by Clare Lydon
Abby gave her a tight grin. “People say that, but is this bit ever something people look forward to? I mean the whole getting ready, the nerves about being in front of everyone and saying your vows? Is that anyone’s idea of fun?”
Gloria took her hand and squeezed. “It’s nervy, sure. But it’s exciting, too. This is the day you’re declaring to everyone that you love Marcus. That you’ve chosen him to be your life partner. It’s nerve-wracking, but it’s also the start of your new life.” She squeezed again.
Abby gulped. She didn’t dare look at Mum for fear of giving away what she was feeling. That she wasn’t sure she wanted this particular new life.
So she kept quiet and stared at a motorbike that drew up alongside their car. The woman on the back was dressed in full leather. When she turned her head left and saw Abby in her white dress and veil, the woman gave Abby a thumbs-up.
Abby returned the gesture. It wasn’t the most absurd thing she was doing today.
Gloria stroked her hand.
Abby blinked, then turned, catching her mum’s gaze. When she saw concern in her mum’s eyes, Abby turned away.
“I know everyone says it’s the best day of your life, and they’re right, it should be,” Gloria said. “But sometimes, it’s far from it.”
Abby took a deep breath. Could Mum read her mind?
“And if it’s not the best day, not even a semi-good day, you can still change your mind. It’s not too late, Abby.”
Abby’s stomach tensed. Nausea rose up in her. What was Mum saying?
“On the contrary, it’s the perfect time to change your mind. Better than after you get married. Remember, you’re speaking to someone who knows. My first marriage looked good on paper, but the reality wasn’t the same.”
Abby turned. This wasn’t the first time she’d heard this story. But somehow, here, it had so much more poignancy.
“I remember going to my first wedding, even though I try to block it out. I was so scared in the wedding car. It was pouring with rain. Like the weather knew. I had a nagging feeling I shouldn’t do it, but I didn’t listen.” She waved a hand at Abby. “Look at you. You’re gorgeous, your dress is perfect, just like you, but I’m not sure this is ever going to be the happiest day of your life. I certainly don’t want it to go down as one of the worst. Right now, I’m scared it will.”
Abby couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
“I saw the way you were looking at Jordan on the hen weekend. I saw the way she was looking at you. I don’t know if anything went on. That’s between you two. I also know she wasn’t there this morning, and she conveniently isn’t coming to your wedding. Are those two things connected?”
Abby took a deep breath and turned to her mum. She couldn’t lie.
She gave her a nod, and covered her mouth. She wasn’t going to cry. It would ruin her make-up.
“I’ve stepped back and let this play out, but I can’t sit back and watch you make the worst mistake of your life. And believe me, this is nothing to do with Marcus. I love Marcus. Everybody loves Marcus. But that’s not a reason to marry him. You have to follow your heart, Abby. Always follow your heart. I don’t know whether or not you love Jordan. Or whether what’s between you could become something else. Only you know that.
“But this is about you and Marcus. If you don’t love him, don’t marry him. Whatever you decide, you have my full support.” Gloria paused. “Does he suspect anything at all?”
Abby’s chest heaved. “I don’t think so.”
Gloria let a few moments go by. “Did something happen between you?”
Abby’s breathing quickened, then she nodded. “Yes.” It came out in a whisper. Underlined with shame and longing.
“Could it be something more?”
Abby sighed. “I don’t know. Yes. Maybe. If she’ll have anything to do with me after I treated her so badly.” If she could turn back time, Abby would. Did she have the guts to make a change now, though?
“Just say the word, Abby.” Mum took her hand again. “Today can be whatever you want it to be. The start of a new life. Whether that’s being married to Marcus or not. Your dad and I love you, and will stand by you whatever you decide.”
Chapter 30
“I still can’t quite believe we’re doing this. It’s like we’re in a Richard Curtis movie. Or a revival of Carry On Wedding. Was that even a film?”
Jordan gripped her knees as Karen’s car screeched to a halt at the traffic lights. She checked her watch. It was nearly 1.40pm. The wedding was due to take place at 2pm. They were cutting it fine.
“If it wasn’t, it should have been. If Barbara Windsor shows up, then we’ll know it definitely was.”
Jordan had woken up this morning with a tight stomach and an ache in her heart. She’d pushed some toast around her plate, stared at her coffee, and then Karen had forced her to face up to what she may or may not want. Did she want Abby? Because if she did, she really didn’t have a choice. Sure, this wasn’t Jordan’s normal way of doing things, of taking life by the scruff of the neck and declaring her feelings. However, her past dealings with women hadn’t come to much success, so maybe a change of tactics was due.
Karen had offered to drive, and Jordan had agreed. She was going after what she wanted. She needed to know beyond doubt they were done. She didn’t want any what-ifs. However, what she was going to find when she saw Abby, she had no idea. Would she listen? Or would she slap her across the face? Either would prove there was something between them.
The traffic lights turned green. Something fluttered inside Jordan’s chest. She swallowed down, staring at her phone. According to the sat nav, they were two minutes away from the church. St Christopher’s. The patron saint of travellers. Would Abby take the road less travelled?
“You ready? We’re getting pretty close.”
Jordan nodded, her denim-clad knee jigging up and down. She’d considered wearing her bridesmaid dress, to finish the job no matter what. But then Karen had reminded her she wasn’t a masochist and there were no prizes for being so. So clean jeans, brogues, a white shirt and a navy blazer had won the day. Because she had to look like an option Abby wanted to ditch her wedding for.
Jordan flipped down the car’s visor mirror. Her make-up still looked good. Her hair was held in place. Now, she just needed the happy ending she so craved. Or at least the possibility of a happy ending, at least. Was she doing the right thing? She had no idea. But she couldn’t ignore the thump of her heart every time she thought about Abby.
This wasn’t just her doing. Abby had played her part, too. Now it was time to find out if she wanted to take up her leading role for good.
“Do you know what wedding car she’s got?” Karen glanced in her rear-view mirror. “It’s not a white Jaguar, is it?”
Jordan nodded. “Yep, vintage. I booked it.”
Karen indicated with her thumb. “Like the one behind us?”
Jordan twisted, then her heart burst.
Instinctively, she sank down in her seat. “Shit. I think it’s them.”
Karen glanced left, then she indicated and pulled up in front of the church, where the last stragglers were milling about outside.
She cut the engine, then turned, gripping Jordan’s hand in hers. “Showtime. You ready?”
Jordan gave a definite nod that belied the butterflies in her stomach. “Let’s do it.” As she looked up, Delta and Taran were walking down the church path towards her. She had to ignore them and concentrate on what she had to do.
Jordan jumped out of the car, just as the Jaguar pulled up behind them. In her head, their wheels screeched. Warm June air caressed her face. Church bells rang. Across the street, a small boy kicked a football on a green with his mum. It was just a normal day for them. Not for Jordan. This was the most important day of her life.
The driver of the wedding car walked around the car and opened the passenger door.
Gloria stepped down first, a pensive look on her face.
Then the driver held out a hand and Abby climbed out, her elegant wedding dress embracing her with some style.
Jordan gulped.
Abby was beyond beautiful. Also about to marry someone else. Maybe she still would. It didn’t mean Jordan shouldn’t do this. She strode over to Abby, just as the photographer, Heidi, appeared beside her, directing Abby to pose in front of the car. Jordan recognised Heidi from previous weddings she’d been a part of.
“Abby,” Jordan said.
Abby turned, emitting an audible gasp as she saw her. “Jordan,” she began.
She could listen to Abby say her name all day long.
“Before you start having photos taken, can I say something?”
Abby gave her a confused look, before nodding. “Okay.” Her tone was quizzical. She turned to Heidi. “Can you give us two minutes?”
Heidi checked her watch. “We really need to get these shots done.”
“It wasn’t a question,” Abby replied, steel to her tone.
Heidi stepped back, nodding.
“Abby.” Delta appeared beside her. “You don’t have to do this.”
Abby’s eyes hardened. “Yes, I do.” She glared at her maid of honour. “This isn’t your decision, Delta.”
Jordan held her breath.
Delta held out her hand. “At least give me your flowers.”
Abby handed them over.
Now it really was show time.
Jordan took a deep breath, shoulders back, just as she’d practised. Only, being on this pavement with an audience close by was putting more pressure on her. She tried to keep her body still even though every inch of her was shaking. Could she get her words out?
She had to. There was no other choice.
“I’m sorry to do this so late in the proceedings.” That wasn’t what she’d practised. She scanned her mind for the script she’d rehearsed. It was there, she just had to focus and reach for it. “But I can’t let you marry Marcus without saying something.” Jordan gazed into Abby’s eyes, taking in her stunning cheekbones, her just-so hair. She was heart-stoppingly beautiful.
If this didn’t go Jordan’s way, her heart might well stop.
“Over the past few weeks, it’s been equal parts amazing and excruciating working with you. Amazing because I got to know you and the gorgeous person you are. Excruciating because you were marrying someone else.”
Abby blinked. She was listening. She hadn’t run.
“Because of that, I consigned us to the box marked wrong time, wrong place. I resolved to be the best professional bridesmaid I could be. To smile through the pain. To get you to the altar as I promised, and then get over you. I was doing well until we went away. Until we kissed. Until my feelings demanded to be let out of the box.” Jordan closed her eyes as a nervous warmth spread through her. When she reopened them, Abby was staring at her lips.
“After that, all bets were off. As I told you, I don’t do this.” She circled the space in front of them with her right hand. “I don’t get involved with people, full stop, but certainly not my clients. But from the moment we met, there was something there. The more I got to know you, the more I wanted to know you. You’re special, Abby. You’ve taken up room in my heart. So I couldn’t let you do this today without seeing if you felt the same.”
Jordan stepped forward, and took Abby’s hand.
Just that small action felt so daring.
Daring, but also, so right.
Desire slid down her like warm honey.
Abby’s hand shook. Jordan couldn’t remember a word of her speech now. She was going to have to do this from the heart.
“I know this isn’t the optimal time to be saying this. But I had to give it a go. Because saying it after you got married would be worse.” Jordan took both of Abby’s hands in hers, then looked her in the eye.
“I started this journey as your professional bridesmaid. But I ended up falling for you.” Jordan’s chest rose as she breathed in. “I love you, Abby.” Sensation overwhelmed her, but she carried on. “I never expected that to happen, and I’m sorry if this messes with your plans for today. If you feel the same in any small way, maybe we can build on that. Maybe we could make it work in the real world. In a world where you’re not marrying someone else.”
Jordan didn’t break their gaze as she waited for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually, Abby began to shake her head.
Jordan’s stomach hit the floor.
This wasn’t how this was supposed to go.
Abby was supposed to fall into her arms.
“I never expected this to happen, either.” Abby’s words came out as a whisper. “But I made the car drive around the block three times, because I knew if it stopped, I was going to have to go through with it. Either that, or break Marcus’s heart. Neither of those options were appealing. I didn’t want to get out of the car. I’d just decided I wouldn’t go through with the wedding. Then you appeared, and my heart boomed. I’ve tried to ignore my feelings too, but I can’t anymore.”
It was all Jordan could do not to collapse on the spot.
A trickle of hope slid down her spine, but she wasn’t going to embrace it just yet.
Abby dropped her hands. “I’m sorry for telling you not to come. I couldn’t face you, without the truth about how I felt leaking out. But you’re right. I shouldn’t marry someone else if my heart tells me not to.” She glanced over at Gloria, who was dabbing her eyes with a tissue. “My mum was just telling me the same thing. That I should be with someone I truly love, not someone I think I should love.”
Jordan held her breath.
“I’m so glad you came back and took a chance. You were brave. You’ve made me brave in return.” Abby fixed Jordan with her gaze. She took a deep breath before she continued. “I love you, too. I’m sorry I never told you before. I’m sorry we got this far before I said anything.” Abby glanced down at herself, before bringing her face back level with Jordan. “But here I am, standing in a wedding dress, declaring love for someone I’m not going to marry.” She shook her head, before lifting her gaze, staring directly into Jordan’s eyes. “Not yet, anyway.”
Jordan’s heart soared.
For a few brief moments, everything was perfect.
“Abby!” Marcus’s voice rang out through the air.
They both stepped back, turning to where Marcus was running down the path of the church towards where the mini congregation were stood: Gloria, Karen, the driver, Heidi, Delta, Taran, Abby and Jordan. His best man, Philip, was right behind.
Marcus was dressed in a sharp blue suit and pink tie. He looked from Abby to Jordan and back. “What’s going on? Why is Jordan not wearing her dress?” He couldn’t seem to make sense of the picture, no matter how hard he tried.
“What are you doing here? It’s bad luck to see each other before the wedding!” Even Abby looked confused by her own statement.
“I decided I’d chance it when one of my groomsmen told me there appeared to be some sort of hold-up.” He paused. “Is someone going to fill me in?”
Abby glanced at Jordan, shaking her head. “I will,” she said, her voice cracking. “This is up to me.” She took Marcus by the hand and steered him away from the others, but still in earshot of Jordan.
“Marcus, I need you to know that I never meant for any of this to happen. Hold on to that thought, even when it’s really hard.” She paused, taking a breath. “Also, that I really do love you. A part of me always will. You are a wonderful man, and I’ve no doubt you’re going to make someone a wonderful husband.”
Marcus’s shoulders slumped, and his face crumpled. “Someone?”
Jordan hoped he didn’t cry. This must be his worst nightmare. It certainly would be hers.
Abby nodded. “Just not me. I’m so sorry.” She paused and gripped his arm, clearly just about holding it together. “I know this is a terrible time to do this, and I hope one day you can forgive me. But I really do believe this is the best decision for both of us.” Sh
e took his hand. “But I can’t marry you when I have feelings for someone else.” Abby dipped her head. “Feelings for Jordan.”
Marcus looked like he’d just been punched. He dropped Abby’s hands, and tangled his fingers in his dark hair. “Jordan? But she’s your bridesmaid.”
He looked at Jordan, disbelief staining his face.
Abby took a deep breath. “She was. But now, she’s something more. I can’t ignore how I feel, and I can’t marry you knowing that. You and I have been friends for so long. I truly never meant to hurt you.”
Marcus shook his head, his face full of disbelief. “You and Jordan? But you’re not gay?”
Abby ignored his comment. Now was not the time for explanations. “I was happy with you. Please believe that. But I was having doubts over the past few months. I should have told you. I know that now.”
Marcus turned to Jordan. “I knew you were too good to be true.”
Jordan gulped. This was so hard. She moved closer to them. “I’m really sorry, Marcus. I never meant for this to happen either.”
Still he stared. “I knew something wasn’t right, but this? You were meant to sort everything out. Make Abby’s worries disappear. If you were a man, I’d punch you.” He clenched and unclenched his fist.
Jordan didn’t move. “And you’d be within your rights.”
“Please don’t,” Abby said, her voice high-pitched.
“Nobody’s hitting anybody.” Delta pushed in between them. “Marcus, get in the wedding car and let the driver take you home. Or to a pub. Wherever you need to go. Take your best man with you. I’ll go and tell everyone the wedding is cancelled.”
Delta was finally stepping up to the plate. Jordan could have kissed her.
“Thanks, Delta,” Abby said.
“That’s it? Just like that we’re over?” Marcus turned his volume higher.
Jordan winced.
Gloria jumped in and squeezed his arm. “I’m sorry Marcus. This isn’t fair on you. But please, get in the car and get away like Delta suggested. It’ll be easier on you.”
