I’m balls deep in Kyle, but I’m watching Lennox. I’m watching him so closely I see the minute the sexual haze lifts and he realizes what he’s just done. Or rather what he let another guy do to him.
His gaze jumps all over the dirty bathroom as he pulls his pants up and sets his clothes to right. Then with one more quick glance toward Kyle and I, he hightails it out the door.
Shit. I need to go after him, but I’m too fucking close to pull out now. One, two, three more thrusts and I come. I pull out quickly and discard the condom in the trash. I’m redoing my belt when Kyle finally manages to stand, his jeans still around his ankles.
“Holy shit, man! You sure know how to fuck!”
“Umm, thanks. Listen, Kyle, I have to go find Lennox. Are you good?”
I feel like an asshole for telling the guy I just came inside I need to hunt down another man, but I’m afraid what Lennox will do. We’re in a bar, it would be too easy for him to find a bottle to drown out whatever is going through his mind right now.
“Oh, yeah, I’m good. Go find your boyfriend.” Kyle smiles and winks at me, heading to the sink to wash off the griminess from the floor.
“He’s not—never mind.” I cut off the denial because the explanation would cost me time in finding Lennox and because, well, Kyle isn’t even listening. He got what he wanted and now I’m dismissed.
Damn. That’s cold. But not like we made any promises. It was just a quick fuck.
Shrugging off everything but thoughts of Lennox, I pull open the door and step into the hall. I don’t have to look far, Lennox is standing at the end of the long hall leaning against the wall. Letting out a relieved sigh I make way up to him.
“Hey, you good?” I find myself asking him the same question I asked Kyle, only with Lennox I care about the answer.
“I’m not gay.” His eyes plead with me to convince him the words he’s saying are true, that what happened doesn’t mean he is now attracted to men. That everything he’s ever thought about himself hasn’t been destroyed by an amazing blow job.
“Umm, okay. Being bi is cool, too.”
He glares at me. I guess bi is worse than gay in his mind.
“Whatever. Can we go? I need to wash this place off.”
I stare at him for a beat, but decide against pushing the matter, for now.
“Sure, let’s go.”
“Don’t you need to let, uh, Kyle, know you’re leaving?”
I raise my brows, “What the fuck for? I’m sure he knows a fuck in the bathroom is just that and nothing more.”
“You’re right. Forget I said anything. Let’s go.”
Huh. For a man that got his rocks off on the regular in seedy bathroom stalls, he cared about Kyle’s feelings more than I would have expected.
I follow him to the exit, contemplating the contradictions of his actions with the man I saw that night at the Drunken Cat and the one I’ve been around the past few days. It’s like he’s a different person without the alcohol, which isn’t unusual for an alcoholic, it’s just alcohol makes them braver and stupider. Free to be more themselves. With Lennox it’s as if he is this moral and caring person playing at being the tough MMA playboy he shows the world. Except I was there, and I saw how he treated the blonde that night.
Unless…
Fuck, what if he doesn’t normally act like that toward his groupies—fuck buddies? —and that night was a fluke. Perhaps he drank more than usual, he doesn’t remember the night, maybe he really wasn’t himself.
Shit. This new revelation will make it harder to keep my distance.
The drive home is quiet. Lennox stares out the passenger window and I steal glances at him, while trying to unravel the mystery of who he really is: MMA playboy, or nice guy. It gets harder to tell the more I learn about him, which notably at this point isn’t much.
Everything I’ve discovered in the last two days suggests he’s not the man I saw that night in the Drunken Cat’s bathroom. So why does he want me to believe that’s who he is?
I pull my car into the lot at Mountain View and park, but I don’t make a move to get out. Instead I turn to Lennox, ready to seek out the answers. “Lennox listen—,” he cuts me off before I can get the words out.
“Forget about it. Tonight was a mistake. Lesson learned. You’re right, I need to follow the rules so I can get out of here and back to my life.”
He delivers his mini speech without looking at me and is out of the car and inside the building before I can process his words.
It’s a good thing he called tonight a mistake. It can’t happen again. At least that’s what I tell myself over and over again as I attempt to fall asleep, Lennox’s soft snores filling the otherwise quiet room.
Eventually, I drift off into a restless sleep. I wake after only a few hours, my dick hard and images of Lennox on his knees for me the way Kyle was tonight bouncing through my head.
Staring at the ceiling, I try to rein in my thoughts and get control over my body, specifically a certain appendage. A few minutes of deep breathing and redirecting my thoughts to my to do list and my erection finally recedes.
I’m debating whether I can fall back to sleep or if I should just get out of bed and drink a pot of coffee, when a low moan reaches my ears. My head turns and I am greeted with the sight of Lennox fast asleep and dreaming. A very good dream according to the continuing moans and jerking movements of his hips. The sight has my cock hard again.
Sighing, I leave my bed to find caffeine. I’ll need to find a way to remain professional as Lennox’s sponsor, because if last night is any indication, getting to know the man on any kind of personal level will end in disaster, or heartbreak. Probably both.
Chapter 9
Lennox
I’ve been avoiding Tanner for the past month. And I’d feel bad about it, if he wasn’t avoiding me just as much. It’s made our sponsor/sponsee relationship difficult to manage.
Tonight, Pastor Pete is holding a celebration of sorts for those of us who have reached thirty days of sobriety. Tanner told me it’s important to acknowledge even small successes, something about making the victory sweeter or some bullshit.
I’m thankful Christian is going to be a part of this evening’s recognition. I don’t know if I could do it if all the attention were on me alone.
Christian showed up two days after what I have dubbed the incident. He’s a regular pain in the ass. He likes to terrorize everyone in the house, but especially Tanner. The latter seems to avoid the guy as much as he avoids me. It makes me wish Christian weren’t so annoying, we could bond over being froze out by the man.
I glance at the clock and know I should get out of bed soon. It’s after noon and I am usually up and hitting the gym area by seven most mornings. Today I decided to relax a bit in preparation of the festivities planned for tonight.
I’m contemplating what my chores are for the day when my gaze snags on Tanner’s bed. Thoughts of the night I jerked off to the sight of him bathed in moonlight assault me followed by visions of him fucking Kyle. I groan and try to will away the erection now tenting my boxers. I try to think of something, anything to take my mind of Tanner, but it’s refusing to let go of the images imprinted in my memory, instead replaying both instances on repeat.
Fuck it.
Knowing I won’t get a reprieve from the visual assault happening behind my eyelids, I reach for my cock and begin to tug roughly. The image of Tanner taking Kyle once again fills my mind’s eye, except it’s not Kyle who has Tanner’s cock in his ass, it’s me.
I’ve never once thought about having anything in my ass and it surprises me the rush of pleasure just the thought brings to my body. Just a few more strokes are all it takes, and I explode, covering myself in a month’s accumulation of seed and groaning my pleasure.
“Hot damn!”
The exclamation has my eyes jerking to the doorway and my hands grabbing the sheet to cover the evidence of the self-love I just gave myself.
Christian st
ands just inside the doorway to my room, the door closed behind him, thank fuck. His eyes roam all over my body and even though I am completely covered with the sheet—now—it gives me a sleazy feeling to be the subject of his stare.
“What are you doing in my room?”
He shrugs and licks his lips, still staring at the spot where, if I dropped the sheet, my spunk covers my chest. “Came looking for Tanner. I see now why he’s been ignoring me. I bet you two have some explosive sex. He has a habit of hooking up with his sponsees, I should know I was one.”
“I’m not gay, we aren’t fucking.” My denial sounds weak to my own ears, especially after the thoughts that were filling my mind prior to Christian showing up at my door.
He laughs. “Alright man, whatever you say. But might I suggest not calling out your roommate’s name when you come then. Might confuse someone if they happen to overhear.”
With that remark he leaves me sputtering with anger. I didn’t call out Tanner’s name. I didn’t. Did I?
Shaking off Christian’s words, I throw off the sheet and head for a quick shower. After a fast scrub, I pull on a pair of loose shorts and a tee. Gathering my soiled sheets, I head to the laundry room to wash away the evidence of my indiscretion and to get my chores finished.
I look around at the people gathered for this celebration. Besides Tanner, Christian, and myself, there is Christian’s sponsor Tom, Pastor Pete, and the few other residents of Mountain View. I’m bored out of my mind and craving a shot of whiskey, the itch tingling beneath my skin warning me this might be the only victory I can claim during my stay.
Pastor Pete does what he does best, preach to an audience. It doesn’t seem to matter to him if anyone is even listening, as long as he can praise his God and acknowledge the good work that Mountain View does for its residents. It’s long and even more boring than the group meetings he makes us attend. He finishes by giving both Christian and I a coin to commemorate reaching the thirty day milestone and announcing the buffet and boardgames he planned for tonight.
My eyes roll and I count down the minutes until I can escape to my room and avoid any more attention than what I’ve already received.
Tanner approaches and stands beside me, surveying the rest of the room’s occupants. “Good job, Lennox. Keep going the way you are, and you’ll be out of here before you know it.”
“Wouldn’t you like that?” I sneer the words at him, and he turns to face me, his brow furrowed. He opens his mouth but doesn’t get a chance to speak.
“Aww, are the lovebirds having a spat?” Christian asks in a singsong voice, high pitched and irritating as fuck.
“What do you want, Christian?” Tanner’s voice is cold, and his stare bores into the other man’s, daring him to say something else inappropriate.
“Just wanted to congratulate Lennox on his sobriety before you whisked him off to do naughty things to him.” He laughs at his own words. “Oh, wait, I forgot, Lennox is straight. Tanner, you poor thing.” He pouts his lips at Tanner before smiling. “Well, you know where to find me if you need a little relief.” I watch as he winks at Tanner as he walks away.
Shifting my gaze from the bane of my existence to my pain in the ass sponsor, I see Tanner’s nostrils flare and his biceps flex as he fists his hands at his sides.
“Well he’s… something.” Gah, that’s lame. The truth but still so fucking lame to say.
“Stay away from him. He’ll only cause you trouble.”
Tanner’s words are like a slap to the face. Does he not see how much that man grates on me? I narrow my eyes at him then stomp off to our room. I’m done with this fucking celebration. I’m done with this whole fucking rehab thing. Most of all I’m done with fucking Tanner and his fucking attitude.
I grab up a jacket and head out the back door. I’m not sneaking off—you can’t sneak when no one is paying attention—but I need to get out of there. I need fresh air.
I can’t think straight in that place with Tanner and his whiplash attitude and Christian and his taunts, not to mention Pastor Pete and his “you can do everything through Christ” bullshit. I just need a fucking break for a minute.
Chapter 10
Tanner
I’m a fucking dick. I’m not usually quick to spout off my ill-conceived thoughts. But the past month has been hell. Between avoiding Lennox in an effort to keep things professional and avoiding Christian because he’s an even bigger dick than me, I’ve barely had time to do my job and take care of my mom, let alone get laid.
I’ve thought about calling up Kyle more than once, but I never make it past the first digit when I dial. The thought of fucking Kyle just brings up the memory of seeing Lennox get off that night and wishing I had been balls deep in the man when he came.
Shaking my head at the thought, I look around the room to see if Lennox has made it back from wherever he went. I don’t see him and a glance at the clock tells me he’s been gone for twenty minutes.
I make my way to our room to make sure he’s okay, but when I get there the room is empty. I sit on my bed and shoot off a quick text asking him where he is. I hear a chime after I hit send and look across the room to see Lennox’s phone on top of his bed, abandoned purposely by the looks of it.
Goddamn that stubborn man. I scrub a hand over my face and try to come up with a plan to find him before he does something stupid, like pick up a bottle or two.
Determined to find him and prevent him from making a big mistake, I grab my jacket and keys and head out. I have no idea where he’d go, we’re miles away from his normal haunts, so I stop at every bar I see as I make my way around town.
I’m just about to give up and head back to Mountain View to let Pete know I fucked up, when I see the sign for Dick’s. He wouldn’t. He swears he’s not gay. I stare at the neon sign and decide fuck it, it won’t hurt to be sure. Maybe he thinks a gay bar is the perfect place to hide and drown his sorrows with no one being the wiser.
I swing into the lot and park my car. After paying the bouncer, I step inside and I am immediately assaulted by eighties music, rock classics playing so loud I can’t hear myself think. The bass vibrates through my body with every step I take toward the bar.
Once I have the wooden expanse in sight a wave of disappointment flows through me. Lennox isn’t here. Taking a seat on an empty stool, I reason out what my next steps are going to be. Cheers erupt from the dance floor drawing my attention from my inner musings and what I see has me stunned.
Lennox is swaying to the music, his body so close to Kyle, who is dancing in front of him, and the stranger grinding against his ass. It reminds me of that night a month ago when I brought him here and my body reacts to the visuals of what happened in the bathroom down the hall. The images in my head cause my cock to become rock hard, but the stranger pushing his hips into Lennox has me seeing red.
I’m off the stool before I know it, pushing people out of my way as I march across the dance floor to Lennox. Kyle sees me first, a smile forming until he notices the look in my eyes. He stops dancing to try to get Lennox’s attention, but the man is too busy pushing his ass into the crotch of the man behind him to pay attention.
“Lennox.” I growl out his name through clenched teeth, but the music is too loud, he can’t hear me.
I grab the shoulder of the prick grinding on him and jerk him away, causing Lennox to almost fall on his ass. He swirls around to see what happened and when he sees me, his jaw clenches.
“Go away, Tanner.” He turns back to Kyle and pulls him against his chest, rubbing the front of his body all over the other man. It pisses me off and my rationality flies out the door.
Gripping his bicep, I pull him off the dance floor and out the front door. It takes Lennox until we are at my car for him to yank himself away from my hold. He presses a finger into my chest to punctuate his words. “You had no right to do that!”
I’m backed up against the car door and he’s crowding my space, but I can’t let him have the upper hand her
e, so I grab the wrist of the hand pointing at me and spin us until his back is the one pressed against the cool metal.
“I wouldn’t have had to do that if you hadn’t run off to drown in a bottle of a hundred proof.” I spit the words at him, my breaths rasping forcefully from between my lips.
I don’t get the reaction I expect. I’m ready for his anger, for harsh words to be directed my way, what I’m not ready for is his laughter.
“What the fuck are you laughing at?”
“Your dumb ass.”
His laughter increases the longer I glare at him.
“Come on, Tanner. You were an alcoholic, this should be easy for you.”
His words confuse me, and it must show on my face because he leans forward until we’re nose to nose. He inhales deeply before exhaling slowly. His blue eyes never leave mine as he repeats this a few times, challenging me.
Fucking hell. In my anger at the sight of him dancing, I never stopped to be one hundred percent certain he was drunk. His breath doesn’t contain a hint of alcohol, just the cinnamon scent of the toothpaste he uses.
I should apologize and let him go back to his fun. I should walk away and let him fall off course if that’s what he wants.
Instead, like the idiot I am, I blurt out the first thing in my head, “But you’re not gay.”
“So, I need to be either drunk or gay to enjoy dancing?”
“At a gay club? Yeah, pretty sure that’s a prerequisite, Lennox.”
“I’m not drunk. And I’m not gay. I’m,” he trails off. I watch as he tries to put into words what he’s thinking. “I’m confused.”
I don’t say anything, giving him space to speak his thoughts aloud.
“I haven’t been sober since I was fifteen. I don’t even remember exactly why I took that first sip, something to do with my abusive, pathetic excuse of a father I’m sure. But the fact remains, this is the first time in years I don’t have alcohol flowing through my veins. And I don’t fucking know why, maybe it’s part of my withdrawal, but I can’t stop picturing that night.”
Giving Up the Fight - Faith Ryan Page 4
