She was right, I was feeling especially befuddled, and I didn’t know why.
“A lot of things are happening these days, and I’m doing a lot of investigating. You know we really don’t have a Criminal Investigation Division with the Constabulary.”
“Yes, Coltingham is notorious for constantly doing nothing.”
Then some motion in the distance caught my eye. A young lady who had been looking at me averted her gaze and then went out a side door.
It was Desiree.
“Okay, I’ve got to run. Like now,” I said, jumping up. “I’ll explain later.”
I took off and ran across the restaurant, and then slammed the door open. I couldn’t see her, but I could hear the clatter of heels.
I stopped a second to listen for which way it was coming from, and then took off in that direction. That brief pause gave her time to catch a service elevator around the corner. The doors just closed as I got there. The elevator was going down, but we were on the sixth level, there was no way to know where she went.
I knew Desiree was on Mars. The way she ran away when she realized I saw her just convinced me it was her. I pounded the elevator door in frustration.
When I got back to the table, Laura was not in a good mood. “You’re pazzo, you know, completely crazy,” she growled, “What was that all about?”
“I saw someone I have been looking for, but they saw me first and got away.”
“Is this about your missing persons case?”
“Yes. That’s the second time I’ve seen her.”
She lowered her voice. “Actually, I saw a girl over on the side looking over here,” she said. “Black hair, big dark eyes. She looked like Bianca Nieve, Snow White. I saw her, too.”
“You saw her?”
“Yes, she looked very puzzled, almost as if she wanted to come over and talk to you.” Laura said. “Then she spooked, as you say.”
“Thanks, I’m not crazy then. I did see her.”
Laura reached down and took the briefcase. “I will take care of this tonight. I will send it off myself.”
We stood up. I gave her a little peck on the cheek. “Thanks,” I said. “Thanks for everything.”
* * *
When I got to the office after lunch, Sherry had a worried look on her face. “He’s dead,” she said.
“Who?”
“The man who was in the hospital.”
“What man in the hospital?”
“Sorry, the man who was beaten up in the Hideaway your first night here,” she said. “Dale Howison. He was in a coma for weeks. They took him off life support, and he has died.”
“That makes it a manslaughter case then,” I said. “All the more reason to do what I plan to do. Why such a concerned look?”
“There are rumors going around that somehow you’re implicated.”
“I was there, I saw the attack, and I gave my testimony to Coltingham and Mattern.”
Sherry bit her lip. “Ah, that’s the problem. The word on the street is Coltingham wants to cut you down to size, and somehow you’re in trouble because of all this.”
I thought about the fact that Coltingham’s unsigned 1985 law enforcement commission was still in my desk.
“I have a trump card I can play if I need to,” I said. “The shit would hit the fan, but I have it. I’m planning to make an administrative change to the robot regulations,” I said. “That incident happened because a service android was being molested like a sex worker. I didn’t know at the time that there are android sex workers here. I want to ban that usage, at least until a formal review.”
“About damn time,” Sherry said, with a little stamp of her foot. “Women here are getting sick of men chasing androids. It’s demeaning to real women.”
“You know, when I went to see Kurland, the android who met us looked like she was built for business, and I made a comment just like that. They are setting back women’s lib 20 years.”
“If Kurland has his way, they’ll set it back forever and start using them on Earth.”
I looked at her. “I wonder if this is about the Brooke Bill back in Washington. Do you think Kurland wants to import androids to Earth?”
“Of course, and he’s piling up so much money here, he’ll be able to buy his way to see the bill passing,” she said. “Did you meet Cindy Tesla?”
“Yes, that was the android’s name.”
She smirked. “Yep, I know exactly what you’re talking about. There’s no reason to make a ’bot look that way.”
Melanie Whitcher, who was in charge of the teletype, came up behind Sherry and handed her an envelope. Sherry read it and handed it to me.
“This is a communication directly from space admin,” Sherry said. “For your eyes only.”
I went into my office and closed the door.
Dear Double-Down Dave,
Your bella ragazza got me your message. I agree that was a smart way to handle it. I may be an old dog, but I’m not toothless. Yes, I agree with what you propose. Wilder’s death smelled like the Fulton Fish Market, and you confirmed long-time rumors about Davis-Seale. Androids should not be infiltrating the colony rank and file like they have, and Kurland needs to be brought to heel. Go ahead with your emergency amendment. I will run interference here. I will back you up. After it’s promulgated, you can contact me directly, since there will have to be a pro forma administrative review.
I bet we make it stick. Like Davey Crocket said, “Make sure you’re right, then go ahead.”
Signed,
Fleet Admiral Robert A. Heinlein
P.S. I hope you are keeping my cannon polished.
I reached into a drawer and pulled out one of those eight-inch floppy disks. I turned on the intercom. “Sherry, I need you.”
She came in. “Tell Doc Thompson I need to see him in here, also.”
I handed her the disk. “Meanwhile, take this and format it into the template for emergency regulatory amendments, I want Thompson to review it.”
“It’ll just take me a minute,” she said.
Thompson came in a minute later, with Sherry right behind.
“You needed to see me?” Thompson asked.
I gestured to Sherry and she handed him the sheet. “I’m ready to sign this and enter it into the registry.”
“Is this your android sex toy ban, then?”
“Yes, it is.”
He took it and scanned it over, his gaze going back and forth. After a minute, he handed it to me and sighed. “Simple, and you have all the right citations,” he said. “It’s not as broad as I thought it would be. The ban on androids working alone will probably be upheld on review with an injunction. There is already a regulation about unsupervised construction robots.”
He looked at me. “Are you ready to issue it right now?”
“Yes, as soon as I sign it.”
“Well, that’s my quick and dirty opinion,” he said. “I wish I had more time.”
“I want Kurland to have as little advance time as possible,” I said.
Sherry gave Thompson a concerned look, then looked at me. She came over and shook my hand. “Congrats, you’re the first administrator here who has the balls to rein Kurland in.”
“You know you’re going to start a firestorm,” said Thompson.
“I know, but I really don’t have much choice. The situation here is out of control,” I said. “Now we have two cases where someone is dead as a result of a service android.”
“The Hideaway incident would not have been prevented by this,” he said.
“Yes, but Governor Wilder’s death would have,” I said. “We need to start someplace.” I sat down and signed the original. “It’s done.”
I handed the sheet to Sherry. She nodded and left.
“Well, what’s done is done,” said Thompson. “I’ll get ready to defend ourselves against an injunction.”
“Good.”
He left.
Ten minutes later, I heard the buzzing
of the dot matrix printer as Sherry printed off a stack of copies to be distributed to offices across the colony. When she was done, she brought me one of the print-outs on green bar paper.
“Post it, deliver it to all the appropriate offices, and be sure to have copies delivered to the press pool.”
Within an hour, my phone began to ring off the hook. Each news outlet called. I told them all I would hold a press conference at 4 PM.
When the hour arrived, I stepped into the outer office to find a dozen journalists—which was the whole contingent in such a small place—and two video cameras. The room was buzzing before I entered, but the clamor rose in pitch to a loud clamor as soon as they saw me making my way to the microphone at a podium.
Clearing my throat, I smiled and nodded waiting for them to quiet down.
“Ladies and gentlemen, I plan to make a brief preliminary statement and then I’ll take questions,” I said, buttoning my coat. I had thought so much about the topic that I winged it without notes.
“Service androids have been used on Mars for many years, but as their use has spread, there are many occasions now where they are unsupervised. An investigation has determined that a service android may have incidentally contributed to the death of Governor Wilder. Their verisimilitude has also become a problem. I have therefore promulgated a temporary amendment to the regulations regarding the use of service androids, banning their unsupervised use. Such use is banned until a formal review by the space administration has been conducted.”
The Reuters reporter spoke up. “Does the space program administration know of this?”
“Yes, I have been in personal communication with Admiral Heinlein. He has no objections.”
There were some murmurs of incredulity.
The Agency France-Press reporter asked, “Are you specifically concerned about sex workers?”
“Yes,” I said. “Next question.”
“Is there a ban on such services in the regulations currently?” It was Mickey Cardinale.
“No. That’s why it’s a loophole. It needs to be studied and modified,” I said. “In a general sense, this falls under the provision of protecting public health and safety.”
“How did the android contribute to the death of Governor Wilder?” asked the Pravda reporter.
“He was not in good health, and the activity may have contributed to, if not caused, his heart attack,” I said. “The exact way the android contributed to his death will also be part of the investigation.”
Reuters again. “Where is the android now?”
“Being held as evidence at the Constabulary.”
“Did the constable conduct the investigation?’ asked Mickey.
“I interrogated the android myself, since it was involved in the death of a high-level administrator,” I said.
“Do you have any idea how long this ban will be in effect?” asked the reporter from Deutsche Welle.
“Well, it’s open-ended, until the investigation is complete and changes implemented,” I said. “But I would suspect a number of uses will be approved in a relatively short time. A clerk working in a store, alone, is probably not a problem. The issue is where an android and a human are together, alone, outside public view.”
“Are you saying this is a crackdown on robot prostitution?” asked the BBC reporter. “Is this a regulatory or moral issue?”
“You obviously have me confused with Jerry Falwell. This is a public health and safety issue.”
“How is this ban being implemented?” asked Mickey.
“I am initially seeking voluntary compliance, and in perhaps 48 hours we will see what further actions need to be taken,” I said.
“Who will implement it?” he asked.
“The constable, of course.”
“What if he doesn’t believe it is enforceable?” asked Cardinale.
I gave him a dirty look. “Then he will be sacked and replaced,” I said. “Constable Coltingham will do what he is told to do.”
There were some murmurs of incredulity.
“Gentleman and ladies, you all know how widespread the use and misuse of androids has become. It’s an issue that’s been dodged by previous administrators. I’m here to do some vitally needed housecleaning, and that’s all I am doing.” I looked pointedly at Mickey. “This needs to be done.”
Sherry spoke up. “I have printouts of the order if you’d like one.”
The reporters flocked to her.
“If that’s all the questions you have, then I’ll say have a nice day,” I said, without bothering to see if there were any other questions. I went back to my office.
Before the end of the day, I received a call from Dolores McCarver. “Mister Kurland would like to speak with you.”
“Of course, I bet he would.”
“Please stay on the line.”
Kurland came on the phone screaming.
“You sniveling son-of-a-bitch. What the fuck do you think you’re doing! You’ve made a direct attack on my business.”
“I’m trying to prevent needless deaths,” I said calmly.
“There are no androids made expressly for sexual purposes!”
“The subject has become more complicated. A service android was the immediate cause of an attack at the Hideaway that has left a man dead,” I said. “The pervasive infiltration of androids which are indistinguishable from humans into the colony’s social structure is a problem that needs to be carefully studied.”
“You talk a great game, you punk! But you can’t play with the big boys!”
It sounded like he was spitting into the microphone. “I’m not playing a game. I’m just doing my job. Why such heated words? I think you need to calm down … a little.”
“We’ll see you in court tomorrow morning!”
“I’m the tall dark-haired Italian guy. You can’t miss me!”
“Didn’t your visit to Mark Davis-Seale mean anything to you?”
“Yes, it did, and that shows how a personal care android can be a huge benefit,” I said. “But the fact remains, their relationship started as a sexual one.”
“They love one another,” he said. “Doesn’t that mean something to you?”
“It may mean a machine can fool itself into thinking it’s in love,” I said. “Maybe I don’t know what it means. That’s a subject to be decided elsewhere. That’s only one case, and it may be truly exceptional. Right now, I’m concerned your androids have spread throughout the colony like an oil slick. There are reasons robots and androids were banned on Earth and the Moon. Maybe they need to be banned here, also. Or do you think you’re bigger than NATO and the space program?”
“I don’t know who you think you are—”
“I’m a hard-working space administration official being yelled at by an unhappy constituent,” I said. “It happens every day.”
“You’ll pay for this!”
“I get that a lot, too,” I said.
He hung up the phone with a click.
“You have a nice day, too,” I said as I put the phone back on its hook.
Sherry peeked around the corner. “I could hear that from here,” she said.
“I’m surprised he seems so surprised,” I with a bitter chuckle. “He shouldn’t be all that surprised.”
“He’s not used to being stood up to,” she said. “I sure hope that oil slick doesn’t catch fire.”
“Even he’s not that crazy,” I said.
“By the way, how is this going to be enforced?” she asked.
“Let’s just let it sink in for now, and we’ll decide that in a few days.”
“You don’t think Coltingham will do it for you, do you?”
“That schlub? Nah. I’ll give him the chance, but if he doesn’t I have that trump card,” I said. “But that’s for tomorrow. I’m going straight home, and laying low for the time being.” I closed my briefcase. “If you need me, page me, but otherwise I’m staying home and out of the way.”
“Wise course
of action,” she said.
By the evening rush hour, the headlines were out:
SHUSTER SHOWS THEM!
CRACKDOWN ON SEX TRADE
SEXY ROBOTS ARE NO-BOTS
The stories all referred to the fact that I was closing a loophole which had obviously been exploited. No one seemed to question that the activity was going on. I caught some glances as I waited for the transport. The new regulation seemed to be all the talk.
One woman came up to me, and shook my hand. “You’ve got stones, son, but it’s the right thing to do,” she said. “These robot whores are messing up the men.”
“Thanks,” I said.
When I got home, I locked the door and drank a can of expensively-imported Fosters Beer before I jumped in the shower.
* * *
Three hours later I was still in my bathrobe, getting drowsy and finally relaxing. I was waiting for the late night news to come on when the doorbell rang. I looked through the peephole. I couldn’t see anyone. I opened it a crack.
“Hey there, cowboy!” A pretty hand with blood red fingernails pried the door open.
“Alexis Texas! What … what are you doing here?”
“Are you alone?”
“Yes.”
She pushed past me and walked in. She looked exactly the same as she did the last time I saw her at Coltingham’s office.
“I’m not used to seeing you mobile and upright,” I said. “What do you want?”
“I thought you might like some testimony about the inappropriate use of androids,” she said as she sat on the arm of the coach, unfastening one button of her shirt and swiveling her torso so her breasts protruded.
“Oh, crap!” I thought. Ray Charles could have seen this was a set-up.
“Out, out!” I shouted. “I did not invite you in here.”
I grabbed her by the shoulders, stood her up, and turned her around. She groaned like I was trying to start foreplay. She pressed herself up against me and clutched me.
I tried to break loose, but she was too strong. “Shit!” I muttered.
The door slammed open and Deputy Constable Mattern barged in.
“That’s enough, you sicko,” he said as he grabbed me as Alexis turned me loose.
“Well, look who’s banging a ’bot himself,” said Coltingham as he strode in, a big snaggle-toothed grin cutting across his face.
Another Girl, Another Planet Page 27
