by L A Cotton
It wasn’t until I saw Levi’s fist driving toward my face that I realized just how bad I’d fucked up.
He blamed me for everything. Our past. The fact my mother loved me and loathed him. He blamed me for forcing him into rehab and for letting him disappear in Vegas and fall off the wagon again. For lying about my feelings for Eva.
Levi blamed me for all of it.
But I was done carrying that burden.
My whole life I’d been his protector, his family. I’d been the little voice on his shoulder urging him to make the right choices. But Levi was damaged. He was his own worst enemy. Always reaching for something—anything—to stop the voices that lived inside his mind. The voices whispering constantly that he wasn’t good enough. Wasn’t strong enough. Wasn’t worthy enough.
Music saved him.
It had saved us all.
But it would never fix him.
Just like I couldn’t fix him.
I got that now. I could be there for him, stand by his side, lift him up when he fell. But I couldn’t fix him. I’d tried—I’d tried so fucking hard over the years that it had slowly chipped away at my soul. Caring for Levi had overshadowed my hopes and dreams.
And it had almost cost me Eva.
My fingers slid between Eva’s, the simple touch anchoring me. I was going to marry this girl one day. It was the craziest notion I’d ever had, and when you were a world-famous musician, there were many, but I felt it all the way down to my soul.
Eva was it for me.
My salvation.
She was my shot at something real. Something good and pure and untainted by all the other bullshit.
“So what exactly does you bein’ here mean, Rafe?” Mr. Walker dabbed his mouth with a napkin before throwing it down.
“Dad,” Eva said at the same time as her mom grumbled, “Gavin.”
“This is Eva’s life. Our daughter’s life, Jesse,” Dad let out a weary sigh. “You saw how happy she was on the tour. It was like we were gettin’ our girl back, and then she turned up on our doorstep heartbroken because of him.” He looked right through me, but I didn’t flinch.
I deserved his wrath.
I also respected the hell out of him for how much he cared about Eva.
“You’re right, Dad.” Eva shifted beside me. “It is my life. I love you and Mom so much, and I’ll always be grateful for what you did for me. But I need to make my own choices now.”
“Eva, sweetheart—”
“I love Rafe, Dad. I’m in love with him. He hurt me, yes, but there are things you don’t understand. And honestly, I shouldn’t have run the way I did.” Her eyes flicked to mine. “I should have stayed. I’m sorry.” She held my gaze, silently telling me everything I wanted so desperately to hear.
“Eva, your father has a point.”
“Not you too, Mom.”
“Hear me out. It’s clear you and Rafe share something very special, but I worry, baby. I worry about how your relationship will survive the limelight. Rafe’s band is becomin’ a worldwide phenomenon. That’s a huge responsibility and look at Lev...” she trailed off.
“It’s okay, Mrs... Jesse. I am fully aware of my brother’s weaknesses.”
“The truth is Rafe, you’re all still young. I don’t claim to know much about the music industry, but I can’t imagine you have many adults guidin’ you right.”
“Alistair is—”
“Mr. Portman seems like a nice enough man, but he’s a businessman. He wants to make money. He wants you to make him lots of money.”
“Mom,” Eva gasped.
“It’s okay.” I squeezed her hand. “Your mom is right. We’ve all had to grow up a lot faster than most kids and we’ve all been through things no kid should have to go through. But that doesn’t mean we don’t want to succeed, we do. Music is everything to us. Succeeding is everything to us.”
“Rafe, I...” Mrs. Walker blanched, wringing her hands on the table as guilt glittered in her eyes.
“I know you think I’m just a selfish rock star with no sense of right or wrong, but with all due respect, you don’t know the first thing about me.” I pulled my hand free of Eva’s, my body vibrating with frustration. “I’m really hoping you’ll give me the chance to prove you both wrong. Thanks again for the meal.” Shoving back from the table, I stood up and excused myself. It wasn’t my house, and I knew I was making a scene, but I needed air.
I needed to be able to breathe for a second without Mr. Walker sitting there, judging me.
“Rafe, wait...” Eva’s voice gave me pause, and I glanced back to look at her. I was already halfway to the back door, but she silently pleaded with me not to go.
“I need some air. I’ll be okay, finish your meal.”
I didn’t wait around to hear her words as I made for the door and slipped out into the Walkers' yard.
“I think I owe you an apology.” Mr. Walker looked over at me as I sat on one of their garden chairs, staring out at nothing.
“You don’t owe me anything, sir.”
He dropped in the chair beside me, stretching out his legs. “You know, me and Jesse always wanted two kids. That was the dream. Two kids, a quiet life in the country. But it took us a long time to get pregnant with Eva, and then she was born and we knew with one look into her big blue eyes that she was all we needed.” He released a heavy breath, running a hand down his face.
His eyes caught mine and he grimaced. “You have to understand, Rafe, when we got the news Eva was sick, it was like... well, let me just say I’ve never felt so terrified. I’m her father. I’m supposed to be able to protect her.”
“But you couldn’t protect her from that.”
“No, son, I couldn’t. It changed her. Non-Hodgkin’s took a piece of my daughter and I didn’t ever think we’d ever get it back. Then Molly entered her into that talent contest and it was like gettin’ a glimpse of her again, the girl who constantly sang around the house. Her and that guitar were inseparable from the moment I bought it for her. And after everythin’, it was music that brought her back. That’s why I encouraged her to go on the tour. I wanted her to live, to experience life and remember how good it could be. I sure didn’t see you comin’.”
“I never wanted to hurt her, Mr. Walker.” The guilt was like a scab. Each one of his words picking at the wound until it was bloody and raw.
“She loves you, you know,” he said, ignoring me. “It’s the same way her mom used to look at me. Made me feel ten feet tall every time she pinned me with those sea-greens. My baby girl gave you her heart.” He stood up, cutting me with a harsh look. “I’m trustin’ you not to break it again.” Shoving his hands in his pockets, he walked back into the house as if he hadn’t just rocked my world.
It wasn’t the blessing I would have liked, but something told me it was the best I was going to get.
“Hey.” Eva peeked around the door. “You survived the Dad Talk. Sorry about that. I tried to beat him to it, but my mom held me down to give him a head start.” Her smile made my heart pick up a beat. I reached for Eva’s hand, threading our fingers together as I pulled her down beside me.
“I think he gave me his blessing.”
“Yeah?” Her brow rose, a hint of amusement on her lips.
“Well, he didn’t send me packing.”
“My dad is super protective. They both are.” Her voice dropped an octave.
“I can’t imagine what your illness must have been like for them, for you.” I leaned in, burying my face in her hair, breathing in vanilla and honeysuckle. Eva always smelled so good. Like hope and happiness.
Like home.
“I can’t imagine a world without you in it,” I whispered, the words cutting me open.
“Rafe...” Her breath caught. “I’m not goin’ anywhere. I’m fine now, truly.” Eva turned into me so we were nose to nose. “Besides, I have too much to live for.”
“Yeah?” My pulse was like a steady beat beneath my skin as I let my hand glide up the s
ide of her neck.
“I have my parents and music. Molly and Letty. The tour... You.”
“You do, you know?” I inched closer until our faces were pressed together, our lips almost touching. “You have me, Eva. I’m yours.”
She slid her hand up my chest, resting it right over my heart. “I’m sorry I ran.”
“And I’m sorry I let you think you weren’t my priority. You are. It’s just...”
“Ssh.” She kissed me. “You don’t have to apologize for being an amazin’ brother. What you’ve done for Levi over the years... I can’t even begin to imagine.”
“I will always feel responsible for him, but I want more, Eva.” Music was a part of me, but it wasn’t all of me. Between the band and Levi, I’d never stopped to think about the future.
About life after the band.
Now I had so many things running through my head, I had to stop myself from blurting them out.
“Eva, Rafe,” Mrs. Walker’s voice broke the spell that had fallen over us. “I made pie.”
“Great timin’, Mom,” Eva grumbled, curling her fingers into my t-shirt.
“We have time,” I said, kissing her forehead. “Come on, we should go inside.”
“We could be a couple of minutes late.” She batted her eyes at me, and I almost conceded. But just because Mr. Walker had given me his blessing didn’t mean I was going to push my luck.
“Later,” I said, standing up and pulling Eva with me. “I need to earn some brownie points with your father so I can sneak into your room later for a goodnight kiss.”
Her cheeks turned an adorable shade of pink. “I think my father would actually kill you if he found you sneakin’ into my bedroom.”
I stopped before we reached the door and locked eyes with her. “I’ll take my chances.”
Eva was worth the risk.
She was worth every damn thing.
Eva
* * *
“He did what?” Molly shrieked over the line, and I chuckled, moving the phone away from my ear. “He’s at your house, right now?”
“Yep.”
“And your dad is okay with that?”
“He’s not unhappy with it. He’s... dealin’.”
“Wow,” she let out a sigh, “I can’t believe he came. Well, I mean, I totally can. He loves you, but what about Levi? What happened there?”
“We still haven’t talked much about it. I know they got into a fight.”
“Damn girl, you broke up one of the biggest, hottest rock bands in the world.”
“Molly!”
“Relax, I’m jokin’. Mostly.” Her soft laughter did little to ease the knot in my stomach. “Levi will come around. He’ll have to, right? If you’re all goin’ to be tourin’ together. I mean, you are goin’ back on tour with them?”
“I think so. Alistair wants a decision tonight.”
“I bet he almost shit a brick when he realized Rafe was gone.”
“He’s the least of our problems right now.” The press was already speculating about my sudden disappearance and Levi’s disappearing act at the Vegas club opening. Now Rafe was MIA and the band had cancelled their show in Salt Lake City, keeping up the excuse that the band had been struck down with a nasty stomach flu.
People weren’t stupid though. They knew you didn’t just cancel sell-out shows in huge arenas for a stomach flu. And I couldn’t help but feel the weight of the consequences of the decisions Rafe and I had made. Consequences that had slowly begun to unravel his relationship with Levi, not to mention the band’s stability.
“How are you holdin’ up, really?”
“I’m okay, I guess. I ran, Mol. I left Rafe when he needed me most.” I should have stayed; I knew that now. But I was a coward.
“You didn’t run. You came home to regroup. It’s not the same. Don’t be so hard on yourself. This is new territory for you, and I think it shows how far you’ve come. You put yourself out there, Eva. You went on tour with Black freakin’ Hearts. You did that. You. It isn’t your fault you ended up havin’ the Hunter brothers fallin’ at your feet.”
My eyes screwed shut as I inhaled a deep breath. Levi was so much more complicated than I ever realized, and I cared for him deeply, I did. But I’d have been lying if I said his attachment to me wasn’t overwhelming. Levi had latched onto something he saw in me; placed me on a pedestal I didn’t deserve.
And now he probably hated me.
“What if we can’t get through this?”
“You and Rafe?” she tsked. “Of course you can. You’re the music industry’s next golden couple.”
“I’m not just talkin’ about me and Rafe, Mol. I’m talkin’ about me, Rafe, and—”
“Levi.”
“Yeah. He’s a part of this whether we like it or not. He needs Rafe.”
“And Rafe needs you. But what about you, babe, what do you need?”
I considered her words. I’d been so wrapped up in the tour, in finding myself again, and falling headfirst in love with Rafe, that there hadn’t been much time to stop and catch my breath. But I knew I needed music. It was a vital part of me, as much as the blood flowing through my veins. Cradling my guitar in my hands and pouring my heart out on stage was more than fulfilling some childhood fantasy. It was a salve to my broken soul. I hadn’t realized just how much performing meant to me... until I ran home and holed up at my parents’ house.
“I want it, Mol,” I breathed, a sense of clarity washing over me.
“Well, yeah, you do. You were so freakin’ at home out there. You were born to do this, babe. With or without the band.”
“I’m goin’ to tell Alistair I’m in.”
Her shrieks of approval filled the line and I flopped back onto my bed, laughing right along with her. Who knew what the future held? Maybe Rafe and I were destined for great things, or maybe we were meant to be nothing more than a lit match. Intense, hot, but something that burned out way too quickly.
I was the new Sweetheart of Country. A title I hadn’t wanted, but one I now wore with pride. I couldn’t throw that away because of a bunch of what ifs and maybes. Rafe and Levi had survived worse. They could survive this.
They could survive me.
And if they couldn’t, I’d just have to figure out a way to prove them wrong.
The slight knock on my door barely registered as Alistair barked down the line at me. “And you can tell Rafe that he better—”
Rafe’s face appeared around the crack in the door. “You can tell him yourself.” I held out the phone and he slipped inside, gently pushing the door closed behind him.
“Ali?” Rafe said, pressing my cell to his ear. “Yeah, yeah, tomorrow. We’ve got it. We know what’s on the line... Yeah, I know. Fuck, Ali, come on.” Rafe went silent and Ali’s inaudible yells filled the air. “Yeah, yeah. Okay, bye.”
“Do you think he’s ever goin’ to let us live this down?” I asked, the second Rafe hung up.
“Eventually. But I don’t want you to worry about Alistair, okay?” Rafe placed my cell down on my dresser and swept me into his arms. “Hi.” His lips curved into a warm smile, his lip piercing glittering as the stream of moonlight hit it.
“Hi.”
Our lips met, soft and searching. Rafe’s tongue slid against mine, sending a thousand bolts of lightning zipping through me. “I want you, Starshine.” One of his hands found the curve of my butt, pressing my body closer to his. “I want you so fucking much.”
I was about to tell him to break all my parents’ rules, but my dad beat me to it. “Eva, sweetheart,” he shouted. “It’s gettin’ late. I assume you’re sayin’ goodnight to Rafe before he retires to his own room?”
“Sure thing, Dad,” I grumbled, Rafe’s mouth curving against my skin as he kissed my neck.
“I guess this is goodnight.” He lifted his head, his stormy gray eyes pinning me in place.
“What happens tomorrow, Rafe?” I asked, my heart galloping like a band of wild horses.
“The first day of the rest of our lives together.”
No sooner had Rafe said the words, he'd slipped out of my room.
I was stunned. Rafe sounded so certain of things. So certain of us. I wanted to share his unwavering faith, but my faith had been tested once already. Since my miraculous recovery, I preferred to focus on the things I could control rather than the things I couldn’t.
It was my decision to go back on tour with the band, but what happened when I got there was another matter entirely.
I couldn’t control the outcome, but I couldn’t let the fear of the outcome control me either.
“Miss Walk—” I rose a brow at Travis and his serious expression softened. “Eva,” he said, “it’s good to see you.”
“It’s only been a few days.”
“True, but it’s still good.” Travis stepped closer, leaning down slightly. “Don’t tell the band I said this, and definitely don’t tell my boss, but things just haven’t been the same without you.”
“My lips are sealed.” We shared a knowing smile, then I felt a hand on the small of my back. Not just any hand. Rafe’s hand.
“Travis.”
“Hunter. You have some damage control to run when we get to Denver.”
“Don’t remind me.” Rafe focused on me. “Do you have everything?”
“I think so. I should probably go say goodbye.” My eyes flicked over to where my parents stood huddled by the house. Mom was already crying.
“Go ahead. I need to talk to Travis for a second and then I’ll come say my goodbyes too.”
I left Rafe and Travis and went over to my parents. They pulled me into their arms, squishing me between their bodies. “Oh, sweetheart, I was hopin’ I wouldn’t have to say goodbye again.”
“Mom...”
“I know, I know. But you’re my baby, Eva, you’ll always be my baby. I’m so proud of you. So proud. And you listen to me, don’t let those boys walk all over you, okay?”
“Yes, Mom.” I grumbled.
