I can picture her, curled up on her bed, dress spreading above her thighs. Just one glimpse of her panty line would send me soaring.
I need this more than I need my gang back. That’s how much I want this woman. I don’t know what it is. She’s not like me, I know. She’s just some normal woman who has experienced some pretty normal problems. She doesn’t know the hard world I know about.
I guess that’s why I want her so bad. I’m the big bad wolf, and I want to corrupt her more than anything, to bring her into my world of sin. I want to show her what it’s really like to play with the bad boys.
She wouldn’t stand a chance with me. She’d shake and beg me to stop.
When I get back home, all my fantasies are ruined. There she is, crying about what happened last night. She’s sitting on her porch, looking at the stars, probably praying or some shit.
“Fuck,” I mutter. Can’t we have some good days around this place?
I pull the car in and see Andy and Jeffco, sitting on the steps with her, smoking and looking grim as ever. That’s when I know something is wrong.
I park the car and nod in their direction. “Why the long faces?” I ask them. I throw Jeffco an envelope, but it just hits the ground.
“Sit down, man,” he says. “Some shit has gone down.”
“What the fuck? Spill it,” I say.
“You’re going to want to sit down,” Andy says.
I feel the adrenaline pump into my body. I know that whatever I’m about to hear is going to painful, but I don’t take bullets sitting down. I stand up and wait for them to pierce on through.
“No thanks,” I say. “I like standing just fine.”
“Ash is dead, man,” Andy says. “The Hunters… those fucking Hunters.”
I feel my knees nearly give way. Ash. My partner in crime. My blood brother.
We grew up together. We started the High Priests. There’s no fucking way they got to him.
He’s a beast, a fucking tank, and a ruthless warrior. Every gang respects him. Why would they go after a man like that?
“I don’t believe it,” I whisper, unable to swallow.
I spit onto the dirt and feel my hands start to shake. I want to hit something. Anything. I want to feel whatever it is underneath my knuckles, smash into a million pieces.
“Who told you this lie?” I ask.
“You can see for yourself if you want,” Jeffco says, glancing at my door. “It’s behind the door.”
“What is?” I ask him, stepping forward. I can see shards of glass near the inside. “Did they fuck up my place or something?”
“It’s much worse than that,” Caroline whispers.
I push the door open and see the box sitting on my table. Everything inside my place is smashed. My hideout. My sanctuary away from home. They’ve found me and they’re trying to lay a hit on me now.
I walk to the box and gulp down hard. I already know something is terribly wrong. I feel it inside my bones. My blood runs cold and quick through my veins. I open the box and glance inside.
I see it, and I lose my fucking mind.
“No,” I scream, pounding my fist against my wall. I grab my kitchen counter and rip it out of the foundation. I fall to the floor, with no tears in my eyes. I trade in the feeling of sadness for pure rage. It flows throughout my body.
My friend is dead. He’s gone forever.
“I’m so sorry,” Caroline says, walking inside.
“We all are,” Andy says. “Ash was the best guy I knew.”
“He was,” I say.
I don’t want them to console me. I want to destroy everything in sight.
Right now, the best thing for me is to bathe in this feeling, because I’m already planning my revenge. I’m going to launch a full on assault against these motherfuckers.
Everyone’s going to pay for what happened.
“This is war,” I mutter under my breath. “I want to rally everyone we can get. I’m going after them. I’ll murder every last one of them.”
“Settle down,” Jeffco says. “We should lay low for a while. If you want, you can hide out at the Silent Bar. There’s the basement. It’s safe if it’s locked up.”
“I ain’t hiding,” I mutter. “I don’t care about my life anymore. I’m done.”
“So am I,” Caroline speaks up. “I can’t handle this. I came out here for peace and quiet. All I’ve received is the opposite. Snakes, bullets, threats. I almost lost my life. I’m leaving here tomorrow. I’ve already decided.”
12
Caroline
Everyone turns to stare at me. “I’m leaving,” I repeat. “I’m sorry. I just can’t be here for this.”
“You aren’t going anywhere,” Jeffco says, standing in front of the porch. “Like hell, you’re leaving.”
“Get out of my way,” I whisper. “I want to pack my things.”
“You just witnessed three murders. You know our names and where we live. For all we know, you’re an informant. You ain’t going anywhere, lady. Now, I’m sorry. That’s just how it’s going to be,” he says.
I turn to Rowan and beg, “Please. Tell them I can leave, Rowan. You know I won’t say anything, right?”
Rowan shrugs. “Now’s not the time. I’m sorry,” he says.
“I’m sorry I have to even bring this up, but you know the rules, Rowan,” Jeffco says.
“Yeah, I do. I was hoping she’d shut up before you asked me to bring them up,” he says.
His eyes fall on me, and though they look a little regretful, I can tell I’m not going to like what he’s about to say.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “But we can’t let you leave. You’re an outsider. You’ve seen far too much.”
“What are you telling me, Rowan? You can’t keep me here. That would be illegal,” I say, sounding completely naïve to these bandits.
“It’s all illegal,” Andy says.
The men enclose on me, but Rowan puts his hands up to stop them.
“I got this, guys,” he says. “You’re coming with me. I’m sorry, baby.”
He grabs my arm and pulls me lightly to his car, opening the back door and setting me in. The rest of the guys join, and I’m effectively sandwiched in between the two bastards.
“Let me go,” I say, feeling my throat close up with fear. “Please, I won’t say anything!”
“Shut the hell up,” Jeffco says. “I’ve heard all the lines before. Once they’re free, they always talk. It’s just a fact of life. We’re not about to let you ruin everything we’ve worked so hard to get.”
Live a little. I can hear Rowan’s voice telling me that over and over again now. It’s like some sick joke I can’t get away from. I can’t believe I thought he was even the smallest amount of attractive.
He turns to me now, eying me carefully. “I’d suggest you play along with what we tell you to do. Otherwise, these guys might be forced to hurt you,” he says.
All three men are looking at me, and I feel the pressure start to build. The foundations of my life are completely wrecked now. I don’t know where to go, who to trust, or what to do. It seems like everywhere I run, there’s trouble.
This is worse than trouble. This is hopelessness.
When we reach an area in the desert, they pull me through a shelter door that’s situated on the ground, hidden from everything.
Dust flies up, and inside it smells like metal. “Put her in, Rowan,” Andy says.
“Don’t,” I whisper. “I trusted you.”
Andy and Jeffco don’t look so nice anymore. They look plain evil.
Rowan, on the other hand, has a regretful gleam in his eyes. He searches around me, as if he’s finding a way out, but nothing comes to fruition.
He doesn’t say a word. Instead, he leads me into the darkest room below the earth.
Inside is a bed mattress, but that’s it. He chains me to the wall, and I’m left without a shred of any hope in the world.
“Please,” I whisper, feel
ing the darkness start to set in. “Don’t leave me here.”
“I wish you hadn’t said any of that stuff back there,” Rowan says, shaking his head. “I could have protected you.”
I can’t even utter a word back. I’m in total disbelief. First, I was free. I was in the desert, soaking up the sun’s rays and enjoying the alien scenery.
Somehow, I’ve fallen into the dark side of this place. I met the wrong guy, the guy I knew I should have stayed away from.
Now, I’m his hostage.
Who knows what will happen to me next?
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’ll figure something out. Trust me.”
But I’m all out of trust at the moment. I’m all out of faith, in general.
13
Rowan
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
I can’t say the word enough times. Sometimes when you curse, you feel a hell of a lot better.
Not this time.
No, this time, it just makes me feel helpless.
I want to help her. When I took her down into that hidden shelter, I wanted to turn around and blast Andy and Jeffco right where they were standing.
But it’s not that easy.
They’re helping me survive out here. I can’t just throw them into the ground, too.
As we walk away, I can hear her screaming for help. It’s muffled, but I can hear it, and it makes me sick to my stomach.
Andy and Jeffco just laugh away. They think the whole thing is hilarious. They laugh until they’re cackling into the desert. We have to walk a good ways back to the car, and they don’t stop one bit.
“Shut up,” I finally tell them. “Knock it off.”
“Aw.” Jeffco kisses at the air, mocking me. “I’m sorry I ruined your little date,” he says. “You guys would have been cute together.”
“Jeffco, I’m warning you, man. Just shut the fuck up, okay? She didn’t do anything wrong. We shouldn’t treat her like one of the Hunters,” I say.
Andy laughs. “You don’t see me beating her to a bloody pulp, do you? If she was one of the Hunters, I’d hack each limb off her body.”
He turns to me and drops his smile, so I know just how serious he is. These guys are fucking lunatics, and normally I’d say I love them, but right now they’re getting on my nerves.
We get into the car and drive off, headlights shining against sporadic dust and cacti. Every so often, a jackrabbit runs out into the lights, only to get squashed or disappear in the nick of time.
We pull into the Silent Barn, and they both get out, leaving my engine running. “You should stay here. Park in the back garage. You’ll be safe for the night at least,” Jeffco says.
“I think I’m fine at home,” I protest.
I hate to say this, because I feel like it suggests that I’m weak, but I keep thinking about Caroline down in that shelter, chained at the knees like she was.
I can’t get the picture out of my head. It’s despicable. She’s innocent. She wouldn’t hurt a fly.
“Come on,” he says, lighting a cigarette and handing me it.
He does this when he wants me to do something. “You’ll be safe here,” he says. “That’s what you need right now. Safety and protection.”
“No offense, man,” I start, “but I’m good at home. I’ve lasted this long in this business. I’m the lightest sleeper you’ll ever get to know. Don’t worry about me, I’ve got my own.”
“Well, at least let Andy guard your place,” he suggests.
“Nah, man. I’m good. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I tell him, revving the car’s engine. If I were on a bike, I’d be a hell of a lot happier.
“Fine, you stubborn bastard,” he says. “You better be here tomorrow. I’ll see you around noon?”
“Noon it is,” I say before peeling out. They both cry out in encouragement.
I drive to my house, the whole time thinking of Caroline. This whole thing has been blown way out of proportion.
I thought we were getting along fine. I take one trip away from home to get some extra cash, and this shit happens.
It’s fucked up.
It’s not her fault a head got delivered to my door, or that she almost got raped and killed by those motherfuckers.
The entire situation makes me want to drive the car into the side of one of these mountains. I have so much pent up rage, not to mention all of the sadness I have leaking from my heart. It’s not something I want to really admit or talk about.
It all just hurts too much.
Ash was my fucking brother. Maybe we weren’t born of the same parents, but he was everything to me. We knew each other since the beginning, before the Hunters were even a thing. And now it’s all over.
I keep thinking I’m the one to blame for all of this. The deal went sour when I handed over the packages. How was I supposed to know the tensions would be that high?
There was someone in the Hunters who wasn’t playing ball. Someone opened fire and everything went to shit. I still can’t put it together in my mind correctly.
All I know is that if none of that was to happen, Ash and I would be kicking it back near the border, living like kings.
Instead, I’m going to have to bury him tonight. There, I said it. I’m going to have to bury my best friend’s head.
There’s a reason why I didn’t stay at the Silent Barn last night. I need to face what happened. I need closure for this whole thing. It’s so fucked. God dammit.
I stop at my place and wade through the broken glass. My counter is flipped to the floor, and it causes me a huge amount of stress. In my room, my bed is torn to bits. None of it is salvageable.
I grab my friend’s head by the hair. I know how that must look, but I don’t want to waste any time thinking about this anymore. I just want to put this behind me.
I dig a hole, some feet deep, and say my prayers. I put what’s left of him in the hole, and I throw the dirt with my bare hands. This is gut wrenching. This is the worst thing that could ever happen to someone.
I’m the one to blame. I’ve always been the one to blame. Caroline too.
She blames me. Well, she should.
I deserve nothing but hell. All I can hope for is a quick death.
14
Caroline
Screw Rowan and his piece of shit friends.
He’s a cold-hearted gangster. That’s it. What else is there to the man?
Nothing.
I’ve been down here for at least a day, but time spent is hard to even say anymore. All I know is that Jeffco has come with food and water, multiple times.
Each time the door opens I scramble forward in hopes of leaving.
“No dice,” he tells me, handing me a bit of nourishment.
This is torture. I never thought I’d be in this position. Now, when I look through the cracks of the roof, I can see that it’s dark outside again. So, I’ve spent a full day down here.
I can’t imagine how long this might last. I’m starting to really lose it.
I hear the top of the roof start to creak, and that’s when I know someone is here. I imagine it’s Andy or Jeffco, but when I hear his careful steps, I know who it is.
It’s Rowan.
The roof opens, and he walks downstairs. “I’m sorry it took so long,” he says. “I just wanted to be careful. Here, I brought you some things.”
In his hand is a plastic bag full of different items. There’s a bottle of Jack, some lunch meat, bread, cigarettes, a lighter, magazines, and a very large carton of water.
“Fuck you.” I spit at him. “I don’t want to see your face ever again.”
“If you use this lighter to burn down this place, you’ll be sorry,” he keeps talking. “I came to give you some things to make your stay more worth it. Here, I almost forgot.”
He climbs back up and grabs something, bringing it down. When he’s closer, I can see that it’s a pillow. “So you can get some comfort down here,” he says. “I’m so fucking sorry you go involved in all of
this, Caroline.”
He grabs a key and unlocks my wrists.
“You tricked me,” I cry, falling to the mattress, rubbing my sore wrists.
He sits down beside me. Although I want to hit him over the head with this bottle of Jack, I know that it wouldn’t change my situation.
I’m stuck here now. I’m their prisoner. A hostage. This is my life now.
Dan was right. I’m a loser. A nothing. I haven’t contributed to the world as much as I should.
Every single stinging phrase was deserved. I should have stayed there with him.
“You’ll never make it out there without me,” he once said.
Now I know just how right he was. I’m so stupid.
“These guys give me my bread and butter,” he tries to explain. “They are the only people keeping me afloat right now. Look, I’m on the fucking run. Bad deal. Bad gang. Now they want to kill me. You already knew that, but I need you to understand why you’re down here. It’s not because we’re going to hurt you. It’s temporary.”
“Temporary,” I find myself saying the phrase as if it came from an alien language. Temporary. “Nothing is ever temporary. What are you planning on doing with me? Are you going to try to rape and kill me, too?”
“You know me better than that,” he says, shaking his head. “You know, I do a lot of shady shit. I’m a criminal. I’ll admit that to you. I’m proud of who I’ve become because it’s been a true struggle since day one for me. But this rape business, and the killing of innocent people, I cannot get behind. That’s not me. That’s not what I stand for.”
“Then what do you stand for,” I ask him. “Release me, Rowan. Just unshackle me. It’s easy.”
He looks away with a pained expression on his face. “Easier said than done,” he says. “They pay me. No one knows about this place but them and me. It would be too obvious. Others would come after us.”
“So, what? You just came to keep me company and give me alcohol?” I ask, falling against the old mattress.
His Hostage: A Dark Romance Page 6
