by E M Lindsey
“I’ll pick up the bill,” Will said, clearing his throat as he reached for his wallet. “If you want to meet me out front.”
Sage gave a firm nod, then pushed away from the table and took quick strides to the door. He didn’t want to be away from Will at all, not even for a second. He didn’t want to give the rapport a chance to fizzle out and die before he had the opportunity to make something more of it. It was decided. He was going to take Will for a ride, to their spot, and he’d tell him how he felt.
“Will, I’m falling in love with you,” he said aloud as he rounded the corner to where the bike was parked. He laughed at how simple yet how complicated those words were. “I’m falling in love with Will,” he tested. His hand touched the bike and he braced himself for the feeling overwhelming guilt and betrayal, because he’d once promised Ted he’d never love anyone else.
But Ted was gone, and there was nothing apart from longing left in him. Longing for the past, but now also longing for a future that seemed so possible where once it was nothing but bleak loneliness.
With a sigh, he swung his leg over the bike and jammed the key in. Giving it a turn, he revved the engine a few times, then straightened it out and took off, keeping the pace at a slow crawl as he waited patiently for a few pedestrians to cross his path.
There was a small commotion, and he glanced across the street at the front of the restaurant, his eyes narrowing. There were raised voices, and two men standing across from each other, their tone growing more aggravated. Sage’s eyes widened when he realized one of the two men making a scene was Will. Sage felt panic well up in him, and he jammed the gas, peeling around the corner and coming to a screeching stop in front of the restaurant doors.
“…leave me alone! I don’t know how else to get that through your head, Joe. We’re finished!” Will’s voice was high, almost hysterical. Scared, was the first emotion Sage could hear, and his temper began to rise as he threw the kickstand down and hauled himself off the bike.
The guy was standing there with his hands curled into fists, taking menacing steps toward Will. He was a tall, broad guy—not nearly as big as Sage, but definitely bigger than Will—and he was using his size to intimidate the other man. Nothing pissed Sage off more than that, and before he was really thinking about it, his hand reached out and he snatched the guy by the back of his shirt, yanking him back so hard he stumbled.
“What the fuck?” the guy spat, trying to right himself. He spun, his face red with fury and alcohol, but the moment he locked eyes with Sage, his face paled. “Who the fuck are you?”
“I’m with him,” Sage growled. This was clearly the ex. The piece of shit who was responsible for Will’s feelings of inadequacy in relationships. It took all of Sage’s self-control not to knock a few teeth out with his fist.
Joe sneered. “And what? He got you wrapped around his little pinky? You his bitch, here to protect him?”
“I’m his friend, and I swear to god, if I catch you near him again…”
“You’ll what?” Joe challenged.
Sage leaned in, giving him a nasty grimace. “Do I look like the sort of person who’s afraid to go to jail for beating the shit out of a man who clearly deserves it?”
Joe swallowed, and Sage could see his confidence wavering. He took a step back, dislodging Sage’s grip on his shirt, and his gaze flickered between both men. “When you come crawling back, Will, I’m going to make you beg,” he slurred. “I’m going to make you so fucking sorry you chose this trash over me.”
Sage glanced over at Will who looked like he was about to be ill, and his temper finally got the best of him. He grabbed Joe by the back of his neck and frog-marched him around the corner to the side of the building. He swore and spluttered like an angry cat, but Sage was stronger, and sober. He had a threadbare control over his urge for violence, and he clung to it with every ounce of willpower he had left as he shoved Joe’s front against the cold brick. Joe’s head turned, his cheek smashing against the wall, and he hissed as Sage leaned in close to his ear.
“Listen to me, you stupid fuck. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll go home, sleep it off, and stop fucking calling Will. He’s done with you. He doesn’t want you, and if you can’t learn to accept that, me and several of my friends will make sure the lesson is repeated. Over and over. Until you get it through your thick skull.”
“Fuck you, man,” Joe spat.
Sage laughed, carefully releasing him. “That’s your problem, isn’t it? You’re a fucking bully and used to getting your way. Except pieces of shit like you prey on people who are suffering, who are at their lowest. Well here’s some good news—Will isn’t in that place anymore. He’s strong, and he’s brave. He’s made a life all on his own without you, and there are people here who give a shit about him. So unless you want to live out the rest of your days in agony, I suggest you walk away.”
“You’re going to be so fucking sorry for this,” Joe spat.
Sage shook his head. “I really don’t think I am.” He stood there with his arms crossed as he watched Joe take off in the opposite direction. When he was finally out of sight, Sage came around the corner and found Will at the end of the block, his arms tight around his body, head bowed.
Sage felt his stomach sink as his adrenaline began to wear off, and he approached with some caution. “Hey.”
Will didn’t look over, but he nodded his head in acknowledgment. “Did you hit him?”
Sage snorted a little, unable to stop himself. “No. He knew better than to test me.”
At that, Will finally looked at him. “He would have deserved it.”
“Oh, I don’t doubt it,” Sage said, feeling his anxiety start to ease. He took a step forward and felt better when Will didn’t flinch away. “But it wasn’t necessary. He won’t fuck with you again.”
“I’m just,” Will said, and trailed off with a sigh. “I’m so sick of not being able to fight my own battles. I hate being weak.”
“Someone using their physical strength to intimidate you does not make you weak,” Sage said, trying to temper his tone. “People like him are spineless cowards trying to over-compensate for what they don’t have.” He licked his lips and looked up at the sky. “That was my dad. Drunk, vicious, soulless. People like him don’t last long.”
Will dropped his hands, then dragged one down his face. “Is it okay if we skip the ride tonight?”
Sage felt another rush of fury at Joe for the moment being destroyed, but he also wanted to do anything to make Will feel better. “Of course. I can get you home if you—”
“Can you come with me back to my place?” Will asked. “I just need to be somewhere else. With you.”
It was absolutely no struggle for Sage to say yes.
They made it back to Will’s place in one piece, and Sage got comfortable on the sofa as Will headed to the kitchen for drinks. He returned with a couple of juices, and Sage found himself wishing he had decided to take the edge off with a little booze. It was better that he had been sober—there was no telling what state Joe might have left in if Sage had less control over himself—but now he felt like an invisible force was squeezing his chest.
Before Joe showed up, it had all seemed so simple. He liked Will, Will liked him. He was feeling comfortable about moving on and Will made him feel good. Their lives seemed to intersect seamlessly most of the time, and there was no struggle. It was …nice.
Only, it wasn’t just nice. There were complications—like Will’s ex who was a reminder that Will was still dealing with the drama in his own life, and it made Sage stop to consider his own situation. Yes, he was moving on from Teddy’s death, and yes there would be a moment he was ready to make a life beyond his past, but was it now?
Would he really be able to take those steps with Will? To touch someone again? Kiss them? Make love? Could he ever make the same vows with someone else that he made with Teddy?
“Are you okay?” Will asked quietly.
Sage huffed a tiny
laugh, bowing his head over his glass as he shrugged. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that right now?”
Will scoffed. “Trust me, if I let every single one of Joe’s freak outs send me spiraling, I’d be a mess twenty-four-seven.”
Sage pursed his lips. “You know that guy is an asshole, right? That was some abusive shit he threw at you.”
Will shook his head. “He’s not abusive, he’s just a jerk.”
Sage frowned, shifting so he could look at Will properly. “Look, I’m not one to tell someone about their experiences, but the shit he said to you, the things he’s done in the past, that’s abuse. Just because he hasn’t punched you in the face or sent you to the hospital doesn’t mean you haven’t suffered.”
Will twisted his glass in his hands, swallowing thickly. “I just…he…things have always been complicated with us.”
“I get that,” Sage said, softening his tone. “I’d never tell you to label it if you’re not comfortable, and we can totally drop it. Just…you’re important to me. Okay? I care about you and Molly, and I hate seeing someone treat you like that.”
Will let out a tiny sigh, but he managed a smile. “I know, and I feel the same way about you. Molly and I both do. And it doesn’t matter, anyway. I meant it when I said Joe and I were done. He’ll get the message eventually.”
Sage nodded, but he wasn’t so sure. Guys like Joe were persistent. They didn’t like being cowed, and they didn’t like losing. He was suddenly terrified he’d made the situation worse, but Will didn’t seem too stressed about it, so he decided it was best to let it go. For now. But he’d make sure he and the other guys were on high alert from that moment on. He didn’t care what it took, he’d keep that asshole as far away from Will as he could.
“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” Will asked, his voice interrupting Sage’s thoughts.
He shrugged, settling lower against the cushions. “Yeah, why not. It’s not like I have anywhere to be.”
“Loser,” Will said very softly, grinning as he pushed up to start his DVD player. He didn’t bother to change the movie, and Sage couldn’t help but laugh when the Princess Bride started up again. Not that he wanted to complain. They’d spent their last movie night quoting all the lines, and it was one of the most relaxed nights out Sage’d had in years.
His eyes started to feel a little heavy ten minutes in, though, and he sighed with contentment as Will tucked in close. Though he didn’t get his big moment, it hadn’t changed much. He was still in love with Will. More than he wanted to admit.
“I think I’m going to crash,” Sage said just as the ROUS’s were running from Westley’s fire. His eyes were burning with fatigue and his limbs felt heavy and weighted. “I should uh…probably take off, I guess.”
“You can stay,” Will murmured, sounding just as drained and only half awake. He shuffled until he was tucked up under Sage’s arm. “I’d like it if you stayed.”
Sage tried desperately to open his eyes all the way, but it was like he was drugged. The heat of Will against him, the press of their bodies as the earlier tension from the restaurant began to fade, was like a sedative. His hand lifted without him being consciously aware of it, and he touched the edge of Will’s jaw. “Yeah. Okay,” he murmured.
Will looked up at him, his own eyes barely open, just a sliver of iris showing. His full lips were curved up in the barest hint of a smile, and Sage was desperate to taste them. He leaned his head in, and Will gave permission in the form of a mirroring gesture. Sage felt his breath catch in his chest as the veritable canyon of distance between them had finally closed, and he felt the soft, warm mouth respond to his own.
There was no passion behind it, nor any real promise, just a confirmation that they were both there, together. Sage felt his heart thud slowly, felt his blood heat, felt how the moment was so damn right. Will’s hand found his own as they broke apart, and in spite of wanting to stay awake and savor every second of that kiss, he found himself caving to the pressing blackness of sleep.
Will woke in a tangle of limbs, startled for as long as it took to remember where he was and whose legs were twisted up with his own. Somehow, he and Sage had managed to shift down along the sofa cushions sometime after the movie ended. The DVD player was off, but the TV was on, a blue screen sending a soft glow over the pair of them.
The sky was just starting to lighten, and Will couldn’t stop staring at the gentle rise and fall of Sage’s chest. The memory of the kiss came back to him, slow and honey-thick, and he felt the heat in his skin start to rise. His hands itched to reach out and touch, but part of him wondered if maybe it wasn’t a dream. Had Sage really kissed him? Had they finally crossed that line?
Before he could move, Sage let out a small grunt and his eyes blinked open. His light eyes squinted against the bare strip of sun peeking through the bottom of the window blinds, and he lifted one hand, scrubbing it down his face. “Shit. We slept?”
Will couldn’t help a chuckle at the sound of his sleep-thick, rough voice. “We slept. I think I’m going to feel it for days. My body is way too old to sleep on the couch anymore.”
Sage chuckled, but when his gaze fell to Will’s mouth, his cheeks went pale and he sat up, dislodging their position with an air of panic. “Uh.”
“Are you okay?” Will asked as he righted himself. He stood up, stretching his back, trying to appear far calmer than his insides felt.
“Yeah, no, I’m fine,” Sage said as he rose, glancing around the room and finally zeroing his gaze in on his keys. “I should uh…I should take off though.” He started for the little table where his phone and keys sat, but Will darted after him, grabbing his wrist.
“Hey. You can talk to me, you know,” he pointed out.
The apples of Sage’s cheeks were pink now, and he took a gentle step, carefully breaking Will’s grasp on him. “I kissed you last night.”
Will’s jaw went tense, and he nodded. “Yeah. You did.”
“I shouldn’t have,” Sage went on, and Will felt his stomach bottom out, felt his face tingle with fear and panic that Sage was about to walk out on him for good. “You were in a bad place last night and I totally took advantage of that. Things are complicated for me, just like I know they’re complicated for you, and I shouldn’t have done that.”
“You didn’t take advantage,” Will said fiercely.
Sage rubbed the back of his neck and smiled sheepishly. “I’m not saying that. But you’re dealing with whatever shit Joe left over, and getting involved with someone right now is kind of a recipe for disaster. Trust me, I know.”
“Right,” Will said, deflating a little.
Sage’s hands curled into fists, like he was trying to stop himself from reaching out, and Will desperately wished he wouldn’t. “I just think it would be better if we went back to the way things were. Just for now. So we can figure shit out before jumping into anything.”
Will felt a tiny, crushing pain in his chest, but he was somewhat buoyed by the fact that Sage wasn’t saying never—he was saying just for now. And Will couldn’t get angry at Sage trying to be responsible and safe. He wasn’t exactly wrong about Will’s life. With Joe still standing in his periphery, and with him still trying to find solid ground with Molly, his life was chaos. But Sage was also implying he’d wait, and Will could find hope in that.
“Yeah. That makes sense,” he finally conceded.
Sage bit his lip like he was holding something back, and Will felt himself on edge, poised for either acceptance or rejection. In the end, Sage gave him neither. He reached out, curling his hand around the back of Will’s neck and drew him in for a hug. It was softer, more intimate than their usual embraces, but Will could tell he was holding himself back. “I’ll text you,” he promised, then he let go of Will and walked out the door.
With a heavy sigh, Will let his head fall to the cool wood, and he listened to the fading sounds of Sage’s footsteps. He felt pathetic and sad, even if he was still hopeful something in the fu
ture would come of it, but he didn’t trust his own luck. He’d been rejected by his parents, and every relationship he had, which culminated with Joe, had been gradually worse than the last. He couldn’t imagine a world in which he deserved a man like Sage, and he hoped Sage would let him down easy soon, just so he had time to move past it and keep their friendship intact.
Turning away, he walked to the side table and collected his phone. It was still off, and he knew there would be a flood of nonsense from Joe as soon as he turned it on. Not that he had a choice—it would be time to pick up Molly soon, and he had to face the music, because Joe wasn’t going to go quietly.
After the spectacle last night, he wasn’t surprised at all that Sage had gone running. Their kiss had been brought on by the quiet, sleepy moment between them, but in the cold light of day, Sage could easily see why it wasn’t worth it to pursue anything with Will.
He listened to the soft chime of his phone booting, and without bothering to read any of Joe’s texts, he deleted the entire thread. He’d bother with his voicemails later, and he took a moment to call Molly’s friend’s mom who invited him to meet them at the park.
He had just enough time to shower and pop by Masala for a couple of coffees, and when he found Sandra near the playground, he smiled at her hungry look when she spotted what he had in his hands. “You are saving my life right now,” she said, snatching it from him. “My machine broke this morning and I’ve been dying.”
Will gave her a sympathetic grimace as he sat. “I can’t even imagine. I mean, I’m so terrified of the thought, I opened up an entire café.”
She laughed good naturedly. “If my husband would just let me live, I’d do the same thing.” She tucked a lock of light hair behind her ear and looked at him. “Everything okay from yesterday?”
Will shrugged, glancing down at his shoes. “Mostly. I uh…I have a difficult ex.”
