Hate Me

by Nora Cobb

  We talked for a few more minutes before Sara hung up and I placed my cell phone on the bed, letting the tears fall. I didn’t know until I had talked to her how much I missed my old life.

  How uncomplicated it was.

  Had I really complained about being by myself? Now I would give anything to go back to being just Anna Komita, orphan American who worked hard and had big ambitions.

  Sighing, I wiped the tears from my cheeks. I couldn’t go back, not now. Even if I did, my life wouldn’t be the same. I was no longer the naïve, innocent girl that had come to Switzerland with her eyes wide open.

  This place had changed me, though not all of it was for the worst.

  I drew in a deep breath, dashing the remaining tears from my cheeks. Now was not the time to lament what I had. I should instead focus on what the present was giving me.

  And what my future might be. Right now, all of it was still my choice. I could choose to follow in my father’s footsteps, take his will, and even forbid, marry one of the kings. With that marriage, I would have freedom to do anything I wished for, with the funds to make it happen.

  Or I could ignore the will and still move to find out who my mother truly was, knowing that Isauros was going to be on my tail the entire time.

  Or I could do nothing, plod through the years that would pass by quickly and come out of this with some sort of fancy degree to decide what the rest of my life looked like.

  Well, if Isauros let me live that long. I wasn’t going to put anything past her right now. I was the thorn in her side. I had to be careful about how far I pushed her, for one push might be too much.

  Chapter 18

  Anna

  I plodded through my next weeks’ worth of classes, surprised when neither Arthur nor Royce contacted me. It was a surreal feeling, especially since they had all but invaded my life for months on end. Even Johanna commented on how weird it was not to have one of the kings around us, and I found myself breathing a bit easier in that regard. My mind (and my heart) was all screwed up with the range of emotions that came with being near Arthur and Royce.

  After my last class, I dressed warmly and walked outside for some fresh air, taking the snow lined path to the lake.

  The best part about snow and cold weather?

  Not too many people liked to be outside during this time, so I was pretty much by myself. Out here I didn’t have to worry about anything really, only that I kept my hands inside my parka and didn’t walk straight into the lake.

  “Ah, so I’m not the only crazy one out here.”

  I turned to see Max coming up behind me, wearing just a light coat compared to my parka. “Are you not cold?” I asked, my breath visible in the air.

  He shrugged. “Not really. That is what you get when you live in a cold country already. Do you know that it’s wildly popular to go polar-bear-dipping naked?”

  I laughed. “You can cross me off that list. There’s no way I am jumping into that lake fully clothed, much less naked.”

  He quirked a grin. “Well then, shall we walk toward it? I promise not to throw you in.”

  I shrugged and he fell in step beside me, matching me stride for stride. “You know I train in this sort of weather.”

  “You’re crazy,” I answered, trying to picture him rowing across a frozen lake.

  “Maybe,” he stated. “But it’s a good way to build up endurance for any sort of weather. My team travels all over the world to compete and no one fucking cares if it’s snowing.”

  “That’s crazy,” I repeated, shoving my hands in my pockets a little deeper. “I mean, that’s some dedication.”

  “Are you out here for a reason, Anna? Or are you trying to hide from someone?”

  I blew out a breath. “Maybe hiding from someone.” Two someones, to be exact.

  “Ah, I take it you’ve had some conversations with my friends then,” Max laughed as we took the curved path toward the lake, our boots crunching over the hard-packed snow. “Did you find out what you wanted to know?”

  “Not really,” I answered honestly. “But if you could shed some light, I would be forever grateful.”

  “You might think I’m telling you all their secrets to put me at the top of your list.”

  I stopped to look at Max, tilting my head. “Are you?”

  “Maybe,” he said honestly, a hint of a grin on his handsome face. “But at the end of the day, it’s still your choice, Anna. No matter how many times we try to coerce you to one side or another, there’s nothing that can force you into marrying any of us. You remember that and you will be just fine.”

  “Why are you being so honest with me?” I asked quietly, surprised that he was being this forthcoming. The other kings had not.

  “To shake things up, maybe?” he offered up. “I like shaking things up for shits and giggles.”

  I believed him. “Well, I think that Royce is interested in my birthright so that he can vault his family to the queen herself.”

  Max nodded slowly. “I would agree with that. The English royalty is getting up in years and with your backing, he could easily take the place of his cousins. Hell, he could probably buy his way into the crown then.”

  That was my exact thought. I hated thinking that Royce was gunning for the crown like that, but it was reality in this world.

  “And Arthur?”

  “Arthur is too easy,” I said with a sigh. “He just wants some sort of elevation for his family and by marrying me, he has it.”

  “Very good,” Max said. “Arthur’s family has long since lost its claim to any royalty. I’m surprised that they even let him into this academy, to be honest. Royce, I could see his family sweet talking their way in, but Arthur really doesn’t have a leg to stand on.”

  Which was why Arthur was pushing me so much, both with the lessons and with his anger toward me not wanting to be exclusive with him. “He has the most to lose.”

  “Yes,” Max said. “He does. Arthur is about to be just another face in the crowd when we graduate.”

  I shook my head. “I really, really hate that I am the one in the middle of all this.”

  Max chuckled. “Welcome to our world, princess. You are always in the middle of some shit you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel for. It’s a bitch, I’m not going to lie.”

  “Thanks,” I muttered, looking out over the lake. It was partially frozen, the late afternoon sun glistening off the surface. Would anyone really care if I walked into the lake and didn’t stop? I mean, I didn’t want to kill myself, but the pressure of this entire place was enough to make me do something crazy.

  “You probably want to know what my angle is.”

  Drawing my attention back to Max, I gave him a nod. “You probably have one. I would be surprised if you didn’t, honestly.”

  “Mine is simple,” Max said. “What did your father’s will say?”

  I knew exactly which part of the will he was talking about. “It says that I must marry a sovereign in order to inherit my trust fund.”

  “A sovereign,” Max mused. “Out of the three of us, I am the only sovereign.”

  I burst into laughter. “Yeah, okay, try that again. I’ve heard that one before.”

  “It’s true,” Max said. “And I can prove it, but first, my damn feet are freezing. Can we go inside?”

  I just shook my head and made my way back up to the academy, following Max to the senior hall commons area. After divesting my coat and gloves, I joined him at one of the small tables near the back of the room. Max had already fixed two steaming cups of coffee from the expensive coffee bar that the seniors enjoyed, motioning for me to take a seat. “Relax,” he said as I glanced about the room. “Royce is fighting in a tournament off campus and Arthur is meeting with his professor.”

  “I wasn’t looking for them,” I grumbled as I took the seat. “I was wondering if anyone would think it weird for a freshman to be in a senior hall.”

  Max shook his head, a grin playing on his lips. “
You can’t lie very well, Anna. It’s written all over your face.”

  Okay, so I couldn’t lie. I cupped the mug in my hands, letting the warmth thaw out my frozen digits. “So, what did you want to tell me again?”

  “My name is the only one that is associated with sovereigns,” he started, picking up his mug. “We are the only ones that have held a true royal title and power before.”

  I thought about what I knew of the Karling house. They had been disgraced long ago and from what everyone had told me, they were no longer welcomed in polite social circles.

  “I know what you are thinking,” Max said quietly. “We are disgraced. No one is going to allow us entrance, even with your family’s name attached to us, and you’re probably right. You have no idea what my family has gone through, what we have suffered through the generations. I would love nothing more than to fucking get my family back to what they deserve. I’m tired of being the name in the gutter, the one that everyone spits on because they fucking get their kicks out of it.” He then looked at me. “Surely you can understand that, Anna.”

  I could, but maybe not to his level. “I’m sorry.”

  He let out a chuckle. “There’s no need to apologize, Anna. It’s not your fault.”

  “I know,” I answered. “But I’m sorry regardless.”

  Something flashed across Max’s handsome face before it was gone, replaced with a look that I had come to associate with the brooding king. They were all so different. Arthur was easy to read; Royce was the player, the jokester; and Max would be the goth friend if there was such a thing amongst the kings.

  He was also the hardest one to read, even though he was telling me things that I would never have thought he would share. “You need to decide soon,” he said after a moment as I took several sips of my coffee. “Not because we need to know, but because you need the protection, Anna.”

  I arched a brow. “I can very well take care of myself, Max.”

  “Not against her.”

  I didn’t even have to ask who he was referring to. “What makes you say that?”

  He ran a hand over his face, looking around the area near us before settling his gaze on me. “There’s a rumor,” he started, his voice low. “About Katarina Isauros.”

  I leaned forward, torn between covering my ears and begging him to continue. I wanted something on the headmistress, anything that would make her seem not so intimidating.

  And arm me with information that could be used against her in the very near future.

  “There was this girl,” he continued. “The first year I arrived, she was here already. I think she was a sophomore, though I’m not sure how she survived one year in the academy. She was from a minor noble family; no one that anyone gave a damn about.”

  “Sounds a lot like me,” I muttered.

  Max’s eyes sharpened. “You are cared for, Anna.”

  Well, everyone had a fine way of showing it. “The girl,” I prodded, wanting to hear the rest of the story.”

  He eyed me for a moment before swallowing. “The girl was low on the food chain, and quiet. She didn’t stand a chance against Katarina.”

  “What did she do?” I asked softly, picturing a girl very similar to me.

  “Isauros pushed her off the tower.”

  I gasped, nearly upsetting my mug in the process. “You’ve got to be joking.”

  Max shrugged, picking up his mug. “The official word is that the girl jumped because she couldn’t deal with the pressure any longer, but there are people who swore they saw Katarina arguing with her before her death. She didn’t want her here and that was made known amongst everyone at the academy.”

  I sat back in the chair, the air leaving my lungs. “But what about her family? Didn’t they try to investigate?”

  Max took a swallow of his coffee. “Some say that her family is the reason that Katarina went off the deep end. The girl told her family of what she was experiencing at the hands of the headmistress and they were starting to make some threats about having an official inquiry into Isauros’ job.” He shook his head. “If that had happened, she would have probably been removed from her position.”

  “So, she made the threat disappear,” I finished.

  “That’s what they say.”

  Well, that was proof that lesser nobility were not safe from the headmistress, which meant I really was not safe. I had nothing, well, except the fact that my father, her husband, had cheated on her and produced me as a result.

  Max reached across the table, touching my arm. “You are in danger, Anna,” he said evenly. “I’m not going to sugarcoat the fact that if she wants you gone, you will be gone. Why she’s having you hang around, I don’t understand, but you need to quit pushing her buttons and lie low.”

  “What can I do?” I asked, frustrated. “She knows everything about who I am, Max. Would you ignore that?”

  “I can’t say that I wouldn’t,” he replied. “But if you don’t watch it, you will be the one lying below the headmistress’ tower with Katarina peering over your broken body. I know you are pissed at the kings, including myself, and you have every reason to be, but without our protection, our families’ protection, you are just a walking target for her.”

  Max’s words stayed with me as I made my way back to my dorm, my hands shoved in my pockets, the coffee churning in my gut. He was right. I needed the kings’ protection. They were nearly untouchable, their families having enough pull in their own circles to make Isauros disappear if need be.

  But without them, I was like the girl whose death was a mystery. She could easily get rid of me.

  So why hadn’t she? Did she like to see me sweat?

  Or was she going to wait until I was close to finding out the truth before she offed me? I would rather she do it now and get it over with. To know that I was so close to understanding my existence and then be killed would be like the ultimate heartbreak.

  What could I do though? I needed to press her, to find out what she knew even if it was at the cost of my life. The kings were just feeding me bits and pieces of what I needed to know, yet I felt like I was turning in circles, because it wasn’t enough.

  Would it ever be enough? I wasn’t sure. Royce’s proposition was still dangling over my head like a dangerous fruit, one that I knew if I bit down on, would lead to other things.

  Things I wasn’t so sure I could handle at this time.

  I reached my dorm feeling worse off than when I left earlier. I really, really wanted to start to feel like I was getting somewhere and not pushed further into the hole of despair.

  Really.

  I opened the door and was glad to see that Johanna wasn’t back yet. I needed a moment or two to collect myself and come up with my new plan of attack.

  Because I was going to have to have one. Max was the last king to make his attentions clear to me, which meant he now went into the column of “can’t trust at all.” All three kings wanted something from me, or rather my birthright, to make their lives and their futures easier.

  What would I get out of it? He was right. I would have to make my decision sooner than later, especially with my father’s will still hanging out there.

  I just didn’t want to make the wrong choice.

  Chapter 19

  Anna

  A few days later, I finally drummed up the nerve to tell Johanna everything. She sat across from me, wide-eyed, as I told her my theories about the kings. “I mean, I want to think that I am wrong,” I said with a heavy sigh. “But it’s clear that Arthur needs to marry me so that he can move his family back to their rightful place.”

  “And Royce needs you because …” Johanna started.

  “For a similar reason,” I answered. “Though his is to give him a leg up on his own relatives.”

  “This is crazy,” Johanna muttered, pushing her hair out of her face. “I mean, he’s like tenth in line or something. It doesn’t matter how much money or backing he has; he will never get to that level.”


  “Still,” I said, interrupting her. “He thinks he can.”

  “And Max,” Johanna continued. “I can’t believe he just came out and told you that your birthright is his family’s saving grace. Talk about pressure.”

  “You’re right about that,” I said. “I mean, how do I pick and not screw up the rest of their lives?”

  Johanna paused. “So, you are really considering marrying one of these assholes?”

  I rubbed a hand over my face. “I really don’t know. If I want my trust fund, I will have to.” And hope that I didn’t pick the wrong king to satisfy my father’s will.