For one moment, I wished it was Ridley and I could hold her tight, but it was Sally. I crossed my arms and asked, “Sally. What are you doing here?”
“I volunteer. Where’s Ridley?”
Chelsea piped in. “Coming soon.”
Sally took one look at both of us. “You both look miserable.”
“Hudson’s here,” Chelsea said like she was now the leader.
I let out a breath of air and wished my pop was home and healthy, but I quickly said, “I… wasn’t expecting this. I thought he was fine.”
“What happened?” Sally asked.
I glanced up at the bright lights of the hospital. “He was upset at me.”
Sally patted me on the back. “You can’t blame yourself.”
But it was me. I dropped my head. “Everyone who depends on me like your husband gets hurt.”
She cupped my face like she had the ability to wash away my sins. “Don’t be silly. Aaron would want you to move on and find love. We talked about it as we both knew being a SEAL was dangerous and something might happen.”
I had zero right to want love after how I’d just acted. I couldn’t bring myself to look at her. “I didn’t know that.”
She shrugged. “I haven’t looked too hard. Our town is small and there hasn’t been anyone worth my time. But I was hoping at your wedding, you had some hot looking friends I don’t know.”
She pointed behind me. If Sally moved on, maybe I had permission too. Chelsea starting crying when she saw Ridley rush into the lobby.
Chelsea’s voice went up as she said, “Ridley, you’re here.”
“Of course.” Ridley’s eyes were red and puffy, but she held Chelsea’s hand and asked, “Where’s Hudson?”
I never should have hurt her. Ridley was the best woman I’d ever met. “We’re still looking for him.”
She led the charge to the ER though I saw her trace an arrow on the wall indicating the way as she said, “Let’s go talk to the nurse in charge.”
I followed, but Chelsea stepped lighter with Ridley at her side.
As we entered the ER, I knew there was no way to make up for what I’d done. I'd screwed myself out of happiness and a once-in-a-lifetime love.
Chapter 16
Ridley
Asking the driver to take me to the hospital on the app instead of a simple conversation had thrown me, reminding me this was a vacation. But this was no cruise I’d gone on. I’d been dumped and was exposed and raw.
Chelsea’s call had changed everything, even though I could hardly see straight. I’d squared my shoulders, wiped my eyes, and rushed to the hospital.
But walking and seeing Carter was like daggers stabbing me in every step.
I was here because of Chelsea and Hudson. I’d be here, even if being near Carter killed me.
Realizing how stupid I was ripped my heart into thousands of pieces of used confetti.
However, Carter and Chelsea’s gaunt faces made this moment tolerable. We’d made it to the ER without a word and I'd motioned for them to wait behind me as I'd solicited information. Carter didn’t argue but nodded at me.
A moment later, I returned and they were both holding hands I folded my arms in front of them, ignored the ache in my gut, and curled my lips. “I spoke with the nurses.”
Carter rubbed his forehead and asked, “Another heart attack?”
“No.” Tonight sucked. I ignored how my skin buzzed and relied on years of giving news like this when I said, “The doctors don’t think Hudson had a heart attack.”
He wiped tears from his eyes, and I wished I could hold him.
“That’s good.”
Chelsea hugged Carter.
A nurse came for us and directed us to Hudson's private room.
His eyes were closed as we stepped in the door. Chelsea and Carter were glued together. I lowered my arms and checked Hudson’s vitals with my fingers. He let me as he said, “I was in pain. It felt like an attack, though they said it wasn’t.”
I patted his hand and read the chart. Doctor had checked the box that he’d spoken to his patient already what his diagnosis was, and his heartbeat was steady when I said, “It’s good it’s not a heart attack. They are keeping you overnight for observation, just to be sure, but right now, they've diagnosed GERD.”
His nose wrinkled. “That’s stupid.”
Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease caused acid reflux and could mimic a heart attack to one unfamiliar with it. Carter came behind me and desire washed through me still when he said, “Pop, you need to watch your diet.”
At least he didn’t touch me. Maybe in time, I’d learn to let this all go. For now, he backed up and let me step away from the bed but asked, “So he’ll be okay, Ridley?”
“GERD can be related to diet and we both know you’re not following the rules.” I patted Hudson’s arm. “You should be fine if you eat like your doctor recommends.”
Carter’s voice was low and sure. “That would be easier if you were sticking around.”
Damn. I was drowning.
Chelsea hugged me. “Of course she is. She and Carter are getting married today.”
It was after midnight and we hadn’t told her. She’d been in her room. My mind raced almost as fast as my own heart at the moment. I swallowed and hoped the words came. “I-"
“Ridley, can we talk?” Carter cut off what I’d say with his question and then his gaze narrowed. “Alone?”
Why? My heart throbbed, and I rubbed the back of my neck. If he told me to leave when Chelsea called me here, I’d probably seek out the next hospital bed in a mental ward. But I met his gaze. “Sure.”
We both slipped out the door, neither saying a word. I led our small trek down the hall, past the nurse's station, and to the family waiting room. It was still empty, and I pointed Carter in.
He waited until the door closed and then tried to take my hand. I didn’t let him, but he said, “I was a fool earlier with you.”
Now he regretted it, because of his father’s visit. Tears stung my cheeks, but I shook my head and asked, “Calling off the wedding, you mean?”
He lowered his head and I swear I saw a tear out of the corner of his eyes too. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
I hugged myself and swallowed. The truth was enough. “You don’t want to marry me. I get it. I’m not a prize-”
“You are.” He interrupted me and then patted my shoulders like he was my coach. “I’ve never met someone as wonderful as you are.”
Yeah right. I couldn’t change my face. Well, technically, it was possible, but this was how I was made and I never liked how anyone looked with plastic surgery.
But Carter would never understand this me no matter what I did. He was tall, dark, handsome, and had a slight broody personality. I pivoted to look out the small window in the room and ignore how even now my body heated near him. “No, you’ll be with someone beautiful who’ll make you look good and I’ll never be that.”
His voice was low. “Ridley?”
Goosebumps still grew on me. I let go of my waist and swung toward the door to leave. “Look, I’ll just make sure everyone’s fine.”
“Wait.”
His voice sent a thrill of desire in me. I glanced over my shoulder at him. “Why?”
He placed his hand on his heart. “Because you deserve better than me.” I faced him and he came closer. “You’re sexy, and capable, and have the biggest heart I’ve ever known.”
His words were like heat that found my cold spots inside my chest cavity. I asked, “I’m sexy?”
“Absolutely,” He laughed. “My cock is hard for you, even now, when I know you hate me for what I said.”
I gazed down and ignored the impulse in my body to reach out and touch his manhood. My lips curled up and I met his gaze, “I don’t hate you. I get why you called off our wedding. You did nothing wrong.”
He shook his head. “I did everything wrong with you. I was scared.”
I raised my eyebrow.
I hadn’t expected him to admit that. He was a Navy SEAL billionaire who lived on a ranch. He seemed invincible.
“Scared? Yeah, right.”
He reached out for my hand and squeezed my palm. “I was. I… was dead inside before you showed up in my life.”
Virility pulsated out of him. From our simple touch, I was already more alive. He was like a spark that was too powerful to ever be hidden. “That’s not true.”
He swallowed like his words hurt him. “I’ve been afraid of living until I had no choice.”
Yet he was willing to marry a virtual stranger to ensure he’d give Chelsea a home and fulfill the wishes of our friend’s will. Then he flipped in the last hour.
I ignored the ache to hold him closer, but I asked, “Is that why you were willing to walk on out Chelsea too?”
He closed his eyes like he relived his past. “I was a complete jerk. I don’t deserve your forgiveness or kindness.”
If he wanted to marry me, I’d do it. Love was so clearly beaming out of my heart like a light for him. I’d never had this before, but I held that back. I wiped my face and hoped my emotions were hidden. “Look, let’s get Chelsea home. Tomorrow we’ll get your dad out and then we’ll figure out the rest of our lives.”
His intake of breath showed his shock. “You’re willing to do that?”
Heat rose in my face. It’s not like I'd had time to check into a hotel. I nodded. “Yeah.” And then I kissed his cheek even though I shouldn’t and then said, “Chelsea and your dad have been nothing but nice since I arrived.”
His face turned bright red as he said, “You don’t have to.”
I let him go and it felt like an old blanket enveloped me. My shoulders were heavy. “Believe me, I know.”
He asked, “Ridley?”
Here it comes. I braced my legs as I asked, “What?”
He caressed my cheek and, at first, the sensation caused my hair to stand on end.
He whispered, “You’re the best woman I've ever met.” I closed my eyes and expected the "but" to come. He kept his voice low when he said, “I’d have been honored to have you as my wife and I wish I could go back and stop myself for breaking it off.”
My eyes widened. He still wanted me? My mind raced. Maybe I was good enough for love, but I couldn’t grasp his meaning and just said, “Doesn’t matter now.”
Lies. Seriously? It mattered. He'd wanted me as his wife before, but the past didn’t matter.
Like he could read my mind, he said, “No, I hope it still does matter.” I listened closely, as he continued. “I blame myself for the death of my entire unit. I thought I didn’t deserve to be happy and I wanted to stop you from loving me.”
I set out a small laugh. Wow. My entire body was his for the taking, but I shrugged. “I’m sorry about your friends, but I think I loved you years ago from afar and once we were together… I was happy and I’ve never been truly happy.”
His gaze narrowed. “Why aren’t you happy?”
Now I had to be honest. “Because I’m invisible.”
He tilted his head and frowned. “What?”
I swallowed and let the truth come out of my mouth. “I’m not maternal, or a go-getter, or brilliant like my sister, Indigo. I’m not guiding people like Nicole. I’m used to sitting on the sidelines.”
His forehead pressed to mine. “Ridley Steel, you are worth more than the price of gold.”
I closed my eyes and memorized the smell of his woodsy cologne.
He hugged my waist. “You’re precious because you’re beautiful, together, and seriously the sexiest woman I've ever met.”
But he didn’t love me. He wanted to prevent the unstoppable. My feelings. I stepped out of his arms. “Well, that’s something...” I glanced at the screen and saw Hudson’s name flash. I pointed and said, “We should get back.”
He glanced at the TV screen, nodded, and I opened the door. We ran back to the room as a nurse left. I grabbed the chart, read he’d just received medication and showed Carter. Hudson was sleeping and Chelsea was curled in a seat. I tugged his arm. “We should get her in the car and home to her bed.”
“With you?” He asked like we hadn’t just decided this.
He hadn’t wanted anything to change. At this point, my feet were weary, but I said, “I’ll help tonight.”
He stepped in, kissed his father’s sleeping cheek. “Night, Pop. We’ll see you in the morning.”
He then headed to Chelsea, but Hudson mumbled, “Bring me fresh bread.”
“Only if we hear good things.” He winked at me like I was in on the joke.
In another life, maybe this would be my forever family. My heart hoped to be here. In the morning, I’d have to put my heart on the line and tell him I’d love him forever because that was the truth. Love mattered more than fear and I was tired of stressing that I wasn’t good enough.
If he said no, then he was the damn fool, not me.
But first, we all needed to sleep. Clear minds and bodies were the best time for heart-to-heart talks.
We paraded out of the room together, with Carter carrying Chelsea. I vowed I’d follow through with my plan.
Chapter 17
Carter
Dear Ridley,
All my life, I’ve been a self-centered fool. Last night was no exception. I want to marry you today because I love you and I can’t imagine sharing my life with anyone else but you. You made me come alive and I wasn’t ready for it. I wasn’t ready for you, but now I don’t want you to ever leave. My heart was broken when you drove away. I want to spend the rest of my life proving to you that I love you.
Love,
Carter
Last night I’d written Ridley a letter. I’d almost underlined love and added some hearts to the paper, but I didn’t. I was never a hearts and butterflies guy. But I’d do it if she asked me.
I’d do anything for her. That started with the flowers that my father recommended I try.
My father had been so angry I’d run away from the one person that made me see the world in vivid color again.
I’d ordered roses, a white jade necklace, and a heart of chocolate, from my phone. Luckily, I had a personal shopper to get everything to me when things opened in the morning.
Sleep eluded me, so I slipped the letter under her door and saw her lights were out.
In the morning, we’d talk. For now, I’d get some sleep and wish she was next to me to hold in my arms.
A few hours later, light slipped through the cracks of the blinds, and I jumped out of bed, showered, and let the shopper in with all my stuff.
Maybe this was enough to tell Ridley how much I loved her. I’d do whatever I could to prove it.
Already dressed in jeans and a band t-shirt, Chelsea shuffled in as the personal shopper left. She helped me place the flowers around the living room which Ridley would step into first. Once we finished, I said, “Flowers. Breakfast. Chocolates. A jet for her sisters to join us tonight. I think I have everything.”
I’d called Jacob and her sister, Indigo, had taken charge of the jet and getting the others. Chelsea fixed my tie and asked, “Did you tell her you love her?”
I shook my head and squared my shoulders. “I apologized, but I didn't want her to sway on her feet from exhaustion when I told her.”
Chelsea threw her hands up in the air. “What’s taking so long?”
I put my hands behind my body. “Hopefully, she’s read my letter.” Her lips curled higher like she approved of my gesture, so I said, “I also booked a masseuse. She works hard, so I thought you and her could have a nice girl's time once Pop is home.”
She gave me a thumbs up. “That’s awesome. You’re going all out.”
Footsteps echoed down the hall. I stood taller and patted Chelsea's back. “Here she comes. Go get your breakfast and stay out of sight. I want her to have the right to tell me no without seeing you and feeling guilty to stay.”
She laughed and said, “She won’t. Good luck, Carter.
”
She then took off for the kitchen alone.
I needed that. I wanted these women in my life forever.
Ridley wore jeans and a white shirt. She carried a tissue in one hand and my letter in the other. She lowered the paper and met my gaze, “Carter, did you write this letter?”
Had she cried? I almost lost my breath, but I said, “Every word. I couldn’t sleep without putting it in words.”
I motioned to the table behind me. “I have flowers and a jade necklace I bought for you that reminded me of you. I did this because I love you and I want you to be my wife.”
She covered her face with both hands. For a moment, I wasn’t sure what she was thinking, but then she lowered her hands and I saw that bright iridescent smile of hers as she asked, “You love me?”
My heart raced. “There has never been another for me.”
She threw her arms around me. “I love you, too.”
I lowered my neck and slid her hands up my body and then held her closer as I swayed with her. “Then, you’ll forgive me for being a complete asshole?
She stared at my lips and adrenaline rushed through me. “I’d already forgiven you before you did all this.”
I lowered my head and smelled her sweet vanilla scent. “You deserve more. I’m hoping you’ll still marry me. If not, I’ll still try to convince you I won’t ever hurt you again.”
Her lower lip parted, but for a moment, she didn’t say anything. My pulse raced until she said, “I… I’d love to marry you and spend my life with you. Let’s talk about it after we pick up your father.”
Fair. My father was probably up and waiting. I let her go. “The staff sent some dresses to your room, but my pop and Chelsea picked everything out on their own.”
She showed me her hand that had the diamond on it as she said, “I’ll thank them.”
She walked out of my arms and my lips tingled like I’d forgotten to kiss her. I reached out to stop her. “When we get home, I have hair, makeup, and a massage booked for you if you still want to get married today.”
Wicked Cowboy (Steel Series Book 4) Page 11
