by Emma Nichole
Maybe I’m a masochist or just incredibly stupid, but I click on them and take a scroll toward the bottom… finding posts from over six years ago of my brother and me for his birthday. A rock forms in my gut and my throat constricts, forcing me to swallow the lump there.
I click on the photo from his sixteenth birthday and I can’t help but smile. He was so happy that day and so full of life. It’s insane how quickly things can change in just a few years. Hell, Isaac has shown me how much can change in just a few weeks.
I close out social media and start thumbing through my cameral roll, looking at photos I’ve taken over the past two days. Some of the scenery, some of the venue… a couple of Isaac being fucking adorable… and a couple of us together. His general presence makes me smile, and honestly, it kind of scares me because I feel like I’m getting really attached, incredibly fast. Sometimes, that’s just asking for a broken heart.
My phone freezes for a split second before it begins to vibrate in my hand and Olivia’s face appears on my screen, indicating she is calling me. I slide my finger over the screen and answer the call.
“Hello?”
“Why are you answering the phone? You’re supposed to be having wild firefighter sex right now,” she scolds, and I giggle in response.
“Then why are you calling me?”
“I wanted to make sure you didn’t answer.”
“Well, you called a few hours too late,” I admit.
“What?” she squeals loudly on the other end of the phone, and I have to pull the cell away from my ear.
“Ow…”
“Tell me everything! I need details. I want to know it all.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. There’s a ringing in my ear.”
“Oh, shut up. I’m excited. Don’t rain on my parade.” I can hear her shuffling around a bit like she’s settling in for a story.
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Start with the beginning. Are you having fun?”
“I really am. His friends are amazing and this place we are staying, oh my God, Liv, it’s incredible. It’s basically a freaking castle with these rooms that look like royalty stays in them, and don’t even get me started on the grounds themselves. I’ve never seen anything like it.”
“You better have pictures.”
“You know I do. I was just looking that them.”
“Where is Isaac? I don’t want to force you to discuss your sexcapades in front of him if he’s around.”
“He’s out playing golf with Finn and Caleb, we know him by the way. Caleb Everhart.”
I hear her coughing out something that I can only assume is coffee. “What? Caleb Everhart is friends with Isaac.”
“Uh, yeah. I mean, I knew it was a small world because we work with him, but your reaction tells me there might be something deeper in here somewhere.”
“We aren’t talking about me right now. We are talking about you. So, how is he in the sack? As good as he looks?”
“Jesus, Liv.”
“What? You know I’m blunt and straight to the point.”
“If that were the case, you’d tell me why you had such a visceral reaction to Caleb’s name.” I curl onto my side, pulling the covers up to my chin, and keep the phone tucked between my pillow and my ear.
“A long story that will need alcohol and lots of time,” she sighs. “Back to you and stop avoiding.”
“He’s… the best I’ve ever had. Ever. And I’m not just saying that because I’m riding this high, but truly the best I’ve ever had.”
“Soft? Gentle? Hard? Rough? Details, Sawyer, details.”
I tell her everything normally, but there is something different, something special about my time with Isaac. I want to keep it to myself.
“All I’ll say is he is somehow all of the above and everything in between.”
“Did he make you come? Honestly, that’s the most important detail,” she asks as nonchalantly as one would ask how the weather is outside today.
But that’s Olivia for you.
“Many, many times.”
I swear, I can see her punching the air like Bender at the end of The Breakfast Club.
“I knew it! I knew he’d be amazing, I mean look at him. He’s gorgeous.”
“That is the understatement of the year,” I sigh.
“What’s that sigh for? Are you okay?” She hesitates for a moment before she realizes, “Ohhhh. Shit, Sawyer. I forgot what day it was.”
“No, no, it’s okay. I’m actually handling today better than years past. I think it’s because I spewed everything out to Isaac last night. It felt… like a purge, ya know, since I don’t talk about it much.” I pull the covers completely over my head like I used to do when I was teenager on the phone with my friends. “It’s not just that. Isaac and I said some things to each other last night in the heat of the moment, and I think we have to have the awkward conversation today.”
“What do you mean? What kind of things?”
“Serious things, like I don’t want to see other people and I don’t want him seeing other people… I told him I was his and he was mine. It got very intense, very fast, but I wanted that… I still do, but I don’t know if he meant what he said. Maybe it was the alcohol talking.”
“I seriously doubt either of you were drunk last night, based on the fact he’s playing golf right now and you don’t sound hungover at all, but even if you were, don’t you know the expression drunk words are sober thoughts?”
“Well, those words carry a lot of weight, and I want to make sure we talk about them while we are both level-headed and not sex drunk either.”
“God, I haven’t been sex drunk in so long. My vagina is sad about it,” she says dramatically, and I just roll my eyes. “Seriously, though, babe, just talk to him. It has to be discussed. You’re both adults and he seems like a good guy.”
“I’m scared of what I’ll feel if he tells me he didn’t mean it.”
Even the thought of it makes my stomach clench and a boulder take over residence where my heart it.
“If he says that, fuck him. It’s his loss. You’re a catch, you’re beautiful, you’re smart, you have a job, and a lease on a gorgeous house. You’re kicking ass and taking names. If he doesn’t see that, move on.”
“You’re always so good at making me feel better.”
She’s right. I need to stand with my shoulders straight and be an adult about this. Sure, it’ll hurt for a minute, but I’m not going to be destroyed by a man. Nope. I refuse.
“That’s because you’re good at self-deprecating.”
“Ugh. I am. I’m working on it.”
“Good. I’m happy you’re having fun up there with him. Have the conversation today, okay? Get it off your mind and into the ether.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
We end the call and I toss my cell to the middle of the bed then head off to take a much-needed shower.
Isaac
“Damn, you suck at golf too?” Finn teases Caleb, as he lines up to take his first swing at hole number ten. “Look at that form. I’m sorry for the girls you fuck if you’re this uncoordinated here. Yikes.”
“Fuck you, Rogers. I’m a master at anything that involves skill and finesse,” Caleb responds, as he swings the club and sends the ball flying across the green. We watch until the ball bounces a couple of times and rolls, stopping just a couple feet short of the hole. “Boom,” he gloats. “Like I said.”
“Lucky shot,” Finn says, taking a drink of his water.
“You guys are fucking insane. Will you be measuring dicks next?” I ask.
“Hell no. I wouldn’t want to make Finn more of a sad sack than he is now.” Caleb slides his club back into his cart bag.
Finn flips him the bird then starts to line up his own shot.
“So where’d you disappear to last night?” Caleb asks me, coming to stand at my side.
“What are you talking about?”
“Come
on, don’t be shy. You disappeared with your hottie pretty quickly and never came back. So tell me all about it. Unless you’re embarrassed.” He snaps his finger. “That’s it. That’s why you’re barely speaking. What’s the matter? Couldn’t get it up?”
I swat the back of his head and knock his baseball cap off. “You’re a dick.”
He swipes it off the ground and pulls it back onto his head. “It’s a common problem, Isaac. One in ten men –”
I cut him off by pouring my very cold bottle of water over his head.
“Fuck. You. Getting it up wasn’t a problem. Not that it’s any of your goddamn business. Maybe I don’t want to tell you about this one, okay?”
“What are we talking about?” Finn asks, when he comes to put his club back in the bag.
Caleb goes to respond but I point a finger, threatening his life if he opens his mouth.
“I was telling Caleb that maybe I don’t want to share every sordid detail about anything I do, or don’t do, with Sawyer. I think that’s a fair fucking request.”
“Who are you and what have you done with our friend?” Finn crosses his arms over his chest.
“I’m still here, it’s just…” I hesitate and swing my club around absentmindedly, “different. She’s just different.”
“You really like this one, don’t you?” Finn asks.
“Yeah, yeah, I guess I do.”
“Well hell, I never thought I’d see the day Isaac Black was pussy-whipped, but you, sir, have been whipped by pussy.”
“Maybe I just think it’s time to be a little more grown.” I shrug.
“Nah, I’d rather keep on my path, banging whomever I’d like without anyone to answer to and without any expectations,” Caleb says, as he slides behind the steering wheel of the golf cart.
“One day, Caleb,” Finn points at him, and continues, “One day some girl is going to come by and knock you to the dirt, and I can’t wait to see it.”
Chapter 18
Sawyer
Isaac was unusually silent the entire trek back to Sunnyville.
Sure, he was speaking and cracking jokes with his friends here and there, but it felt like there was something on his mind. Obviously, being the overthinker that I am, I assume it has to do with last night.
It’s not until he’s helping me with my bags onto my front porch that I muster up the courage to say something to him.
“Are you all right?”
He slides his hands into his pockets. “I’m fine. Why?”
“You’re just being so quiet. It’s not a side of you I’m used to.” I smile a bit so he can see I’m simply checking on him.
I watch his face closely and see the slightest tick of his jaw before he answers, “I didn’t sleep much last night.”
He steps up toward me and slides his hand to rest at the small of my back.
“No? Hmm. I wonder why?” I tap my chin.
“Some hot brunette couldn’t get enough of me.”
“Are you sure about that? Maybe you couldn’t get enough of her.”
“That’s a distinct possibility,” he says, cupping one side of my face in his hand.
His eyes look full of thought. Like he’s here, but not really here. Like there is so much on his mind that he is having a hard time compartmentalizing it.
“Do you want to come inside? I can make us something to eat before you have to go rest up for your shift tomorrow.”
Please say yes. I’m not ready to end this yet, and I want to know if I’ve fallen too hard too fast.
He bends down to kiss my lips and nods his head. “Yes, I think I do.”
I smile against his kiss then pull away to let us in the front door.
Herbert greets us with a grump “oh, you’re back” look from his perch on the back of my sofa.
“Does that cat ever look happy?” he asks.
“Never. You know the Grumpy Cat meme? That’s basically him. He’s rude and a bit of an asshole, but I love him.” I walk by him and give his ear a scratch that he takes only for a moment before angling his head away.
“I guess that means he’s finished with you, huh?”
I giggle. “I guess so. Remember who feeds you, you little jerk.” I point at him and he just meows in response. “He probably misses Liv. She was the one feeding him while we were away and she sneaks him treats.”
“He can be bought with treats? I’ll keep that in mind.”
That one, simple sentence gives me hope that I didn’t have ten seconds ago. The ride here had given me plenty of time to overthink and determine he’d regretted things he said to me last night. That one sentence means he intends on sticking around awhile.
“Soup okay? I’m craving Italian Wedding.”
“Soup is great, but I don’t know what Italian Wedding is.”
“You’re in for a treat, then. Make yourself at home. I will heat some up. I won’t pretend it’s not canned. I keep it around for times just like this.”
I leave him in the living room with Herbert to make our soup, and when I come back a few minutes later, what I see stops me in my tracks.
“Oh my God,” I whisper.
“Don’t. Make. Any. Sudden. Movements,” Isaac says quietly as Herbert walks toward him, gives him a sniff, and starts to climb into his lap.
“You have got to be kidding me,” I say somewhere between a whisper and a yell.
Herbert starts working his paws back and forth on Isaac’s thigh, making biscuits, as I like to call it, before spinning in two circles then curling into a perfect pile right there on his legs.
Isaac looks at me with wide eyes. “I feel like this is a trick and I’m about to get murdered.”
“Do you have treats hiding in your pocket? Tuna anywhere on your person?”
“Nothing. Maybe he just... likes me?”
“That’s impossible. This asshole hates everyone.”
“Apparently not.”
There is a hint of a smile on his lips when he very, very slowly reaches down and pets the top of Herbert’s head. He looks so proud of himself.
“Well, now you’re stuck there until he decides to get down, because the cardinal rule with cats is when they choose you, you don’t move until they do. It is law.” I sit on my small chaise lounge across from him and curl my feet under me. “The soup is simmering on the stove. It will be fine.”
“There are worse ways to be trapped,” he says.
I lean my head back against the soft cushion. “Isaac, I think we should probably talk about something.”
His eyes bolt from where they were resting on Herbert to mine. “About?”
“I’m honestly shocked you don’t know.”
He shifts a bit in his seat, trying not to scare the cat away then speaks. “Sawyer, look I...”
I hold up my hand to stop him. “Just let me get this out.” I tell him much like I did last night.
“You seem to need that a lot,” he teases.
“I have to get things out while they are fresh in my brain, especially if the conversation is important or awkward.”
He swallows so hard it’s audible and that just cements what I was worried about.
“We said some things in the heat of the moment last night. Things that really shouldn’t be ignored because they are important. You asked me to be yours and said I was... I said the same in return. We both said we didn’t want to see other people. I just want you to know I’m not going to hold you to your word on that. You’ve been so... quiet all day today. I’m not the type of girl who is clingy or needy like this, but I just wanted you to know I still want those things. It’s okay if you don’t. I just need you to tell me so I can break the news to Herbert.” I smile, hoping it eases whatever weirdness I’ve created.
He doesn’t say anything to me at first. He just looks at me, like he’s thinking of something to say. The anxiety in my chest is growing by the second until he finally speaks up.
“Come here, please. I would come to you, but it seems I’m
the chosen one.” He smiles, nodding down to Herbert.
I uncurl myself from where I settled on the chaise lounge and walk across the living room to sit beside him on the sectional sofa, and he reaches over to place a hand on my thigh.
“Sawyer, I said the things I said because I meant them. Every day that I’m with you, the light in your eyes grows brighter and I can feel the same happening in mine. I’m not ready to lose that.”
“Even if it means you’re stuck with me for awhile?”
“I don’t want you to see anyone else and I definitely don’t want to be with anyone else, and Herbert likes me, so I mean, it looks like you don’t get a say in the matter.”
Herbert tilts his head and begins grooming himself and we both just laugh.
“What a traitor.” I shake my head and turn my body so I’m facing him.
“Sawyer, I don’t know what it is about you that has me so captivated, because it could be so many things. Maybe it’s your eyes or your smile. It could even be your laugh or your incredible personality. Or it’s the fact our connection is off the fucking charts. I like to think it’s all of the above. Whatever it is that we have, I’m addicted and all I can think about is my next fix of you.”
I move up to kneel on the sofa cushions and bend forward, taking his chin in my hand, tilting his head back to meet my gaze. “I know that affliction well.”
Our lips meet in a soft, gentle kiss. He tastes like his drink on the train and the breath mint he took from Finn afterward. It’s delectable and intoxicating.
It builds slowly at first, well on its way to more, but the moment is broken by the hissing sound of my stove as the soup boils over.
“Oh shit!”
I scramble off the sofa and into the kitchen all the while he laughs at me.
Isaac
“This is actually really delicious,” I say, as I take another spoonful of soup into my mouth. “Even if most of it ended up on the stove instead of my bowl.”
I quickly dodge a wadded up napkin tossed my way.
“See if I ever feed you again, mister.”
We are on the sofa together, warm bowls of soup in hand, simply enjoying each other’s company. It’s not something I do with women often. Most of my time with them is very much like a business transaction. I get what I need, they get what they need, and then we go on with our lives. We are repeat customers for one another if we are feeling it, and sometimes we aren’t. A relationship is not something I could have ever predicted or wanted for myself. Until Sawyer.
