by K. Webster
“Is our apartment on fire?” she squeaks.
I scrub my palm down my face, fighting exhaustion. “No, but it’s smoky. I’m going to call Mike and have him come check it out for us. Make sure we can sleep here tonight.”
Roux sits down on the dirty carpet and pulls out one of her novels. While she reads, I call one of my mom’s few ex-boyfriends who was worth a damn. Of course he smartened up and moved on. It just sucked we got left behind too.
“This is Mike.”
“Hey, man,” I grunt out. “How busy are you tonight?”
“Never too busy for you or Roux.”
I let out a sigh of relief. “Great. So, uh, Mom or Alejandro left something on the stove. The apartment is filled with smoke—”
“Don’t go inside. I’m on my way,” he says, immediately going into fireman mode.
“I already did. Got the stove turned off and the pot in water. I opened a couple of windows.”
“That was dangerous, Roan,” he chides. “You could have been exposed to toxic smoke.”
“I know, I know,” I grumble. “You don’t have to bring the firetruck—”
My words are cut off by the wail of a siren on his end.
So much for that.
As I wait, I notice my phone has been blowing up in my pocket. I wouldn’t even have a phone—neither would Terrence or Jordy for that matter—if it weren’t for Cal getting his dad to put us on their family plan. We pay him ten bucks a month each for the added lines. Sometimes I don’t know what I’d do without the added security of being able to call someone like Ms. Frazier if I need help with Roux or when I need a ride from one of my boys.
Unknown Number: This is Hollis.
I add the number in as “Rat,” and it changes all the texts from him, which are a lot.
Rat: Are you safe?
Rat: Do I need to come get you guys?
Rat: I know you hate me, but just reply, okay?
Rat: You don’t have to be a dick about it.
With a sigh, I reply.
Me: We’re fine. Get off my nuts, rat.
The dots move and stop. Move and stop. I smile, wondering what sort of flustered look he has on his face right now.
Rat: Do you need a ride to school tomorrow?
Fuck no. The whole reason I had him drop us off was so he didn’t get his car jacked by some thug. You can’t ride around in a car like his in my neighborhood. It’s a good way to put a target on your back. And if the fuckers who live at this apartment complex with us thought we had money, they might not let Roux and I just walk on by.
Me: I said back the fuck off. You’re not my girlfriend, though you do have dick sucking lips.
I’m being a mean bastard, but I don’t care. He needs to leave me the fuck alone. We’re not friends. Just because Ms. Frazier and I have our deal, it doesn’t mean he gets to saunter into my life and be a part of it.
Rat: Okay.
I’d expected fire back from him. More angry words. Maybe even no response at all. Anything other than okay. Such a defeated answer. I hate how guilt settles all around me like the smoke from the apartment—choking and tainting me.
The moment I hear the sirens, I tuck my phone away and let relief flood through me. Maybe they can clear us to go inside and then I can finally relax. It’s been a helluva long day.
Minutes later, three firemen show up. Mike, tall and burly, walks over to us. The other two firemen head into the apartment while he squats in front of where we’re sitting.
“Hey, kiddos. How’s it going?” He smiles at Roux. “Where’s your mom?”
I scoff at his question. “Who the fuck knows.”
His lips thin out and he glances down the hallway. “She at Popper’s?”
Popper’s. The topless bar down the street. Fucking gross.
“If she was, Alejandro would be home. They’re both out.” When Mom’s not flashing her tits for money, she’s laid up in bed with Alejandro. If they’re both gone, that means they’re off getting drugs together.
“I should call this in to CPS.”
I shoot him a nasty glare. “I’m eighteen, Mike. I’m looking after Roux. For fuck’s sake, don’t do that to me.”
He softens and sighs. “Yeah, yeah, I know. I just want to know who looks out for you, Roan. Sure as hell not your momma.” When I don’t respond, he stands. “I’ll check it out. I think you should be fine to stay, though I wish you wouldn’t.”
“If we can’t stay, I’ll call Cal’s dad,” I assure him, but it’s a lie. I only call Cal’s dad when I’ve called everyone else—Ms. Frazier, Jordy, Cal, and Terrence.
He stares at me long enough to make me fidget, and then he walks into the apartment.
“I’m tired,” Roux says. “When can we go to bed?”
“Won’t be long,” I assure her, hugging her to my side. “What movie are we watching tonight? The Goonies sounds good.”
“Not that one again!” she says, giggling. “We should watch To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before.”
“Dude,” I playfully grumble. “We’ve watched that one like seventeen times this month alone. Nope. Not happening.” We both know it’s happening. I can recite that damn movie by heart now.
“Maybe Hollis can watch The Goonies with you and Charlotte can watch To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before with me at our slumber party.”
I freeze at her words. There’s no way in hell I’m sleeping over at Hollis’s house. But would I really let Roux go without me? I take her everywhere. Even to Campfire Chaos. Thank fuck Cal’s mom loves her like a granddaughter and looks after her on Friday nights. It gives me one night of social freedom.
“We’ll see.”
“That wasn’t a no.”
“It wasn’t a yes either, twerp.”
Our playful banter is cut short when Mike and his guys step back into the hallway.
“All’s clear, but leave the windows open until bed,” Mike instructs. “I want an update later. Text me.”
He hugs us both and then the three of them leave. Mike was like the dad we should have had. Instead of the one who left us eight years ago in the back of a squad car and never came back. Too bad Mom couldn’t get her shit together to keep him.
“Ew,” Roux complains. “It stinks.”
“Nah, you stink worse,” I tease. “Grab a shower and we’ll watch the movie.”
As she scampers off, I set to cleaning up the mess Alejandro and Mom left. There are clothes all over the living room floor, which is fucking disgusting. Underwear. A bra. Condom wrapper. I don’t want Roux seeing that shit, so with mounting frustration, I clean it all up. When I find a burnt-up spoon barely kicked under the old ratty sofa, I lose it.
What the fuck?
Heroin?
I’m glad Mike and the guys didn’t see this. He would’ve sure as fuck called CPS. I speed clean the rest of the apartment, including the charred pot, before closing the windows that are blowing in chilly air. By the time I make it to our bedroom, I’m tired as hell. I’m glad I already showered at Ms. Frazier’s.
“The Hunger Games,” I state as I walk into the room, flicking off the lights. “You never cease to surprise me, kid.”
“I figured we needed something different.” She curls up on her twin bed, hugging her pillow to her.
I kick off my shoes and sprawl out on my bed. “You okay, Roux?”
“Yeah. You?”
“I’m good.” I let out a heavy sigh. “I’m gonna get us out of here one day.”
“I know.”
“Don’t ever forget.”
“Never.”
I wake to laughing. Loud and high-pitched. Mom. She’s fucked up from the sound of it. Music blares from the living room. God, I fucking hate her sometimes. Yawning, I roll over and grab my phone.
Four sixteen.
What is wrong with these people?
I should have just gone over to Cal’s. David, Cal’s dad, would have given me hell about my mom and shit, but he would’ve let u
s stay. Now they’re going to wake up Roux and she’s already struggling in school enough as it is without losing sleep on top of it all. I’m just about to tell them to shut the fuck up when the door flings open. A massive body fills the doorway.
Alejandro.
I tense up, sitting up in the bed.
“Where’s Roux?” he slurs.
I’m on my feet in the next instant. “Get the fuck out of our room.”
“Don’t talk to me like that, shitstain.” He laughs, swaying in the doorway. “Roux and I are gonna play a game.”
“You’re not playing shit with Roux.” I storm around her bed and shove him into the hallway. “Stay the fuck away from my sister.”
Alejandro is bigger than me and is always packing heat, but he’s so damn wasted all the time he’s no match for my youth. He recovers and swings at me. I get clipped on my cheekbone by his fist, but I dodge most of it. Slinging my elbow up, I nail him in the nose. He makes a groaning sound and then stumbles back to the other bedroom he shares with Mom. I hear her fussing over him, which pisses me off.
“Tell your dickhead boyfriend to stay the fuck away from us, Mom.”
I don’t wait for an answer. I stalk into the living room to unplug all the shit making noise. An empty Tupperware container that once held lasagna sits on the coffee table where Alejandro and Mom must have dug in. That small thing sets me off more than anything that’s transpired tonight. They know I bring that shit home for Roux and they don’t care. Selfish motherfuckers. I grind my teeth all the way back to our room. As soon as I get the door closed, I drag our dresser over to it to keep that fucker out.
Eventually, I fall back into bed, exhausted as hell. I’m just drifting to sleep when I hear Mom’s loud ass moans and the headboard hitting the wall.
Anger bleeds from me and defeat consumes me in the darkness.
Why is life so fucking hard?
I just want to be normal and have normalcy for Roux.
Thankfully Alejandro doesn’t last long. By five in the morning, I’m drifting back to sleep. I fall asleep imagining a life where we can relax. Where Roux is safe. Where we don’t have to drag dressers in front of the door or put out kitchen fires.
And then, I think of him.
He’s the last thought on my mind before I pass out completely.
Hollis the pretty fucking rat.
Hollis
My phone buzzes in my pocket as I pull into the school parking lot. This time, I avoid parking next to the Ford Explorer and choose a spot several rows back. Of course, in the empty lot, I stick out like a sore thumb. With an annoyed sigh, I swipe open my phone.
Lucas: Saw your dad last night. He looks like shit.
I’m irritated that when I finally get a message from Lucas, it’s referring to my father, not catching up.
Me: Yeah? Why?
Lucas: I don’t know. Just looked tired and angry.
Me: That’s his signature look. How are you doing? How’re Jamie and Wendell?
I know I sound fucking desperate, but I ache for my old life. When it was filled with friendship and laughter. Where Lucas and I would flirt all the time and most everyone chalked it up to a bromance. How we’d sneak off and make out, sometimes jacking each other off within earshot of our teammates.
Lucas: Jamie’s still a dumbass. Wendell’s out for the season. Broke his ankle.
I wince, knowing how much this hurts the team. Wendell was one of the best.
Me: Fuck. That sucks.
The reply back is instant, but it takes me a second to realize it’s not him.
Roan: You too good to park next to Jordy?
I lift my gaze to see Roan leaned against the back of Jordy’s Ford Explorer as Jordy stalks my way. My heart rate stammers wildly as I wonder why in the hell this guy is headed my way like I’ve done something to him.
He walks right up to my door and flings it open, his body tight with barely contained rage. This dude has serious anger issues.
“You got a fuckin’ problem with me, rat?” he snarls, cracking his thick neck.
Jesus, now they’re both calling me that shitty nickname.
“Nope,” I grumble.
“Get out of your car.” He thrums with violence.
“Nah, I’m good right here.”
The fucker pounces on me, yanking me out of the car. I drop my phone in the process. Jordy shoves me to the dirty, snowy pavement. The wet, cold slop saturates through my jeans before I manage to jump to my feet.
“He’s not worth it,” Roan calls out to his friend, approaching the two of us. “You’d hit him and he’d break. Little porcelain doll.”
Jordy’s lip curls up. “You thought my piece of shit was going to door ding your gay-ass purple car?”
I try not to flinch at the word “gay,” but it’s too late. I’ve done it and Roan zeroes in on it with narrowed eyes. I’m not ashamed of being gay, but it’s times like these that people make it really fucking difficult.
“I just wanted to avoid this,” I hiss, waving between us. “A stupid altercation over nothing.”
Jordy charges for me, shoving me again. I don’t fall down this time and fist my hands. Sure, I’ve never fought, but that doesn’t mean I won’t go down without swinging at his psycho ass.
“Let’s go,” Roan grumbles. “You’ll get your ass expelled, Jordy.”
“And I give a fuck, why?” Jordy throws back.
Roan grabs his jaw, turning him so they can face off. “I need you. Roux and I both do.”
This seems to dismantle the bomb. I guess underneath all Jordy’s psychopathic tendencies, he has a conscience. Carting around his best friend and his little sister are what gives him purpose, it would seem.
I’m thinking I’ve managed to go unscathed when a loud, big black truck whips into the parking lot. The dual exhaust is obnoxious and deafening. Thankfully it cuts off as he parks crookedly right beside my car. The three of us have to step close to my car to avoid getting run over. At least there is distance between me and Jordy. He’s near the hood of my car with Roan and I’m closer to the trunk. The driver of the big truck flings his door open with no regard to my car.
Thunk.
“What the hell?” I grind out, rushing over to inspect the damage.
A big ass guy steps out of the truck and slams the door shut. Someone shuts the door on the other side, but I can’t see over the vehicle. I stare up at a guy taller than either Roan or Jordy. The guy has a baseball cap on, flipped backward, and his big green eyes burn into me. He’d be cute in a country boy kind of way if he didn’t have the same mean look to him that Roan and Jordy do.
“Oops.” He smirks unkindly at me. “My bad.”
“Fuckin’ Cal,” Jordy says with a snort from behind him.
Our eyes travel together to the dent in the top of the upper doorframe that takes up the entire three-inch width. Unbelievable. I’m about to go off on this asshole when I feel a presence behind me. A quick glance behind me and I realize it’s Roan’s friend I saw briefly leaving Aunt Karen’s office yesterday. Fucking wonderful. Four assholes all present and accounted for, ready to kick my ass for no goddamn reason.
And, on cue, my stomach decides to choose this moment to give me problems. Nausea burns up my esophagus, making me feel like I’m going to puke. Dizziness washes over me and blackness eats at the edge of my vision.
I’m going to pass out.
I start to collapse, falling toward Cal. He shoves me right into the guy behind me. That guy pushes me to the asphalt. Protecting my face, I curl into myself, waiting for the abuse. I don’t know what to expect, but with four of them, it can’t be good. I’m groaning, trying hard not to throw up, when a foot nudges me.
“Get up.” Roan. “Now.”
I blink back the dizziness, wishing like hell I wouldn’t have turned my nose up to biscuits and gravy this morning. I should have eaten.
“Rat,” Roan snaps, a little more forcefully. “I said get the fuck up.”
; Shakily, I sit up. The world spins around me. Roan, who’s now squatted in front of me, seems to go around and around like I’m on a merry go round. I reach out, grabbing his shoulder, to steady myself. Surprisingly, he doesn’t shake me away and hauls me to my feet. I lean against my car, praying like hell I don’t pass out. That was too close.
“What’s your problem?” he demands. “Are you sick?”
“You saw what he did to my car,” I spit out. “You’d be sick too.”
“Poor, spoiled baby. You have a dent in your precious car. I bet the world feels like it’s fucking end—”
Everything goes black.
“Whoa, man, why are you so pale?”
I’m vaguely aware of being manhandled back into my front seat. My clothes are wet and dirty, but all I can worry about is making the world stop spinning.
I close my eyes, willing the episode to pass.
“Hollis? Are you okay?”
I blink my eyes open in confusion to see Aunt Karen standing in front of my open car door. How much time has gone by?
“Aunt Karen?”
“You’re white as a ghost, honey,” she says, reaching in to run her palm over my forehead. “Clammy too. I’m going to run you home. I’ll call Kels—”
“No!” I bark out. “Mom just started her job. Please don’t make her feel like she has to leave to come deal with me.” I let out a heavy sigh. “I didn’t eat anything.”
“Hollis Nathaniel English,” she chides. “You know better than that.”
“Sorry. I just…maybe I can sit here until it passes.”
“I’ll grab you a soda and some crackers. Sit tight.” Then, to Roan who’s hovering nearby, she says, “Please stay with him until I get back. I’ll write you a pass.”
“Happy to help,” he says with false cheer.
“Don’t look so eager to get out of class,” she grumbles.
As soon as she disappears, Roan opens the passenger side door and sits down like we’re best fucking pals. I groan and try to ignore him.
“You look like shit, rat.”
“Fuck off.”
“You dropped this,” he says, handing me my phone with a now cracked screen back. “Your boyfriend has been blowing up your phone.”
