“Papa, you have to stop it with them, this instant.” I started pacing around the kitchen back and forth, wondering if the Gestapo have been watching him already, and if they knew anything about his “activities” with the Underground. “That man, Josef, he comes right to your house. I came back a little early from ballet practice and saw him with you. And you were trying to feed me the story that he was one of your students. Do you think they’re going to believe you when they arrest you?”
“Annalise, I know what I’m doing…”
“No, you clearly don’t. You have no idea what danger you’ve already put yourself, Mama, and Norbert in.” I didn’t live with them anymore so if the Gestapo would come for my father, they wouldn’t bother me. I was an SD Officer’s wife and lived on the opposite side of the city. But my whole family would end up in a camp. I shuddered at the thought. “I’m going to have to talk to Heinrich about it.”
“You will not say a word to Heinrich!” My father jumped to his feet and walked up to me. I interrupted him by raising my hand before he would say anything else.
“If the Gestapo are already after you, he’s the only person who can find out. And he’s the only one who’ll be able to help us.”
“They will have to go, Annalise. Both of them.”
Heinrich just came back from work and right away took me to his study, far away from the ears of Magda, who was setting the table. It’s been a little over two weeks since he tried to get to the current Gestapo files in which they investigated possible Underground suspects. The problem was that the Gestapo was a separate section of SD and therefore he couldn’t just walk into their main office and ask around about their current affairs without causing major suspicion. Heinrich belonged to SD-Ausland, or foreign intelligence.
“I finally found the right person from their office, who, after a bottle of brandy, spilled his guts. He told me not only about that guy Josef, who – you were right – they’ve been following for quite some time already, but also about both his boss’s mistresses. The bad news is that they constantly have an eye on this Josef, so it’s only a matter of time before they get him. Now they’re waiting him out, trying to establish his connections and mark all the people he’s working with, but as soon as they get enough of the information, they’ll grab him. And then he’ll sing like a bird about all the others helping him. They all do. I’m afraid the sooner your parents leave the country, the better.”
“How soon are we talking here?”
“A week at the most.”
“A week!” I gasped. “So soon! But where are they supposed to go? We don’t even know anybody abroad.”
“Switzerland will do. For now. But if the situation should change and they will no longer be safe there, they can always go to Britain. Or even the States. I’ll have my people get them visas.”
“What about Norbert?”
“The best decision for Norbert now would be joining the Waffen-SS. He fits their standards; they’ll easily accept him. And I’ll send a note to the recruiting office so they make sure he has a good position.”
“Waffen-SS? But Heinrich…”
I looked at him in awe, his stories about his days in SS still in front of my eyes. He can’t seriously suggest sending Norbert to do the same thing he did.
“The war will start very soon, Herzchen. And this way he’ll at least be safer than regular army soldiers, who will be thrown at the enemy as cannon fodder in the name of the victory of the Reich. Think about that.”
I heard Magda politely knocking on the closed door. I liked that shy girl, she was like a mouse. We never even noticed her in the house, but somehow she managed to get everything done.
“Herr Friedmann, the dinner is ready. Shall I serve it or shall I wait?”
“Serve it, Magda. We’ll be right there.”
“Yes, Herr Friedmann.”
Heinrich leaned closer to me and gently kissed me on the lips.
“Let’s go eat, sweetheart. It will all be all right, I promise.”
I nodded. I nodded several times, even though I knew that nothing would be all right. Nothing will be all right ever again.
The heat was unbearable. We were driving to the train station, and I was already suffocating. Heinrich opened all the windows, but that didn’t help a bit. I didn’t want to complain though, I knew that my poor husband in his stuffy uniform and knee-high boots was suffering worse than me. At least I was wearing a light silk dress. My parents and Norbert in the back were keeping quiet as well.
After we made the last turn before driving up to the station, we saw a big crowd of people moving toward the station and soldiers with machine guns guiding them. The road was blocked by a black car with SS plates on it. An officer walked toward us, and, seeing Heinrich’s uniform, saluted him.
“Heil Hitler, Herr Standartenführer.”
“Heil Hitler. We need to get to the station, what’s going on over there?” Heinrich nodded to the big crowd of people who were blocking the road.
“I’m sorry, Herr Standartenführer, we’ve had a problem with the transport today. They were supposed to send a train for all those Jews two hours ago, and it only arrived now. The rest of the trains have been delayed as well. But I can let you through so you don’t have to wait in this heat.”
“That would be nice.”
The officer saluted again, got into his car, and pulled up so we could pass through. But as soon as we passed by his car there was no way we could drive any farther because of all the people in front of us. Heinrich stopped the car and slightly shook his head, frowning at the crowd in front of us. I knew that he was feeling sorry for them, but the already familiar officer interpreted my husband shaking his head as a gesture of annoyance with the wait. So he immediately barked several commands to the soldiers around the Jews, and they started separating the people in front of us, roughly pushing them apart with their batons.
“Like cattle,” I heard my mother say from the back. I turned my head to her; she was slowly moving her head from side to side, covering her mouth with one hand. “Poor things.”
“Mama. Don’t say anything.”
The windows were open, and the soldiers could hear us. She blinked her eyes at me several times, but I looked away. She didn’t understand.
Finally, when the soldiers created a corridor of some sort for us to drive right up to the station, Heinrich slowly moved his car forward, making sure he wouldn’t accidentally hurt anybody. As soon as we got out of the car the heatwave immediately burnt our faces. Heinrich wiped the sweat off his forehead before putting on his black uniform cap with a skull and crossed bones on it. He noticed a commanding officer on the platform and told us to wait by the car while he spoke to him. One of the soldiers passing by us kept repeating the same command, moving along the line of herded Jews.
“When you get to the platform, tell your name to the officer with the list so he makes sure you’ve boarded the train. Don’t take all your luggage with you, only one suitcase per person is allowed. Leave the rest on the platform and put your name on it, it will follow you in the next train. The quicker you move, the sooner the train will leave and the faster you’ll arrive at the next station, where you can get water and food.”
My mother was shifting uneasily from one foot to another, observing the soldiers with batons. Norbert was frowning. I knew exactly what he was thinking: that within the next few days he might become the same SS soldier with a baton and would have to push those innocent Jewish people closer to the platform, even though by his origin he was supposed to be amongst them. I tried to lean on the car, but the black metal was so hot that I almost burnt myself. I had no idea how those people were waiting here for their train for more than two hours in this almost intolerable heat. I heard children cry and mothers trying to pacify them, but in vain.
Finally, Heinrich came back and told us to follow him to the platform. A soldier that he brought with him helped my parents with their suitcases. We decided that they take only the most ne
cessary things, and later that week we’d pack the rest of their belongings and would send them separately.
“Move away! Move, I said, let them pass! Schnell, schnell, schnell!” A soldier was shoving people away from us with unnecessary roughness. He wanted to impress the Standartenführer. I was clinging to Heinrich’s arm, trying not to look at the people around me. I was ashamed to look at them. As soon as we climbed the stairs leading to the platform, my mother caught up with me and whispered. “Annalise. Why are they putting them in a cattle train? Where are they going to sit? There are not even any windows, how are they going to breathe?”
I had to shush her because the commanding officer, who was in charge of the transportation today, was approaching us. I didn’t want him to hear anything.
“What an awful day, huh, Herr Standartenführer? Ladies.” He nodded at me and my mother, and then extended his hand to my father and then Norbert. “Hot like in hell and on top of everything I have to deal with the complete incompetency of those idiots who just sit in their office all day doing nothing and still can’t send one single transport on time. I mean, is it that hard? Like I have nothing better to do than be stuck here with these stinky Jews and listen to their complaints and whining for half of the day!”
Heinrich’s face didn’t give away any emotions to that last comment. Instead he just asked, “How many people are you transporting today?”
“Close to five hundred.” He turned to his adjutant. “Adler, bring us water with ice here, it’s impossible to breathe! I would offer you a light snack, but we didn’t bring any food unfortunately. We were supposed to be done by lunch, and now you see what’s going on.”
Yes, we saw what was going on. The soldiers were stuffing people inside the train cars like sardines. Some of them were trying to protest, saying that there was no space left in the train car, and that it was too hot and they needed water. They were getting the same reply, “You’ll get the food and water when you arrive at your station! Keep moving.”
“Where are they being sent to? Dachau?” Heinrich took out a handkerchief and wiped the sweat off his face. The commanding officer nodded and started unbuttoning his uniform jacket.
“Yes. And if nobody messes up the transportation again, they’ll be there in less than twenty-four hours.”
Twenty-four hours? They’ll be locked up in those cattle cars with no food or water or even air to breathe for twenty-four hours?!
Obersturmbannführer called one of the soldiers out and motioned him to bring more people to the front cars. “What the hell are you doing? Those three front cars are half empty; you can easily put another twenty to thirty people in there!”
“They’re saying that there’s no space left because of the suitcases, Herr Obersturmbannführer!”
“Then throw the suitcases away! Do I have to think for everyone around here?! Excuse me for one second, Standartenführer.”
As soon as he walked away from us my mother touched Heinrich’s shoulder and whispered, “Heinrich, they’re not really leaving those people in that train for so long, are they? They’re already screaming that they can’t breathe, they’re going to die!”
Heinrich looked at her and nodded. “Some of them will.”
“But it’s inhumane! It’s just… sadistic!”
“They want them all dead anyway, Ilsa.”
“But why not just shoot them right here then? At least it’s more merciful. They won’t suffer too long.”
“Because the people of Berlin need to believe that their Jewish neighbors are being taken to a safe place, just like was shown to them in Dr. Goebbels’ propaganda movies. A beautiful housing project with a concert hall, a library, a school, and a daycare. Nobody is supposed to see this. That’s why they blocked the road and wouldn’t let any civilians in, so they wouldn’t know what’s really going on.”
My mother stepped back and gave my father a helpless look. He gently touched her cheek and gave her a sad smile. The commanding officer’s adjutant came out of the station office holding a tray with several glasses of water, which we accepted like a blessing. I took a sip of ice cold water and pressed the glass to my forehead to cool myself. A little girl standing next to her mother and waiting their turn to board the train saw me and started pulling her mother’s hand.
“Mama, they have water! I want some too!”
“That water is only for Germans, baby. We’ll get ours when we get to our stop, I promise.”
“We’re Germans too! Why can’t we get any water?”
“We’re Jewish, baby, we’re not Germans anymore. We’ll get our water at the next station, just like that officer over there said. Be patient, all right?”
The girl’s mother gave me an apologetic smile and tried to turn her daughter’s face away from us so she wouldn’t see us drinking. I made a step forward to offer them my glass, but Heinrich’s strong grip immediately clasped my shoulder. I looked at him and he shook his head “no.”
“Heinrich, she’s a little girl,” I whispered. “And it’s my water, I’m not going to drink it, I’d rather give it to her.”
“Don’t.”
“Heinrich, please!”
He tightened the grip on my shoulder and started firmly pulling me back, but I yanked my hand away from him and walked right up to the girl.
“Hello, little princess. You must be thirsty?” I smiled at her and extended my glass of water to her. “Don’t be shy, you can have it. Just leave some for your mother too.”
She took the cold glass from me and started drinking in big gulps, holding the water with both hands. Her mother was smiling at me with gratitude. The soldiers next to us even stopped pushing people forward and were staring at me in barely masked shock. The girl, meanwhile, took the glass off her lips and looked at the rest of the water in it.
“Do you want to give it to your Mama?” I asked her. She nodded.
“Don’t worry about me, she can have it all.” Her mother pushed the glass back to her daughter, but I handed it to her anyway.
“You better drink it too, you have a long way ahead of you.”
She hesitated for another second but then drank the rest of the water and handed the glass back to me.
“I can’t thank you enough, Frau.”
“It’s really nothing.” I smiled at the mother.
“God bless you, girl,” one of the men behind her back said to me. I saw his beard and clothes and thought that he must be a rabbi. He nodded at me and said something in Hebrew.
“I’m sorry I don’t have enough for all of you.”
“Annalise!” Heinrich’s hand was on my shoulder again. The Jews involuntarily stepped away from him. He must look very intimidating to them, a tall decorated Standartenführer in a black uniform. “Are you done with the charity? Let’s go, you’re interrupting these officers’ work.”
He led me away back to my family. The commanding officer standing next to my brother was looking at me as if I did something that didn’t make any sense to him whatsoever.
“Women!” Heinrich shook his head and rolled his eyes, in this one word justifying my behavior.
“I know,” the commanding officer chuckled. “My wife feeds homeless cats by the front porch every morning.”
“I’d rather have mine feeding cats than Jews!” Heinrich joked and they both laughed. I thought that my husband should have been an actor.
I gave my mother a last hug and kissed both her wet cheeks. She never stopped crying. The “Jewish” train was long gone, and the soldiers opened the platform for the civilians again. My father was already standing at the doors of the train car next to the conductor.
“Frau, the train is leaving in one minute!” The latter called my mother.
She nodded at him and squeezed my hands in hers.
“Please, be safe, dear! Heinrich, take care of my girl and, Norbert, will you?”
“Of course I will, Ilsa.” Heinrich kissed my mother goodbye and helped her get on the train. “We’ll try to visit y
ou as soon as we can. Don’t forget to call us when you get to your apartment!”
“We will,” my father replied instead of her. “Thank you for everything, Heinrich!”
“Anytime, Richart. Call me if you need anything.”
The train let out a last, loud whistle and started moving. I followed the car to see my parents leave for another country for an indefinite period of time. They waved at me for the last time. I waved back. I was trying so hard not to cry but I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. I felt like I’d lost both of them.
Chapter Fifteen
Berlin, September 1939
* * *
“Shall I pack any warm clothes?”
“No, we’re just going for a couple of weeks, I think,” Heinrich replied from the bathroom. “I’ll put toothbrushes in your suitcase, all right? And my razor.”
“Take the shampoo too.”
“What for? I’m pretty sure that they have shampoo in Poland.”
“If your colleagues from the Wehrmacht didn’t bomb all the pharmacies!”
Heinrich laughed. I was closely inspecting the contents of the four suitcases we were taking with us, making sure that we didn’t forget anything important. In the orders that came in Heinrich’s name, calling him immediately to the headquarters in, now occupied by our troops, Poland, the date of the return wasn’t posted, so in case we had to stay longer than we thought we would, I wanted to be prepared.
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