by Dalia Aims
And now Zach is plowing us with these drinks. He’s tried to teach the girls how to make his new signature beverage but all they’ve managed to do is spill rum on the counter and drop some ice cubes on the floor. Every time they make a mistake, Mona throws her head back and cackles with enough force to shake her entire body. Her laugh is infectious though. I can’t help but smile when I hear it. Even if she’s laughing at an embarrassing story about me that her brother is telling her.
When no one is looking, I reach my hand under the level of the kitchen island and pull Mona closer to me by her belt loop so that we’re side by side. She looks up at me and I see sex in her eyes. I know she feels the same way about me that I feel about her. The air is so electric around us I feel like the light bulbs might burst.
We sit at the barstools around the island and share stories about our childhoods. My favorite is Renee telling us about how when they were eight, Mona punched a boy in the face when he called her a bad name on the playground. I always knew the girl was a spitfire. I loved that about her. She was the perfect balance of nice and fierce. Nice to everyone at first, and then fierce towards those who deserved it.
The conversation takes a sad turn, when Mona reminisces about her late father. I remember those times. It was the December of eighth grade for us and seventh for Mona. A tragic car accident, sliding on the black ice. Their father spent days in the hospital before he passed. I tried to be there for them as much as I could stand. They both went through a depression for months before things around the household gained any semblance of normalcy. I knew they were in the acceptance phase of their grief when Zach, Mona, and their mother started their weekly family movie nights again.
The minutes turn to hours sitting around that island, each one sharing with laughs and tears. I knew the alcohol getting to me because I had already made three toasts. One to Zach for being my best friend, one to the girls for coming and making it a group trip, and one to all of us for no damn reason at all.
“Guys, I think I went too hard,” Zach gurgles and excuses himself to the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later and he’s still in there. It really brings back the memories from college.
After I notice that she is doing a little dance every few minutes, Mona makes her way to pound on the door. “Can you get out already? Dude, I’ve had to pee for like half an hour,” she pleads.
“There’s another one in the master. I can show you.” I’m all too eager to get her alone in my room, even if I know I won’t make a move. I couldn’t on the first night? That might look too desperate, right?
I flip the hallway switch out of habit, forgetting that the bulb must be blown. I take her hand and lead her down the dark hallway to the spacious master bedroom. I motion to the bathroom and wait for her on my bed until she’s finished. If only she knew all the times I’ve thought about her in this bed. All the holiday trips with her brother that I wished she was here too. All the times I stroked myself to sleep imagining it her that I was inside. I was getting myself hard just at the thought.
I’m zoned out in nasty, drunk thoughts and almost miss her coming out of the restroom. She’s a quiet little minx, that one. She tells me thank you and moves past me to walk back to the hallway. I follow. But for the second time that day, I just can’t let her pass me by. Not after all these years.
My mouth needs to be on hers. I grab her arm and push her against the darkened hallway wall. My hands on either side of her shoulders, I have her right where I want her, and I can tell from the way her hands are gripping my chest that this is exactly where she wants to be too. I can feel her chest against time each time she takes a heaving breath, but it’s not enough. I drop a hand to her waist to pull her even closer. It travels up to grab a handful of her silky hair. I’m so close that the delicious scent of her vanilla lip gloss is invading my senses and making me delirious with want. I need that gloss all over me. I wonder if she can feel the bulge in my jeans against her. She has to know what she’s doing to me.
My lips are millimeters from grazing hers. I can feel her hurried breath on my mouth now. My hands are reaching deeper into her hair pulling her closer to me and then-
We hear the bathroom door just feet away being unlocked. A haggard looking Zach steps out and squints at us in the darkness. Mona’s erratic breathing hasn’t returned to normal, but her brother may just chalk it up to the alcohol. Or he may be too drunk himself to notice. I try to hide the lines of unhappiness I know are creasing my forehead.
“I think I better go to bed,” Zach says with a greenish tint and a thin sheen of sweat on his face illuminated by the glow of the bathroom light.
And just like that, the moment is ruined. Should I call it karma for trying to make a move on my best friends’ little sister? Probably. But a guilty grin crosses my face, because now I know I can’t keep myself away from her. I know I will most certainly try again.
I’m thankful that the hallway light was out. My best friend hadn’t seen the extent of the effect that Mona and I were having on each other. I wouldn’t want him to find out that way. But I wasn’t myself around her. She made me crazy. This was just the first night and if I had my it my way things would only heat up from here. I’d just have to wait it out and see.
CHAPTER FIVE
Mona
Zach is the first to go to his room to pass out. We can hear his snoring all the way down the hall which makes me giggle. He’d become such a lightweight since he got promoted, started working more, and drinking less.
After the hallway incident, I’m not sure if I should be left alone with Kurt. He was like an uncaged animal earlier. It scared me how excited I was about it, about him. My childhood crush was coming true, but they say when things are too good to be true, they usually are, right?
I’m telling Renee she should stay up with me, but she fakes a dramatic yawn in front of Kurt. When he turns his back to her, she backs away and gives me a double thumbs up and a wink as she disappears into her room. That little shit. She thought she was being my wingwoman, but I wanted her to be the one to keep me out of trouble. And that trouble had a name.
“I’m tired too,” I lie, wiping imaginary sleep from the corners of my eyes.
“Then you can come sleep with me,” he says with a devilish glint in his eye.
I have to stuff down a purr that’s growing in my throat. “Actually, I think I’m getting a second wind. I’m just going to stay up for a while.”
“I’ll stay up with you then. I can’t leave my best guest bored and alone.”
I’d never seen Kurt like this before. In all the years I’d known him, he was always so… put together. So composed. I’d never seen him chase after a girl. When I thought of Kurt, I thought of statuesque, handsome, smart, cool, collected. But this Kurt was anything but collected. I’d never seen him so transparent or so forward. He’d always seemed so unattainable. The ultimate teenage girl crush.
And now here he was, mauling me in dark hallways, and with bedroom eyes asking me if I wanted to have another drink and watch a movie on the couch. “It would be rude for me to say no,” I submit to his request. The angel on my shoulder is telling me we can innocently watch a movie together as friends. The devil on my other shoulder is whispering in my ear that I should go with it if he makes another move. I shake my head to try and quiet the both of them.
We settle into the couch and I choose a horror movie that includes a group of teens partying at a cabin in the woods before getting slashed by a murderous masked killer. It’s a bit on the nose but I thought I would keep with the cabin vibe. I’m anything if not festive. I perch myself on the far end of the sectional as he finishes making one last round of drinks for us. When he’s finished, he sets down a drink in front of me and sits next to me but leaves a few seats between us on the immense sectional. My own disappointment surprises me. I think he’s trying to hold back. Which I should commend him for but can’t seem to agree.
The movie’s killer jumps out from some bushes and surprises me. I spil
l a bit of cocktail on the sofa and immediately jump up to retrieve a towel to soak it up. “I’m so sorry!” I keep repeating frantically. Night one and I’ve already made a mess.
“It’s fine. It’s a dark sofa. You’ll never be able to tell.” His reply is calm. He helps me dampen the towel with tonic water and we work to quickly dissolve the stain. When we’re finished, he sits at the far end of the sofa where the chaise lounge lies. He kicks his long legs up and pats the cushion next to him for me to sit.
It was playing with fire, but its so cold outside, and the fire is so warm, and sharing a lounge with him looks so inviting. I can’t sit in the wet spot so its either next to him on the seat or right next to him on the lounge. The latter seems much more appealing. I sidle up next to him and he nestles my body underneath his arm. We fit perfectly together like this is where I’m meant to be. I melt into his side. He’s warm and smells like leather and sandalwood.
He strokes my arm and I let out a quiet sigh of contentment. Then turns his head to look at me and I lick my lips in anticipation. I don’t know if it was the drinks, the fire, or the way he’s looking at me but the temperature in the room skyrockets.
His eyes rest on my lips, sending a thrill of anticipation down my spine. Finally, after an eternity and without warning, his soft lips crash against mine. A moan escapes my throat and he moans in response. His other arm reaches around to grab my hips and pulls me into his lap.
I’m grinding myself on his lap, when my hands get a mind of their own. I’m unbuttoning his shirt as his hands are pulling my hips closer to his. I feel daring, and slide my hot tongue inside his mouth now.
“We should stop before this goes too far. I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop if we keep going.” He says through clenched teeth, before kissing me, closed mouth again.
“Yeah, we totally should stop.” I plant just a few more pecks in the corner of his mouth.
We sit in silence for a moment in the darkened room, the only sound our fervent breaths. I sit up to smooth down my ruffled hair, and he buttons up his shirt.
“I’ve been wanting to do that all day,” he admits sheepishly.
“I’ve sort of been waiting you to do that all day too,” I reply with a half-grin which slowly morphs into a frown. A lump of guilt sits in the pit of my stomach now, looking at his beautiful face. It’s only just begun but I need to squash it now. My voice comes out timid and quiet. “You know we can’t do this again right?”
He doesn’t answer but turns his attention back to the horror movie’s ending unfolding on the screen. I can’t decipher what his quiet demeanor was thinking, but I can’t help but feeling that this wasn’t the end credits of our particularly steamy story.
CHAPTER SIX
Kurt
I’ve been twisting and turning in my bed all night long. It’s been four hours since that epic make out session and I’m still rock-hard thinking about it. Is she still awake in her room thinking about me? Is she touching herself thinking about how good my tongue feels in her mouth, how amazing my hands feel on her thighs pulling her closer to me? Is she sleeping in a tiny, thin nightgown? Or maybe she’s naked.
I have to touch myself at the thought of that. My trusty right-hand slips underneath the waistband of my plaid boxers. With every stroke, I imagine it’s her pillowy lips wrapped tight around me. I think about how soft her breasts felt in the palm of my hand, and I have to stuff back a growl. I think about the moans she made when her lithe body was on top of mine and the memory has me crossing the finish line in no time.
After cleaning myself up, I lie in bed under the cover of darkness and try to sleep. After cranking one out, I do feel calmer, more clarity. Although I stopped us from going any further tonight, I wasn’t going to stop completely. I’m resolving to take it slow. We have an entire week here, so we can go at her pace.
“I don’t think I’m gunna make it, man,” Zach says to the threesome at the foot of his bed the next day. “I still feel like shit.”
“But we always go on the trails. It’s tradition,” I reply. Racing each other on the snowmobiles and acting like idiots at 75 mph through the woods is something that we did every year on our annual trip.
“Dude, I might even still be drunk,” he states, adding a dry heave for effect.
“Like we haven’t driven them drunk before,” I laugh at the memory of the time when we screwed up the front yard after a wild, drunken night of riding.
Mona and Renee are giving us both open mouthed stares of shock and disapproval which only makes me laugh more. What can I say? We were younger and crazier. I’ve calmed down a lot since then.
“I’ll volunteer as tribute. I’ll stay behind with the sickly. You guys go and have fun,” Renee says to Mona and I with a roll of her eyes at Zach.
“So, it’s settled. Let’s ride,” I smile at Mona who is giving her best friend a death glare.
Thanks to a fresh December snowfall, there’s a few extra inches of fluffy white stuff to ride on. As my family only has two snowmobiles, I’d envisioned the four of us going out, Zach and I each driving with a girl. I’d hoped I could sit Mona in front of me, so that I could lean in close, press against her and help her steer. But just the two of us alone might work even better….
Of course, she’s a natural. Keeping up with me and laughing her sweet ass off when she even surpasses me at one point. We ride the trails for a good forty five minutes until I come to a stop. She stops on a dime beside me, taking off her helmet, the heat in her breath creating clouds in the freezing air.
“What?” she asks.
“Can I show you something?” I ask.
“I don’t know. Are you going to take me somewhere in the woods and kill me?” she answers my question with a question.
“No more horror movies for you,” I laugh. “Just trust me. It is a bit off the trails, but I think you’ll really like it.”
She seems cautious but puts her helmet back on to let me know she’s ready to ride. I’m thrilled. I pull a U-turn and she follows. We ride for a while until I see the gnarled, old tree that tells me it’s time to pull off the beaten path. Memory from childhood takes over. Left at the huge boulder, right at the rusting shell of a VW Bug that had been there since before I was born.
I stop when we get to the clearing. I’m nervous. My hands shake as I pull my helmet off. I’ve never brought anyone here before. Not even Zach. Some things were meant to be private. But Mona was special. Just like this place was special. I wanted her to be excited about it here. But what if she thinks it’s stupid? What if she doesn’t care? Then I would feel very dumb and extra embarrassed.
She takes her helmet off and shakes out that beautiful hair of hers. The silence of winter is crushing as I’m awaiting her response. I can see her eyes moving back and forth rapidly, taking in every inch of the scene.
In front of the clearing, there lies a small lake. It’s a glittering pool of silver ice, fluffy tufts of cloud-like snow patching the surface unevenly. The trees are dripping with icicles, twinkling in the morning sunlight. The bushes are decorated with ice and snow.
“It’s freaking beautiful,” she finally says, a dazzling smile growing across her face. “It looks like heaven.”
I let out a breath that I didn’t even know I was holding. The only thing that looked more beautiful than the picturesque surroundings was watching her face light up like that in the winter sunlight.
Parallel to the bank of the lake is a massive trunk of a tree that had fallen decades ago. It made for the perfect resting spot. I sit myself there and motion for her to join me.
“This is my secret place. I used to come here as a kid. Whenever I needed to think. To get away from my crazy family. When I needed quiet. I’d always sit right here, in this spot, and the world would calm down for a bit.”
“And you think we needed to get away to the quiet for a bit?” she asks.
I’m putting my cards on the table. I’ve been torn about this since I made that crazy deal with he
r that Black Friday. “I don’t want to lose my best friend, Mona. But there’s something between us. It’s making me insane. And for the first time in a long time, I have no idea what to do.”
“I feel exactly the same way.” She answers, not giving me much to go on.
She’s not giving me the direction that I need. “So what do we do know?”
“We don’t do anything.” She shrugs. “We don’t do anything.” There’s a glitter of a tear growing in the corner of her eye.
“Are you okay?” I ask, placing her cold cheek in the palm of my hand. I wipe the only stray tear to spill down with my thumb.
She pulls away. “I’m fine. The cold is just stinging my eyes. Let’s get back to the cabin.”
We ride back in silence.
I know she’s lying.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Mona
I lied. It was a real tear that I had shed at that beautiful lake this morning. I could tell that it was a special place for Kurt and it made my heart full that he cared enough to share it with me. He probably thought bringing me there would give us both a chance to think about what we were going to do with our dilemma. But truth be told, it had only made it harder for me.
I should know what to do. I usually don’t have a problem with decision making. I know what I want and I go for it. I always have a game plan. Like Black Friday, I would do my research, weigh the options, and make my plan of attack. But I couldn’t do that with Kurt.
Every time I think we can be just friends or whatever it is that we were before, my feelings come crashing in. And every time I let my feelings win, I feel guilt after. And then when I feel guilty, I get angry that I’m letting my brother influence my actions. Then I let my feelings win again. It is a vicious cycle and I’m stuck with no way out. It’s two steps forward and one step back, never going anywhere.
