Understanding dawned in her eyes. “Your name sounded familiar. Hayden mentioned you. Said you had a wonderful influence on Sawyer.”
I looked down at my hands. “Sawyer didn’t care much for my influence.”
She pressed her lips into a tight line. “Sawyer is a complex guy. Hayden was really upset about what happened, and from what he told me, Sawyer handled the situation horribly. I’m sorry you lost the job, Ivy.” She opened her mouth and appeared like she wanted to say more on the subject but closed it. For a moment, she stood in place, contemplating. She suddenly perked, a light in her eyes. “I’ll fetch your purse. Be back shortly.”
A lump formed in my throat. I didn’t want to think about Sawyer—not now, not when I was still stunned and trying to cope with what could have happened if the accident had been worse. The longing to see him hadn’t gone away, despite my attempts to cut him out of my thoughts. That I was being forced to remember him now was a special kind of torture. Lord, help me move past this.
Peace filled me as I prayed, and I sensed everything would be okay. I laid back on the bed, closing my eyes for a moment. The tension of the day faded and my body relaxed. And then sleep came.
Sawyer
The television blared while I lounged on my bed, staring at my phone. It had been almost a week since I’d left messages for Ivy. I’d been trying to give her space by not hounding her. She never responded, which hadn’t been a big surprise. I didn’t know how much longer I could stay away. Every day, the void where she used to be, grew wider and deeper, and my need to make it right consumed me.
I was contemplating my next move when the phone rang. Hayden’s name flashed across the screen. I wasn’t in the mood to talk, so I let it go to voicemail.
About thirty seconds later, my phone beeped with a message and then started ringing a second time. Hayden again. I rolled the call and was about to lay aside my phone when something—a feeling I didn’t normally get—urged me to listen to the voicemail.
Sawyer, there’s been a car accident. Ivy’s in the E.R. Sarah is her nurse. Call me back.
I sat up straight, my heart seizing within my chest. My breathing picked up, and I scrambled out of bed and called him back. The phone just rang. I hung up and tried again. Come on, come on, Hayden. Answer your phone!
When he didn’t, I started to panic, pacing the room with one hand on my forehead. How bad was the accident? Was Ivy okay? He hadn’t mentioned her status. All the worse-case-scenarios came to mind. I stopped to put my shoes on. What did I think I was doing? I was the last person she’d want to see. The fact that she hadn’t called back proved that.
But I’d never rest until I knew she was all right.
If Sarah was her nurse, that meant she’d been taken to DCH Regional Medical Center. I picked up my keys and ran out of the house. Within a few seconds, I was on the road, driving faster than I’d driven since the accident.
It wasn’t until I was nearly to the hospital that I realized how many people I would have to interact with once I got there. For a second, I almost panicked again. I inhaled and slowly let the breath out. It didn’t matter if everyone stared at me—not when getting to Ivy was more important than anything else. Hayden’s voice was in my head. Baby steps.
As soon as I parked, I ran through the parking lot to the hospital lobby. I asked directions to the E.R. and then pushed my way through a crowd of people, nearly knocking one man over. I stopped in front of double doors, breathing hard.
Images of the hospital back in Colorado flashed through my mind: the doctor saying I would eventually need plastic surgery—me telling him no. Those scars would mark me for life. They would serve as a reminder of what I’d done. My knees nearly buckled. I steadied myself and leaned against the wall.
Bile rose in my throat, and I found it hard to breathe. What if she didn’t make it? I swayed on my feet, dizziness sweeping over me.
Death was permanent—I knew that too well.
The thought of Ivy . . . I couldn’t go there. How would I live with myself if I never had the chance to tell her how I really felt? Not that it would make a difference, but I didn’t want her to think I didn’t care. Didn’t love her.
Now I might be too late.
Please, Lord. Please let her be okay. I’ll do anything. From this moment on, I’ll put everything aside—all my fears—and serve you openly. No more hiding. Please, keep her alive.
The recklessness of all my previous actions weighed heavily on my heart. I’d fought God too long, and it was time to put my fists away and yield to Him.
Lord, I don’t know how I can go on without her, so I’m begging. It seems like too much to bear. But I know you want me to submit to your plan, to put everything in your hands . . . so I’m going to do that. All of it—it belongs to You. Take my heart, take my will . . . I trust You.
I pushed through the doors with a determination I hadn’t had in a long time. My phone rang, and I answered.
“Hayden, is she—”
“Sorry, I was about to call you back, but I was on the other line with Sarah.”
“I’m at the hospital right now,” I said, voice urgent.
“Look up. I'm here.”
He was standing at the end of the hallway, and when our eyes locked, I ended the call and jogged towards him. “Where is she?”
He eyed me. “We need to wait for Sarah.”
It felt like I was speaking through a mouthful of gravel. “Hayden, I have to know—”
He held up a hand to stop the alarm he must have seen in my eyes. “She’s okay. She has a few bruises, but she’s fine, and they’re going to release her any minute. Her friend just arrived, and she's getting ready to leave.”
I slumped over, resting my hands on my knees, breathing hard. Thank you, Lord. The tension in my body lightened some. When I straightened, Hayden watched me closely, concern on his face.
I swallowed. “Have you spoken to her?”
“Not yet. But there’s something you should know. She was with another guy during the accident.”
What was that supposed to mean?
Sarah rounded the corner, and I stepped forward and gripped her in a hug. She was petite, and my large frame engulfed her. She fully embraced me. “Sawyer, my baby, it’s been too long since I’ve seen you.” She pulled away with a smile. “I see you’re giving hugs now. That’s a new development.”
“Only for specific people.”
She laughed. “We’ll keep that between the two of us.”
“Sarah, I need to talk to Ivy before she leaves.”
She smiled knowingly. “I’ll ask if she’s willing to see you.” She started down the hall, then glanced at me over her shoulder. “If she doesn’t want to talk, give her space. She’s been through a lot tonight.”
I nodded and shot up a quick prayer, asking for strength. I needed to see her face. To see with my own two eyes she was okay.
A few minutes later, Sarah returned with a grim expression. “She told me she isn’t up to seeing you tonight. I’m sorry.”
Disappointment left a bitter taste in my mouth, but I deserved no better. I hadn’t expected she’d want to see me, anyway. A moment later, Sammie hurried down the hallway. She stopped, eyeing me from head to toe with a glower on her face.
“What are you doing here?”
“I came as soon as I heard.”
“That’s not what I asked.” Her voice rose an entire octave, drawing curious glances from two nurses passing by. “Why. Are. You. Here?” She enunciated each word like I was an idiot.
Because you couldn’t drag me away. “I need to see her.”
Her lips curled in anger, almost like a snarl. “Ivy’s fine. She doesn’t want to see you.” She glared at me. “And honestly, you’re not good enough for her.”
I blanched. The words stung, but she hadn't said anything I didn't already know. “I messed up. But I'm here to make it right.” A muscle in my jaw tensed, and I resisted the urge to look away. Even though I unders
tood the anger in her eyes—deserved every bit of it—I had to stand my ground.
“Sawyer, I’m all about forgiveness, but Ivy’s my best friend and there’s no way I’m letting you near her right now. You have no idea how badly you hurt her. She’s had a horrible night and the last thing she needs is to see you.”
Before I answered, a soft voice rang from behind. “It’s okay, Sammie. I’ll talk to him.”
I turned around and there was Ivy, standing next to a tall blond guy. He had a cast on his arm, but that hadn’t stopped him from putting his other arm over her shoulders. She looked pale, with several bruises on her face. She appeared a little weak and leaned into him for support. My mouth dropped open, and I couldn’t look away from the place his hand made contact with her arm.
Glancing between the two of them, I stiffened. “Ivy, do you want to introduce me to your friend?”
She bit down on her bottom lip and had a hard time meeting my gaze.
Please, God. Tell me I haven’t lost my chance with her. Everyone was silent, no one daring to say a word.
Sammie broke the ice. “They were on a date.”
She was already dating other men? My stomach knotted and red-hot jealousy shot through my veins, something I'd never experienced before in my limited experience with women.
I stepped forward, wanting to reach out and touch her. Her long, beautiful hair tangled around her shoulders, and I longed to smooth out those silky strands. But I’d lost that privilege. The blond guy stared at me with a curious expression as if trying to figure out who I was.
“This is William,” Ivy said.
I leaned in and extended my hand, looking him straight in the eye. “Sawyer.”
William shook my hand, eyebrows furrowed. “How do you know, Ivy?”
Sammie turned towards Ivy, apprehension etched on her features. “Maybe you shouldn’t talk to him tonight.”
Ivy glanced at William. “I used to work for Sawyer.” She glanced at me and tipped her head toward a room down the hallway. “Let’s talk there.”
I followed, letting out a breath of relief when William stayed behind. This was my one chance, and I had to make her understand how much I loved her. I would apologize until the day I died if she’d let me.
We entered the last room at the end of the hall, and I closed the door to give us privacy. “I’m glad you’re not seriously hurt.”
“Me, too.”
“When I heard Hayden’s message saying you were in an accident, I was so scared.” My hands trembled, and I shoved them in my pockets.
She folded her arms around her waist and looked down at the floor but said nothing.
I had no right to ask, but I couldn’t stop myself. “How long have you been dating that guy?”
“Why does it matter? You and I aren’t together.”
Even though I was the one who caused this pain, her words cut deep. I’d been a fool for not apologizing sooner. Now I might lose her. “I wanted to talk to you, tell you how sorry I am. I was out of line—”
“I was angry and hurt at first.” She stared at me, face blank as if she was numb. “But I came to terms with it and moved on.” She met my eyes. “I forgive you, Sawyer, but I don’t trust you anymore.”
I took a step towards her, and she took a step back.
“When I found out about the accident, I knew I didn’t want to live without you. I promised God I’m going to change.”
Her eyes softened. “That's good. Glad to hear it.”
I took another step towards her and flinched as she took another step back. “I’m sorry it took something like this to wake me up.”
A sad smile curved her lips, and I wanted to pull her into my arms. I wanted to hold her and make everything better.
“Don’t come any closer,” she warned.
“I won’t . . . not unless you want me to.”
“I don’t.”
“Ivy, I understand you don’t trust me, and for good reason. Let me prove myself. I won’t let you down again.”
“You’re right. I don’t trust you. I still don’t get why you fired me. It seemed like you needed me out of the way so you could pursue Madison.”
What? How could she think that? “Is that what you believed this whole time? You thought I wanted to be with Madison?”
“Don’t you?”
“No, whatever gave you—” I stopped myself.
The night of her birthday I’d mentioned Madison’s phone call. She’d been hounding me to get out of the house, and she’d said she was fine with it.
Ivy’s bottom lip trembled. “Don’t try to deny it. The timing was too coincidental.”
“Let me make this very clear—I don’t want to rekindle a relationship with Madison. I only agreed to meet because it would be a step towards mending relationships from my past. I thought that’s what you wanted. You encouraged it.” My voice turned from pleading to firm. “I cancelled with her. I was too upset about losing you.”
“You mean, getting rid of me.”
My shoulders fell as I exhaled. “I deserved that. What I did was a stupid move, one I’ve regretted ever since.”
“Then why? Please, help me understand. You gave me the perfect birthday dinner and then cut me off the next day as if I was an inconvenience you needed to get rid of.”
Inconvenience? What had I done? The seriousness of the situation sunk in. I’d wrecked this relationship—made her feel horrible about herself. I’d thought she’d be angry, want nothing more to do with me—that had been my plan, not to make her feel discarded. My stomach twisted with nausea. She was precious to me. If she only understood how much.
The door swung open, and a nurse walked in. “We need this room for another patient.”
“Can you give us a few more minutes?” I pleaded.
“No, I’m sorry, we need the room now. You can finish your conversation in the lobby.”
Ivy pushed past me and I followed after her. “Ivy, wait. Let’s go somewhere we can talk.”
She swung around to face me. “Moving past all of this was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. You broke up with me by firing me—and you didn’t even have the courage to do it yourself. Now you want to brush it all under the rug? My head’s spinning from psychological whiplash.”
“You’ve had a tough evening. Maybe we should talk about this when you’re feeling better. I’ll walk you to your car.”
“No.” She shook her head. “I don’t want that. Sammie’s driving William home, and it would be awkward if you came.”
I grit my teeth. “Are you going out with him again?”
“I don’t know. But if I do, it’s none of your business. Don’t follow me.” She glanced back one last time. “We’re done.” She made her way down the hallway, and Sammie looped her arm around Ivy’s shoulders. The blond guy glared at me, and then the three of them rounded a corner and were gone.
Ivy
I took the next day off from school to recover from the events of the day before. My body ached, but I was okay. My heart? That was another story. As bad as the accident had been, it hadn’t compared to the pain in my chest the moment I laid eyes on Sawyer.
With everything fresh in my mind, I heard a knock. I stalled for a second, half-hoping, half-dreading who it would be.
When I answered the door, Sawyer stood before me, holding a bouquet of Stargazer lilies and white orchids. Lilies were my all-time favorite flowers, though Gerber daises took a close second.
“How did you find out where I live? Wait, let me guess—my employment paperwork.”
He grimaced. “Yeah. We didn’t finish our conversation yesterday. I didn’t get a chance to explain why I ended things the way I did.”
Hesitating, I ran a hand through my hair. Letting him inside was a bad idea. Yet, hadn’t I wanted answers for a while now? Even if all I got out of this was a little clarity, it might be worth hearing him out.
I stepped aside and gestured for him to come in. “You sit and I’ll stand
over there,” I said, motioning to the wall opposite the couch. He handed me the flowers, and I put them in the sink. I didn’t care if it seemed rude I didn’t put them in water. At least I didn’t dump them in the trash.
“You should rest,” he said. “I’ll stand.”
I didn’t argue. Once I sat down, he leaned against the wall in front of me, his muscled arms at his sides, thumbs dipped into his jean pockets. Dark circles lined the underside of his eyes, and it appeared like he hadn’t slept well. He’d been clean-shaven most of the time I’d known him, but today, stubble covered his chin and jaw.
He ran a hand over his face and let out a deep sigh. “Let me explain where I’m coming from. When my parents and brother died it was hard, but knowing I put my own interests first that night . . .” He glanced up at the ceiling, eyes watering. “I didn’t trust myself after that.” A muscle worked in his jaw, and it took a moment for him to speak again. “I tried not to get close to anyone and determined never to let something like that happen again. And then you showed up.” The hardness of his jaw softened a little. “Ivy, you offered unconditional acceptance, and even though I didn’t show it right away, I liked you from day one. I attempted to push you away so many times but it was pointless. I fell in love with you, and that love has grown stronger every day.”
My breath hitched. I’d wanted to hear those words for so long. A warm sensation spread throughout my body, and the ache dissipated . . . just a little.
He shoved his hands in his pockets and stiffened, appearing awkward and uncomfortable. “Deep down, I knew you deserved to be with someone who had his stuff together—not some recluse who never leaves the house.” His lips set in a grim line. “Problem was, I couldn’t force myself to do the right thing. I was selfish and held on to you even though I thought it wasn’t a good idea.” He let his head drop and glanced at the floor. “We had this connection, something I’d never had with anyone else.” He slowly lifted his head until his eyes found mine, earnest, pleading. “I wanted things to work out between us—but I wasn’t ready.”
The Unwanted Assistant Page 25
