by Kelli Walker
“Sweetie?” he repeated himself, and I knew that he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. I managed to plaster a smile on my face and nodded.
“Something like that,” I replied as cheerfully as I could. The truth was, I don’t want anyone to hear about this. I want this to be a secret. Because the more people who know that I don’t have someone to pick me up when my shifts here are done, the more danger that I could be in when I have to wait for the slightly unreliable cab service I can afford to take me home at night.
I have tried to talk to the driver to ask him to make sure that he is there as soon as my shift finishes, but I would have to pay him extra to ensure that he arrives right as I am walking out the door. I can hardly afford him and keep turning a profit as it is, so I allow for the few minutes of downtime in the hopes that I’m never going to have to pay for it.
I should never have taken the job at this place. It was just arrogance, really, that had led me to do it. I wanted to prove that I could work anywhere that would have me, not thinking much about the long-term implications of sticking it out at a place like this.
Annie has been working here for a few months, but she’s a lot older than me, and she looks like she could take on any of the guys who work here if they tried to start something with her. I want to know just what it is that she seems to have going for her, that she can claim that authority over them because I want it for myself. But I know that it’s not something you can just have. You have to learn it. And I’m not sure that I have that in me, at least, not quite yet. I wish that I could be a badass like her, but I don’t understand how it works.
And besides, it’s not going to be long until I’m out of here. That’s what I have to keep telling myself, anyway. A few more weeks, maybe a month or two, and I’ll be able to find another job. I have already been applying here and there, trying to make sure that everyone who is hiring in this town knows my name like the back of their hand, but nobody has gotten back to me yet. I don’t have a whole range of experience, but I have made it clear that I’ll do anything I can to prove that I can take on whatever position they have open.
I miss working for Lux. Not just because I was around him, but because I liked it there. It was fun, bright, and the women who work there really look out for each other. There was none of this grim, grotty feeling that comes with my current job, the constant sensation like you have to look over your shoulder, and make sure nobody is coming to take what’s yours.
Speaking of which, today’s the day that I get my weekly paycheck. And yes, this place actually still gives it to you in the form of an actual paycheck, instead of wiring it over to your bank like anywhere else would do. I am pretty sure that they have heard, in passing, of the twenty-first century, but they’re not too interested in getting caught up with it anytime soon.
I drag myself off my ass to get back behind the bar, knowing that Annie will need help, and I manage to make it through the rest of my shift without too much trouble. My back still hurts, but maybe that’s just what comes with working a job like this. Hopefully, I’ll be able to get someone to treat it when I actually make enough money to think about a luxury like medical care...
I get my paycheck at the end of the shift, and I tuck it happily into my pocket, feeling a little buzz at all the money that is mine now. It might be a rough job, and I know that I’m going to be out of here the first chance that I get, but when the money’s mine, at least I feel a little dignity knowing that I am working for something specific.
I step outside once Annie and I have closed up and look around to see if my driver has arrived yet. Nope, no sign of him. I grimace. I don’t know what I expected.
I wrap my arms around myself tight, trying to ward off the sudden chill wind that has rolled across the parking lot. I watch as the last few of our patrons see themselves off, and even offer one or two of them a polite wave goodbye. Man, I really am in a good mood tonight.
I lean up against the door and wait for my ride to arrive. I’m sure it’s not going to be long. I just have to wait a little longer, and then he’ll be here, I’m sure of it.
But, for some reason, I can feel the hair on the back of my neck starting to stand up. There is something wrong here, I know it. I look around, trying to see if someone is watching me, but I am alone out here.
Nothing to worry about. Calm down. No reason to get all up in arms about something that isn’t even happening. I catch my breath, and I force myself to breathe in, slowly, and out, slowly. Okay. Look. There. I’m fine. Nothing to…
I hear a noise, and I whip my head around, trying to see who is out there. I don’t know what to expect, but there is still just silence and emptiness around me. Nothing and no one, as far as I can see. Which should make me feel better. But instead, the dread just grips hold of me even tighter, and I feel my pulse begin to race.
“Hey, there.”
A voice draws my attention, and I glance around to see a man that I don’t recognize emerging from around the other side of the bar. My heart begins to race, and I pray that my cab is going to get here soon. I know that being here with someone like this is going to be bad. The way he is looking at me, as though he wants to take a bite out of me, makes me feel a little sick.
“Hi,” I reply, my voice higher than it was before, as though it is a wire strung tight and ready to break at any split second.
“You heading home?” he asks, as he gets a little closer. The light hits his face, and I can see a scar running down from his temple to his chin. I can’t tell how old he is; he could be twenty, or he could be forty. Or maybe it is just that my head is too rushed to think about anything useful right now. I nod.
“I am,” I reply, and I manage a laugh. “If my car would get here already!”
“I’m sure it’ll be here soon,” he replies. And, the pleasant normalcy of his words is almost enough for me to believe that he means them. But then, a moment later, he lunges towards me, and I feel his hands on my throat, and everything, everything blinks out to black once more.
Lux
“What the fuck did you just say?” I demand as the person on the other end of the phone tries to catch their breath.
“You need to come down here,” she pleads with me. “To the hospital. Please, I’ve been trying to get hold of anyone I can on Vanessa’s phone, and you’re the only person who’s picked up. I need someone here with her. I don’t know who else to call...”
I feel like I am going to throw up. What the fuck is going on? Is this some kind of joke? If it is, it’s got to be the most twisted game that anyone’s ever pulled on me. But I can tell from the sound of horror in the woman’s voice on the other end of the line that it is anything but. She means this. She means all of this. And she is as scared as she sounds right now, that’s for sure.
“What hospital is she at?” I demand. The woman on the other end manages to stutter out the name of the unit where Vanessa is being held. Then she hangs up the phone, leaving me standing in my office with nothing but the silence for company.
I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing as I grab my coat and head out to my truck. What’s going on here? Why am I the one who got the call? I figure that Gavin might have gone for a drive when he got off work, maybe that’s why he’s not picking up, and his mom is probably asleep or something. And that leaves just me to answer this call in the middle of the night, close to three in the morning, as I try to wrap my head around everything that this woman has just told me.
Vanessa is in hospital. I don’t know much more than that, but it’s enough to send violent chills up my spine at just the thought of it. I know that it has something to do with the bar that she’s been working at, I’m sure of it. She might not want to admit it, but it’s true. Not that she’s going to be able to argue with me much if she’s in the state that this woman insists she is...
I drive fast, ignoring the road signs that tell me to slow the fuck down and get to the hospital in under twenty minutes. The place is small, so small that there
is barely room for my truck in the parking lot, but I don’t care. I park and hurry inside, getting to the desk just as the lights above me flicker.
“I’m here to see…”
“Vanessa?”
Another woman’s voice draws my attention, and I look around to see a woman who must be a few years older than me approaching hurriedly. Her face shows her worry and dread, and my heart starts pounding harder inside my chest.
“Yeah, that’s right,” I reply. “You’re the one who called me?”
“Yeah, I am,” she says. “I’m Annie. I work with Vanessa.”
“What happened to her?” I ask, and she shakes her head.
“I’m not sure,” she replies. “I came out of the bar, and she was just...she was on the ground.”
“Oh, fuck,” I mutter. “Did someone attack her?”
“That’s all that I can think of,” she replies urgently. “She got her paycheck today, and I think someone might have overheard that she was getting her hands on it—maybe they thought that it was actually cash, and they took it from her...”
“You’re the one who called the ambulance?” I ask her, and she nods again.
“It was the least I could do,” she replies. “She looked so...she needed help.”
“Did they say what kind of state she was in when they arrived?” I ask, and she shakes her head.
“Nothing like that,” she replies, apologetically. “But they took her away and set her up in a room immediately. I think that they’re treating her now. They won’t let me near her. I just...”
She trails off, and she sinks back into one of the stiff plastic chairs that make up the waiting room. I put my hand on her shoulder.
“I think you should go home,” I tell her. “You’ve done everything that you can, really. You should get some rest.”
“I’d rather wait to see if she wakes up.”
“I’ll contact you when she does,” I suggest. “How about that? I have the family on speed-dial, too, I can make sure that they know about this.”
“Thank you,” she sighs, and she lets her head droop down to her chest. I know that she must be exhausted. She has worked a full shift, and then, after all of that, had to deal with Vanessa getting...
I don’t even want to think about what actually happened to her. The mere notion of it is enough to turn my stomach. All I know for sure is that, if I find out who did this, if I get my hands on them, I’m going to...
“Please tell me what happens,” Annie asks me, and I nod at once.
“I will,” I promise. “Go, get out of here. You’ve done enough.”
“Thanks,” she mutters, and she turns to head out of the hospital, and suddenly, I am distinctly aware of how alone I am in here. How alone she must be, in that room, too.
I stride up to the desk and slam my hand down on the table.
“I’m here to see Vanessa,” I tell the woman, who looks up at me with raised eyebrows.
“Yes, I can see that,” she replies. “Are you family?”
“No, I’m…”
“We’re only letting family in to see her right now,” she tells me. “So, until they get here, I suggest you take a seat and wait.”
I glare at her for a moment, hoping that I can change her mind with just a look, but she simply coolly meets my gaze and lets me know that she’s not going to back down on this. I sigh. I want to put up a fight, but I know that it’s just going to get me in more trouble. And Vanessa needs me here, and until she wakes up, I’m not going anywhere.
I text her mother and Gavin, letting them know that she is in the hospital, and I feel a surge of guilt, knowing that I could have been there to stop it. I could have driven down there, the way that I always had and picked her up and driven her home. Maybe it was my lack of help that had caused this. Maybe if whoever had done this had seen her with me, they would never have dared...
My mind is racing with so many thoughts that I can’t keep them straight in my head, and I know that I am not helping myself by overthinking. I can’t stop imagining what kind of state she must be in right now, and I hate that I can’t do more to help her. I wish, I wish I could just slip into her room, take her hand, tell her that I am there for her.
If she is even awake to hear it. I have no idea what kind of state she is in. She could be passed-out, she could be in a coma, I didn’t know how much damage the fuckers who got their hands on her did. Her body is so delicate, and they could have done so much harm to her if someone hadn’t been there to put it right...
I watch as the clock ticks away the time around me, and I send as many thoughts to her as I can, hoping that, whatever state she’s in, she can hear me right now. I need to see her. I don’t know how much longer I am going to be able to take this.
And when I see the woman at the desk get up and slip outside for another smoke break, I figure that now is my chance. I have no right to go in and see her, but I need to. I need to know what kind of state she’s in. I need to look at her myself and to promise myself that there is no way that she will slip away from me now.
I get to my feet, casually make my way over to the coffee machine, and peer down the corridor in front of me. It’s not locked, thank goodness. And it seems to be empty at this time of night. Perfect. I shoot a look over my shoulder to make sure that the secretary woman isn’t going to come back, and, satisfied that she’s going to give me some space, I plant my hand on the door and push it open.
Inside the cramped space, there are a bunch of doors that lead off to separate rooms. I glance in the first couple, but Vanessa is nowhere to be seen. I feel the dread starting to inch up my throat. Is she somewhere more serious? Somewhere they don’t want the public to see her...?
But then, finally, I peer around the last door on the right, and I see her. And, as soon as I set eyes on her, my stomach drops.
She is asleep, just like Annie said, and she looks as though she has had the shit kicked out of her. A bunch of abrasions down the left side of her face have been patched together, almost hurriedly, and her skin looks as though it is already blooming into a painful bruise. I wince as I look down at her. No, no, no. I can’t deal with this. I can’t live with it. I can’t stand the sight of her like this.
I slowly make my way over to the bed, but she doesn’t move. She is deathly still, as though she might never be able to move again. I reach for her hand, touch it, and then see another scratch down her arm and pull my fingers back. I don’t want to hurt her, but I just want that confirmation that she’s actually alive. That I’m not going to lose her.
I sink to my knees next to the bed, staring at her, this woman I have missed so much and wanted for so long. And I can’t believe that I left it this long to be close to her again. I should have been there for her when this happened, I should have made sure that I was there to protect her. She should never have been out in the world all alone, fighting for herself. And now, because I hadn’t been there for her, she is fighting for her life right in front of me, and I can only blame myself for what I have allowed to happen.
I feel the painful weight of it coming down on top of me, so strong that I feel as though I am going to throw up. My stomach churns just like it did before, but this time, there is no end in sight.
I press my head against her hand and close my eyes tight, focusing on the feel of her warm skin against mine, and try to bring myself back to her. Try to bring her back to me. But I know that thoughts are not enough. I need to speak to her. And I need to do it now before someone comes back through that door and makes it clear that they know I shouldn’t be in here right now.
“I’m so sorry,” I say to her, and my voice is so strained that I can hardly get the words out. “Vanessa, I’m so, so sorry. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you. I’m sorry that I didn’t protect you. I can see now that I should have. If I could go back in time and change it, I would. But I can’t. All I can tell you now is that I want you to come back to me.”
The words are coming fast now, so
fast it feels as though I can’t slow them down. I don’t want to. I just need her to hear everything that I have to say to her at this moment, before someone else turns up to stop me, before the moment slips past me. I can see her chest rising and falling, and I know that as long as her heart is still beating inside there, I have a chance to make this right the way I know that I need to.
“And I know that you can’t hear me right now, but I love you,” I continue, and I feel a sharp lump in my throat. It catches me off-guard. I don’t let it stop me talking.
“And I’m not going to stop doing that anytime soon, just so you know. I’m going to keep loving you, because…because I can’t imagine doing anything but loving you right now. I know that you’re the one for me. And I know that your brother might not like it, and I know that you might not feel the same way, but there’s no way that I can let you go without telling you that. Okay? Okay...”
I plant a kiss on the back of her hand and let the words I have just spoken wash through me. They are almost more than I can take. But it feels like a relief to know that they are out of me now. After all this time, I don’t have to hide them any longer. This is hardly how I imagined telling her how I feel for the first time, but still...
And when I lift my head once more and look into her eyes, my heart flips in my chest as I realize that they are open. And that she is looking right at me.
Vanessa
“Lux?” I croak as I look at the man kneeling beside my bed. I am not sure that it is really him, but when my eyes begin to focus, I know for sure that it can’t be anyone else. “It’s you,” I murmur, and a smile cracks over his face, so wide it looks as though it is going to split his face in two.
“It’s me,” he replies, and he rises up, not letting go of my hand as he does so. I wince, and he carefully lays it down next to me again.
“I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” he asks, and I shake my head, even though there is a jolt of pain running up my arm at that moment. I just don’t want him to let go of me. Looking at him, standing here, all I can think about is how lucky I am that he is mine. That he loves me.
