I wanted to dismiss his question but he caught me in his eyes and I took a deep breath as I forced myself to be honest with him.
“Because I am,” I admitted. “You can hurt me so easily... and you don’t even notice you’re doing it.”
Pain filled his expression as my words hit him and he tried to reach for me again. “I would never want to hurt you.”
“Just because you don’t want to, doesn’t mean you don’t do it.” I eyed his hand as it hung in the space between us and shifted back slightly.
His face crumpled as he dropped his arm again, pulling it back to lay in his lap. My heart throbbed as I could see what my words were doing to him but I couldn’t keep feeling this way and he had to know it.
“I don’t know how to do this,” he said quietly. “I’ve never... I was betrothed to Valentina when I was sixteen. I’ve bedded other women but she always saw them off before I got any chance to have anything else with them. And I’ve never cared about any of them like I care about you. Please don’t tell me I’ve ruined our chances before we even got started.”
I looked into his eyes and I wanted to fall into their golden depths. To bathe in the strength and power I saw there. But it wasn’t my own. My heart and soul felt shredded between the different vows which bound me. I was a slayer and a vampire’s wife. And somewhere in the middle of that I was starting to lose who I really was.
“I just need some space,” I breathed. “I need to figure out what’s happening to me. And I can’t do that with so many rules and commands screwing with my head. How am I supposed to keep hold of who I am when you can force me to do anything you want just because you feel like it? Or when thoughts of my enemy keep pushing through my mind as if he’s something else entirely?”
“If that’s what you need, I’ll give it to you,” he replied carefully like he was afraid saying the wrong thing might break whatever was left between us. “I only want to help you.”
“I need to deal with this on my own.” I looked down at the ring on my finger and took a deep breath as I slid it off. I gritted my teeth against the aching loss I felt as I placed it on the floor and forced myself to withdraw my hand, leaving it there.
Magnar watched me in silence as I stared at the silver wedding band, fighting against the desire to put it back on. The harder I pushed against the feelings I knew weren’t my own, the easier it became until eventually I dragged my eyes away from the ring.
It wasn’t going to be simple but I was determined to find a way to regain control of my own fate. And if Idun didn’t like it then she would find out what it was like to be my enemy.
We swam for miles until the sea stretched in every direction toward a dark horizon. We never grew tired, never faltered, never stopped.
“Andvari spoke of another land,” Miles called above the lapping waves, his golden head bobbing close by.
“Do you think he'll guide us?” Clarice asked, but none of us answered.
I didn't like the idea of fulfilling Andvari's plans for us. I suspected there was more to his promises than he let on. But the others drank in the idea of us taking power somewhere else in the world as if we were no longer cursed, but blessed.
Leaving my homeland behind pained me, but the gods had strengthened the slayers beyond our wildest imaginings. So running from them was our only choice. Every mile we put between us and them soothed me.
Would they follow us now? Even if they did, they would surely never find us. We'd decided to swim as far as we could, making our way into an ocean that led to the unknown.
As days merged to weeks, time became as eternal as the maddening years I'd spent in solitude. Sometimes I saw Andvari watching us beneath the waves. Other times he whispered his encouragement or pointed out the way by creating a glowing path through the sea.
One day, land grew visible in the distance. We must have been at sea for months and despite my immortal body never failing me, I still grew anxious to have my feet on dry land. And my hunger was growing again. The others would be on the verge of losing themselves to the thirst. But I'd endured two hundred years without blood, nothing compared to the pain of that.
We doubled our efforts as a shore came into view and Clarice cried out her joy as we finally made it to a sandy beach. Dragging our drenched bodies from the sea, we strode onto our new land. I drank in the sight of the trees stretching away into the distance. The twitter of birds sounded as dawn painted the cloudy sky in pastel pinks and copper tones.
Fabian rubbed his throat. “What if there's no humans here? How are we going to eat?”
I perched on a piece of driftwood, wondering if he was right and we'd just isolated ourselves from blood for the foreseeable future. It would be ironic for me to end up starving again after I'd decided to try and make this hellish life work.
“There will be humans,” Miles sighed, running a hand into his wet hair.
We'd had this argument before and decided to keep going anyway. Andvari hadn't answered our questions, only urging us onward. But if he wanted us here, I was sure it was for a reason more than starvation.
A gull hopped closer to us on the shore, tilting its head as it surveyed us.
“Just what we need,” Fabian growled, stalking toward it and slashing his nails across his wrist. In a flash of movement, he caught the bird by the neck, prising its beak open and allowing the blood to flow inside.
The gull squawked as he snapped its neck, but as he released it, the animal stretched its wings and rose into its undead life.
Fabian pointed to the sky. “Find humans. Call me when you've located them.”
The bird took flight and I angled my head toward the dusky sky. Andvari had often given us a reprieve from the sun during our journey here and we’d swum under the waves when he hadn’t. But I wondered how far his kindness would extend now that we'd arrived.
We sat in a line on the beach, waiting in silence for the gull to bring news to Fabian of the humans. After what I'd done to so many slayers, I knew there was little point in trying to avoid blood from now on. But I wouldn't kill again unless I had to. If there was any chance my soul could still be saved, I had to try and live a better life. One with as little death in it as I could manage.
Fabian stood abruptly, his laughter filling the air. “A village is close! Come, let us go to them and sate our thirst.”
“Fabian,” I growled, rising. “I will not attend another slaughter.”
“We don't have to,” Clarice sighed, pushing her damp locks from her neck. “We can pretend we are gods, have them worship us. They will give us blood willingly.”
“It always worked for me,” Miles said in agreement.
I didn't like the idea of giving in to the ways of my brothers and sister, but I didn't have much of a choice now. And anything was better than mercilessly killing the innocent.
Julius and I stood in the dark room downstairs and goosebumps rose on my skin as the icy wind blew in through the hole in the wall. Callie needed time to figure things out with Magnar. Even if I was still pissed at him for what he'd done to her. Maybe he hadn't meant to. And if she could find a way to forgive him then I guessed I’d have to too.
“So Monty,” Julius said with a wide grin, spooning oatmeal into his mouth.
I scowled. “I already dislike one of you slayers, let's not make it two.”
“But Callie calls you Monty.”
“She's allowed to,” I said, folding my arms. “Only her.”
He grinned as he continued to eat.
Moon Child, a whisper filled my ear. It wasn't Nightmare, it was something...else.
An energy thrummed through the room, filling the air with an electric charge. The hairs on my arms rose to attention and a sliver of ice lodged in my chest.
Julius stopped eating, his face growing hard as he surveyed the room. “Show yourself,” he hissed.
“Who's here?” I whispered.
Julius didn't answer, but drew Menace and adjusted his stance.
This
way, Moon Child.
“Do you hear that?” I asked and Julius nodded in confirmation.
An icy stream slid into my veins, dripping through my legs and taking control of my movements. I gasped, fear resounding in my bones as my legs walked me through a doorway.
The room beyond it was exposed to the elements, the walls crumbled low on two sides. One of the walls which remained held an oval mirror, the ornate frame embellished with silver flowers.
My breathing slowed as the presence continued to control me, drawing me toward the mirror as if I was one end of a magnet and it was the other.
Half of the roof was still intact and rain gushed over it. As I stepped through the run-off toward the mirror, sounds beyond the rain became muffled. I heard Julius calling my name, but it was so far away. I couldn't turn to look for him as I closed in on the mirror. My reflection gazed back at me. Except it wasn't me.
I wore a silver crown atop my head and a blood-red gown flowed around my body like liquid. My skin was deathly pale, my eyes wide and alluring and my lips deepest crimson. I blinked, but the reflection didn't. She smiled like she knew me, tilting her head to one side. When she spoke, she did so in my voice and yet it wasn't mine at all. It was lilting and sweet, as if it was designed to keep me hanging on every word.
“Is this what you wanted to know?”
I parted my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I didn't know if it was fear or some other force stopping me from answering.
My reflection lifted a hand, running a finger across her lips, revealing the reason they were so red. Blood. My stomach coiled into a tight knot.
As she laughed, the blood poured from her mouth, revealing glinting fangs. I shook my head in horror, stumbling back and suddenly a weight crashed into me.
“Montana!” Julius yelled, dragging me from my stupor. My heart stuttered back to life as I absorbed his anxious expression.
“Slayer,” hissed a vile, acidic voice. Andvari's voice.
I grabbed Julius's shirt, meaning to push him back the way he'd come, fearing what the god might do to him.
He remained sturdily in front of me, refusing to budge as he turned to face the mirror.
Our reflection was cast back at us. Julius and I looked somehow similar, as if we were cut from the same cloth. Though we looked nothing alike, it was the way we stood, the way our eyes flashed. Something about us simply screamed slayer.
Andvari's true form appeared behind us in the reflection and as he pushed between us, I felt cold hands on my skin.
I gasped, turning to find him there, his eyes two white discs. Julius raised Menace with a snarl and Andvari wafted a hand, knocking him back into the wall and pinning him in place. The sword trembled violently in Julius's grip as if it was furious to see Andvari.
“You have your answer.” Andvari rounded on me with a wicked smile, his eyes growing darker until two earthy pupils grew within them.
My breath stalled as I gazed up at him, sure he was more forbidding now than the last time I'd encountered him.
“I have to become a vampire?” I asked, finally finding my voice.
He tapped me under the chin and his touch sent flames burrowing into my core. I stood my ground, trying not to show weakness even though I was sure this god could destroy me with a single thought if he decided to.
“Yes,” he purred. “But however will you convince your beloved sister to let such a thing happen?” His eyes wheeled to Julius and he clawed his hand through the air. Julius bit down on a cry as his shirt was torn to ribbons and deep nail marks slashed down his chest. “She is a slayer...like this one.” Andvari spat the word, clearly despising their kind.
“What's wrong with slayers?” I asked, digging deep for my courage.
“What is right with them?” he asked casually, his vicious demeanour abruptly abandoned. He stalked toward me and I backed up to the mirror.
As he walked, his form changed, morphing entirely until it was Erik who stood before me. My heart cracked at the sight of his angular face and deep eyes.
My thoughts seemed to speed away as fast as I could hold onto them. One moment I knew what was happening, the next I was lost in nothing but a dream world where only me and Erik existed.
“My love,” Erik whispered, reaching out to hold my waist. A meadow sprawled out around us and the darkness vanished entirely, leaving me in a daze.
“Erik?” Something was screaming on the verge of my senses but I couldn't focus long enough to figure out what it was.
“Yes, come closer, Montana.” He dipped his head low and the sun shone off of his pale skin. Birdsong filled the air and the scent of a thousand flowers sailed under my nose.
I blinked heavily.
This wasn't right.
The sun...how is Erik in the sun?
He leant in to kiss me and my thoughts sharply realigned. I shoved him hard, forcing him away. The ruins flooded back into view and the shadows swept aside any lingering lie of the sun.
Andvari stood before me again, cackling a laugh. “You must forgive an ancient being for having his fun.”
“What do you want?” I snarled, retreating so my spine pressed against the icy pane of the mirror.
I looked to Julius as he struggled against the control Andvari held over him. I considered calling out to Magnar and Callie, but even if Andvari allowed them near us, it would only have put them in danger too.
“I want a slayer's head,” Andvari grinned, turning sharply toward Julius and raising his hand.
I screamed, diving on his arm, trying to wrench it away from Julius.
“No!” I begged, but if Andvari noticed me at all, he didn't show it.
Julius gasped, then a line of blood formed on his neck circling around it in a neat slit.
Panic seized me. I grabbed Nightmare from my hip and drove it towards Andvari's heart with all my might. He batted a hand and I was thrown away, slamming into the wall and smashing the mirror. I hit the floor in a shower of glass and pain lanced through my back.
I groaned as the cuts on my exposed skin flared and a shudder ran through me.
How am I going to save him? I can't do anything to stop Andvari.
Julius spat curses at Andvari as he approached, the cut on his neck deepening. The blood abruptly stopped growing and slowly receded altogether. Relief tangled with my veins as Julius sucked in a deep breath.
“Bitch,” Andvari spat, but I didn't know who he was talking to.
The air shuddered and heat stretched over my skin like warm water. The world seemed to ripple before me and the running water on the roof turned to a thick, milky flow.
I gathered myself up from the floor, running to Julius's side, terrified of what was happening.
“Idun,” Andvari snarled as the strange water parted and an ethereal woman appeared from beyond it. She ignored Andvari, moving toward Julius and placing a kiss on his cheek.
He released a noise somewhere between a whimper and a moan. “Idun?” he breathed.
“Yes, dear slayer,” she purred, her eyes flicking to me. She was too beautiful for words. Her hair was a golden sheet that seemed to moved in an invisible wind around her lithe body. She was clad in nothing but vines that coiled over her naked skin and somehow maintained her modesty.
Her bright eyes slid to Andvari. “You do not touch one of mine.”
Andvari rolled back his upper lip, revealing serrated teeth. “The time is coming for penance. And the royals are not the only ones I seek it from.”
“Do you mean me, Andvari?” Idun tittered, placing a long nail against her chest. “You wouldn't pick a fight with me on equal ground. Must we always play this game? I countered your vampires with slayers...but you have written a dark little secret into your prophesy haven't you? Another dagger in my side.” She reached toward me, taking my arm and moving me in front of her. Her touch was liquid heat, sending calm inching into every space in my body.
She scraped my hair from my neck, pulling it over my shoulders as she pr
esented me to Andvari. “Warrior born and monster made,” she snarled. “You would have one of my slayer-born turn into one of your monsters to break your curse. I won't see it happen.”
Andvari laughed darkly. “Then we shall spend the next thousand years at a stalemate. And the next, and the next. If you wish to see my curse unravelled, you will have to allow it.”
Idun hissed in my ear, but all I could feel was her calm essence floating over me, keeping me subdued.
“Let's not pretend you haven't had a hand in messing up my prophecy just yesterday, Idun,” Andvari accused, lifting a gnarled finger to point at her. “The mark of partnership was meant for Erik and this girl to ensure she was turned. That he would do as she asked when she knew the truth about the prophecy. But you made your own mark, didn't you? You bound her sister to another of mine. What strange game are you playing, Idun? Is it just for your amusement, or is to taunt me?”
Idun moved around me like a summer breeze and I regained control of myself, stumbling back against Julius. He fought to free himself from the wall, but Andvari's power still held him in place.
“A little of both,” Idun mused. “Love is the most powerful emotion in the world, Andvari. How many times will you forget that?” Her tinkling laughter crackled in my ears like rustling leaves. “Your bond between the vampire and this girl gave me an idea. I needed to keep Callie from loving someone who owes me a debt. And your little trick with these two made me realise I could have some fun whilst doing it.”
“Well how foolish of you because your game resulted in Fabian’s life being saved,” Andvari taunted her.
Idun’s face grew cold. “Clearly I underestimated the strength of Magnar’s feelings for the girl. The fact he would stay his hand against one of your monsters only proves how much harder I must work to keep him away from her. He will continue his chosen path and end the Revenants like he promised or I shall never give him the only thing he truly wants...love.”
The cruelty of her words spiked rage in me. She was keeping my sister from the man she loved for the sake her vendetta against the vampires.
Age of Vampires- The Complete Series Page 83
