She opened the hall cupboard and pulled out a guide dog harness, fastened it round her and clipped on her lead, leaving the handle lying on her back for now, then they went out and headed towards the cliff top.
‘OK. You need to be on her right, and when you pick up the handle with your left hand, let the lead go loose and just go with her. She’ll keep you in the middle of the pavement. Here you are. Just go with her.’
His heart thumped and he felt a shiver of apprehension. ‘Do I have to shut my eyes?’
‘No, of course you don’t, but don’t try and steer her. Just say, “Millie, forward,” when you’re ready.’
And it was as easy as that. He walked beside her, and every now and again she’d pause, or move slightly to one side or the other to avoid an obstacle, and when they came to a junction she stopped near the edge of the kerb and sat.
‘So now what?’
‘So now you listen, and if you can’t hear anything, you say, “Forward over,” and she’ll take you across.’
‘And if I get lost?’
She smiled. ‘Grumps did that quite often. He’d just tell her to go home and she’d take him. Try it.’
‘Millie, go home,’ he said, and she turned and headed back the way they’d come, stopping at the kerb, dodging the telegraph poles and road signs, the swinging sign outside the newsagent.
‘Ok, hang on a minute. Supposing you remember you want something from here. Grumps used to shop here. Just say, “Millie, paper shop,”’ Laura said, so he did, and Millie turned towards the paper shop and stopped at the door.
He laughed. ‘She’s amazing.’
‘She is amazing. She’s also a lovely, lovely friend. Grumps said it was almost worth losing his sight just to have her, because she was such good company.’ She smiled up at him, her eyes gentle, loving. ‘Shall we go home now?’ she asked, and he felt something start to bloom in his chest. Something bright and beautiful that felt remarkably like hope.
He smiled back. ‘Yes. Yes, let’s do that. Millie, go home,’ he said, and—only for a few seconds—he closed his eyes and let her lead him. And he got feedback through the handle, the sway of her back as she walked, the slightest change of pace, the detour around an obstacle. He opened his eyes and found they were almost at the door, and as soon as they were in he took the harness off and gave her a massive cuddle.
‘You are such a clever girl,’ he said proudly, and she rolled on her back and beamed up at him, tail swooshing. ‘Hussy,’ he murmured, and Laura laughed.
‘Come on. It’s time for her lunchtime biscuit. When did you last eat? Did you have breakfast?’
He shrugged. ‘I don’t remember.’
‘Right. Let’s have some lunch, and we can talk some more.’
‘I’d rather go to bed. I just want to hold you. I’ve missed you so much, and I’ve been so...’
‘Unhappy?’ she finished for him, and he nodded.
‘Yes. I knew I couldn’t ever be with you, and the thought of that was killing me. And now...’
‘You can be with me, Tom. Always. Come on. Let’s settle Millie, then, and go to bed. I could really do with a cuddle, too.’
CHAPTER NINE
‘I’VE MISSED YOU so much this week,’ he said, cradling her against his body and letting her warmth thaw the cold, dark place inside him.
‘I’ve missed you, too. I’ve been so worried about you, you’ve been so odd.’
‘I felt odd. Dislocated and lost. And now this—what a seesaw. I can’t believe you’re pregnant. How long have you known?’
‘Since this morning. Well, that’s when I did the test, but I’ve had my suspicions for a few days.’
He frowned. ‘And you didn’t tell me? Why? How could you keep that a secret from me?’
‘That coming from you?’ She smiled sadly at him and touched his face with a gentle hand. ‘Because I knew just how you’d react.’
‘And I did. I’m sorry. I might have known you’d knock down any barriers I tried to put up between us. I always knew you’d put me first and yourself last, because that’s what you always do.’
‘You make it sound like a failing,’ she murmured, and he laughed softly and kissed her.
‘No, it’s not a failing, but I wasn’t going to let you do that, so I couldn’t be with you no matter how much I wanted to be. I was desperate to be here, but that was just selfish and self-indulgent.’
‘It’s not self-indulgent,’ she said, cradling his face in her hand. ‘We can do this, you know. It will be OK.’
‘Will it?’ He let his hand slide down and come to rest in the bowl of her pelvis, still flat of course so early on. ‘I wonder what it is. I hope it’s a boy, so I don’t have to live with a guilty conscience for the rest of my life.’
‘You don’t. You’ve got nothing to feel guilty about, Tom. Whatever happens, we’ll have a child who’s loved.’
‘How soon can they tell the sex? Is it about sixteen weeks?’
‘Something like that. I think you can sometimes tell at fourteen weeks, but does it make any difference, Tom? I mean, if we found out at a scan that the baby would have Down’s, or a congenital heart condition, or missing limbs or spina bifida—what would you want to do?’
It stopped his thoughts in their tracks. He’d been obsessed by the eye condition, but she was right, there were worse things, things that would make far more difference to their child’s health and well-being, but they’d still want to have that child, still love it every bit as much, still fight for it with every last ounce of strength they could muster.
He smiled sadly. ‘You know the answer to that. I don’t want you not to have this baby, Laura, of course I don’t. I was just gutted for it, I wasn’t expecting it, and I panicked. It was a knee-jerk reaction. But you’re right, it won’t be affected in the same way as me, and yes, there might be a cure by the time it’s relevant. But I’d still rather it was a boy so I don’t have to feel guilty.’
‘You’re such a softy,’ she said with a smile, and she leant over and kissed him. ‘Make love to me, Tom. I’ve missed you.’
‘I’ve missed you, too. Come here.’
* * *
They talked for hours, lying there in each other’s arms, until hunger finally drove them out of bed and into the kitchen.
She made a stack of sandwiches and they ate them on the sofa with Millie between them eyeing them longingly, and then they took her for a run on the cliff then back to his house to collect overnight things because there was no way they were going to be apart if she had anything to do with it.
He’d been alone enough dealing with this, and like it or not, she was going to be there for him from now on, come hell or high water.
Assuming he wanted that, but he still hadn’t said he loved her. Maybe she was making assumptions?
She sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed and watched him as he pulled out some clothes and put them in a bag. Not many, just enough for tomorrow. What about the next day, and the next? What about the future? Did they even have one?
‘What are we going to do about this, Tom?’ she asked quietly, suddenly realising that she had no idea where they were heading.
He stopped what he was doing and looked at her, puzzled.
‘About what?’
‘Us. You and me. Are you going to carry on living here and spending the odd night with me, or are we going to live together, or what?’
He sat down on the side of the bed next to her and took her hand in his. ‘I don’t know,’ he said, his voice gruff. He looked down at their hands, his face guarded. ‘At one point you used the word “husband”. Did you mean that, or was it just...?’
‘No. No, I meant it. If it’s what you want.’
He searched her eyes. ‘Are you asking me to marry you? Because I don’t want you doing that just because of the baby.’
His mouth tipped into a wry, uncertain smile. ‘Not asking me to marry you, or not doing it because of the baby?’
She laughed a little tearfully. ‘Not doing it because of the baby, you idiot. Or because you might go blind, but because I love you. I’ve told you that so many times now, but I still don’t know how you feel, and I don’t what you want from me, what you want from us. I need to know.’
His smile said it all. ‘Of course I love you, Laura. You must know that.’
‘I don’t. You’ve never told me.’
‘Well, I should have done. I probably should have done it years ago. I’ve loved you since the day I met you, but you didn’t want to know. I even had the crazy idea that if I put myself about a bit you’d get jealous, but it just drove you further away. I can’t tell you how sorry I am about that, about the wasted years we could have been together, the time we could have spent getting to know each other properly.’
‘We probably weren’t ready then. And you were right, all the moving around you do as a junior doctor is very disruptive. It might have ruined it, been too much of a strain on our relationship.’
‘And now?’
She smiled and cradled his jaw in her hand, loving the feel of stubble against her palm, the raw masculinity so in contrast to his gentleness. Or maybe not. They weren’t either/or things.
‘I think we’re ready now,’ she said. ‘So—will you? Will you marry me? For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer... We’ll ignore the next bit.’
His smile warmed his eyes, setting off the little creases and softening his features. He turned his face into her hand and kissed it, then looked back at her.
‘Yes, Laura. I will marry you, willingly. As soon as you like. Because I love you more than I have words for. I can’t—I’m not—’
She laid a finger over his lips and cut him off. ‘Shh. You don’t need to find flowery words, Tom. Just a simple “I love you” is all I need to hear. All I’ll ever need to hear.’
‘Good, because I can probably manage that,’ he said with a rueful smile, and he leant over her and kissed her. ‘I love you.’
‘Love you, too. You’d better pack a bit more stuff.’
* * *
They walked into the ED together the following day, his arm round her shoulders, and she felt eyes swivel towards them. Lots of eyes.
‘Well, you two look a bit happier,’ James said drily, and she could feel Tom’s chuckle.
‘Yeah. Sorry about that. Actually, we have some good news. We’re getting married.’
There was a flurry of good wishes, and Livvy flung her arms around Laura and kissed her.
‘I’m so happy for you,’ she said, and Laura found herself laughing and crying and feeling a little foolish.
‘Sorry, this isn’t very professional,’ she said, swiping tears, but James was grinning and all the patients in earshot were smiling, and it was lovely.
‘So when’s the big day?’ Livvy asked when it had all died down a bit, and Laura shrugged.
‘Not yet. Soon, but not yet. We haven’t even had time to think about it, never mind plan it, but—it will be soon.’
‘You are, aren’t you?’ Livvy whispered, and Laura gave up any hope of keeping it a secret and nodded.
‘Yes. Yes, I am. Only just, and that isn’t why we’re getting married. We do love each other.’
‘I would never have known,’ Livvy said drily, and Laura chuckled.
‘Am I that transparent?’
‘Pretty much. So how’s the queasy thing?’
‘Ugh. We might not have the wedding for another couple of months, just so I can enjoy it. It’s only going to be really small, but I’d love you to be there.’
Livvy hugged her again. ‘That would be fabulous. Thank you. And if you want any help planning it...’
‘I’ll ask,’ she said with a smile. ‘Now I’d better go and talk to James.’
‘Yes, because of X-rays and stuff in Resus. I have to go out every time, and sometimes that’s quite difficult. I think I might end up in Minors permanently soon, or just in cubicles. Something less challenging.’ And then her face fell. ‘Oh, no, you won’t be taking my job! James’ll be gutted.’
She smiled. ‘No, he won’t. He’s an old romantic. And anyway, you might change your mind and decide motherhood’s not all it’s cracked up to be,’ she said with a laugh, but Livvy shook her head.
‘No. I want to be at home for Amber and Charlie anyway. I love spending time with them. But maybe he’ll be able to hold the job open for you to come back when you’re ready. You never know, you might change your mind and decide motherhood’s not all it’s cracked up to be,’ Livvy quoted back at her, and then walked away with a cheeky grin.
She felt Tom’s hand slide into hers and squeeze it. ‘Come with me. I’m going to talk to James now. He’s in his office.’
‘OK.’
* * *
Telling James was easier than he’d expected, and his reaction was calm and reasoned.
‘Are your eyes still OK to work at the moment?’
‘Yes, absolutely—well, as long as the lights don’t go out.’
‘In which case I think we might all have a problem, so I’ll have a word with Maintenance,’ he said with a smile. ‘Just—say if you need any help, or time off for appointments, anything like that. Or time off for the wedding, come to that. When is it?’
They looked at each other and shrugged.
‘Soon,’ Tom said firmly.
‘Not too soon. I want to be able to enjoy it.’ She looked her boss firmly in the eye and smiled. ‘I might need a few concessions. I’m having a baby.’
James’s smile widened, and he got up from behind his desk, came round and hugged her hard.
‘That’s such lovely news, Laura. I’m so pleased for you both.’
‘Are you? I thought you had me lined up for Livvy’s job?’
He chuckled and propped himself on the edge of the desk. ‘Well, I did, and it’ll still be there, of course. Technically she can hand in her notice any time up to two months before the end of her maternity leave, so if you wanted to apply at that point we’d be delighted to talk to you about it. And we could rig your shifts so they didn’t overlap too badly. Or you could work part-time, or job-share with Livvy if she wanted to do that. You may not want to, of course. Connie didn’t, and we don’t need the money, so it suits us, but it doesn’t suit everyone. Just keep in touch when the time comes. And for now, take all necessary precautions in Resus and around the department, and look after yourself.’
She nodded. ‘Thank you.’
‘Don’t thank me, just invite me to the wedding.’
‘Oh, don’t worry, you’re on the list. If it wasn’t for you bending the rules after he’d missed the application deadline, it wouldn’t be happening.’
‘Are you saying this is my fault?’ James said with a chuckle, and slapped Tom on the back. ‘Go on, both of you, go and get on with some work before I change my mind and do something evil to the rota.’
* * *
Two hours later he was coming out of a cubicle when she spotted a young man in a wheelchair trundling towards her, being pushed by his parents. She didn’t recognise him, but she recognised the injuries—the left leg propped up with an ex-fix scaffold on it, the right arm in a cast. At least this time he wasn’t covered in blood, and she greeted them all with a smile.
‘Rob. It’s good to meet you at last. I’m Laura. Wow. You look so well! Hang on, let me get Tom.’
She popped her head into Resus. ‘Have you got a minute?’
‘Yeah, sure, I was just finishing up some notes. What’s up?’
‘Nothing. There’s someone who wants to see you. Someone to justify your existence,’ she added with a smile.
He frowned and follow
ed her out, then laughed softly.
‘Well, look at you. That’s amazing. How are you, Rob?’
‘I’m good,’ he said. ‘Bit sore still here and there, but I’m getting better. They’re sending me home, but I just wanted to meet you and say thanks. They said you saved my life.’
‘There were a lot of us involved, Rob. Not just us.’
‘I know, but—they talked about it upstairs. How lucky I’d been. They said my hand was turned right over.’
Tom nodded. ‘It was. How is it? Does it work? Can you feel it?’
‘Yeah, it works. I can’t feel the outside of my little finger a lot, and my grip’s pretty rubbish, but I can nearly hold a pen now and I can use my phone.’
‘Oh, well, that’s all right then,’ Tom said with a chuckle. ‘Get your priorities right. How about your legs?’
He pulled a face. ‘My right leg’s OK, my left leg—well, you can see that. I’ve got this gross thing on it for another three weeks at least, and then they might put a cast on it for a bit longer, but they think I should be able to start weight bearing again in a couple of months.’
‘Yeah, it could take a while, but it’s great you’re making so much progress. Thank you for coming to see us. It’s really good to see you again. You take care—and no more biking!’
‘No way,’ he said, pulling a face. ‘Never again. I’ve learned that lesson properly. Thanks. Really, thanks.’
He was welling up a bit, so they gave him some space and talked to his parents for a moment, then waved him off.
‘That was nice of them.’
Tom raised an eyebrow. ‘He still looks pretty broken. I reckon he’ll have trouble with that left leg off and on for a long while, if not for life.’
‘But he has it, and he has his right hand, and he’s still breathing and talking and thinking clearly. I would say that’s a win.’
‘Absolutely.’ He hugged her, then let her go. ‘I need to get back into Resus. Are you OK?’
She smiled. ‘I’m fine. Livvy’s got the bit between her teeth. We’re talking weddings.’
Healing Her Emergency Doc Page 16
