by L A Cotton
“I can hear your thoughts from over here,” he whispered, stroking my hair.
“I’m just thinkin’ about how quickly things can change.” I peeked up at him. “And I can’t help but think if I’d never have gotten sick, I wouldn’t be here right now... with you.”
“Everything happens for a reason, Starshine.”
“Do you truly believe that?”
Rafe smiled. It was such a rare and beautiful sight. I wanted to freeze frame it and keep it with me always. “I don’t know.” He chuckled. “But I do know this; you and me, Eva, it’s not fleeting. It’s real.”
Taking my hand, he pressed it against his chest, right where his heart lay. “Feel that... it beats for you. I don’t know where this thing with the band is going, or what lies ahead, but I do know one thing, Evangeline Star Walker, I don’t want any of it without you by my side.”
“Rafe...” I gasped, the weight of his words almost too much to bear. It wasn’t that I didn’t want it, I did. So much. But there wasn’t only us to consider.
Just then, voices broke the silence, the smell of coffee drifting down the bus.
“Ugh. Letty is back which means our time is up.” Rafe kissed my head.
“Damn right,” she said, sounding closer now. “I have coffee.”
Rafe slipped out of the bunk. “I need to go back to the other bus and clean up. I’ll see you soon, okay?”
I nodded, fighting the urge to let my eyes run down his lean body.
“Hungry, love?” His gaze darkened.
“Go.” I grabbed a pillow and stuffed it over my face, but he pulled it away.
“See you soon.” He winked, and then took off down the bus. I heard him talk to Letty, their voices a low rumble. But one word stood out.
Riley.
“It’s Molly,” Letty handed me my cell phone. “You might want to take it.” She winked.
“Mol?”
“Hey, babe. How’s things in tourlandia?”
“Things are surprisingly good.”
“Well, yeah they are. You get to perform every night with one of the world’s hottest bands right now. And then you get to rub yourself all over their bassist.”
“Did you really just say that?”
She let out a groan. “This dry spell is killin’ me. I hate to say it...” Her hesitation was palpable. “But Hudson effin’ Ryker has ruined me for all other guys.”
I let out a quiet laugh. “He really got under your skin, huh?”
“You can never tell him. I mean it, Eva.”
“Maybe you should tell him?”
“What?” She gasped. “Have you lost your freakin’ mind? It’s Hudson effin’ Ryker.”
“Yeah, yeah, you just said that, but—”
“No buts, Eva. Me and Hudson are destined to be nothin’ more than a shootin’ star. Burnin’ bright and pretty to look at, but if you blink, you’ll miss it.”
“Nice visual, Mol,” I said.
“Anyway, he is not the reason I called. My mom is takin’ the twins to visit my grams next weekend, so I spoke to Letty and guess who will be comin’ to your show in Louisville?” She sang the words.
“For real?”
“Real, aaand it won’t be a fly by visit this time. I’m comin’ for the entire weekend.”
I let out a shriek of approval. “I’m so excited.”
“Letty checked the schedule and you guys have a day off, so I was thinkin’ we could hit up the city and do the whole tourist thing.”
“Yes, yes, yes.” Excitement blossomed in my chest. Leaving Molly and my parents behind was definitely the downside of touring.
“Have the guys said what they’ll be doin’ to celebrate Damon’s birthday?”
“It’s his birthday?” No one had said a thing. “How do you possibly know that?”
“It’s called Google.” She chuckled. “You should try Googling yourself, it’s quite entertainin’.”
“Please, don’t.” I covered my face with my hand, which was ridiculous given she couldn’t see me.
“You should be so proud of yourself, babe. I saw the video of you singin’ with Rafe and Levi. It has like a gazillion views.”
Letty had told me it had been a hit, but I’d avoided it, like I tried to avoid everything else splashed all over the media. Even if it was a hit, I knew that for every compliment there would be a cruel comment.
“Okay, I got to go, the twins are—shit, the little brats are up to no good again. I’ll text you soon.”
“Bye.” We hung up.
“Everything okay?” Letty reappeared.
“Thank you.” I smiled, clutching my cell to my chest.
“Oh, it was nothing.”
“What was nothing?” Phoebe breezed into the room, her hands full of coffee.
“Letty arranged for my best friend to come visit over the weekend.”
“Awesome. Has Damon said what he wants to do to celebrate yet?”
I gawked at her. “Seriously, you know this stuff too?” Her and Molly were going to have no problem getting along.
“Well, yeah. Even before I joined the label, I knew... and that’s totally weird.”
“Don’t let Hudson know you’re that kind of fan, he’ll never let you live it down.”
Just then, Riley entered the room. “I need you to go over these.” She thrust the papers at Letty.
“Hello to you too.”
Riley’s eyes cut to mine, but I pretended to be reading my phone.
“I think I’d be cranky too after spending a whole night on the bus with the band.” Phoebe’s tone was saccharine sweet.
I smothered a snicker with my hand. Letty was less obvious, coughing away her laughter.
“Actually, the guys all made me feel right at home.” She spun around and marched out the room.
“I bet they did,” Letty mumbled after her. “Is it me or is she becoming more and more hostile?”
“Oh, it’s not you,” I let out a weary sigh.
“Maybe Alistair finally put her in her place?” Letty said.
“Put who in their place?” The guys filed into the room. Hudson took a running leap, throwing himself over the couch, landing with a thud.
“Nothing,” Letty answered. “What’s in the bag?”
“Breakfast hoagies.” He shook it. “We had security go out and buy us some.”
“Ooh, gimme.”
“For the ladies.” Damon held out a bag and Letty snatched it up, opening it, and sticking her head inside.
“So. Good.”
“Hey, Hud,” I said. “Guess who’s comin’ to visit over the weekend?”
His smile fell. “Oh, hell no.” He dropped his head back, running a hand over his face.
“Molly wants to know what your birthday plans are?” I rose a brow at Damon.
“I prefer not to celebrate.”
“But you’re twenty-one,” Phoebe added. “You have to celebrate.”
“Yeah, come on, Dame. We should do something. We have the day off Saturday.” Hudson waggled his brows. “We could hit the clubs. Maybe check out a strip club—”
“Nice, real nice.” Letty rolled her eyes.
“No strippers,” Damon said. “Or clubs. But I wouldn’t be totally against doing something low key and normal.”
“But you’re open to ideas?” I said around a smile. “It’s your birthday, we have to celebrate.”
“Fine, fine.” He held up his hands. “But nothing illegal, or public, or risky.” His glare snapped to Hudson. “I mean it, bro.”
“Spoilsport.”
Levi strolled into the room the exact moment I squeaked with approval. “What’s got you so excited?”
“Damon’s birthday,” I said. “He says we can celebrate.”
“For real?” Levi frowned at his bandmate. “But you never want to celebrate.”
“What can I say? Eva’s a bad influence; it’s impossible to say no to her.”
My heart swelled.
Mo
lly and Letty were right. I was a part of this band. Somehow, some way, I had earned the friendship and trust of these four broken boys. And unlike Riley, the Die Hearts, or the label, it was something I would never take for granted.
Rafe
* * *
“Hey, can we talk?” I asked Levi as he walked off stage. We’d just finished sound check and had a couple hours to ourselves.
“What’s up?” He wasn’t hostile, but he wasn’t friendly either. It was like we’d become strangers.
And I hated it.
“I just wanted to see how things are? You know... with stuff?” I ran a hand over my head, rubbing the back of my neck.
Fuck.
Why was this so hard?
It wasn’t supposed to be hard. Levi was my brother, my blood. Nothing was ever supposed to come between us.
“I’m not going to head out and try to score, if that’s what you mean?”
“Levi, I didn’t... I just wanted to talk.”
“So talk, little brother.”
A beat passed.
And another.
I had all these things I wanted to say, things I’d spent hours stewing on. But now I was standing here, with him staring at me, and I had nothing.
“You and Eva are good?” he asked, breaking the silence.
My eyes went wide. “You’re... you’re asking me about...”
I didn’t know what the hell to do with that.
“We’re good.”
He nodded. “You seem happy... with her, I mean.” A faint smile played on his lips. “She’s good for you. I mean that.”
“Listen, maybe we can hang out? Just the two of us. I’d really like—”
“Honestly, this, us having some distance, it’s working for me right now.”
“Oh.” My shoulders sagged.
Levi frowned. “This is just something I need to deal with, on my own.”
“You’re not alone though. You have the guys, Letty... Phoebe.”
His eyes lit up, but quickly darkened. “The new girl? Is that a fucking joke?”
“You tell me. The two of you looked pretty close the other night.”
“She’s like me.” He released a long breath.
“You mean she’s an add—”
“Fuck, no. She’s... it’s not my story to tell.”
“Just be careful, yeah?”
“You don’t need to worry about me, bro.”
But I did worry.
Even now, even after all the words and fists and distance, I worried. Levi walked his life on a tightrope. One slip up and he’d plummet into darkness.
He went to walk away, but I called after him. “Levi?”
“Yeah?”
“I know things aren’t right between us, and I know that’s on me, but I’ll always be here for you. Always. I love you brother.”
He regarded me for a second, processing my words, and then gave me a tight nod.
It wasn’t quite what I’d hoped for when I approached him. But part of me couldn’t help but feel proud, hopeful even. Levi wasn’t spiraling out of control. If anything, he was more levelheaded than ever. But a little voice knocked at my conscience. Levi portrayed someone in control, but what if it was all a front? What if he was only showing me, and everyone else, what we wanted to see?
I wanted to go after him and make him talk to me, the way we had so many times before. Brother to brother. But I knew pushing him was not the way.
“There you are.” Hands looped around my body from behind as Eva snuggled against me. “I wondered where you’d gotten to.”
“I tried to talk to Levi.” I pulled her around my side and into my arms.
“And?” Eva craned her neck to look at me.
“It could have been worse. Does he seem okay to you, really?”
“He definitely seems different. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing. But he’s present, right? And he seems clearheaded. Why? Are you worried?”
“I’m always worried.” I dipped my head, brushing my lips across hers. “Are you excited about the show?”
“Excited and nervous. I still pinch myself every mornin’ to make sure this is real.”
“Oh, it’s real, Starshine. Do you need me to prove it?” My tongue licked the seam of her mouth, demanding entry. Eva let out a soft sigh, falling willingly into the kiss. She tasted of peppermint, taking my breath away.
“Have I told you lately that I love you? So fucking much.”
Her soft laughter danced over my skin. “You’re so goofy.”
“I think the word you’re lookin’ for is whipped, at least according to Hudson.”
“He really thinks that?” An adorable frown crinkled her brows.
“He’s only jealous. What we have, it’s the real deal. I don’t think any of us ever thought we would find that.”
“You’re still all so young, you couldn’t possibly know that...”
“I know that, and you know that, but when you’ve spent most of your life being told you’re worthless or useless or an inconvenience, those labels, they start to stick.”
“I hate that you all went through that.”
I shrugged. “It is what it is. Besides, family isn’t always blood; it’s who you choose to let into your life.”
“Well, I feel very lucky to know you all.”
“Even Hudson?” I smothered a grin.
“Even Hudson.” Eva nodded resolutely. “So, I was thinkin’… and I know Damon said he didn’t want any fuss, but it doesn’t seem right not celebratin’ the fact he’s turnin’ twenty-one, so what if we throw him a surprise party?”
“A surprise party?” That sounded the opposite of low-key to me, but Eva looked so excited, I didn’t have the heart to crush her idea.
“Nothin’ excessive. Just you, me, the guys, Letty, Phoebe, and a few of the roadies. We can get him cake and decorate the hotel suite.”
“Actually, that sounds pretty damn perfect.” There would be no stress of having to arrange something, hoping our location wouldn’t be leaked to the media.
“You know Hudson will probably want to get him a stripper or something.”
“It’s a good job Hudson isn’t organizing it then.”
I tightened my arms around Eva’s waist. We weren’t alone, with people coming and going around us incessantly, but it no longer mattered. We didn’t have to hide our relationship from anyone. There was something so fucking freeing about that, being able to just be with Eva like this, in public.
“What?” She smiled up at me.
“Nothing.” I kissed her again. Showing her that it wasn’t nothing.
It was everything.
She was everything.
“Great show, guys,” Alistair greeted us as we filed off stage. The crowd had been electric, a permanent buzz in the air. We were sweaty and high on adrenaline, and all I wanted was to find Eva and drag her into the nearest shadows and kiss her.
“Fuck yeah, it was,” Hudson bounced on the balls of his feet, grinning.
“Listen, I need to speak with you all. Can you get cleaned up and meet me on the bus?”
Our good mood stalled. Damon’s brows bunched together. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“Is Eva—”
“Eva is fine,” Alistair said to me. “But some things have come to my attention that need dealing with. Get cleaned up and we’ll talk.” He turned and walked off, disappearing into the crowd of roadies gathered, waiting to dismantle the set.
“Well, that was fucking cheery.” Levi stalked past us.
“What do you think he wants?” Hudson asked, the three of us following my brother.
“Nothing good.” Dread slithered through me.
“Maybe he’s going to finally own up to seeing Riley?”
“And break his own rule?” Hud shook his head. “Nah, I’m not buying it.”
“Well, whatever it is,” my brother stopped dead and turned to us, “we face it together.” He stalked off down the hall,
the three of us watching after him.
“Is anyone else starting to get freaked out by how calm he is lately?” Hudson remarked.
“Give him some credit,” Damon scoffed. “He’s trying.”
“Yeah, I know. But what happens when trying gets to be too much? He’s like a soda bottle, man. Shake him up and that thing’s gonna blow.”
“Hud.” It was a low warning.
“Okay, okay.” His hands went up. “Let’s pretend everything is okay and ignore the fact our lead singer is acting like a Stepford wife.”
“Come on.” I moved between them. “Before Alistair busts our balls over being late.”
We didn’t speak another word about Levi, or Alistair, as we took it in turns showering and changing. I’d been so pumped coming off stage, eager to see Eva and celebrate another awesome show. But now I felt weary. Between Alistair’s cryptic request, and Damon’s and Hudson’s comments about Levi, my good mood had all but disappeared.
By the time we got on the bus, Alistair was already waiting. Eva, Letty, and Phoebe too.
“Hey.” Relief washed over Eva as I slid onto the bench beside her.
“Hey.” I hooked my arm around her waist, pulling her closer. “I missed you.”
Someone cleared their throat, muttering the word, ‘whipped’.
I flipped Hudson off, causing everyone to laugh.
“Okay, children, settle down.” Alistair pulled at his collar. “I know you’re all probably wondering what’s going on. Well, I wanted you to hear it from me first, Riley is off the tour.”
“No fucking way.” Hudson sat forward.
“What happened?” Damon asked.
“I’m not going to go into specifics, but let’s just say, I’m not convinced she has the band’s best interests at heart anymore.” His eyes flickered to Eva.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t want to cause any problems for the band or you.”
“That is not the issue here.”
Although the way he choked out the words would suggest it was part of the issue.
“I think we deserve to know what happened.” Levi said coolly. He’d chosen to stand, towering over the rest of us like a dark, fallen angel.
