There was a nagging voice of doubt in Rhuaridh’s head. He hadn’t seen this young girl since he’d got back here. She wouldn’t remember him at all. When he’d left the island she’d been barely a baby. He held out his hands. ‘I’m a doctor. I can speak to her. But I’m not a psychiatrist, or a psychologist. I don’t want to make anything worse. Particularly if she’s already made threats.’
‘Do you have any other counsellors on the island?’ Kristie stepped forward. The teacher shook his head.
She put her hand on her chest. ‘Then let me.’ She turned to Rhuaridh. ‘You know that I’ve been trained. Let me talk to her. Maybe I can relate. I lost someone I loved too, plus I understand what it’s like to be a teenage girl.’
‘I don’t want you to be out of your depth,’ he said quietly. He was thinking about her being upset the other week when the caller to the helpline wouldn’t speak.
‘I want to try,’ she said determinedly.
Rhuaridh turned back to the teacher. ‘Maybe we should wait. Maybe we should tell her that her mum is on her way back over on the ferry. Has anything else been happening in the school we should know about—any bullying?’
The teacher shrugged. ‘I’m sorry. I just don’t know. Nothing obvious.’
Rhuaridh let out a sigh. He was torn. Torn between looking after the girl behind the door and putting the woman he loved in a position of vulnerability.
There was so much at risk here, so much at stake. How would this affect Jill and Kristie if things didn’t work out? What if Jill reacted to something that Kristie said—the impact on both could be devastating. He was so torn. He wanted to fix this himself—but he wasn’t sure that he could. Maybe Jill would react better to a woman, particularly one who might understand her loss. Ahead of him was the closed door. It was symbolic really—demonstrating exactly how the young girl in there felt. He glanced from the panicked temporary teacher and the determined woman in front of him, his head juggling what was best for everyone. There was a hollow echo in his head.
* * *
Kristie straightened up. She’d had enough of this. Enough of waiting. He was trying to protect her—she got that. But she didn’t need protection.
On the ferry on the way over here today, all she’d thought about was how much she wanted to see Rhuaridh. How much she wanted to be in his arms. For the last four weeks she’d started to dream in Technicolor—and the dreams didn’t just include Rhuaridh, they also included this place. Arran, with its lush green countryside, hills and valleys, and surrounding stormy seas. Even though she’d had a dozen job offers now and enough money in the bank to pay the bills for a while, her love of TV was definitely waning. The book she’d started writing had taken on a life of its own. Rhuaridh’s encouragement had meant the world to her, and after that the words had just seemed to flow even easier. She’d shown it to Louie, who’d shown it to another friend who was a literary agent. The agent had offered representation already. It was almost like her world had shifted, shaping her future. And the one thing she’d been sure of was that her heart was leading the charge. Could she think about a life in Scotland? She hadn’t really considered things. Would she be able to walk away from her TV career, and her work with the helpline?
She swallowed and turned to both men. ‘I’m going to do this.’
She walked up to the door and stood close, trying to think of the best way to appeal to Jill. Kids were all over social media right now. Maybe she should try the you-might-know-me approach?
She gave the door a gentle rap with her knuckles. ‘Jill, it’s Kristie Nelson. You know, from the TV show? I’ve come to talk to you.’
She could hear sobbing inside the room. The kind that made the bottom fall out of her stomach. ‘I don’t want to talk to anyone.’
Kristie leaned her head back against the door, trying to think like a teenager these days. Her head was still in the social media zone. Their life revolved around social media. She pulled out her phone and did a search for Jill. Sure enough, it only took seconds to find her. Her online profile had a few selfies, and a few older pictures that showed a little girl laughing, sitting on her father’s knee. It made her heart pang.
‘How are you feeling?’ she started.
‘How do you think I’m feeling?’ came the angry shout.
Good. She’d had another reply. Her main goal now was to keep Jill talking.
‘I know about your dad, Jill. I know how sad you’re feeling. Do you want to talk? Because I’m here. I’m here to listen to you.’
The sobs got more exasperated. ‘How can you know how I’m feeling? How can you know what’s in my head? Have you lost your dad?’
Kristie turned around and slid down the door so she was leaning against it. She may as well get comfortable. She wanted Jill to know that she was there to stay—there to listen. ‘I’ve lost both of my parents,’ she answered quietly. ‘And I lost my sister three years ago. And I think about her every single day and the fact she’s not here. And sometimes it catches me unawares—like when I see something I know she’d like and I can’t show it to her, or when I hear something that makes me laugh and I can’t pick up the phone and tell her.’
There was silence for a few seconds then she heard a noise. Jill was moving closer to the door. ‘Three years?’ she breathed.
‘Honey, these feelings will get better with time. You won’t ever forget, and some days will be sadder than others, but I promise you, you can learn to live with this. You just need to take it one day at a time. You just need to breathe.’
She could feel empathy pouring out of her as she tried to reach out to the teenager behind the door. The teenager who thought that no one could understand.
The voice was quiet—almost a whisper. ‘It would have been my dad’s birthday today. He would have been forty-five.’ Kristie’s heart twisted in her chest. Of course. A birthday for someone who’d been lost. The roughest of days.
She heard the strangled sob again. All she wanted to do was put her arms around this hurting young girl. ‘I get it,’ she said steadily. ‘Birthdays are always hard. I’m not going to lie to you. I’ve cried every birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas that my sister hasn’t been here.’ She took a deep breath. ‘Just know that you’re not alone, Jill. Other people have gone through this. They understand. You just need to find someone to listen. Someone you feel as if you can talk to. Do you have someone like that?’
The reply was hesitant. ‘It should be my mum. But I can’t. I can’t talk to her because she’s so upset herself. She cries when she thinks I can’t hear.’ There was another quiet noise. Kristie recognised it. Jill had sat down on the opposite side of the door from her. It gave her a sense of hope.
‘Okay, I get it. What about if we find someone who is just for you? Someone you can talk to whenever you need to?’
‘Th-that might be okay... But...’
‘But?’ prompted Kristie.
‘I don’t want to have to go somewhere. To see someone.’
‘Would you talk to someone on the phone? Have you tried any of the emotional support helplines around here?’
‘M-maybe.’
Kristie sucked in her breath. ‘Did you talk?’
There was silence for a few seconds. ‘No.’
Tears were brimming in Kristie’s eyes.
‘I... I just wasn’t ready.’
Kristie rested her head on her knees. One of the things that Rhuaridh had said before clicked into place in her mind. About all you can do is the best that you can. She wiped her tears again. ‘Are you ready now?’ she asked.
‘I... I think so...’
‘Jill, can I come in?’
There was the longest silence. Then a click at the door. Kristie cast a glance over her shoulder to where the teacher and Rhuaridh were standing. Her heart twisted in her chest. He hadn’t believed in her. And for a few seconds it had felt
like a betrayal—like the bottom had fallen out of her world. But she would deal with that later. Right now, she was going to do the best that she could.
‘Kristie...’ The voice came from behind her.
But she just shook her head, opened the door and closed it behind her.
* * *
He sat there for hours. First talking to the teacher, then to Jill’s frantic mother, who’d practically run all the way from the ferry. He’d managed to get hold of a children’s mental health nurse who would come and see Jill tomorrow from the mainland. This wasn’t something that could be fixed overnight.
Kristie finally emerged from the classroom with her arm around Jill’s shoulder. Jill threw herself into her mother’s arms and Kristie waited to talk to both mother and daughter together. Just like he would expect a professional counsellor to do.
She’d been a star today. And he knew she’d been scared. He knew she’d had to expose part of herself to connect with the teenager. And words couldn’t describe how proud he was of her right now.
He stood to the side until he was sure she had finished talking, then joined her to let Jill and her mother know the plans for the next day.
The rest of the students had now been sent home so the school was quiet, silence echoing around them. Rhuaridh lifted his hand to touch Kristie’s cheek. ‘I can’t believe you did that,’ he said quietly.
She met his gaze. ‘I had to. She needed someone to talk to—someone to listen—and I could be that person.’
‘I’m so proud of you. I know this must have been difficult.’
Something jolted in his heart. He hadn’t wanted to say these words here, but he had to go with the feelings that were overwhelming him. ‘I love you, Kristie. I’ve spent the last few months loving you and was just waiting for the right time to tell you.’ He held up one hand, ‘And even though it’s a completely ridiculous and totally unromantic place, the right time is now.’
He couldn’t stop talking. ‘And I know it’s ridiculous because we live on different continents and both have jobs and careers. I don’t expect you to pack up and live here. In fact, the last thing I’d want is for you to come here and resent me for asking you to. But I had to tell you. I had to tell you that I love you and you’ve stolen a piece of my heart.’ He lifted his hand to his chest.
She blinked and he could see the hesitation on her lips and his heart twisted inside his chest. He’d taken her by surprise. She hadn’t been expecting this.
For a few seconds she said nothing. He’d said too much.
All his insecurities from Zoe’s desertion flooded back into his brain as if he’d just flicked a switch. Her look of disdain and disapproval. Kristie’s face didn’t look like that—hers was a mixture of panic and...disappointment? She was disappointed he’d told her he loved her?
He was a fool. He should never have said anything. He’d just been overwhelmed with how proud he was of her that he’d obviously stepped across a whole host of boundaries he hadn’t realised were there.
There was a laugh beside them and he pulled his hand back sharply.
‘Oh, the Hot Highland Doc. I’d heard you were in the school.’
Rhuaridh turned to the teacher who’d just walked up beside them. ‘What?’
The teacher just kept smiling. ‘The kids talk about you all the time.’
He shook his head, thinking he hadn’t heard correctly. ‘What did you call me?’
‘The Hot Highland Doc. It’s a great title, isn’t it? Better than the Conscientious Curator or the Star-struck Astronaut. Pity the geography is off.’
She gave a shrug and kept walking on down the corridor.
Rhuaridh tried to process the words. He spun back to face Kristie. ‘She’s joking, right?’
Kristie looked a little sheepish. ‘I... I didn’t have any say in it.’ They were the first words she’d said since he’d told her he loved her.
He stepped back and looked down at himself. ‘Hot Highland Doc? That’s how you’ve described me to the world? Of all the ridiculous descriptions...’ He shook his head again. ‘And we’re nowhere near the Highlands!’
He was overreacting. He knew that. But right now he felt like a fool.
A few things clicked in his brain, comments he’d heard people say but hadn’t really picked up on at the time. ‘I can’t believe you’d let them do that.’ Then something else crossed his mind. ‘I can’t believe you didn’t warn me.’
* * *
Kristie breathed. The air was stuck somewhere in her throat. He’d just told her he loved her, then almost snatched it back by inferring they could never work. It was like giving her a giant heart-shaped balloon then popping it with a giant pin.
Her stomach was in knots. For a few seconds there she’d thought the world was perfect and their stars had aligned, but then Rhuaridh had kept talking. Was he talking himself out of having a relationship with her? Had she only been pleasant company while the filming was going on?
It was as if every defence automatically sprang into place. ‘It’s not up to me to tell you. The TV series hasn’t exactly been a secret. Most of the island watches it. If you weren’t such a social media recluse you would have picked up on it in the first month.’
Her brain was jumbled right now. Everything felt so muddled.
‘Was any of this real for you? You tell me you love me one second, then tell me how ridiculous our relationship is in the next? Who does that? What kind of a person does that sort of thing?’ The words were just spilling out in anger. No real thought because all she could feel right now was pain. All the things she’d considered for a half a second seemed futile now. Coming to Arran? Accepting the book deal and giving up the TV job? How on earth could she leave LA? She was crazy for even considering anything like that.
There was a flash of hurt in his eyes then his jaw clenched.
The anger kept building in her chest, turning into hot tears spilling down her cheeks.
She stepped back and looked him straight in the eye. Her words were tight. ‘And...we’re done. Goodbye, Rhuaridh.’ She had to get out of there. She had to get out of there now.
Her pink coat spun out as she turned around and strode down the corridor. Her heart squeezed tight in her chest, part hurt, part anger. Why on earth had she thought for even a second that this might work?
* * *
He watched her pink coat retreating, trying to work out what the hell had just happened. He’d told her he loved her and she’d walked away.
There was a movement at the end of the corridor. A camera. Thea.
It appeared he’d just been starring in his own worse nightmare.
Fury gripped his chest. He put his hands on his hips for a few seconds, staring down as he took a few deep breaths.
This had all been for nothing. He’d been crazy to think they could ever make this work.
Then he straightened his back and walked in the opposite direction.
CHAPTER TWELVE
April
‘I QUIT.’
‘You can’t quit. The show has just been syndicated.’
‘For once, Louie, listen to what I tell you. I quit. I’m not setting foot on that island again.’
‘Your contract says you are.’
‘So sue me.’
Kristie slammed the phone down just as it buzzed. She turned it over.
Can we talk?
She stared at the name. Rhuaridh. Her hand started to shake.
NO.
She typed it in capital letters.
* * *
Last time he’d been this tired he’d been a junior doctor on a twenty-four-hour shift. He’d been delayed at both Glasgow then London airports. The heat hit him as soon as he set foot on the tarmac in Los Angeles. Most people in the UK drove cars with gears. Rhuaridh had never driven an automatic and hadn’t quite realised it
almost drove himself, meaning when he put the car into reverse in the car park at the airport, he almost took out the row of cars behind him.
He was torn between trusting the air-conditioning and just putting down the window to let some air into the car. It was dry. Scratchy dry.
He hadn’t slept a wink on the flights. He’d been too busy thinking about the way they’d left things. Once he’d calmed down he’d tried to find her, but it seemed that she and Thea had caught the first ferry off the island.
He’d spent a few days replaying everything in his head. Trying to work out why things had gone so wrong.
Rhuaridh didn’t want to call. He hadn’t really wanted to text either, he just wanted to see her. He wanted to be in the same room as her. He wanted to talk to her.
He’d only sent the text once he’d landed, when he’d had a crazy second of doubt that he’d look like some kind of madman turning up at her door uninvited.
His brain wobbled at the number of lanes on the highway. At this rate he’d be lucky to make it there at all. Being called the Hot Highland Doc at least a dozen times between Arran and Los Angeles now seemed like some kind of weird irony. For the first time in his life complete strangers had recognised him. He’d been asked for autographs and selfies. People had asked him to speak so they could hear his accent. And there had been lots of questions about Kristie.
Most people had been completely complimentary—but he was sure that was because there was a lag time of six weeks between filming and the finished episode being shown. Once they saw the next episode that was scheduled—which would surely contain their fight and Kristie walking away—he was pretty sure he’d be toast the world over.
But here was the thing. He wasn’t worried about the rest of the world. He was only worried about her.
He pulled up outside an apartment complex in the Woodland Hills area of Los Angeles. It looked smart. Safe.
Tempted by the Hot Highland Doc Page 16
