onto the patio, something happened to the atmosphere. The music was still thumping, there was still a hum of chatter, but it was coupled with the incessant beeping of multiple phone messages. And as people got their phones from their pockets their reactions seemed to mirror each other. Mouths opened, lips were bitten, eyes widened, and almost one after the other, like a Mexican wave, they paused, looked up and around and stared when they clocked Julia standing with her silver tray of smoked salmon.
Over by the hot tub, she saw Alicia gasp then almost splutter into a smirk of delight. What was going on?
The sweet new mum, Hazel, from number twenty-two had gone pink and wouldn’t look Julia in the eye. Nicky’s husband was in the chill-out zone snorting a laugh as he scrolled through his messages. The group of dads were silently, secretly cracking up.
Julia felt her heart rate rise.
She felt for her own phone but remembered she didn’t have it. Lexi had it.
And then she remembered. She remembered the WhatsApps with Meryl. She remembered that Lexi knew her PIN code as she knew Lexi’s.
Shit.
From the hot tub she heard Hamish go, ‘What the hell?’ Then bark a shocked laugh.
Julia stood frozen for a second. The party stilled. The children’s picnic table where Charlie had been sitting with Old Harry was empty. People who weren’t from Cedar Lane were looking around to see what had happened.
And then suddenly Lexi was there. Strutting through the bi-folds wearing a white beach kaftan, some day-glow tassel necklaces and a crown of white silk flowers. She stopped when she got to Julia, standing in front of her, arms crossed. Her expensively dyed hair was hanging tousled over aloof narrowed eyes.
The music dimmed.
Julia swallowed. Feeling the collective gaze of the party on her. People trying to look like they weren’t staring but staring all the same.
Lexi held out Julia’s phone.
Julia was still holding the huge bloody platter of smoked salmon canapés. She had nowhere to put it down so had to dig one edge of it into her front so she could hold it with one hand in order to take the casually proffered phone from Lexi.
Lexi sho
ok out her hair, fluffing it up with her hands like she didn’t have a care in the world. Then she said, ‘I think you’d better leave, don’t you?’
And Julia nodded. Feeling dazed and battered.
Lexi arched one perfect brow in pity, then turned to the DJ and shouted, ‘Come on, people, let’s get this party started!’ Then whooped, arms raised as she shimmied through the crowd to the DJ’s suddenly thumping Ibiza tunes.
Meanwhile, Julia was striding out of the house, shamefaced, eyes downcast, smoked salmon shoved onto the coffee table in the living room, stalking fast through the kitchen, past the acid yellow staircase, out the front door, past the separate olive tree party, past Amber’s VW van blocking the front of the house, her trembling fingers unlocking her phone, clicking on the six new messages to the Cedar Lane WhatsApp group, knowing without having to read them what she was going to find. Screenshot after screenshot of her conversation with Meryl. The words: ‘Your bored brain is seeking excitement’ and ‘I just wanted to have SEX with him!!’ dancing in front of her eyes. Having obviously retrieved her own phone from the kitchen, Lexi had then written: Wow. Seems Julia has been lusting after MY husband. That’s friendship for you! Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase neighbourhood watch!!!
To Julia separately she’d written, Hands off, bitch.
Chapter Four
The house was furnace hot. Julia slumped against the brown wallpaper in the hall, kicking off her stupid Superga Lexi-inspired trainers. The orange flowery carpet was scratchy under her bare feet.
She closed her eyes. This was a nightmare.
To think about it made her stomach clench. The look on Lexi’s face. Alicia’s. Hamish’s. It was all so humiliating. Not to mention the string of WhatsApps she’d read on Lexi’s phone.
She pulled her hair off her face and tied it up with an elastic band on the sideboard, yanking out the stupid white ribbon. Then she walked into the kitchen. The still air enveloping her like candy floss.
