by Wolf, Bree
Indeed, after their almost-kiss in the stables, Charlaine had not been able to stop imagining what could have been. She had tossed and turned all night, wishing she could know what it felt like to be kissed by him.
Now.
For although they had already shared a kiss at the masquerade, they had barely known each other then. They had been strangers, and Charlaine could not help but wonder what it would feel like now. Now, that they were friends. Now, that they knew each other as well as they did. Now, that she felt for him, cared for him.
Oh, she cared for him more than any man she had ever known! There was something utterly sweet and caring about him despite the bitterness that often clung to his voice. When he laughed, his eyes lit up in such a compelling way that Charlaine wanted to hug him. He was kind and decent and considerate. He looked out for her. He stood his ground when he needed to, but he also granted her the freedom she treasured. He respected her, and she loved him for it. Oh, how she loved him for it!
Footsteps echoed up the corridor as Charlaine passed by the drawing room doors. She looked over her shoulder and spotted Emma, hurrying to catch up with her. “Is something wrong?” she asked as the other woman drew closer. “Are the girls all right?”
“They’re fine,” Emma assured her as she glanced up and down the corridor. Then she pushed open the door to the drawing room at her back and waved Charlaine inside. “Hurry! Before they find us.”
“They?” Charlaine frowned as she stepped into the dim room and watched Emma close the door. “What’s going on?”
“The girls are looking for you,” Emma told her as she stepped forward, her eyes watchful but eager somehow as though words lingered at the tip of her tongue, desperate to be sent out into the world. “However, I wanted to speak with you before you ran off with them again.” She inhaled a deep breath, and the corners of her mouth drew upward.
“What is going on?”
Emma chuckled. “I overheard Daphne and Susan talking this morning.” Her brows rose as though Charlaine should be aware of what she was referring to. “They mentioned…a kiss.” Her brows rose even higher.
Charlaine bit her lip, equally shocked and relieved to be confronted about this. “Yes, I kissed him.” She covered her face with her hands. “I shouldn’t have, but I wanted to.”
“You kissed who?” came a most intrigued voice from behind them.
Both women flinched and spun around, shocked to find Caroline rising into a seated position on the settee. “What are you doing here?” Charlaine asked as her eyes slid over Caroline’s pale face. “Are you well?”
“Only a little dizzy,” she replied, looking a bit green around the nose, as her hand came to rest on her belly. “And a little nauseous.”
Charlaine’s eyes widened. “You’re not…?” she stammered as she moved to sit beside Caroline. “Are you with child?”
A small smile stole onto Caroline’s face as she looked from Emma to Charlaine. “I think I am,” she whispered, hope and longing clinging to her voice. “Or my stomach has decided that food is no longer something desirable.”
Laughing, Charlaine hugged her. “Congratulations! I’m so happy for you.” She sat back. “Does Pierce know?”
Caroline shook her head. “Not yet. I wasn’t certain. I’m still…perhaps I should send for the doctor.” She sighed. “I don’t want to tell him only to find out that—”
“But he should know,” Charlaine insisted. “Even if…” Her words trailed off. “He should be at your side.” She squeezed Caroline’s hands. “He’d want to be at your side. Believe me, you’ll never hear the end of it if you keep him in the dark much longer,” she added laughing.
With a luminous smile upon her face, Caroline nodded. “You’re right. I should tell him, and I will.” Her gaze moved to Emma and she gestured for her to seat herself in the armchair opposite them. “But first I want to know what happened.” She looked at Charlaine. “Who did you kiss?” she asked as though she didn’t know. The look in her blue eyes told Charlaine that she had her suspicions.
Very specific suspicions. After all, Markham Hall was not exactly crawling with eligible, young men!
“I kissed Nathanial,” Charlaine admitted and then told the other two women about the day before, how they had found the frog and how Daphne and Susan had wanted to know how to kiss. “It was an impulse, and I know I shouldn’t have, but…”
“But you wanted to,” Caroline finished for her, her brows once more rising, daring Charlaine to confirm her words.
Charlaine nodded. “Yes, I wanted to.”
“But why shouldn’t you have?” Emma asked carefully with a respectful glance at Caroline.
For a reason no one could understand, Emma had a hard time forgetting that Caroline was a baroness, a peer, of upper society, a member of the ton while she herself was only a governess, with an illegitimate child no less. Charlaine could not help but wonder what it would take for Emma to see herself in a different light, to see herself as they saw her: a tender-hearted, wonderful young woman, who had fought hard to give her daughter the life she deserved.
“Emma is right,” Caroline agreed, smiling at the other woman. “You’re unattached as is he, and if you both—”
“We’re friends,” Charlaine pointed out with a sigh. “I promised him to be his friend and only his friend.” Remembering when they had first met, she shook her head. “He was so…suspicious, expecting betrayal, expecting to be made a fool of, and it took a while for him to look at me and not…see someone who would hurt him at any moment.” She looked from Caroline to Emma and saw understanding on their faces. “He needs me to be his friend and nothing more.”
Caroline patted her hand. “But you no longer see him as only a friend, do you?”
Admitting defeat, Charlaine hung her head. “I’m afraid I don’t.” She looked from Caroline to Emma. “I…I’m not certain when it happened, but now when I look at him, I…” Utter joy filled her heart and teased her lips into a wide smile.
“You’re in love,” Caroline observed with a chuckle.
Shocked to hear those words, Charlaine shook her head. “No. No. No.” Her head kept going from side to side. “I can’t be. Perhaps it’s only a passing infatuation…because he almost kissed me, because I kissed him, because…”
Emma stilled. “Wait! He kissed you?”
“Almost,” Charlaine corrected, then frowned. “Perhaps it was only in the moment. Or perhaps he wouldn’t have and I misinterpreted the situation. He seemed tense after as he did when I kissed him.” She sighed. “I think it is clear to say that he only sees me as a friend.”
“Are you certain?” Caroline asked gently, her blue eyes whispering of disappointment.
Charlaine looked away. She would not entertain these thoughts for they would only lead to a place of regret. “Yes, I’m certain. He is the best friend I’ve ever had and I will not risk what we have.” She looked from Caroline to Emma. “Please don’t say anything to him.”
Both women assured her they would not. “But what of—?” Caroline began.
Charlaine immediately interrupted her. “It is not about what I might want, but about what he needs.” She managed a small smile. “And he needs me to be his friend.”
Caroline met her gaze. “But friends are honest with each other.”
“Brutal honesty,” Charlaine whispered with a heavy heart.
“Pardon me?” Caroline and Emma said as one.
Charlaine shook her head. “It’s nothing. I will be as honest with him as I can, but I don’t think he’d still feel comfortable being my friend if he knew that…” She cleared her throat and determinedly pushed all thoughts of Nathanial away. “Now,” she turned to Caroline, “how about we fetch Pierce and you share your good news with him?”
Blushing slightly, Caroline nodded. “Very well.”
“I’ll go,” Emma offered immediately and was out the door a moment later.
“I will not push you,” Caroline said then, her bl
ue eyes imploring as she looked at Charlaine, “however, I urge you not to turn a blind eye to what may be right in front of you.” She took Charlaine’s hand. “You don’t know why he tensed or why he was upset. There might be a different reason altogether. Perhaps you should speak to him.” A soft smile played over her face. “In my experience, there is a fine line between friendship and love.”
Charlaine’s shoulders slumped. “But if I speak to him, he’ll know, and once said, these words cannot be taken back.” Still, the dishonesty that now hung over them like the sword of Damocles brought a deep sadness to Charlaine’s heart. It seemed no matter what she did, their friendship would never be the same again. What if he saw her dishonesty or her feelings for him as a betrayal? What if he turned from her?
Not only would Charlaine herself be devastated, but the thought of what the loss of their friendship might do to him caused her great pain. More than anything, Nathanial seemed to believe that he was not worthy, that he did not measure up in comparison, that if there was a choice, he would always be left behind. He did not dare open his heart to another for fear of having it crushed yet again.
Charlaine could not allow that to happen. If he needed her to be his friend, then she would be his friend! That at least was not a lie. It was not the whole truth, but neither was it a lie.
Before Caroline could say another word, the door opened and Pierce walked in, followed by Emma, a barely concealed grin upon her soft features.
Pierce’s dark gaze swept the dim room, a slight frown upon his face. “What is going on here?” he asked, looking from his wife to Charlaine and back at Emma, who stood by the door, almost dancing on the spot. “It seems a plot is afoot,” he observed with a chuckle. Charlaine noted the tension that rested in his posture as he approached Caroline. “Are you all right?” His gaze slid over her. “You look pale.” His eyes narrowed. “You have been looking pale. What’s wrong?”
Both Caroline and Charlaine rose from the settee. While Charlaine walked over to join Emma, their arms linked as they watched with utter fascination, Caroline turned to her husband. Her hands slipped into his as she looked up at him, a smile playing over her face. “This is about our ongoing project,” she finally said, unable to rein in the joy that shone on her face.
Pierce stilled, his eyes slowly going wide. His hands tightened on hers, and Charlaine could see that he understood with perfect clarity what Caroline was telling him.
“You are…?” he whispered, awe giving his voice a breathy note.
Grinning, Caroline nodded. “I think I am.”
For a moment, time seemed to come to a standstill as husband and wife stared at one another, unspoken words passing between them, before a shout of joy burst from Pierce’s lips. He all but yanked Caroline into his arms and then spun her around, both laughing. Her feet dangled in the air as she clung to him, his arms wrapped safely around her.
Then Pierce set her back on the ground, his eyes seeking Caroline’s. One arm remained wrapped around her while the other brushed over her cheek and then slipped into her hair. “Are you well?” he whispered gently.
Caroline nodded. “I am. Only my stomach and my head seem to be at odds every once in a while.”
Pierce glanced at the half-drawn curtains. “Perhaps you should rest. I’ll take you to your chamber.”
“I don’t want to be alone,” Caroline replied, holding on to him as he made to step back. “I’d rather stay with you.”
Pierce grinned at her. “Who said I would leave?” And then he swept Caroline into his arms and marched straight for the door. “If you’ll excuse us, ladies,” he said to Charlaine and Emma as he passed by them, a wicked gleam in his dark eyes.
Charlaine chuckled as they looked after them, a new longing growing in her heart. “Have you ever loved anyone like that?”
Beside her, Emma shook her head, an equally wistful sigh leaving the young woman’s lips. “No, not like that.”
The reply made Charlaine wonder.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Inspiration Strikes
As Nathanial walked across the drawing room toward the French doors opening onto the terrace, voices drifted to his ears. He recognized not only Pierce’s low baritone, but also the calm, calculated authority of Lord Ashhaven. Although Nathanial had only been introduced to him in passing at Pierce and Caroline’s wedding, he remembered well the man’s rather unusual appearance.
Once, Lord Ashhaven had probably possessed raven-black hair, not unlike Pierce’s, for his roots still shone in that color. However, the majority of his hair looked as though bleached by the sun, shining in a silvery glow whenever light reflected upon it. His dark green eyes stood in stark contrast, and his tall stature made him tower over everyone. He was broad-shouldered, with a strong chin and eyes that appeared watchful no matter what he was doing. He rarely laughed, the expression upon his face generally whispering of a most serious nature.
How he and Pierce had become friends was beyond Nathanial. Then again, he could not deny that the same could be said about him and Charlaine.
“Nathanial,” Pierce exclaimed as Nathanial stepped out onto the terrace. “How wonderful of you to join us.”
Nathanial nodded to Pierce, then turned to the man’s friend. “Lord Ashhaven.”
“Mr. Caswell,” Lord Ashhaven addressed him, a polite tone in his voice. His expression, however, betrayed not a single emotion.
Pierce rolled his eyes. “There is no reason to stand on ceremony,” he reminded them, then looked at his old friend. “Ash, I—”
The girls’ voices echoed along the hall as their small feet carried them onward. A moment later, they burst out onto the terrace, Daphne in the lead and Susan following close behind.
“Ladies,” Pierce greeted them with a formal bow, a wide smile upon his face. “May I introduce you to my old friend, Lord Ashhaven.” He grinned at the man. “You may call him Ash.”
Lord Ashhaven remained straight-faced.
“Ash?” Daphne asked. “Like the tree?”
Pierce chuckled. “It’s short for Ashhaven.”
Daphne nodded knowingly before Susan tugged on her arm and then whispered something in her ear, her little eyes wide as she stared at their visitor.
Again, Daphne nodded, her own gaze sweeping over Lord Ashhaven. If the man was made uncomfortable by the girls’ scrutiny, he didn’t show it.
“Ah, here you are,” Caroline exclaimed as she stepped out onto the terrace, followed by Charlaine and Emma. “The girls darted off, and I admit we lost sight of them.” She smiled at Pierce, who embraced her warmly and then pulled out a chair for her to sit.
Charlaine, too, seated herself while Emma remained hovering near the doors, her face somewhat pale as though she wished to leave, her discomfort written all over her face.
“You have gray hair,” Daphne observed rather loudly. “Are you old? You don’t look old.”
While the majority of them chuckled ever so discreetly, Emma’s jaw dropped in shock. “Daphne!” she chided with a somewhat fearful glance at Lord Ashhaven. “Where are your manners? You are not to—”
“It is all right,” Lord Ashhaven assured the young woman, who looked close to fainting, mortification burning in her cheeks. “The young lady merely made an accurate observation,” he told her before turning his attention to Daphne. “However, your conclusion is not accurate.”
Pierce laughed. “No, Daphne, Ash is not old.” He paused. “Or at least not older than I am.”
“Then why does he have gray hair?” Daphne asked with a sideways glance at her governess, who still seemed unable to shake off her discomfort.
“That, I cannot say,” Pierce replied before he looked toward his friend.
Lord Ashhaven sighed. “My father’s hair turned gray early as well so I believe it is something that runs in our family. Why it does so is something I cannot answer.”
While not completely satisfied with that reply, Daphne was willing to accept it.
Te
a and lemon tarts were served then, distracting the girl from any further inquiries. Seating themselves under a large umbrella, Daphne and Susan sat munching their treats. Pierce offered one to his wife, who declined it with a bit of a scrunched look coming to her face, her hand fluttering down to her belly.
“Here, have one.” Shoving a lemon tart into Nathanial’s hand, Charlaine linked her arm through his and dragged him over to sit with her. “They’re good. I promise.”
Taking a bite, Nathanial smiled at her, once again relieved that no awkwardness seemed to linger between them. “They’re delicious.”
“May we have your attention,” Pierce addressed them, a wide grin upon his face as he looked down at his wife. Caroline, too, appeared to be glowing like a firefly at night, her eyes luminous and a deep smile dancing across her features. “We have a bit of good news to share.” Again, he paused, then shook his head. “In fact, it’s wonderful news.” He smiled down at his wife. “The best I’ve…we’ve ever received.”
Nathanial felt Charlaine’s hand tighten upon his arm before she turned to look at him, her eyes aglow and a large smile upon her face. “Oh, I’m so happy for them,” she whispered as though he ought to know what she was talking about.
Nathanial was about to inquire but, before he could, Pierce announced, “In only a few short months, there will be an addition to our family, a little brother or sister for our precious Daphne!” He smiled at the girl, who stared back at him with a rather shocked expression upon her little face.
While everyone offered their congratulations, hugs and well-wishes exchanged freely, Daphne sat pouting in her chair, the lemon tart in her hand all but forgotten.
“Are you not happy?” Susan asked her, eyeing her friend curiously.
Daphne shook her head. “What good will a baby do? They cry all the time,” she looked up at Pierce, “don’t they?”
Smiling, he knelt down in front of her, set aside the lemon tart and took her sticky hands in his. “They do cry, but only because they still need to learn to speak,” he told her gently. “However, before you know it, they grow and learn. He or she will be a new playmate for you. Someone you can teach. Someone you can impart your wisdom on. Someone who will look up to you.”
