by Mia Belle
Chapter Forty-One
Lia
“This looks and smells delicious,” Dad compliments as he sits down at the kitchen table.
I thank him and we dig into the soup. “Shoot,” I say. “It needs more salt.”
“It’s fine. Taste just like Mom’s.”
“Except for the salt.”
He chuckles. “Maybe a little.”
We both laugh. It feels like forever since we’ve laughed like this, even though it’s only been a month. Dad reaches for my hand that’s resting on the table and gives it a light squeeze. “You know I love you, right?” That odd look seeps onto his face.
“Yeah. I love you, too. But what’s going on, Dad?”
He scoops another spoonful of soup. “I don’t want to ruin our dinner with my news.”
News? Panic overtakes me. “Are you sick?” Will I lose my father, too?
Dad quickly shakes his head. “No, god no. I’m sorry for scaring you like that. I’m healthy.”
I heave a sigh of relief. “Then what’s wrong?”
“Later.”
I lean back in my seat, my appetite flying out the window. But I force myself to finish eating.
“Everything you made is delicious, sweetie,” Dad says, giving me another smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Do we have dessert?”
I pull a plate out of the fridge. “We didn’t have anything left so I cut up some fruit.”
After we’ve finished our meal and clean up the kitchen, he gestures for us to sit on the living room couch. He opens his mouth, closes it. Furrows his eyebrows, opens his mouth again. Closes it. This goes on for what feels like hours.
“Dad, just tell me already.”
He shifts closer, gripping my hand. His trembles a bit. “There’s no easy way to say this so I’m just going to let it out.” He shuts his eyes for a second, inhaling a deep breath and slowly exhaling. “It seems Josh will be released from juvenile detention earlier than expected.”
I just sit there, staring at my lap. I’m not surprised, since his friends told me this two weeks ago. I guess I hoped they were wrong. Or maybe I was in denial.
Dad squeezes my hand. “It’ll be okay. He can’t go near you due to the restraining order. He has no reason to be anywhere near you, me, or this house. Even the school.”
I nod slowly.
“Sweetie, look at me,” he says. I slip my gaze to him. “It’s going to be fine, but if you ever feel unsafe call me, the cops, a teacher. Anyone. And don’t be afraid to ask for help.” He gently kisses my forehead. “Don’t be afraid.”
I try to swallow the rock lodged in my throat as my mind is attacked with memories of my past. Of all the terrible things he did to me. “I’m….not afraid.” It’s a complete lie, but I don’t want to worry my dad. We’ve been through so much this year—my abusive boyfriend, me nearly killing myself, losing Mom. I don’t need to add this to his plate. I force a smile. “Really, Dad. I’ll be fine.”
He holds my gaze for a bit, possibly trying to determine if I’m telling the truth. “I’ll do whatever I can to keep you safe. And you—”
“I’ll always be vigilant. I’ve got this, Dad.”
He wraps an arm around me, tucking me close to his chest. “I hate seeing you in so much pain.” He draws back to look into my eyes. “If you want to talk to someone, let me know.”
“Sure, but I’m okay. I’m really okay.”
His smile is strained. “If you’re okay, I’m okay. I won’t lie and say I’ll sleep well at night, though.”
Me, either. But he doesn’t have to know that.
Dad and I watch an action movie. He laughs a bit too much than necessary, and I know it’s to distract himself from worrying. I slide my hand in his, reassuring him for the millionth time that he has nothing to worry about. Josh destroyed my life, but I won’t let him do it again. Sure that’s easier said than done, but I’m determined to be stronger this time.
Dad kisses my cheek. “Sleep well, sweetie.”
“Thanks. Good night.”
My room’s dark and I tap around the wall for the light switch. In that second, my breathing is labored and I swear I can hear someone else in this room. I quickly flick on the light and scan around. No one’s here.
Pressing my back to the wall, I shake my head and laugh to myself. I’m completely losing it.
I take a quick shower, forcing myself not to think about anything Josh related. My thoughts travel to Zane, to our almost kiss. I wish I were brave enough. I wish I trusted guys a little more. Zane might be a bit complicated, but I think I like him. I think I like Aidan and Caleb, too.
But as friends, of course.
In my room, I reach for the pull cord to shut my blinds, when I notice Zane’s light is still on. All three guys are in his room playing video games. They’re laughing, but I sense some tension between Zane and Aidan. Is it because of what happened today after I fled from Zane’s room?
Caleb lightly slaps each guy in the chest, frowning at them. Zane and Aidan look at one another, then fist bump. The tension isn’t completely lifted, but I’m glad they’ve made up somewhat.
Zane’s head raises and his gaze catches mine. I quickly pull the cord before he thinks I’m stalking them like a creep.
My phone buzzes with a text.
Zane: Night, Amelia.
Chapter Forty-Two
Zane
I stare at my phone for what must be the millionth time. He’s sent me two more texts, each demanding a response.
I’m not really in the mood to go to school. I wish he’d quit texting me. I’d change my phone number, but Craig and Julia would be suspicious.
As I’m throwing on a T-shirt, my phone rings. I hardly ever get any phone calls, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out who’s the caller. I reject the call, then pull on some jeans.
“Zane,” Julia calls from downstairs. “Come down or you’ll be late for school. Remember what we discussed?”
I refrain from gritting my teeth. Craig and Julia had a long talk with me this past Saturday concerning my grades. I told them what I told Lia’s dad—I just don’t care enough about school. I want to draw. They threatened to confiscate my sketchbooks and pencils until I sort out my life. So whatever, I’ll slide by. At least I get to keep my art.
“Zane!”
“Coming.”
My phone rings again, the name Zack flashing across the screen. I tap the red button, then shove my phone in my back pocket and descend the stairs.
The guys are at the table, scarfing down their eggs and pancakes. Craig has already left for work. Julia’s wiping the mess she and Caleb made from breakfast. Caleb’s reading the news on his phone, most likely searching for updates on his dad. Aidan’s texting as he eats. Probably his friends back in New York. So early? That’s a little weird. He’s been distracted lately, and he goes out a lot. Guess he’s still not over his football injury.
As I’m eating my pancakes, my phone rings again. Since I know who it’s from, I don’t bother checking.
Caleb, Aidan, and Julia watch me, their eyebrows furrowed. I gulp down some orange juice.
My phone rings another time.
“Aren’t you going to get that?” Julia asks.
I wrench my phone out of my pocket and storm out of the house. “Stop calling me,” I bark into the phone.
“Is that how you talk to your older bro?” the familiar voice of Zack asks.
“What do you want?”
“It’s been…what? Three years since we last spoke?”
“What the hell do you want, Zack?”
He laughs. “Come on, bro. Why the hostility? Didn’t you miss me? I sure as hell miss you.” He laughs again. I’m not sure if he’s drunk or high. Maybe both.
I squeeze my eyes shut and try to calm down before I lose it. When my brother calls, it’s usually because he needs money. Probably for drugs. The guy can’t manage to fix his life, and I want no part in it. “Zack, leave me the hell alone a
nd stop calling me.” I hang up and block his number. He’s the only family I’ve got left, but I have to do this. Zack is trouble. He runs with the wrong crowd. I’m trying to live some sort of decent life.
I go back inside to finish my breakfast, giving the guys and Julia some excuse that a girl from school won’t leave me alone. I hate lying to the people who took me in and treat me like their own, but I don’t want them to know my brother contacted me.
Once we’re done eating, we pile into the car and Julia drives us to school. Walking down the halls, I spot Lia sitting on the floor reading a book. My thoughts travel to yesterday, when I tried to kiss her. And to our conversation later that night. I have no damn clue how she feels about me. Hell, I can’t even understand how I feel about her. All I know is that my lips itch to slide over hers. But she’s not ready, and I won’t push her.
She lifts her head and our gazes lock. I head over to her, throwing my backpack to the floor and dropping on it. “That book any good?” I crane my neck to catch the title. “Romance? Thought you hated romance.”
She shrugs. “Was in the mood.”
I reach into my backpack and slip out a sketchpad. “Got something for you.”
She detaches her gaze from the book as I slide it onto her lap. “Are you sure? I’d probably make a mess of the whole thing.”
“Sure I’m sure. It’s yours. Even if you hate drawing and never draw another thing in there, I still want you to have it.” I flip it over to the back. “See what I wrote there?”
She reads out loud. “Property of the wonderful and amazing Amelia Kelly.” She snorts. “Wonderful and amazing?”
“Yeah, you’re all those things.” I get to my feet. “Wanted to add my good friend, but that sounded lame.” I turn to leave, then face her. “Art has helped me get through a lot of shit in my life. Maybe it can do the same for you. And who knows? Maybe one day you’ll draw me.”
I walk off, feeling her staring after me. My mood has lifted since breakfast. Maybe because my brother won’t bother me again. Maybe because Lia and I are in a good place. Whatever the reason, I’m glad about the smile cracking on my face.
Chapter Forty-Three
Lia
I try not to obsess over Josh’s release from juvie as I thumb through Mom’s cookbooks. They’re covered in stains, which makes me realize just how much she loved cooking. I’m nowhere as good as her, but I hope I’m keeping her memory alive.
Dad enters the kitchen, his eyes flashing to mine. “Are you sure you’ll be okay here by yourself?”
“For the millionth time, yes. It’s just a few hours, anyway.”
Dad’s friend got into a car accident, and he wants to visit him in the hospital. He lives three hours away.
He sighs. “I’ll be gone until late at night. I’m not okay with you being in this house alone.”
I give him a look. “The doors and windows will be locked. Dad, if anything happens I’ll call the police. Please stop worrying. I can’t live in fear because he’s back from juvie.”
He doesn’t say anything, his eyes roaming around the kitchen.
“Dad,” I say. “I’ll be fine. You’re just wasting time.” I walk over to him and kiss his forehead. “Drive safely and wish Matt a speedy recovery.”
He nods reluctantly. “Okay. Call me every hour.”
I give him another look.
“Every hour,” he stresses.
“Fine.”
After giving me a kiss on the cheek, he forces himself out of the house. I decide to attempt Mom’s chunky chocolate cookies. She used to make it only on special occasions like birthdays, but because I loved it so much, she made it practically every week.
I smile sadly as I put the ingredients in order. I really wish we could have spent more time together.
Once the cookies are done and cooling off, the kitchen scrubbed spotless, I flop down on the couch and turn on the TV.
I hadn’t realized it before because I was preoccupied, but the house is quiet. And a little creepy. It’s starting to get dark out and very windy.
Goosebumps pop up all over my arms. And a chill darts down my back. I’m okay. I’m not afraid. Josh won’t come here. He’s smart enough not to violate the restraining order.
I force myself to focus on the TV show I’m watching, the one Alexis loves. I haven’t talked to Sophie since she stomped out of my house a few days ago. I have no idea where our friendship stands.
Something bangs on the window and I jump. It takes me a second to realize it’s just a branch. But as my eyes lock on the TV screen, trying to tune out the sounds from outside, there’s a knock on my door and I nearly catapult to the ceiling. My heart skips a beat, my stomach plummeting to my feet.
Oh, god. He’s here.
The knocking continues.
“Amelia?” a voice calls. It’s not Josh.
Slowly, I make my way toward the door and look through the peephole. Three guys stand out there, huddled in coats. The wind attacks them from all sides. I swear it’s going to start raining soon.
“Amelia!” Zane calls again. “It’s us.”
Swallowing the ball of cotton in my throat, I unlock the door and let the guys in. The wind nearly knocks me off my feet. I quickly shut the door as soon as all three guys are inside. They pull off their hats and Zane unzips his coat.
“What are you guys doing here?” I ask.
“Your dad asked Julia to check on you,” Aidan explains. “He said he didn’t want you all alone in your house. So she sent us over to stay with you until he gets back.” He sniffs. “Something smells good.”
“I made cookies.”
Caleb smiles. “That’s great.”
I force a laugh. “I screwed up a little, but I guess you can be the judges.”
They hang their coats in the closet and follow me into the kitchen. As soon as they spy the jar of cookies, they attack. Zane grabs two in each hand. Aidan gobbles one down like he hasn’t eaten in days. Caleb takes a large bite out of his.
“They’re good,” he says. “Maybe a little salty, though. But good.”
The others nod, Zane grabbing another handful.
My entire face heats up. “Thanks. It was my mom’s recipe. I’m trying to…keep her memory alive, I guess.”
“She’d love that,” Caleb says.
We gather around the table. “I don’t know,” I say. “I don’t know if she’d love anything about me.”
They exchange confused glances.
“What are you talking about?” Zane asks. “Of course your mom loves you.”
I shake my head, tears filling my eyes. Aidan’s on his feet within seconds and takes both my hands in his. “What is it, Lia? You can tell us.”
“I know I can.” The tears are intensifying. I don’t want to cry, but it seems my heart plans on doing whatever it wants. “I just think you won’t look at me the same.”
Zane stands and places his hand on my back. “That’s impossible. We’re your friends and we’re here for you.”
Aidan and Caleb nod in agreement. Caleb fetches me a glass of water, and I thank him in a whisper. I’m parched, but I don’t think I can get anything down. He comes to stand next to the others, putting a hand on my arm.
“I…” I clear my throat, averting my gaze. “I’ll never forgive myself.”
“For what?” Zane asks softly.
I look from one guy to the other. All of their eyes are filled with concern.
“I killed my mom.”
They gasp, but don’t remove their hands like I expect. I shut my eyes, feeling the tears drip down the sides of my face. “It was last month. She worked at a bank and there was a shooting.” I take a deep breath. “I was with her because she let me skip school. We planned to go shopping and out to eat after she took take care of something at work. We were there for less than fifteen minutes when the guys barged in and started shooting. My mother…she threw herself over me, and the bullets hit her. She died on the spot.”
Aidan squeezes my hands. “She died saving your life. Because she loved you.”
“You can’t blame yourself for what happened,” Caleb adds.
Zane fixes intense eyes on me. “They’re right.”
I shake my head. “I could have done something. Maybe I could have…if I wouldn’t have been there that day, maybe she would have saved herself.”
Zane gazes into my eyes. “You don’t know that. When your mom threw herself over you, she was giving you a message. To live on. She doesn’t want you to blame yourself. She wants you to have a good life. To have a future.” He swallows. “I’m sorry you lost her.”
“She sounds like an amazing person,” Caleb says, smiling sadly.
I wipe my eyes with my shirtsleeve. “She was.” I inhale, then release it slowly. “If I wouldn’t have been there—”
“No,” Zane says, stroking my cheek with the back of his finger. “Don’t let your thoughts go there.” He swallows, his eyes flicking to my wrists. Luckily I’ve worn long enough sleeves that don’t ride up and expose my scars. “Keep your mom’s memory alive by living,” he says softly.
I want to believe that it’s not my fault. Really, I do. But a big part of me still blames myself. Maybe it always will.
“Thanks,” I say. “For being here. For helping me.”
“Of course,” Caleb says. His face is filled with uncertainty and a little fear. “Thank you for sharing this with us, Lia. It means a lot to me that you trust me enough to open up. And I…” He intakes a shaky breath. “I want to tell you my biggest secret. My biggest fear.”
“Caleb…” Aidan says.
He looks at him, nodding. “I’m ready to tell her. I’m ready to talk about it.” He reaches for my hands. Aidan drops them, letting Caleb slip his inside. He gently stands me up. “Let’s go to the living room.”
Aidan and Zane sit on either side of me on the couch, while Caleb settles down in the chair facing us. His face is oozing pain, but some determination is mixed in there.
“Caleb,” I say, “you don’t have to tell me.”
“I want to.” He looks at the others unsurely.
