She kissed Sarah’s cheek, and of all the ways Nina had touched her, that was the one that made her blush. Nina smiled and played at Sarah’s hair. “Would you mind if I tried something with this? I just want to see how beautiful I can make you.”
Sarah smirked and threw her arms wide. “I’m your canvas!”
“You’re my everything.”
Sarah made a show of hugging herself and vibrating. “Flirting! Nice. Normal.”
As Nina drew her toward the master bedroom, Sarah noticed something without quite noticing it. It just pegged her as wrong, and it would take time, and distance from Nina, to realize just what it was that had disturbed her.
The thing she’d seen was the door to the basement.
It was ajar.
>~~~<
“Thank you for being my guinea pig.”
“I really hope this isn’t how you always intend to use me for stress relief. A girl gets bored not being sexualized…”
Not that having Nina brush her hair wasn’t doing something for Sarah. There was a weird bit of intimacy to it, especially with Nina’s indomitable sex drive put on hold, at least for the moment. She had no complaints about how thoroughly Nina desired to, and had, ravished her, but it was nice to just luxuriate in the other woman’s presence, feel the charisma of her, the affection that boiled off her. It made Sarah wonder where all that beautiful, terrible love had gone before she came along.
“Eyes shut,” Nina said, and Sarah put an exaggeratedly naughty look on her face as she closed her eyes. It was just for Nina to apply hairspray, though; with all Sarah’s hair on one side, grips holding it in place at the back, the combing portion of the evening was over. Shame. “So, what do you want to be when you grow up?”
Sarah smiled a bit dismally. “Like, if a genie let me wish for a full-ride scholarship and a job opening in my chosen field not taken up by some can’t-let-it-go Baby Boomer?”
“Yes.” Nina wrapped Sarah’s hair around her thumb and, holding it secure with her other hand, twisted it around conically.
“I’d want to be the person who gives out those big checks from the Publisher’s Clearing House.”
“Hold still,” Nina cautioned, now staking pins into and around the twist, holding it in place.
“I’d try to pick out people who really needed it. It’d still be random, but out of a hundred people who were dirt poor, not anyone living in San Francisco.”
Nina had left some hair loose at Sarah’s crown. With the French twist in place, she took the loose part and gently pulled it back, gathering up the ends. “They don’t have poor people in San Francisco?”
“Oh no, the rent is obscene. What about you? What’s your passion?”
Nina was lost in concentration, coiling the ends of Sarah’s hair just a little off-kilter above the main twist. “Breeding.”
Sarah paused. “That could pose a problem to our relationship.”
“Horses.”
“Okay, I know you’re kinky, but that’s still going a little—”
Nina slapped at her playfully. “With other horses.” Then, shaking her head, she reset the spiral and started pinning it into place. “I own a stable outside of town. I’m pretty hands-on with it. I was driving there the day we met.”
“Wow. Never pictured you for a horse girl.”
“Don’t be jealous. You’re a much better ride. I’ve actually made a fair bit of change racing some of them.”
Nina took up a bristle brush, neatening out the style, and held up the hairspray bottle with her other hand. Sarah dutifully shut her eyes and mouth. She could only imagine the look of concentration on Nina’s face. From the sensations, Nina was using the brush as delicately as a scalpel.
It struck her again how rarely Nina spent affection. Maybe Sarah was her only outlet, a way of processing emotion that she hadn’t mastered yet. Maybe there was a reason Sarah had had to make the first move.
Nina stopped—a clatter as she set down her tools, a gentle touch on Sarah’s shoulder to tell her to open her eyes. Then Sarah checked her reflection in Nina’s vanity, Nina holding a hand mirror behind her so she could see it from the back too.
It was such a look that the rest of her almost felt unworthy in comparison. All her wild, unmanageable hair now gathered up, formed not only into a chignon, but one that spiraled in on itself, twisting down into a tight little knot of elegant concentration. It brought out something in her face—a seriousness, a maturity. She liked the effect; she just wasn’t sure it was her.
“It’s pretty intense,” Sarah teased.
“I thought you liked intense,” Nina teased right back. “And I certainly like it on you.”
“It’s nice,” Sarah agreed. And she figured out what she wanted to ask. Just not how to ask it.
It was one of those answers without a right question.
“Have you ever been in love with someone?” Sarah didn’t dare look at Nina. The vertigo-inducing spiral of her new hairstyle was much easier to hold her eyes on. “Really, really loved them?”
Nina turned away, and her shadow slashed over Sarah. But a moment later she was behind her again, hands on Sarah’s shoulders. A perfect picture in the three reflections of the vanity. “You,” she said glibly.
“Stop it.”
“Why?”
“You don’t just love someone after a few days, a few weeks. It takes time and stuff. That’s why they always have montages in romantic movies.”
“It doesn’t take time at all. That’s something adults imagine to explain why they don’t feel it; they say it just takes time.” Nina’s voice grew wistful, even as her hands seemed to work mindlessly, massaging Sarah’s shoulders. It was hard not to just dissolve into that idle, soothing touch. “They say that seeing and just knowing is something that only happens in fairy tales. But when I first saw Emmaline—everything else was just me second-guessing myself.”
Sarah cleared her throat. “So what happened between you two, in the end?”
Nina smiled, a little sadly. “It’s complicated. You don’t want to hear about it.”
“I don’t?”
“No. Please believe me, Sarah. Having you makes me feel like that wrong is finally being put right.”
When Nina touched her cheek, Sarah melted like her hand was a match being touched to ice. Then Nina knelt beside her, resting her temple against Sarah’s, their faces merging in the mirror, and Sarah felt just perfect—perfectly connected to Nina, building a barrier with her against all pain and doubt. They stayed like that for a few minutes, Nina’s hands rubbing up and down Sarah’s arms as if they weren’t sure where else to go. It was the kind of thing Sarah would’ve thought of as sexual in the past, but now it was just intimate.
“Hey, what were you working on, anyway?” Sarah asked. “I noticed the headphones. Same problem as in the park?”
“Yes.”
“Which is?”
“Later,” Nina said.
“Later?” Sarah asked.
Nina’s hand trailed down to Sarah’s hip and pulled her close.
“Later,” Sarah agreed.
>~~~<
“Was that okay?” Sarah asked afterward, the taste of Nina still thick in her mouth. It hadn’t been the wild bout of passion she’d expected when she came over; more peaceful, more serene. Nina had been hesitant to do much more than lie in bed with her, holding her and kissing her, but things had soon heated up to the point where Nina had laid back, spread her legs, and allowed Sarah to show off what she’d been reading on WikiHow.
“Very good,” Nina replied, tugging on a lock of Sarah’s hair until she joined her up on the pillow. “I noticed you tried a few new things…”
“Yeah.” Sarah blushed. “Did you like any of ’em?”
“I liked you. You don’t have to do tricks for me. Just do what comes naturally. Trust your instincts. If you want something…interesting, I could give you a few pointers.”
“I’m listening…” Sarah said, flirting with a
ll her might.
“Not tonight, little one. I just want to sleep.”
Sarah’s mind whirled, something in those words sinking into her. She wanted to be there for Nina in a way she couldn’t explain, give her something—she didn’t know what. “Can I stay with you?”
“To sleep?”
“I’m told that in some parts of the country, it’s customary for two people who are fucking to sleep in the same bed.”
“Mm,” Nina said achingly. “It’s been a while for me.”
“I want as much time with you as I can get.”
Nina smirked and opened her arms, ushering Sarah down to her chest. Sarah fit against her like a blanket. There was a tension in Nina, a stiffness, and she held Sarah loosely. But after a few minutes, Sarah felt Nina’s body lengthen, her breathing slow, her skin warm to match Sarah’s heat.
“Sarah?” Nina began. “How long have you wanted me? Us?”
“It feels like a long time,” Sarah said. She spoke carefully, sounding each word out in her head before she spoke. Nina was too important to let just anything pop out. “Like I was waiting for you before we ever met, and then the more I saw you, the more I knew you were missing from me. Like…” She trailed off.
“Like what?” Nina pressed.
“Like when you download a new app on your phone and you’re like, ‘This is amazing, how did I ever get by without it?’” Sarah shrugged apologetically. “Sorry. I’m dumb.”
“It’s all right. It’s the twenty-first century. I suppose I’ll have to get used to being compared to an app.”
“No, you’re the phone,” Sarah said. “And there’s all this cool stuff in you, like…showing me how to do a French twist…and that’s the app. So, you’re more like one of those claw machines, full of all this neat stuff, only your claw actually works.” She groaned and buried her head in Nina’s armpit. “Please shut me up! I’m being an idiot.”
“I like you being an idiot. It’s very becoming.” Nina kissed the top of Sarah’s head. “And now you have me.”
“Mmmm…” Sarah could do no more than moan at that.
“All your wanting…all your desire…all the fantasies and secret dreams and imagined plans… Now I’m yours.”
Sarah perched her head on Nina’s shoulder. She couldn’t imagine herself more content. “Yours,” she repeated drowsily. “Wait, what’s with the headphones? Seriously; you promised.”
“It’s a signal I’m trying to piece together.”
“From?”
Nina pointed upward.
“The attic?”
“Space.”
Sarah’s eyes, which had been drifting closed, shot open. “Aliens?”
“Or a pulsar, a supernova. It could even be a double-blind. I could be poring over something out of a busted MP3 player so the government knows I can tell the difference.”
“But it could be an alien.”
Nina was blasé. “So could most SoundCloud rappers. I mean, have you seen them?”
“No wonder you’re stressed. I am going to have to fuck you much harder.” Sarah slipped her arm snugly around Nina’s waist, but softly; they’d pick this up in the morning.
“It’s probably just a pulsar. But you have to do what you think is best.” Nina returned to the idea she’d been circling. “You can touch me…kiss me…do anything you like with me.”
“Go out on a date.” Sarah was half-asleep but lucid still. Hanging onto Nina’s words as she held on to the woman herself. “A real date. Like having dinner where the waiters have French accents. Or going to the movies, but without my mom. Unless you’re into that. Please don’t be into that.”
“Uh, no. Not so much. But everything else sounds fine.”
“Then we’re dating?” Sarah asked, opening one eye hopefully.
“Yes, I think so. Or if this is a sewing circle, we’re doing a very bad job.”
“Either way, I get socks out of it… I mean, I could get you to buy me socks…” Sarah yawned. “Am I talking about socks? Oh, God, promise you’re not listening to me…”
“I don’t think we’re that far along in the relationship yet.”
Sarah drifted off to sleep as Nina stroked her back.
>~~~<
Sarah spoke into the phone as if she weren’t slanted across Nina’s lap, skin-to-skin under the sheets. “Mom, I told you last night. I got dizzy while I was working and had to lie down. I think it was an allergic reaction or something. Nina let me stay in the guest bedroom; she said I shouldn’t be driving in my condition and honestly, she was probably right. … Oh, you want to talk to her?”
As Sarah handed over the phone, Nina brought her hand to Sarah’s breast and squeezed it with the lazy ownership of a woman toying with her own hair. Equal parts mortified and thrilled, Sarah flushed as her nipple sprang to life and met Nina’s palm.
“I’m sorry for all the trouble, Mrs. Kay,” Nina was saying into the phone. “…Yes, I completely understand if you want to come over. I’ll set an extra place for you at the breakfast table. … Yes, I think she’s definitely feeling better.” Sarah took Nina’s hand and brought it to her other breast. Nina squeezed tighter. “Yes, I’ll expect you in an hour. Good day, Mrs. Kay.”
She hung up and dropped the cell phone on Sarah’s hip.
“I do hope she calls back. I noticed you have it set to vibrate.”
Sarah shivered delightedly and got another kiss from Nina, then kicked the sheets off. “I have time for a shower. Think you could fluff my clothes in the dryer a little?”
“Certainly. And then we could make an apple pie. I’m sure Eileen would love a slice.”
Sarah smiled. “You really get off on doing this under her nose, don’t you?”
Nina picked up her own phone from the bedside table and hid herself behind it. “I know I shouldn’t… Too kinky?”
“Did I complain?”
“You like me too much to complain,” Nina said, almost accusatorially.
“Call my mom back. Ask her if I love her, then ask her how much I complain. I’m very multitalented.”
“There is a simple solution. You could tell her about us. Since we’re not a sewing circle.”
“I don’t think she’d understand. The woman part, that’d be fine. She loves Ellen… But…”
“Which woman it is, yes. That’s the hard part.” Nina got up, taking a moment to stretch in the morning sun—a moment Sarah greatly enjoyed—then took up her kimono from the foot of the bed and hung it over her arm.
“It’s not you, exactly,” Sarah said. “She’s angry at my dad for leaving her. Only she can’t be angry at him, so she’s angry at you. And that way she can still love him. She goes to visit him. She thinks I don’t know, but I can always tell. She cries those nights.”
“I’m sorry,” Nina said reflexively.
“No, it’s good… I mean, there’s goodness in it…somewhere. That you can love someone so much that it still hurts a little, no matter how long you live. It’s a win, you know? You won just finding that in the first place.”
“Some days I wish I had never met Emmeline.” The sentence came off Nina like a loose tooth after a fight. Not in any measured tone; her words stung with feeling.
“But you still love her, right? So my mom, she’ll still love him, even if she has to let go of this feud.”
Nina said nothing. She seemed in another time, another place. “I’m sorry I still love her. It’s not fair to you. I try really hard—”
“I like you exactly the way you are. And anything that made you the way you are… Nina, you’re amazing. I like how amazing you are.”
“I appreciate that, but do you think we could—” Nina suddenly sounded short of breath. “Do you think we could call a time-out on this? You have your shower, and I have breakfast to make. I think we should… Yes. I think we have too much to do to stand around talking.”
Sarah wanted to stay with her, comfort her, but she didn’t know how. All the reassurances and aff
ection she could muster had been dashed against Nina’s troubled mind like hailstones breaking against the street. She squeezed Nina’s shoulder, more for her own sake than the other woman’s, and then left her alone.
>~~~<
After a brisk shower, Sarah went to the laundry room and quickly changed from the towel into her revitalized clothes, their warmth reminding her of Nina’s oh-so-recent touch.
In the kitchen, she found Nina in her version of relaxed housekeeping clothes: jeans, a semitranslucent top, and a cooking apron that hid just how translucent her top really was. She was kneading dough when Sarah came in, a big mug of coffee next to her area of the countertop. “Find me some plastic wrap, slave,” Nina said teasingly before picking up the dough and casually slamming it down. “If you wanna help.”
Sarah automatically scanned the cabinets for a clue as to where the plastic wrap was before looking back at Nina. “Where?”
“Far cabinet.”
Sarah found it hiding behind the Tupperware. Nina split the ball of dough in half and stuck one into the plastic wrap, then held it out to Sarah. “Put that in the fridge, please?”
With a goofy salute, Sarah did so, then turned back around to ask what her reward would be when the intercom buzzed.
“That will be her,” Nina said. “Go on.”
As irritating as the interruption was, Sarah just counted her blessings that Nina had been able to surface so quickly from her black mood, or at least put it on the backburner to be dealt with later. That was a skill she herself had never mastered.
She got the door, holding Barnaby back by the collar, but it hardly mattered. Eileen barreled inside and immediately planted a hand on Sarah’s forehead to feel its warmth.
“Ma!” Sarah growled, unable to stop some of her frustration from leaking through.
“Oh, don’t you look pinkish,” Eileen said. She looked past Sarah to Nina, who whistled to call Barnaby back before he could give the stranger a going-over. “I’ll get her home. Thank you so much for looking after her, Ms. Rose.”
“My pleasure. Your daughter is a very charming young woman. I could get used to spending time with her. We were about to bake a pie,” she chimed, smiling so disarmingly it was a wonder her jaw didn’t unhinge. “I had hoped to have it done soon enough for Sarah to take home with her. I don’t know how much dessert you let this one eat, but according to her, I have the finest pie she’s ever tasted.”
The Woman at the Edge of Town Page 15
