I take a deep breath. No one will replace Ella, but maybe I can share a part of myself with someone else. Maybe I just hadn’t found the person to pique my interest, push me to look within and see what I want and what I’m willing to miss out on by not taking action of my own life.
Conversation with Magnolia flows. I don’t feel stuck somewhere I want to run away from. On the contrary, I want to run toward her.
“Do you miss Cedar Springs?”
“I do,” she nods. “It’s home,” she adds with a shrug. “But I will say that Willow Creek is growing on me. I love the town. It’s different from Cedar Springs, which is nice. Everyone’s been really kind, too.” Her hands cradle her mug.
“I’m happy to hear that. You’re lucky you’re not too far from your hometown and can visit on weekends.”
She nods. “It’s a relief, too, so I can be there if my parents need anything.”
“I’m assuming you’re an only child.” I tilt my head.
“I am. I don’t think my parents wanted more kids. They were happy with one.” She shrugs.
“Siblings aren’t all they’re cut out to be,” I joke.
“Puh-lease, it’s clear you all have a great relationship.” Her face lights up.
“We do, and I’m grateful for them. Life hasn’t always been easy, and I don’t know what I’d do without my family.” I am now the one avoiding her eyes and frown.
Magnolia reaches out to me and then drops her hand before she can touch me.
“Family is important. It helps to have people in your corner.”
I nod and assume she knows my wife died. The girls would’ve mentioned it, or Colleen would’ve said something before she left.
“Do you have someone in your corner?” My eyes bore into hers.
She nods, swallowing thickly. What I want to add is that I want her in mine. I want the kind warmth she provides and the bright smile she shares. I’m surprised by my reaction. I’ve kept my distance from people, and here I am, wanting to get close to the one person I probably shouldn’t.
“I’m glad you do.” I leave it at that, finishing my forgotten coffee and cringing.
Soft giggles fill my ears, and I can’t stop the smile from taking over my face.
“Cold?” She lifts her brows.
“Yeah, it sucks.”
“Not a fan of iced coffee?” She tilts her head, drinking from her mug as if proving a point.
“Nope. I prefer my caffeine fix hot.”
“Even in the summer?” Her nose scrunches up adorably.
“Even in the summer,” I confirm. “It’s why we have AC.”
“That’s true. I’m not a huge fan of iced coffee, but I do like Frappuccinos, and I like iced chai lattes.” She lifts her mug.
“So you’re giving me that look when you don’t even like it.” I lift my brows in mock accusation.
She smiles, shrugging her shoulders. “Just teasing’ ya.”
“I like when you tease me,” I drop my voice, letting the words linger.
Magnolia’s breath hitches on a gasp, and her eyes are wide and searching as they scan my face.
“Umm…” She looks around the coffee shop, at a loss for words.
Leaning back on my seat to create some distance, I say, “Just a joke.”
I clear my throat and mask my emotions. She probably thinks I’m coming on to her when I’m a parent she works with. Not the wisest move, Brett.
Her brows pull together as she looks at me with a watchful eye. She’s likely reading me, using her therapist’s brain. I shift in my seat, suddenly uncomfortable, and check my phone.
“We should probably go,” she says when she sees me.
“Yeah, the girls are probably wondering where I ran off to.”
Magnolia pushes back her chair and stands, and I follow suit. I hate the awkwardness that’s settled between us all because I took it a step too far. We walk back to the grocery parking lot, and I wrack my brain on how to apologize without making this situation worse.
“Thanks for the latte,” Magnolia says, pulling out her car keys and stopping by her door.
“Sorry,” I blurt out. “I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”
She shakes her head, looking over my shoulder to avoid my eyes. “You didn’t.”
“Clearly, I did. It was uncalled for.”
Her eyes snap to mine. “It wasn’t… If the situation were different. I shouldn’t be fraternizing with a client or a client’s parent, let alone flirting.”
I step closer, bending my head, so we’re eye-to-eye. “Tell me you feel this, too.”
Her chest rises and falls, her palm fisted around her keys.
“Brett…” she breathes out.
“Just tell me I’m not crazy,” I plea.
She shakes her head. “It’s not that easy, though. This is against my moral code. I shouldn’t feel anything.”
“But you do,” I confirm.
Her shoulders drop the tension in them, and she looks down at our feet just a few inches apart. “Yeah.”
When she looks back up at me, her eyes sad and defeated, I want to grab the back of her neck and kiss her. I want to taste those full lips and assure her this isn’t wrong. But I hold back because I know she needs this job, and I’m not an idiot. I know this could call for her getting fired, maybe worse.
I secretly sneak my hand toward hers, squeezing her fingers. My skin jolts awake, and she gasps again.
“I don’t know what it is, but I know I’ll need more than this in order to get my fill. I haven’t opened up to many people since my wife passed away, but with you…” I run my free hand through my hair and inhale a deep breath. “I want to split open and let it all out. Not because you’re a therapist and I want your professional advice, but because I want to feel again. I want to be a man.”
“You are a man.”
I shake my head. “I don’t want to be a father or a brother or a businessman. I want something more. I can’t promise what that will be yet because I’m still processing, but you’re doing that. You’re cracking me open, unstitching me.”
Her eyes fall shut. “Brett,” my name is a soft whisper on her lips. “I can’t.” She shakes her head, pain swimming in her eyes. “I’m sorry.” She steps back, bumping her back against her car and pulling her hand away from mine.
I open my mouth and close it again. Silently, I watch her slide into her car and turn the ignition. When she pulls away, I step back to avoid getting hit and remain mute and frozen. I scrub a hand down my face and kick the asphalt.
“Shit,” I hiss.
I shouldn’t have put it all out there. I know this job is necessary for her and her family. If she loses that because of me, I’ll never forgive myself. I watch where she drove away and then walk to my car. It’s for the best. I’m better off alone anyway. Losing one person I love is more than enough to deal with in a lifetime.
Chapter 20
Magnolia
To say that seeing Brett today was awkward is an understatement. After how we left things on Sunday, I was dreading seeing him. Thankfully, the girls are a buffer, and I got straight to work with them. From Brett’s tense shoulders, it seemed he was also unsure of how to act around me.
He opened himself to me, what I’ve been dreaming of, and I had to walk away. I have to choose my family right now. If I let my emotions guide me, I could lose it all—the job, the financial stability, my heart.
When I told Grace about running into Brett, she offered encouraging words, but we both know this is more complicated than having a crush on him. She asked me what I wanted more, the job or the possibility of love. I couldn’t answer honestly, so I told her what I needed was the job. Right now isn’t the moment for things I want. It’s about helping my parents. Once their bills get straightened out, I’d have a chance at finding love.
You may have let the opportunity slip by then, she told me, and I froze. My confusion has only amplified, knowing that Brett also feels so
mething. I’m at war with myself that I can’t give into him.
I sit on the blanket and call Charlie and Chloe over to sit close by. After Brett told me what he did with them this past week, I was able to tag on to it, feed into the positivity of the winery instead of focusing on the negative. They told me about the changes they’re doing that their father told them about, talking more openly than they have. Although they still have their reservations and fear, I believe they’re starting to at least hear us out instead of closing up.
“Your dad and I were thinking that maybe you’d like to drive by the winery and see how it’s coming along.” Chloe’s eyes widen, and Charlie twists her fingers on her lap.
“You wouldn’t get down from the car,” I add in explanation. “You’d just see it out the window. See how you feel doing that.” I smile reassuringly. “If you want your dad to drive away because it’s too much, he will.”
I hope that months of therapy and focusing on their PTSD has prepared them for this.
“Would you come with us?” I’m surprised when Chloe is the one to ask this question. Her voice is soft, almost a mumble. It’s something Charlie would ask first, Chloe waiting to see her big sister’s reaction. I smile at her initiative, praising it.
I look at her and shake my head. “You’ll go with your daddy, but just remember what we’ve talked about. It’ll be like I’m almost there.”
“I want you to go.” The tiny four-year-old says fiercely.
I glance up at Brett, who’s carefully watching us. Frowning, I focus again on Chloe. My head tilts to the side. Before I can speak, Charlie beats me to it.
“Please…” she begs, her hands clasped together in front of her chest.
I look up at Brett again, and he must sense something’s up. Charlie turns to look at him as well.
“Daddy!” she hollers, and I cringe.
He stands and walks over to us with his hands in his pockets and his face a cool mask like he wore when we first met.
“Yeah?” He squats beside Charlie, looking my way briefly and then back at her. His hands rest on his thighs, and I can’t help my eyes from falling there for a moment and taking in the way the fabric on his slacks tighten over his strong legs.
“We want Magnolia to come with us to look at the winery. She told us you were gonna drive by it.”
“I asked you,” I say pointedly.
“Yeah,” Charlie nods, disregarding me and looking up at her father. “Chloe asked if she could come with us, but she said no.”
My jaw ticks, stopping me from defending myself too quickly. With a deep breath, I say, “Your dad can take you. We’ll discuss it in our next session.” Then, I look at Brett. “I explained they’d be going with you.”
He nods slowly, too quiet for my liking. What is he thinking? Is he mad at me? Does he resent me? Ugh!
“I think it’s a good idea if you came. You could guide them through it. Lord knows you’re more capable than I am. That way, I can focus on driving, and if they need the support, you’ll be there.”
I open my mouth to argue, but he stops me with a surprising comment. “I’ll pay more for this extra service.”
My mouth snaps shut, and my eyebrows pull together. “No, you won’t need to.”
“I insist. We’ll be taking more time from you. It’s only fair you’re compensated.”
“That’s not necessary.” His eyes flare, and I’m pretty sure mine reflect the same emotion. We’re both stubborn, and there’s something between us that this extra service could be misinterpreted as something else.
The three of them look at me expectantly, and I sigh. “Okay.”
The girls squeal, and Brett smiles as if he won. Damn him. I brush my fingers across my forehead, closing my eyes for a beat as I gather my thoughts.
“When do you girls want to go?” I peer down at them.
They look at Brett as if seeking help from him.
“You tell us,” he says with a loving smile.
I sigh and look away, not wanting to get caught up in him, in the way he is with his daughters, in the affection I’ve grown to have for these two little girls.
“How about this weekend?” I suggest when they won’t speak.
They nod silently. I smile. “You’re sure that’s okay?”
They nod again.
“Okay,” I say. Then, I look up at Brett. “Is Saturday okay?”
“Yeah, that’s great. Thank you.” He smiles, that dimple popping up again. My chest aches, wanting to reach out to him, be more than his daughters’ therapist if I have the chance to. But at what cost? I wish I could have both. Had Charlie and Chloe not been my clients, it’d be different. But then, maybe I never would’ve had this opportunity to get to know them.
“Say goodbye to Ms. Magnolia,” Brett tells the girls.
“Bye!” Their smiles are huge, their body language freer than when I first met them.
Chloe wraps her arms around my neck, hugging me tightly. I smile, hugging her back, and catch Brett’s eyes over her shoulder. His gaze is intense. The way he’s looking at the embrace is filled with an array of emotions. Charlie follows, hugging me over Chloe, and I giggle when they almost topple me over.
Brett looks away, swallowing thickly and his jaw tightening. When he looks at us again, sadness fills his eyes. My heart goes out to him. I want to reach for him, hug him, comfort him.
Charlie and Chloe step back and wave at me, each one holding one of Brett’s hands. I’m frozen, heart pounding, still feeling their sweet embrace.
“I’ll see y’all on Saturday,” I say, still sitting on the blanket.
“We can meet in town, so we can go in one car.” Brett nods once. He doesn’t give me time to argue, turning around and walking away with the girls. Chloe looks back at me over her shoulder, a beautiful smile on her face, so different than her reserved demeanor.
I sigh. I’d say yes to anything if it makes her that happy.
I shift uncomfortably in my car, watching for Brett out of the rearview mirror. I shouldn’t have been surprised that the girls would want me there for such a big step, and had it been another client, I probably would’ve been more okay with it, but things aren’t black and white in this situation. They’re used to me being their confidant when it comes to their healing.
As soon as I see him pull up next to me in the parking lot we agreed to meet at, I turn off my car and hop out. The back window rolls down, and Charlie sticks her head out.
“Sit with us,” her voice rings with the question.
I nod with a smile, thankful for the little girls’ innocent curiosity. Sitting in the back with them is so much better than next to Brett in the front seat.
I slide in between them in the middle seat, saying a quiet hello. Chloe is silent to my left. Charlie smiles nervously. Brett drives away toward the winery. I haven’t been there yet, so I’m curious to see it in person as well.
“How are you girls feeling?” I ask them, making sure they’re at ease.
“A little nervous,” Charlie whispers.
“That’s understandable. Remember, today we’re going to see it from a distance. Just become reacquainted with the place, observe the changes, and understand your emotions.” I guide them softly. “At any time, your dad can drive away.” I want them to understand they aren’t stuck there the way they may have felt during the fire.
I catch Brett’s eyes through the rearview mirror and shiver. He looks away quickly, but I still feel the effects of it. It’s like we share a secret, and the more we keep it to ourselves, the more it grows deeper, connecting us like braided rope.
A big stone building appears in the distance when we get closer. Chloe finds my hand blindly and squeezes tightly. I look at her, but she’s staring straight ahead at the back of Brett’s seat. I pray that this exercise is helpful to them and gives them the confidence and understanding to be able to live free from fear.
“Are you okay?” I whisper at Chloe as her hand tightens.
&nb
sp; She looks at me with big eyes. “Yes.” Her response is so quiet that I barely hear it.
“All good?” Brett’s deep voice fills the car.
I look at both girls, who nod.
“Yup,” I assure him.
Once we pull into the parking lot, Brett parks in a spot toward the far end, giving us enough distance from the building here.
“How’s this?” I ask them.
“Good,” Charlie says, unbuckling her seatbelt and leaning up over the seat in front of her to get a better view.
They each take their time, and I let them move at their own pace. Slowly, Chloe’s grip on my hand loosens, and she leans toward me so she can look out from between both seats without an interrupted view.
We’re all silent, each person processing and internalizing the moment. I once again see Brett looking at me through the rearview mirror, a small, lopsided smile on his face. I nod softly with my own smirk.
Both girls hold my hands now, their curiosity growing as they lean their heads closer to the front.
“Daddy, where’s the entrance you told us about?” Charlie asks.
“It’s over there.” He points to the distance. “You can’t really see it from here.”
“Can we drive a little closer?” Charlie’s voice is soft with a hint of nerves.
“Would you like that?” I look at her.
She nods. “How about you?” I turn to Chloe.
“I don’t know. We gonna still be in the car?” She chews her lip.
“Of course. At any point that you feel bad, your dad will drive around.”
“Okay.”
I smile happily. When my eyes collide with Brett’s in the mirror, I nod. “Can you drive a few spots ahead?”
He shifts the car into drive and moves to a parking lot closer to the building. “How’s here?”
“Good,” Charlie nods.
They peer out again through the middle of the seat. Then, Charlie lowers her window and sticks her head out of it to see it clearer.
Small Town King: A Single Dad Romance (Carlisle Cellars Book 3) Page 14
