by Donna Grant
Instead, I discovered that there were countless others in a similar agonizing void of dating failure.
It saddens me that there are so many of us in the same boat. But at the same time, it makes me feel less like a catastrophe. That’s why I kept the blog going. I had (sadly) many horrible dates to choose from to post about.
Some are really old while others are more recent. If you’re new to the site and feeling depressed about your dating disasters and disappointments, all you need to do is read the comment section on any post to see that you aren’t alone.
Life is hard. And then we date.
Which, in some cases, feels like we’re traversing Dante’s nine circles of Hell.
Sure, we’ll all meet the assholes (men and women). The ones who cheat and lie and leave us feeling … less than. But every once in a while, we meet a true gem.
The ones who make us smile days after the date. The ones who give us butterflies before the first kiss—and even after when we think about it. The ones we find a connection with.
Sometimes, they last for just a day. Sometimes, longer. And if we’re really, really lucky, they last forever.
I’m very picky about what I want in a man. I’m a strong woman, so I need a guy who is strong, as well. One of my friends labeled them alphas. Which, I have to be honest, is a pretty good description. They’re always the guys I go for in movies, TV, and books.
Being alpha doesn’t mean being an asshole. That’s where so many men get it wrong. And some men are alphas without even realizing it. THOSE are the ones who get me Every. Time.
Hmmmmmmmmm.
Sorry. Got lost in a fantasy for a moment. My point is that it’s not wrong to know what you’re looking for in an individual. If you are aware, then that means you’ve looked at yourself closely, and you realize what will make you happy.
I think that’s why online dating works so well. We list out what we’re looking for in a potential match. My favorite sites are the ones that tell you how well you match up with someone. I tend to get solid 83%-88% with most men.
Occasionally, I’ll get a 95%.
That’s cause for celebration, right?
No. Because, inevitably, anyone with a 90% rating or higher is exactly what I’m not attracted to. I keep thinking that Karma must be a woman who loves to give me those kinds of things, all while laughing her ass off.
At least I like to think of Karma as a practical joker. Otherwise, I might start to get a little paranoid.
So, my lovely readers, I tell you all of my humiliations and shame so you’ll know you aren’t alone. Because you aren’t. Just keep the hope alive that there’s someone out there for you. They are out there. They may just need a little help to find you.
Until my next failure!
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
The tele was on, but Claire didn’t see or hear it. It just filled the silence of her small house.
She couldn’t remember a day that had passed so quickly before. Thankfully, she didn’t have many chances to look up and hope to see V. The few times that did happen though, it had been a disappointment not to see him.
Even though she knew she wouldn’t.
But she still hoped. And it was hope that ruined everything for once in her life.
She curled her toes to stretch them. Claire had come home, changed into lounge clothes, and immediately laid out on the couch. She didn’t attempt to cook, instead ordering food to be delivered. The half-touched cartons of Chinese takeaway spoke of where her mind was. But the wine sure did taste good.
She lifted the glass to her lips and took another drink of the pinot noir. No matter what Claire had told herself, no matter what truth she knew, she’d still looked for Vlad when she left the clinic that evening.
Her gaze had searched for some sign of him. And when he hadn’t been there, the disappointment that filled her had been debilitating. It was so bad that it had nearly threatened to ruin the happiness of the night before.
That’s when she got herself under control. The date with V had been incredible, and she didn’t want anything destroying that. She allowed herself to feel a little sad, but she also remembered that he’d told her he planned to leave.
He also hadn’t said anything about seeing her again. What he had done was tell her that he wanted to give her a nice night. And he’d done that and more. It was a night she would never forget.
Claire rose from her reclining position and set aside her wine on the coffee table. She walked into the bathroom and wound her hair atop her head. Then she washed her face, removing the little bit of makeup that she had put on that morning.
She straightened as she patted her skin with the towel. She gazed at the tub. A nice long soak might be just what she needed, but when she thought of the water, she thought of V.
And her body hungered for more of him.
All day, the desire had struck her at inopportune moments. She’d held his length in her hand, tasted him on her tongue. But she hadn’t felt him inside her.
Her eyes closed. She gripped the sink as an intense need flooded her, so powerful the room spun. When she was able to open her eyes again, she hurried to her bedroom and kneeled next to her bedside table to reach for the decorative box.
She opened the lid and looked inside at the various sex toys. Her sex drive was something she’d embraced early on in life. And while she did indulge in the rare one-night stand, she found that to really enjoy sex, she had to have an emotional connection.
How she managed to have that connection with Vlad after only one date, she’d never know. But that was the only explanation she had for orgasming at all. It was a fact of her life that she never climaxed the first time she slept with a man.
Actually, it was rare even during the second time. And she blamed herself for not being upfront and honest with the men in telling them what she wanted and needed.
But she hadn’t had to do that with V. He’d known. Somehow, he’d known exactly where and how to touch her to bring about such exquisite pleasure that she still craved it.
Claire reached for one of the toys, but just before her fingers closed around it, she changed her mind. She discarded one after another until there was nothing left to choose. And yet she needed to relieve the ache V had woken.
She squeezed her legs together. If she were brave or forward or whatever it was people called it, she would get dressed and go see him. If they let her into Dreagan.
It wasn’t like she knew his number. He didn’t even know hers, so she couldn’t contact him that way. And she certainly wasn’t going to ask Sophie or Darius for it. That would just be embarrassing.
That meant she could either sit here with need thrumming through her, or she could make use of a toy. Since she’d suffered all day, she knew she had to do something, or she wouldn’t sleep at all.
Claire closed her eyes and reached inside the box. Her fingers closed around one of the many satin bags that individually held each toy and pulled it out.
She laid it on the mattress and quickly stripped out of her clothes. Then she opened the bag and pulled out the vibrator. She got into bed and let her mind drift to V as she turned on the toy.
* * *
V made himself walk past Claire’s house. If he stopped like he wanted to and looked inside for some glimpse of her, he was nothing more than a stalker. But he couldn’t go to the door and knock.
He couldn’t see her. Because if he did, he would kiss her. And if he kissed her, then he would make love to her. So far, he’d managed to hold himself back, but it was getting harder and harder.
Was it because he couldn’t have her that he wanted Claire so desperately? Or was it something else? Something … more? The very thing he craved.
V wasn’t sure, and it didn’t matter. All he knew was that the hunger to taste her lips again was crushing. And that wasn’t all he wanted to sample on her body.
He’d gone for a walk earlier after his time in the mountain. He’d told himself it was to stretch his legs an
d think, but he had thousands of acres on Dreagan to do that. Instead, he’d walked to the village—and straight to the clinic.
Because he couldn’t stop thinking about Claire.
When he saw her making her way alone from the building to her car, he’d almost called out. But at the last minute, he’d ducked behind a tree. It was just a second later that she had looked around as if searching for someone. Was it him? Had she wanted to see him?
V had tried to go back to Dreagan after that, but instead, he’d ended up at the pub. Laith attempted to talk to him. Even Guy and Tristan sat with him, but he’d had no interest in conversing with anyone.
Not when all he wanted was Claire.
After a couple of ales and twice as many fingers of whisky, he’d started back to Dreagan. Except he ended up near Claire’s house, walking back and forth while trying to tell himself to leave her—and the attraction between them—alone.
He stopped and stared at her door, but when he actually thought about what he would say to her, V realized he didn’t know where to start. And that’s where he should leave it.
With her, he’d found something special. She’d helped him find the missing connection to his sword, which he would be forever grateful for. But he still hadn’t gotten the weapon to respond to him properly. He needed to focus on that for his brethren.
“Good-bye, Claire,” he said and turned on his heel.
It was better if he never saw her again. In fact, he was going to make sure of it.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Deep inside Dreagan Mountain
Henry rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. He’d stared at the map for so long that his vision was blurring. He walked around the room, moving his neck from side to side to help stretch out the kinks that had knotted his shoulders.
He stopped and leaned against a wall, dropping his head back against it. He would have never thought in a million years that he would be sitting in a manor in Scotland with a race of immortal, magical beings.
Then again, he hadn’t expected to ever just be himself. Not a spy for MI5. But he’d left his position to give himself and all his contacts to the Dragon Kings so he could help them in any way possible.
Not that they needed it. While they didn’t use their magic for such things, the Kings were highly intelligent and resourceful individuals. Constantine even more so.
Yet Henry had wanted to help. Ryder was a mastermind with computers and anything electronic. Vaughn handled all of Dreagan’s legal issues, and he wasn’t a solicitor anyone in the world wanted to tangle with. He never lost.
Each Dragon King brought something different and unique to the mix. And that wasn’t even counting their magic. So, why had they asked him for help? Was it pity?
Henry shook his head. His friendship with Banan had begun his introduction to the world of the Dragon Kings, Fae, Druids, Warriors, and even Reapers. But if Henry had learned one thing about those at Dreagan, it was that they kept to themselves. He wasn’t there because someone felt sorry for him. Because anyone associated with the Kings could be compromised, and their secret revealed. The Dragon Kings had worked too hard to hide their true selves.
Henry wanted to believe that he brought something unique to the table, but he was no fool. There wasn’t a single thing that he did that one of the Kings couldn’t do better.
“I know that look.”
Henry’s head swung toward the open door as his sister walked in. Esther had become entangled with the wrong people while working for MI5. That had brought her to the Kings, where they discovered that her mind was controlled by a Druid.
And yet, somehow, Esther hadn’t just been freed of the magic, she had found love in the arms of a King. Now, she was mated to Nikolai. Henry couldn’t be happier for her, but that didn’t mean he didn’t feel sorry for himself. Especially since the one he wanted wouldn’t even look at him.
The moment he thought of Rhi, Henry slammed the door on such thoughts. One kiss from the Light Fae and he’d fallen hard for her. Everyone said it was only because she was Fae, that he didn’t really love her.
Frankly, he was tired of talking about it.
“Henry?” Esther asked as she walked closer. She wore a frown that warned that this wasn’t a casual visit. She was here for something.
He forced a smile. “I’m good, sis.”
“You don’t look it.”
“I’m tired.”
“That I can see.” She put her hands on her hips and looked him over in a stern British way. “You need sleep.”
Henry ran a hand over his jaw, feeling the scrape of whiskers. A reminder that he hadn’t shaved in days. Or was it weeks? He couldn’t remember. “I sleep. And eat,” he said before she could make a comment about that.
“When was the last time you got out?”
“Of this room?” he asked.
She rolled her eyes in frustration. “The bloody house, wanker.”
“I have.”
“When?” she demanded, lifting a dark brow.
Henry started to answer, then realized he couldn’t recall where he’d gone.
Esther blew out a breath and dropped her arms to her sides as she walked to stand before him. “Henry, I’m worried about you. All you do is stare at that bloody map,” she stated, pointing at the massive backlit chart that encompassed the wall opposite him.
“First, it was the Dark Fae,” she continued before he had time to reply. “Now, it’s the weapon.”
“I still have my eye on the Dark.”
Esther turned her head away for a brief moment. When her brown gaze slid back to him, there was resolve there. “You have to stop this.”
“And do what?” he demanded. “If I don’t do this, there is nothing for me here. Do you want me to go back to England? Rejoin MI5?”
She gaped at him. “Of course not.”
“Then what?” He pushed away from the wall and towered over her, glaring. “What do you want from me?”
“I want you to be happy.”
“I am.”
“The hell you are,” Esther replied angrily. She narrowed her brown eyes at him. “You focus on anything you believe will benefit the Kings, all so you can remain here in the hopes of catching a glimpse of Rhi.”
Henry didn’t deny it. What good would that do? Now that he’d seen the inner workings of the Dragon Kings and knew just how much they fought not only for themselves but also for Earth, he couldn’t imagine doing anything else.
Even if he was very aware of everything he lacked compared to the Kings.
“This isn’t about Rhi,” Henry said.
Esther snorted loudly. “I wish I could believe that.”
“Tell me, sis,” he said, catching her gaze. “After you discovered the Kings, and before you fell in love with Nikolai, could you have walked away?”
“Y—”
“Who’s the liar now,” Henry interrupted before she could finish the word.
Esther blew out a long breath. “Perhaps, you’re right. Maybe I wouldn’t have been able to leave.”
“You didn’t.”
“I stayed because of you.”
Henry raised a brow, daring her to continue in that vein.
Esther rolled her eyes again. “All right. Fine. Maybe it was because I was intrigued and terrified of all I’d learned.”
“And you want me to walk away?”
“Not away from the Kings or even Dreagan. But away from this,” she said, her voice rising with her conviction as she motioned to the map. “You haven’t felt the sun on your face in weeks. You eat, but do you taste anything? And I know you don’t sleep more than a few hours at a time.”
He looked away, not wanting to hear her. But there was no getting away from this. “Who sent you? Banan? Con?”
“I sent myself when none of them would say anything to you,” she replied in a soft tone.
Henry walked around her to stand before the map. “When you look at this, what do you see?”
She moved beside him and crossed her arms over her chest. Esther issued a half-shrug. “I see countries with different colored pins stuck in them.”
“I see so much more. Each colored pin means something different. The red ones are for the Dark Fae. See how they’re still clustered in the lower half of Ireland? But you can also see that they’ve begun to spread out around the world again,” he explained, motioning with his hand. “Then there is the black pin. That is where the weapon was last seen. Right here on Dreagan. I use the yellow ones for any mention of something out of the ordinary that might pertain to the weapon or magic.”
“Stop,” Esther interrupted him.
Henry swung his head to her. “You wanted to know. I’m telling you.”
“You are, but you’re not talking about the real issue.”
“What’s that?” he insisted. “Rhi? Or that I’m not getting a daily dose of sunlight?”
“You haven’t mentioned any more about what we are.”
Henry barked out a laugh, but he felt no joy. “You mean how our parents lied to us? How we’re really adopted and part of some Druid policing society?”
“I’m the TruthSeeker. You’re the JusticeBringer. Neither of us can run from our destiny.”
“Destiny?” His lips twisted in a sneer at the thought. “Just because we found out we’re adopted doesn’t mean anything.”
Her head cocked to the side as anger flashed in her expression. “You are compelled to beget righteousness. It’s what you’re doing even now, though you may not want to admit it. You want to right the wrongs done to the Kings, and find the weapon.”
Henry looked back at the map. He didn’t want to have this conversation. Not now. Not ever.
“We spent weeks on the Isle of Eigg searching for the woman who helped to hide our real identities. You agreed then that we were part of something more.”
“I don’t want it.”
“You can’t just turn it off and on like a switch. Ignore it all you want, but the truth is in every action you take. Why do you think you went to work for the highest agency in England? Not because you wanted to be a spy. Because you wanted to right the wrongs. You wanted to be able to go after those the authorities couldn’t touch. And MI5 gave you that opportunity.”
