by Bijou Hunter
When my phone rings, I see an incoming video call from my mom.
Alyn notices my exasperation and pats my hand. “If you feel overwhelmed, just remember you’ll have hot wax poured on your snatch tomorrow, followed by all the hairs getting yanked out. What’s a phone call next to that?”
Nodding, I answer to find my mom looking distracted. Rather than say hello, she asks, “Are you sick?”
“No.”
“Are you under duress? Like held against your will and the call to Sylvie was a cry for help?”
“No.”
“Are you plotting to murder her?”
“No.”
My mom stops looking annoyed and stares concerned into the camera. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“But you normally want to kill Sylvie.”
“Not really. I just like her thinking I want to kill her. It keeps the dumbass from bothering me.”
“Why do you sound sad? And why are you giving people your kidneys?”
“No, she wants Denver’s organs,” Sylvie says, sitting next to my mom based on her voice.
“I didn’t want anyone’s kidneys. Sylvie’s just a moron.”
“That’s my girl,” Mom says, smiling now. “We heard you’ve embraced cock again.”
Dad appears next to Mom and shoves his face close to the camera. “We’re okay with whatever you want, baby. Whether it’s taco flavored or a footlong, we just want you to be happy.”
Mom laughs as he disappears from view. “He thought long and hard about that joke.”
“Long and hard,” Denver says nearby and snorts.
Offscreen, Sylvie growls, “Stop distracting me.”
“Dude.”
“No, you’re right,” she says, instantly bowing to his logic.
Though I roll my eyes at their idiocy, I’ve always been a little jealous of their close relationship. As tiny people, Cavalry, Denver, and Sylvie glued themselves together and never truly separated. Never in my life have I felt such a tight bond.
But I think I can with Sam as long as I push myself. My natural inclination is to embrace the easiest, most comfortable choice. I moved to Pema to get away from unpleasant situations. Running away is no longer an option
If I want a love like my parents share, I’ll have to learn to be a ride-or-die bitch.
THE CHARMER
After getting off the bus, Raimi ditches Caesar and runs to me. Her brother glares at the back of her before focusing his angry gaze in my direction.
I refuse to get my feathers ruffled by his fussing. Caesar’s struggling with me changing up his schedule. I see him trying to handle the bills for his grandparents, checking on the kitchen, micromanaging the birds, and monopolizing his sister. Now, Raimi’s obsessed with daddy time, and he feels abandoned.
“Did you miss me?” Raimi asks, wrapping her arms around my waist and holding on.
I enjoy her bright eyes and happy grin. Her front teeth are missing, making her smile even sweeter.
“All day long.”
Resting her head against me, Raimi sighs heavily. I stroke her brunette head and tell Caesar hello.
“I have homework,” he says, walking past us.
When Raimi frowns at his tone and looks at me, I explain, “He’s almost a teenager.”
“Were you a brat when you were that age?”
“No. Do you think Caesar’s a brat?” I ask as we walk back to the house.
“I don’t know. He doesn’t want me to trust you.”
“How come?”
“You left,” she says, peeking at me to see if I’m angry.
“I did, didn’t I?”
“I missed you.”
“I missed you too, squirt.”
Raimi smiles full of relief as if my getting upset was a real concern.
“You know, I’m not the temperamental sort,” I say as we walk into the house where my parents dance around in the living room to a Sammy Davis Jr. tune. “I’m like Pawpaw with tattoos.”
Raimi grins, but I don’t think she believes me. I start wondering if she was too little when we last lived together. Does she think I’m a scary criminal?
Giggling at her dancing grandparents, she tells me, “They love each other so much.”
“Yeah, they do,” I say, resting my hand on her shoulder while my parents do the cha-cha.
Nearby, Caesar checks the stove, goes through the mail, and then feeds the birds. I watch the boy until he disappears into his room and shuts the door.
Meanwhile, Raimi sticks close to me. We get a snack, do her homework, and then sit out back.
“Does Caesar have to keep everything in a certain way?” I ask as she leans against me on the bench.
“I don’t know.”
“Are your grandparents forgetful?”
“They didn’t pay the bills one time. Or maybe another time. I don’t know. Caesar did it. Nana forgot the stove on a bunch of times, and Caesar turned it off. He said we have to help, but I forget.”
Getting a little closer to Caesar’s issue, I wrap my arm around a clingy Raimi.
“Do you like living here?” I ask after she points at a squirrel in a neighbor’s tree.
“I don’t know.”
“I bet you do.”
“Are we going to live in our old house now?” Raimi asks, holding me tighter.
“Other people live there these days, squirt.”
“But it was our house.”
“I know, but we only rented. Now, other people pay to live there. Do you not like your grandparents’ house?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you miss your old house?”
“It’s where Mom lived.”
“I miss her.”
Raimi deflates immediately and glances back into the house. “It’s okay. She’s in Heaven. You don’t have to be sad.”
Though my daughter says the words, she doesn’t believe them. I think of her watching Teigh die, and my heart hurts for the terrified six-year-old girl I left behind.
“For right now, we’ll stay with Pawpaw and Nana, okay?” I say, and Raimi nods. “You and Caesar aren’t used to me being around. After a bit, we can find another house if you want.”
“What about Pawpaw and Nana?”
“They’ll live here.”
“Who will turn off the stove?”
“We’ll send them reminders.”
“Can I do it? I’m good at the phone. Pawpaw lets me use his when we go out.”
“He knows you’re a smart cookie,” I say, handing her my phone. “I don’t even use mine much. You can play with it until bed.”
“Can I put games on it like Pawpaw has on his?”
Once I nod, she starts finding fun apps. I stroke her head and wonder about Caesar. My gut says going to his room won’t help. He’ll clam up like usual.
At dinner, he barely speaks and mostly frowns at his food. When Raimi says she’s playing with my phone, her brother acts offended.
Later, I’m still thinking about how to get the boy to open up. Sitting in my room while the rest of the house falls silent, I barely notice my phone. Then, I remember how Nev mentioned she might sneak over.
Ten minutes after I answer her text, she appears at my front door. Nev looks worried as she literally tiptoes downstairs to my room.
“The kids and my parents went to sleep an hour ago,” I assure her once I close my bedroom door.
Nev’s face warms immediately. I’m still impressed by how quickly she can click from ice princess to red-hot queen.
“I’ll put the alarm on to make sure I’m out of here before they wake up.”
I wish Nev didn’t worry so damn much. At dinner, I mentioned hanging out with her today. I don’t hide what’s happening.
That might be one reason Caesar is angry with me. The kids thought Teigh and I were a committed couple. Not like they were old enough to know any different. I probably seem in a rush to replace their mom.
So, y
eah, logically, hiding my feelings for Nev makes sense. But I don’t believe in denying reality. Nev belongs in my bed, so I hate having her sneaking in and out of the house. Feels disrespectful to my feelings to hide shit.
But I’m not an island here. I have two traumatized kids and a woman unwilling to jump on the mommy train. They come with their own hang-ups, so I can’t do whatever feels right to me.
If the world bowed to my will, my kids would smile more, and Nev would never leave my side.
THE CHAPTER WHERE BLISS BLOWS INTO TOWN
THE CRACKERJACK
The last few nights at Sam’s house satisfy my constant need for him. Yet, I can’t force myself to stay for breakfast. When I see his kids, I think of Teigh. Her ghost lingers over my fantasies of the future. Caesar and Raimi lost a loving mom. Unfortunately, her potential replacement lacks such warmth. Yeah, seeing Sam’s kids now fills me with more than fear. I literally don’t like myself as much as I did just weeks ago.
Already on edge, I consider grabbing a weapon when I hear motorcycles roll up my driveway. What the hell are Reapers doing here? No way am I letting stinky men bunk at my house. Fuck that shit! Well, unless Cooper Johansson himself asks or maybe my father. Otherwise, fuck that shit!
On the security feed, I find my three blond siblings climbing off their now-silent hogs. Of course, I get the urge to sneak out the back door and find sanctuary at Sam’s house. But the Bliss Triad will just bunk on my front yard until I give up and return.
“What?” I ask, opening the door before they can knock.
Galileo and Ghost run out and bark wildly at my siblings.
“They’re little hot dogs,” Denver says, chuckling.
“No, they’re not,” I mutter. “Dachshunds are a different breed.”
“What are what now?” Cavalry asks, stepping over the hyper dogs and walking past me into the house. “Is that French?”
“Why are you here?”
Denver shrugs. “I don’t know.”
“Are you stoned?”
“No, are you?”
“No.”
“Cool,” he says, smiling as he walks past me.
Finally, there’s the runt of the Majors litter. A kid so awful my parents gave up on having more. The bane of my existence growing up. Yeah, Sylvie Majors is the worst.
“You’ve gained weight. Are you pregnant?” she asks, shaking out her wild hair.
“You look pretty,” I say, and her sneer turns to a look of horror. “Come inside where it’s cooler after your long ride in the heat.”
Sylvie doesn’t know how to deal with my calm response. “I’m not buying this con job you’re selling.”
“I’m happy with my life and want the same for you.”
Studying me with eyes similar to mine, Sylvie suddenly narrows them. “If you’re looking for a new best friend, I’m already busy with those two. Suck it, bitch.”
I don’t react to her comment. Externally, anyway. On the inside, I’m screaming insults. When she doesn’t get me riled up, Sylvie walks into the house and whistles for the dogs. They follow her, of course. Dogs are such sluts. Any friendly blonde will make them submit. My cats, though, run when they see Sylvie.
“Antisocial shitheads,” she mutters in response.
My brothers stand in the middle of the room, staring at the large round dog pillow.
“That’s not for people,” I tell them as if speaking to moron children.
“How come?” Denver asks, clearly wanting to treat it like a beanbag chair.
“The dogs have leaky bladders,” I lie. “You’ll get their pee on you if you sit there.”
The brothers eye each other and then the pillow before shrugging in unison.
“Why are you here?” I finally ask.
“You said you wanted to be closer to us,” Sylvie explains while my brothers stretch out on the couch. “We’re here for advice.”
“You drove two hours to torment me?” I ask as she smirks.
“I’m here for help,” Cavalry announces. “I think they’re here to torment you.”
“I could use a hug,” Denver says. “No torture stuff. I hurt my dick recently. Real tender still.”
The three of them share laughter at whatever fucking story they’re remembering. I refuse to ask questions since I don’t care about my siblings’ sex lives.
“What did you need help with?” I ask Cavalry while the younger two still snicker.
“See, I like this girl. She’s all I think of.”
“Gross,” Sylvie grumbles, sitting between them and flipping me off.
“She’s amazing,” Cavalry continues, “but she thinks of me as a little boy.”
“You need to stop crying in front of her,” Sylvie suggests.
“You’re sweating cruelty, brah,” Cavalry mutters.
“I’m sorry,” she immediately apologizes. “My vile ways ought to be directed at that one.”
I don’t react to Sylvie’s hostility. Though I do file away how quickly she backs down to complaints from Cavalry. Maybe there’s a way for me to train the shithead like he did.
I sit in the gold chair and pet my dogs. “Who is this girl?”
“It’s a secret,” Sylvie hisses.
Cavalry ignores her and says, “Nadine Ramsey.”
“You told,” she whines.
“It’s Nev. Secrets are for non-Majors, brah.”
“True, dude,” Denver adds despite having his eyes closed and likely napping soon.
“Whatever,” Sylvie mutters. “Fuck all of you.”
“Dude,” Denver says.
“Brah,” Cavalry adds.
For whatever fucking reason, that shit works, and Sylvie chills out.
“Wait, so this is Saint’s daughter?” I ask, trying to get them back on topic.
“Yeah,” Cavalry says, wearing a dopey grin. “She’s the finest woman on the planet. No offense to Mom.”
Sylvie rolls her eyes. “Nadine’s a stuck-up bitch who thinks she’s too good for Cav. It’s a bunch of bullshit, I tell ya.”
“Support, brah,” he says, and they bump fists. “But I still love Nadine with all my heart. So, how do I trap her, so she can’t run away anymore?”
“Is that a real question?” I ask, worried Cavalry’s going to piss off a trained killer.
“Yeah, but it’s my heart on the line, Nev.”
I’ve spent most of my life running away from encounters with these three. They’re tolerable one-on-one. Okay, not the youngest turd. But my brothers are sweet. When they’re together, though, they start babbling “dude” and “brah” at each other to the point of nausea.
“How did you fall in love with her when she lives in Houston?” I ask, still petting the dogs to give me the strength to endure the evil one.
“She visits Ellsberg, dumb-dumb,” Sylvie answers. “Her mommy has family there, remember, fuck face?”
“She speaks the angry truth,” Denver says and smiles at me.
Cavalry stares as if he might be getting sleepy or possibly having a really serious thought. “I’ve always loved her. Like even when I was in the womb, I sensed her in the world.”
“You’re fucking with me,” I mutter, and Sylvie snickers.
“Yeah,” he says, blinking and looking wide awake now, “but I do love Nadine. She’s super rad and smart and way up on the hot meter. But she thinks I’m some slob with no ambition.”
“You’re right,” I say behind my hand. “She is smart.”
My sister jumps up and squawks, “How dare you judge him, you jizz-filled lesbian!”
“What did you suggest he do, Sylvie?” I ask, remaining calm as I pet my dogs with more vigor.
“How would I know how to fix this? I’m not a whore like you.”
Denver nods. “Sylvie’s saving herself for a special man with a very impressive dick.”
“It’ll be the best dick in all the land,” she says, waving her arms around to emphasize its greatness.
They
share giggles while I wonder if they’ll leave after I help them. Did they really ride up here just to bug me before turning around to go home?
“I don’t know what to tell you, Cav. She lives in Houston. Will you move there to charm her?”
“No,” Sylvie answers. “We have to stay in Ellsberg. Mom made her feelings clear.”
Cavalry seems less certain while Denver looks asleep suddenly. My brothers wield the remarkable ability to zonk out just about anywhere at any time. They were great on car rides as kids. Silent as soon as the vehicle started moving.
“She visits in the summer,” Cavalry explains. “That’s soon.”
“Yes, I’m aware of how time and seasons work,” I mutter and receive a glare from Sylvie. “What you need to do is show her how you aren’t a kid. Like you have a job, right?”
“I run the pot business in Ellsberg. Colton said so.”
“That’s a start. Also, maybe you could wear pants with fewer holes in them.”
“No,” Sylvie hisses and then takes his hand. “Never change.”
“You sometimes need to change for another person.”
“Are you evolving for your old man lover?” Sylvie growls.
“Yes.”
My sister frowns. “Why?”
“You have to be willing to change for the people you care about. Don’t you do shit just to please these two?”
Sylvie glances at our brothers and then shrugs. “Makes sense for you to bend to his old man’s will. After all, he’ll be dead soon, probably.”
“He’s younger than our parents. Are you expecting Mom and Dad to die soon?”
Sylvie’s horrified expression makes me laugh. “They’re never dying.”
“Sure. Now, back to Cav’s thing,” I say, and he blinks as if he’d been daydreaming. “Why are you into Nadine rather than horn-dogging a local chick? Have you unrealistically built her up in your head?”
“No, she’s really perfect.”
“Perfect, how?”
“She’s sexier than other women. Smarter than them, too. Just better in every way.”
“She’s alright,” Sylvie mutters.
“Don’t be jealous, dude.”
“I’m not anything, brah.”
“Dude-brah,” Cavalry says, and they start laughing at some inside joke.
