by Eden Finley
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Dad finally says and walks out the front door.
My gaze is locked on where my father had just stood and said the one thing that he knew would get me to back down. Of course, he’d bring up Nathaniel and play on my insecurities like that. It’s Dad. And it doesn’t matter if he has a point, because Matt and I aren’t real.
That doesn’t change the fact the thought of Matt accepting a payout to disappear fills me with gut-wrenching dread. I should be encouraging him to take it. Free money. A bonus parting gift.
When I’ve swallowed my anger, I meet Matt’s eyes. “Guess that was a total mood killer, huh?” I say, my mask of indifference back in place, even though my heart beats erratically in my chest.
“He bribed your boyfriend?”
Of course, he won’t let it go.
“Don’t want to talk about it.” I go toward the kitchen to wet my dry mouth with a glass of water but turn at the last second. “And if you tell Damon or Maddox what happened, this deal is done.”
“They don’t know? Does anyone?”
“Why would I tell anyone my boyfriend—the guy I thought I was going to end up with forever—thought I was worth fifty K?”
“Uh, so they could track him down and kick his ass?”
Damn it, his answer makes me smile. “He’s not worth it.”
“Is he why you don’t do real relationships?”
“Is your fear of being gay the reason you’re still a virgin?” I snap.
Matt’s mouth drops open, but he shouldn’t be surprised. I’m aloof on the outside and an asshole on the inside. Ask anyone. I take his silence as the opportunity to leave the room and get that drink.
Footsteps follow after me. “Don’t do that.” God, he sounds like Damon.
“Don’t do what?”
“Be an ass to change the topic away from your personal shit by trying to offend me. It won’t work.”
I chug the water. “I’m not discussing this with you. No, not even that—there’s nothing to discuss. Should’ve known better than to fall for the scholarship kid, and I was the dumbass who then followed him to college thinking my dad couldn’t do anything about it. Douche ex-boyfriend was a douche. Dad was a bigger douche. The end.”
Strong arms wrap around me, and with the simple touch, my racing heart falters and begins to calm.
“Who would’ve thought the thing we had in common would be daddy issues,” I try to joke.
“I’m sorry for thinking you had it easy because you have money.”
I run my hand over his thick forearm. “Things aren’t always greener.”
“I’m also sorry for all the douches in your life,” Matt says. “I promise I’ll try not to be one of them.”
Smiling, I lean back against him. “You’re not so bad.”
“When I’m not cranky, I know.”
“You know, sex is known to make a cranky man happy.”
Matt groans into the back of my neck, and his hips thrust forward, pushing his cock against my ass. “I’m up for it if you are.”
He really is up for it. I can feel him hardening.
“Guess we’re about to find out if you’re a top or bottom,” I say. He laughs against my skin, and I shiver. I close my eyes to enjoy the sensation.
“Pretty sure I’m going to be okay with either.”
My eyes fly open, and I turn in his arms. “How do you know?”
One side of his mouth turns up. “I have so many toys at home I could probably open my own sex shop.”
“Damn, that’s hot.”
Matt leans in and lays a kiss under my ear and then moves down my neck. His hands grip my hips and tug me closer. “And I’ve used them all. Every. Single. One.”
My dick fills and throbs for release. The image Matt’s painting … damn. “Totally not being pervy, but I wanna see that sometime.”
Matt laughs. “Not pervy at all.”
“As much as I’d love to take your ass virginity right now, I want you to fuck me.” I need it. I need to escape all the shit with my dad, and there’s no better rebellion than being dicked out until I’m walking funny. And I’ve seen Matt’s dick now. There’s no way I’m going to be walking normally afterward.
“Not gonna say no to that,” Matt whispers.
I lace my fingers with his and drag him up two flights of stairs to the third floor. Matt whistles as soon as we cross the threshold into my room.
“Are you going to do that every time you’re reminded of how rich I am?”
“Yes.”
“That’s going to get old.”
He whistles again, and when I glare, he throws his hands up in surrender. “Okay, I’m done. I think.”
“Good. Now we can get to the fucking.”
With a predatory gaze, Matt pushes me down on my king bed, and I love his sudden burst of dominance. He sheds his shirt before climbing up me and straddling my waist. His mouth dives in as he leans over me, and he grunts when my hips thrust upward. He pulls me up so I can take my own shirt off, and then he’s unbuckling my belt and slipping his fingers in my pants and around my shaft.
I throw my head back, trying to hold back the shuddering and moaning. I could get addicted to Matt’s strong grip.
My hands wander on their own, feeling the hard planes of Matt’s insanely ripped biceps and chest. I find his nipple and squeeze gently, remembering he liked that on the plane. Quickly, he forces my hand away. Confused, I pull back.
“You’re going to make me come.”
“From nipple play? I want to do that now, just so I can tell people I’m that good.”
Matt leans back on his heels and laughs when I try to tweak his nipple again.
“Damn, maybe you’ll make an excellent bottom after all if you can come from that,” I say.
“It’s a talent and a curse.”
“You should get them pierced.”
“Can’t. Work hazard.”
“We’ll come back to that later. Right now, I need you.”
Matt stands from the bed. He loses his jeans and then his boxers, while he stares down at me with a hungry, feral look in his eye. It’s hot as fuck, and I freeze.
My gaze doesn’t leave his strong hand that makes its way to his cock and starts stroking slowly. Suddenly everything becomes too real. The air thickens, and I’m riddled with guilt.
Matt picks up on my hesitance, and he cocks his head. “What’s wrong?”
“I dunno. Shouldn’t it be … more than this?”
“Huh?”
“Like, for you. It’s your first time. It should be … more.” I don’t know how else to say it. “It should be more than a quick fuck, and with someone better.”
Matt sighs. “I’ve already told you I don’t consider myself a virgin. This is purely trying something new. I don’t need romance or love. I’m not a teenage girl on prom night.”
“Don’t sell yourself short. You’d look hot in a prom dress.”
He flips me off, and the mood is light between us, but doubt has already seeped into my bones … or boner to be exact. I’m not good enough to be someone’s first. I hurt everyone who tries to get close to me before they can do it to me, and I don’t want to do that to Matt. I’ve never considered anyone else’s feelings when I did shit like this in the past. After hurting Aron, I don’t want to put myself in a position to do it again. But I want Matt so fucking much.
Matt pushes me back down as he straddles me again. A naked football player on top of me means my dick automatically springs back to life. It’s science—chemical reaction or what-the-fuck-ever.
“I know what this is, Noah. I ain’t gonna get clingy if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“It’s not.” I wouldn’t mind clingy. I like this part of a relationship—the newness and the fun stuff. It’s when an actual attachment is formed that it freaks me out. Matt has said he’s not looking for an actual relationship. This will all end when he goes off to football camp for preseason train
ing. We might have to keep up appearances after that, but it won’t be for long.
“Stop thinking and start doing,” Matt says.
“Technically, you’ll be the one doing.”
“Good. Agreed. Now hurry up and lose your fucking pants.”
I lean up on my elbows as he eases off me. “You’re already starting to sound like me. Damon’s going to kill me if I turn you into another version of Noah Huntington.”
“I’m sure there are worse things than being compared to you.” Matt doesn’t wait for me to get with the program. He climbs off me and yanks at my pants, sending them to the floor. My erection bobs on my stomach, and Matt smothers a moan by biting his lip.
“Suck me while you get me ready.”
“Don’t have to tell me twice.” Matt lowers his head and takes me in his mouth all the way to the root of my dick.
“Shit! I might love your mouth a little bit.”
He pulls off me and strokes my aching cock. “BJs are the one thing I have had a lot of practice with.”
I grip his hair. “Don’t really want to hear about that while you’re getting me off.”
“Nuh-uh. Not allowed to come until I’m inside you.”
“Nuuurungggh.”
Matt recycles my words to him from the plane. “Is that English?”
Bastard.
I can’t wait any longer. Reaching for my bedside table, I pull out lube and condoms. “Just hurry up.”
“It bodes well for me that you want this to be speedy. I’m not usually fast on the trigger, but …”
I smile. “First time and everything.”
Matt takes the lube and lathers it generously on his fingers. My nerve endings roar to life with the slightest touch. His mouth goes back to sucking me as his fingers stretch and work my ass, and damn, I’m in heaven. Or hell. Depends on how I want to look at it. Matt takes his time opening me, but it’s not from hesitance. He somehow knows what he’s doing, and he’s enjoying me squirming beneath him, silently begging him for more with my body. My hips move on their own, trying to get Matt’s fingers deeper inside me. Heat pools in my groin, and I suck in a sharp breath.
I grip Matt’s hair and love the feel of my fingers running through his surprisingly soft, brown locks. I allow myself three more seconds before I just about explode. “I’m going to come if you keep going.”
“You ready?”
With a nod, I go to lie on my stomach when he grips my waist in his strong hands.
“I want to see you,” he rasps.
A mayday warning rings in my head. That’s too much. Too close. Too … everything I don’t need. Yet, I don’t protest. I can’t bring myself to.
Matt leans up on his knees and tears the condom open with his teeth. The sight of him rolling it down his thick cock has me whimpering. He adds more lube, and I raise my knees to wrap my legs around his back. When he slowly enters me, I’m glad he didn’t let me roll over. The bliss on his face is going to be a hard image to get out of my head. His eyes shutter closed, and his biceps bulge as they hold him up, as if he’s worried about putting his entire weight on me. I love it, but at the same time, it makes edginess seep into my chest. Restlessness.
Matt shudders and moves slowly in and out of me. “You feel so good.”
I’m too stuck to reply. I’m frozen, staring at his face, his high cheekbones and rugged, bearded jaw, and the look of awe and amazement that shines in his eyes.
I can’t handle it.
“It’s about to get even better.” I push him off me, and before he can stop it, I’m on my stomach and raising my ass in the air. “I want you to fuck me hard.”
Seconds go by where nothing happens, and the coldness of the air on my bare ass makes my heart kick up a notch. I rest my head on my forearm and hope he’s not about to call me out for being unable to face him.
Instead, his punishing hand grips my hip hard enough to cause a bruise. “You sure that’s what you want?” His gruff, accented voice sends a shiver through me.
“Fuck yes.”
Matt lines up his cock, but there’s a brief moment of hesitance. Before I can speak, it’s gone, and he inches inside. I have to bite down on my arm to keep from calling out.
I want pain, I want it rough, I want to remember why I hate relationships. Because with Matt and that one look that will be burned into my memory forever, I run a real risk of forgetting what it’s like to have something more. The heartache, the mistrust, the fighting. I can’t do it. I won’t do it.
Matt doesn’t give me a chance to adjust and gives me exactly what I ask for. He picks up his pace, and every hit of my prostate breaks me a little more.
The realization that Damon’s right, and I actually do like Matt, freaks me out. I can’t be the guy he needs.
Then he goes and covers me with his sweaty, beefy body, and I come unglued. The soft kisses on the back of my neck while he continues to fuck me are exactly what’s wrong with this scenario.
Closing my eyes, I cherish every move, every thrust, because this is a mistake of epic proportions. It’s a mistake I know I’m going to repeat time and time again, because when I screw up, I royally screw up.
“Noah.” Matt’s breathy voice sends me that much closer to the edge. “I’m gonna”—he grunts—“soon …”
I love the unintelligible sentence and the fact he probably thought he said it right. I reach for my cock. A few strokes and I’m going to go off the edge. If I had the chance, I could probably come hands free with how he’s pounding me.
He comes with a shout, and I suddenly regret being a stubborn asshole, because I want to see it. I want to see how he loses his composure.
Instead, I settle for his hand snaking around my waist and taking over stroking my cock. The second his fingers wrap around me, it’s all over. My ass clenches around his still hard shaft inside me, and I come so hard I swear I can’t remember the last time I’d felt physically exhausted from an orgasm.
When Matt pulls out and collapses beside me, I flatten onto my stomach and practically bathe in my own jizz. I should clean that up.
My eyelids are droopy when Matt climbs off the bed, but when I hear a “Holy shit!” I know he’s found my bathroom which is bigger than my kitchen. I can’t help laughing.
Drawers open and close, and before I can ask him what he’s looking for, the water runs in the sink and then he’s back with a warm cloth in his hand.
“Roll over,” he says, his tone gentle.
For some reason I can’t explain, I do as he says and don’t protest when he wipes the cum from my stomach and off the bed. It happens so fast it takes until he’s back in the bathroom for me to realize he’s taking care of me. And I like it.
I roll back onto my stomach and bury my head in my pillow.
“What are you moaning about now?” Matt leans against the bathroom doorframe and folds his impressive arms across his wide chest. His naked body is nothing but phenomenal, and for a short while, I get to play with it. But I need boundaries before this gets out of control. Right now, I hold all the cards, and I’m not willing to share them.
Climbing out of bed, I grab a pair of sweats out of my drawer and throw them to Matt before finding myself a pair.
“I’ll show you your room,” I say and walk out before I can memorize the frown on his face. I’d much rather remember the way he stared down at me while he fucked me for the first time.
Matt stumbles after me down the hall. “Okay, what the fuck is up with that?”
I sigh. I’m not used to people calling me on my shit. “I prefer to sleep alone. We can screw around, do whatever in my bed, but to get a good night’s sleep, I need my own space. And as we’ve already established, you’re like a clingy bear when you’re asleep, and you don’t even mean to be.”
“Did you just call me a bear? Aren’t they fat?”
“You’re more like a wolf with that beard.” I lead him down the stairs to the biggest guest bedroom. “You can take this one.”
> “What a dump,” he says dryly.
“I’ll see you in the morning. Help yourself to anything you want. I’ll have to do a grocery order, but there’s beer in the fridge.”
“Nutritional.”
“Goodnight.” I turn to leave, but he pulls me against him.
When his mouth meets mine, and his tongue forces its way into my mouth, I know without a doubt I’ve definitely made a mistake.
He pulls back and lets me go. “Goodnight.”
Chapter Nine
Matt
Even though the streets of New York are filled with millions of people—literally—it’s the first time I’ve been out in public in months where I’m not self-conscious. The thing easing my mind is the fact everyone still thinks we’re in Bermuda.
I reach for Noah’s hand and lace our fingers together.
“What are you doing?” he asks.
“I wanted to try something. This is weird. I’m holding a guy’s hand in public and not freaking out over it. It’s … kinda awesome.”
It didn’t escape me last night when Noah shut down. Pretty much as soon as I’d entered him. When he rolled over, I realized I was making it too personal. He doesn’t do serious. We’re not having a real relationship. It’s sex and then pretending to be in love for the cameras.
Right here, on the street, with no one following us, I want to know what it would be like to be with someone for real and how a relationship would fit into my life after the media shit storm dies down.
“Small things amuse small minds, right?” Noah says, gesturing to our hands.
“This isn’t small. Not for me.”
He winces. “Sorry. But I’ve been holding guys’ hands for … what, eight years in public? It’s easy to take that for granted.”
“If you’re not cool with it, it’s okay. I just wanted to know what it was like.” I try to pull out of Noah’s grasp, but he holds my hand tighter.
“I’m okay with it. It just felt … boyfriendly, and I haven’t had one of those in a long time for a reason.”
After finding out the exact reason why, I can’t blame Noah for being closed off. “All good,” I say, but I still don’t let go of his hand. The fact something so small is a massive accomplishment depresses the shit outta me. How is it I’m a twenty-three-year-old guy and something I should’ve experienced when I was a teenager brings a giant smile to my face?
