by Jason Ayres
She got on with most people, but there were exceptions. After she’d introduced Alec and handed him the microphone, she stepped down from the stage and found herself face-to-face with someone she could quite safely say if she never saw him again, it would be too soon.
Dan Fisher was not a very nice person. He’d been unpleasant enough back in the day when she’d had the misfortune to be in the same class as him at school, but he’d grown up to be a really nasty piece of work.
He did a manual job in a local factory, which meant that, although he was overweight, he was also pretty fit. Few people wanted to get into an argument with him. It was well known he’d had a conviction for violent conduct in the past. He also frequently boasted that he was the only England supporter who’d been deported from the host country of the last World Cup.
Football violence was very rare nowadays, but Dan was fascinated by all the tales of what used to go on in the late-20th century and seemed to glory in it. He supported Millwall.
If that wasn’t bad enough, he was well known for his racist and homophobic outlook on life and was an active member of an extremist far-Right political party. He didn’t do anything to disguise this and mostly went around wearing T-shirts bearing the flag of St George – tonight being no exception.
“What are you letting that Jock sing for?” was the first thing he asked Lauren.
She ignored his question, and replied with one of her own. “What do you want, Dan?”
He eyed her up and down lecherously. “I think you know the answer to that, love.”
“Let’s get something straight, Dan, once and for all,” she replied. “I am not, never have been and never will be your love. I don’t know how many more times I have to tell you that.”
Dan despised Lauren. She was everything he wanted and couldn’t have. He did not have a lot of luck with women and couldn’t understand why. He didn’t think he was particularly bad-looking: no worse than anyone else, so why could he never pull?
He was unable to see that his outdated misogynistic approach was a huge turn-off to the opposite sex.
What made it worse was that Lauren was seemingly so free and easy with her morals. He knew she’d been with most of the blokes in the pub at one time or another, so she should be easy game. So why not him?
He resented her, he was jealous of all the other men who’d had the pleasure, and was determined one day that he’d find a way into her knickers.
“Never say never,” he replied. “You don’t know what might happen in the future.”
“I can safely say it won’t be happening with you. Now please go away, you sad little man.” Alec had finished his weekly rendition and she turned away to take the microphone from him.
“Yes, let’s hear a big hand for Alec,” she announced, to some half-hearted clapping from the karaoke table. “What an original choice that was!”
As she continued her banter, feeding off the admiration of the adoring crowd, Dan looked at her, his eyes full of hate. How dare she reject him, the stupid whore? Full of dark thoughts, he headed over to the bar where his mate was getting a round in.
Ryan was tall and thin with short-cropped, ginger hair and something of a social inadequate. He’d been unemployed for years, having left school with no qualifications, and spent most of his time building model planes and re-enacting World War II battle scenes in his bedroom. He also had an unhealthy obsession with guns. Needless to say, he did not have a girlfriend.
He’d hung around with Dan since their schooldays because he’d never found anything better to do. Dan found him incredibly irritating at times but kept him around. He liked having a sycophantic social inadequate as a friend whom he could feel superior to.
“Did you get anywhere, then?” asked Ryan. Dan was always telling him about all of the women he pulled. It was entirely fictional, of course, but Ryan was gullible and naïve enough to believe it most of the time.
“No, mate,” replied Dan. “She’s a rug muncher, mate, told me herself. She said if I was girl she’d jump me like that.”
“I don’t think she is a lesbian, Dan,” replied Ryan. “Nick from the kebab shop shagged her the other week. He told me.”
“You don’t want to listen to anything he says, mate. He’s always chatting shit.” Dan decided to change the subject. “Come on, let’s finish these and go up to the Craphole. There’s always loads of loose muff in there.”
Dan began to outline his plans for the evening’s female conquest. Ryan listened avidly, despite the fact that on 99% of occasions such plans always ended in dismal failure: at best, a mild rebuke; at worst, a kick in the nuts.
Lauren hadn’t been perturbed by Dan’s attentions at all. She was quite used to dealing with sad, desperate men and he was one of the worst. Right now she was dealing with another kind of problem – a troublesome karaoke customer. After ten hours’ drinking, Andy was ready to entertain his imaginary fans with a song.
“Why can’t I sing?” he protested. “I’m a good singer. I was on The X Factor once, you know.”
“Yes, I know. You tell me every week. I didn’t say you couldn’t sing, I just said you couldn’t sing that particular song.”
The previous week, Andy had decided to give the pub his rendition of the old Sex Pistols classic “My Way”. His rendition included bellowing the “C” word as loud as he possibly could over the microphone.
It was loud enough to be heard in the restaurant next door. Debbie was extremely annoyed and had given strict instructions that he was not to sing that particular song ever again. It had gone onto the banned list, along with Yogi Bear, and various others that Debbie had objected to over the years.
“What about Eminem, then?” asked Andy, swaying and slopping his pint all over the floor.
“Right, for a start, Debbie wouldn’t like it and secondly, there’s no way you’d be able to keep up with the lyrics in the state you’re in.”
“Living Next Door To Alice?” he suggested.
“What’s that?” she asked? It sounded vaguely familiar but she couldn’t place it. It was long before her era.
“Just an old seventies classic,” replied Andy. “Nothing dodgy.”
“Alright, we’ll give that a go then,” she said and she called up the song. She glanced up at the clock on the wall. It was nearly 9pm. It looked like it was going to be a long night.
Chapter Six
The champagne cork emerged from the bottle with a loud pop and hit the kitchen ceiling. Quickly Charlie began to pour out a glass before it bubbled over. He and Kaylee had something to celebrate.
“You do realise I won’t be able to have any of that, don’t you?” she said.
“I hadn’t thought of that,” replied Charlie. “You can have a little sip, though, can’t you? Just so we can have a little toast. I’ve been saving this bottle for a special moment and I can’t think of any more special than this.”
“Go on then,” she replied.
He poured a small amount into a second glass, and they raised glasses to each other.
“To us,” said Charlie. “The three of us.”
“Could be four,” said Kaylee. “Twins run in my family.”
They clinked glasses and took a sip, excited and happy about the new step their lives were about to take.
After they’d got home, he’d showered while she cooked for them both, after which they’d gone upstairs for the moment of truth. Charlie waited outside the door of the en suite bathroom while she went in, full of anticipation.
A few minutes later, she emerged and handed him a small, plastic wand with a digital reader in it, containing just one word: “Positive”.
He couldn’t begin to describe the rush of emotions that ran through him at that point. They hugged excitedly and kissed. He was going to be a dad. The love of his life was carrying his child: it just didn’t get any better than this.
“I must tell Hannah,” said Kaylee. “I promised her she’d be the first to know.”
“
I thought it was bad luck to tell anyone in the first three months,” replied Charlie.
“Hannah’s an exception,” said Kaylee. “After all, I was the first person she told about Jess.”
Their conversation was interrupted by Charlie’s smartphone buzzing. He picked it up.
“It’s Josh. I wonder what he wants at this time of night.”
Josh and Alice had decided to get out of Oxford for the evening and go somewhere where they could get a better view of the comet, away from the light pollution of the city.
They’d driven up to Brill Hill, a few miles from Oxford, parked the car and walked up to the windmill. The sun had set a good hour ago and it was now completely dark. There was barely a cloud in the sky: perfect weather for stargazing.
The comet was dominating the skyline as it made its closest approach to Earth.
“This makes a change,” remarked Alice. “Usually you can guarantee if there’s anything interesting happening, it’ll be raining or overcast. Remember that partial solar eclipse a couple of years ago? It rained all day. I never saw a thing.”
The comet looked magnificent. It was a huge white ball, approximately the size of the moon with the tail spread out behind it like a fan. Neither of them had ever seen one so brightly before.
In fact, few people in the UK had seen a comet at all. When she was studying astronomy, Alice had seen some magnificent paintings and photographs of old comets from the 19th century, but such displays had seemed consigned to history, until now.
“So you’re absolutely sure about this?” asked Josh again. “You said it would be around half past nine.”
“Give or take a few minutes,” she replied. “I’m sure NASA has got it tracked to the second. Not that we’ve heard anything from them.”
“I’m going to give Charlie a call – he won’t want to miss this,” said Josh.
So it was a very excited Josh that Charlie answered the phone to.
“Mate, you’ve got to get out into the garden and watch the comet,” he said. “There’s something amazing about to happen.”
“What exactly?” enquired Charlie.
“I don’t have time to explain now, but trust me, you won’t want to miss this,” said Josh. “It’s nearly 9.30, I’ve got to go.”
“Before you do,” said Charlie. “Do you and Alice want to come over for a barbecue on Saturday?”
“Sounds great!” replied Josh. “I’ll check with Alice and get back to you.” He hung up.
“What did he want?” asked Kaylee.
“Something’s happening with the comet apparently. Let’s go outside and take a look.”
He took his champagne glass in one hand and Kaylee in the other and led her through the kitchen door into the garden. The comet wasn’t anywhere near as bright as it was in Brill, due to the street lamps everywhere, but it was still plainly visible.
Back on Brill Hill, Josh and Alice continued to stare upwards at the skies. It seemed like an age had passed with nothing happening, but in reality it was only a few minutes.
“Maybe you got it wrong?” suggested Josh. “Even brilliant astronomers make mistakes occasionally.”
But as he spoke, something did happen. The head of the comet glowed very brightly for a moment and then faded again. For a moment nothing else happened.
“Is that it?” asked Josh. “I was expecting there to be some sort of huge explosion.”
“Remember that it’s a million miles away,” replied Alice. “It’s not going to go off like a firework. Let’s take a look through this.”
Whilst Josh had been on the phone to Charlie, she’d been setting up a portable telescope she’d borrowed from the university. Now when she looked through, she could see exactly what had happened.
“Take a look,” she said.
He peered through the lens and saw what she had seen. The head of the comet was no longer a single white disc, but had broken into a number of smaller objects which were now spreading outwards.
“You see it?” she asked. “It’s blown the head of the comet apart.”
“I see it,” he replied. He looked away from the telescope and back up into the night sky. “And I can see it without the telescope now, too.”
She followed his gaze. The head of the comet was clearly splitting apart.
“What now?” he asked.
“We go back to the observatory and try and get a handle on precisely what the implications are.”
“Are we in any danger?” asked Josh.
She looked back at him – but didn’t reply. His phone rang. It was Charlie, confirming he and Kaylee had seen it, too. He asked Josh the same question that Josh had asked Alice.
Josh responded that he’d get back to him.
Back in The Red Lion, the drinkers were oblivious to all of this. The karaoke was in full swing now, and half the punters were engrossed in that. The rest were watching the tail-end of the Europa League semi-final at the other end of the pub.
Lauren was relieved to have a young girl called Aimee up next to sing a ballad from a recent Hollywood romcom. At least nothing could go wrong with that. She’d had yet another ticking off from Debbie after Andy got half the pub shouting out “Who the fuck is Alice?” during his song. He was now permanently banned from the karaoke.
Her phone bleeped. It was Kaylee. “Go and take a look outside at the comet”, she read.
Aimee had finished to rapturous applause, and the next couple up were going to sing Paradise by the Dashboard Light. That meant she had seven minutes to spare. She was gasping for a smoke, and by that she meant a real one, not an e-cig.
She headed out into the garden where she could see a few smokers already looking up at the comet and pointing. She could see straightaway that something had happened. The head of the comet seemed to have split into several smaller fragments.
It was 10pm and the football was finished. The outside screens were still showing pictures from the same channel and the ten o’clock news was just starting.
The volume had been turned up for those who had been watching the football, and Lauren was instantly drawn in by the first headline, read out by the unmistakeable tones of the channel’s news anchor, Seema Mistry.
“Major collision close to Earth as asteroid and comet collide.” It cut to a close-up picture taken by a telescope in space. Now it really did look like something from a Hollywood movie. The huge explosion was revealed in all its glory as the head of the comet was ripped apart by the asteroid.
The news channel had dubbed on some sound effects for added dramatic effect. Most viewers used to watching Hollywood sci-fi blockbusters would expect it, even though it was a little-known fact that sound waves don’t travel in the vacuum of space.
Lauren looked at the pictures and suddenly felt very afraid. Perhaps some sixth sense was warning her of what was to come.
She took a huge draw on her cigarette, stubbed it out, composed herself and went back inside. The show had to go on.
Chapter Seven
The following morning, the comet’s demise was headline news in all the papers and the lead story on all the news channels. Spectacular footage of the collision between the asteroid and the comet was being shown over and over again.
Questions were being asked in the press as to what the implications might be for Earth. Some of the British tabloids in particular were sensationalising the story.
Charlie and Kaylee were sitting on the sofa watching the breakfast television coverage. Kaylee was drinking a cup of tea, Charlie a rather strong cup of coffee.
He’d drunk almost the whole bottle of champagne the previous evening and was feeling a little fragile. The familiar image of Seema was once again on the screen, sitting in the news studio with a middle-aged, grey-haired man. Charlie recognised him from a recent documentary series he’d watched about the solar system.
“I’m delighted to be joined this morning by Sir Simon Davies, the Astronomer Royal. Welcome to the show, Simon, and thank-you for joining us at
such short notice,” began Seema.
“It’s a pleasure, Seema,” replied Simon, smiling.
“Simon is going to review the papers for us this morning and also talk a little bit about the story on everyone’s lips – last night’s spectacular explosion in space. So Simon, what exactly did happen last night?”
“Well, it’s quite straightforward, really. As most viewers will be aware, there are thousands of asteroids and comets buzzing around our solar system. Last night, two of them collided. It’s actually not that unusual an event. It’s just that it doesn’t normally happen this close to Earth so we don’t generally notice.
“So, do we have anything to be concerned about?” probed Seema.
“Nothing at all. We’ve already passed by the point where the comet was due to pass the Earth’s orbit. We should get a great meteor shower, though, when the Earth passes back through this part of space in a year’s time.”
Simon seemed relaxed as he spoke, his reassuringly familiar figure calming the nerves of millions of viewers across the country.
“It seems not all of the newspapers agree with you on that. Shall we take a look at a few of them?” she suggested.
“OK, well, let’s start with the tabloids. As you can see, the comet is front-page news on all the major dailies today.” He picked up the front cover of one of the red top tabloids. The camera focused on the headline: “DOOMSDAY”.
“They certainly seem to think that we have something to worry about,” remarked Seema.
“Well, as you well know, Seema, headlines sell papers. Personally, I think it’s quite irresponsible to scaremonger in this way. It is the sort of thing that starts panic.”
He picked up another tabloid from the desk and showed the headline to the camera: “END OF THE WORLD”.
“And then there’s this one,” he said, showing the camera the headline “SEND FOR BRUCE WILLIS”.
Seema laughed. “I’ve read that one – quite tongue-in-cheek, I thought. It looks like they are treating it as a bit of fun.”
