by Casey Hagen
He didn’t want to give his son bitter, resentful, and bone-weary parents.
He didn’t want to destroy Megan, a girl who, after real life hit them both, he couldn’t even swear he’d loved.
She pushed her fries his way and turned on her stool to face him. “Takes a strong man to do something that selfless.”
He swung her way, just enough to see her out of the corner of his eye. “How do you know I wasn’t some selfish kid who just wanted to party?”
She shrugged and bit into another fry. “I don’t, but there’s something about you that screams honorable. You worried about my age. You have integrity. It’s refreshing.”
“Are you some kind of eternal optimist?”
She laughed and, if he wasn’t mistaken, snorted a little. “God, no. I just would like to hope that when I’m your age…” she cringed, “—er, sorry, umm, I’d like to hope that I’ll eventually get past the crap I’m holding on to.”
“When you’re my age…so let’s get it out there. How far apart are we?”
She took a spoonful of her soup and then took a bite of her baklava. “I’m thirty.”
“Jesus. My son is a year older than you.”
“Hey,” she said as she grabbed his sleeve, giving it a tug. “Don’t get all stodgy on me. It’s not like you’re flirting with a teenager.”
“I’m not flirting.”
“I don’t know, I think I detected some discreet flirtage coming from this direction,” she said, waving her hands at him.
“Flirtage? Is that even a word?”
“What is this, a game of Scrabble? It’s a word now. And eating my fry? Definite flirtage.”
He raised a brow, his lips twitching. “Eating your fry…I don’t like the sound of that when you say it.”
“Psshhhh, I do,” she said with a snicker.
“I’m pretty sure you need adult supervision.”
“Good thing you’re sitting with me then.” She tipped back the rest of her beer and giggled. “You seem very adult.”
He winced. “Hey, be nice.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.” She waved a hand at the bartender. “So, out with it. How old are you?”
“Maybe another drink—” Ben started, but the bartender was already there.
“You want another?” the bartender asked her.
“Could I get some ice water please?” she asked.
“Sure thing.”
She directed her attention back to him. “You were saying?”
“I thought you were getting another beer.”
“And if I was, I’m adult enough to make that decision.”
Ouch, okay. He’d stepped on some toes. “Sorry.” He held a hand up in surrender. “I’m forty-eight,” he finally confessed, if for no other reason than to distract her from his fumble.
“You say it like you’re collecting a social security check, yeesh. That’s not old. My sister would love you…she’d say you’re peppered. Wait, that’s not the word.”
She bit her lip with bright, white, perfectly straight teeth, and he lost his train of thought.
“Seasoned!” she said, stabbing a finger into the air between them. “Kate would call you seasoned. She’s a romance reader…lately she’s been big on romances with seasoned heroes.”
She said seasoned with wiggling eyebrows, and he couldn’t help but smile at her. Definitely an interesting woman. Glowing, optimistic, way out of her element at a bar if her trusting nature and winking pants were any indication.
And something else…lonely?
No, she didn’t quite seem lonely or tired per se.
Maybe a little lost and unsure. Every once in a while, he’d catch a look in her eye, a wariness when she glanced about.
She definitely wasn’t comfortable in the bar.
Which begged the question…what was she doing here?
“Seasoned, huh? I can live with seasoned,” he said.
She leaned forward, just mere inches from his face. “Tell me, Ben, did you have any more kids?”
He schooled his features. “No.”
“Really? Why?”
“I don’t deserve them,” he said quietly.
She reared back and narrowed her rich green eyes at him. “What? Why in the world would you think a thing like that?”
“I gave my child away. He’ll never know his father, his mother. I don’t get to go and start new after that. No do-overs.”
She sipped her water and regarded him. He imagined she saw a whole lot more than he wanted her to. “Seems like kind of a harsh punishment for being human and making a mistake.”
“What if my kid came back to find me and he saw I had this whole other family…kids I kept, but not him. What does that tell him?”
She tore at the paper napkin next to her plate. “That’s a big if, him looking for you and all. Maybe he’d get that you did what was best for him at the time. Maybe he would thank you.”
“Yeah, I doubt that.” He drained his beer. “Are you almost finished? I can give you a ride home.”
“I’m done, but it’s okay. I was going to walk… I don’t live far,” she said.
“Ah, sobering up and taking into account that I’m a complete stranger.”
She smiled, dropped a hundred-dollar bill on the counter, and slid off the bar stool. “You know, I think it’s time you forgave yourself.” She kissed him on the cheek. At the feel of her warm, soft lips, he closed his eyes. She was about to walk out of the bar, out of his life, and for whatever reason, the idea of that rocked him to the core.
“Thanks for keeping me company, Ben,” she murmured.
When she made it past his back, he snaked out a hand and snagged her wrist. “Hey, what about you?”
“What about me?” she said.
“Don’t you think it’s time you forgave yourself?” he asked.
She gave him a sad smile. “Ahh, but my mistake is a lot more recent than yours. I have a bit of a price to pay for it yet.”
“Will I see you again?” he asked.
She shrugged. “Maybe. I guess we’ll have to see if we’re meant to cross paths again.”
He let go of her wrist and watched her as she slipped out the door.
He told himself to stay put. She was young, probably wanted a family of her own. He couldn’t give her that.
Fuck. He slapped a twenty on the bar and headed for the door. He pushed his way into the cool night air, scanning the parking lot. Cars and SUVs gleamed under the parking lot lights, but he saw no movement.
Heard no sounds.
His shoulders slumped, and he sighed.
Maybe it was better that way.
CHAPTER THREE
ABBY THREW BACK HER SHEET and dragged her exhausted butt out of bed at six thirty a.m. in an effort to get a jump on her day before Blake regaled her with stories of the dreams he’d had in the night. There was no way he’d had all the dreams he claimed, but Abby would never stifle that creativity in him.
Her little storyteller.
Most mornings she looked forward to the tales of dragons, knights, and maidens, rather impressive at his young age of four, but this morning she suffered from a monumental lack of sleep.
After brushing her teeth, she examined her face in the chipped-corner mirror and noted the dark shadows under her eyes. She looked almost as worn out as her pedestal sink with rust around the drain which no amount of scrubbing and cleaners could change.
She’d traded in three hours of heavenly sleep to fantasize about a certain salt-and-pepper hottie she’d met the night before.
And it was stupid because they had no future.
The minute she realized that he had no intentions of forgiving himself or moving on, she had to discard any possibilities because she had Blake, and he deserved the best.
Ben, although so very handsome, funny, and the first man to give her that spark since Ken, was not the best for her son. Not with the weight of his past holding him down.
The reali
ty didn’t stop her from entertaining a few scenarios in her head. Another night at the Little Laguna, a few more beers, a warm, wet, steamy kiss…whoa!
Down, girl!
That was the problem. Just the thought of those warm lips of his, that stubble brushing against her skin, had her burning and every last cylinder firing.
She looked down at herself and there it was, the flushed skin and hard nipples. She sighed. There was no way she was walking around like this. Her sister would be all over her.
She grabbed her robe from the hook behind her door and tied it tight. Glancing down at herself, she shook her head. She lived in California, for God’s sake; the robe was thin cotton and still giving away a few of her secrets. It was nowhere near perfect, but it would have to do.
With sixty seconds of mind-wandering and one steamy thought, she had reduced herself to needing to hide her arousal with clothing.
Good thing no one had seen her last night: naked, twisting in her sheets, her hand between her own thighs while she imagined what it would be like to naked with Ben in a compromising position.
Several positions, in fact.
Three hours of fantasy and a finale.
After that, she finally fell into a sound sleep.
Thank you, Ben.
Abby tamped down the grin splitting her face.
Tiptoeing over the cold tile floor in the hall, she ducked into the kitchen and found her sister already up, coffee in hand, and a gleam in her eye.
Here it comes…
“So, how was girls’ night?” Kate asked from her seat in the breakfast nook, overlooking their square patch of front yard.
The house may not be much, with its chipped Formica counters, scratched white appliances, and thirty-year-old cabinets, but the sunny little nook in the kitchen that let in the bright California sunshine each morning as she and her sister shared a cup of coffee made all the sacrifices worth it.
The place had been due for an update at least a decade ago, but the price was just right; it was clean, rodent-free and, thank God, bug-free, so she had no intentions of bitching about it.
After all, she had had a more modern home before…maybe not bigger, but newer. When it came down to it, the stainless steel and granite did nothing to soothe her shattered heart when her husband was killed.
No sense dwelling.
“Girls’ night was good,” Abby said as she poured a cup of coffee.
“How’s Kelly doing?”
Abby took a seat across from her sister. She was better off just telling her that Kelly had been there, they’d had a good time, the food was excellent, and all that happy garbage. If she told Kate about Ben, she’d have her trussed up in slutty lingerie, under leather pants and a halter top, and back at the bar that night. “She’s good, been busy.”
“Not as busy as that husband of hers. Or so I heard when she called here last night, hoping to catch you before you left,” Kate said with a raised brow and a smirk. “Which begs the question: why did my incorruptible baby sister just lie to me?”
Busted. And why did she care? She was a grown woman with a job, a son, and bills. She didn’t have to answer to anyone. Except she knew Kate well enough to know that the longer she held out, the bigger a deal she’d make out of it.
“You know, not everything is your business,” Abby said, although it would do no good. Abby had always been the reserved one of the two. Kate had been brash. Of course, after the way Abby behaved last night, maybe she had a bit of her sister in her after all.
“Oh, honey, believe me I know. Problem for you is, I just don’t care,” she said in a sing-song voice while patting Abby’s hand.
“Kelly couldn’t meet me, but I had already ordered a flight of beers so I figured why not stay and have dinner anyway.” Abby didn’t meet her sister’s eyes.
Meet her eyes, damn it. It’s the only way to save yourself!
Kate shot up in her seat and wagged a finger at her. “Oh, my, God…your face! You met a guy.”
Abby sipped her coffee like any civilized human being and pretended that her heart hadn’t just jumped pace and started to riot in her chest. “There are lots of guys in bars and restaurants. Girls, too. You should go out and explore some time.”
Kate threw her head back and laughed, her box-maintained, killer brunette locks cascading down the back of her chair and swinging back and forth. “Oh, honey, the things I’ve seen. I did that for enough years, so I’m good right where I am. You, on the other hand, met someone. I know you did. You might as well come out with it.”
Abby leaned back in her chair and shook her head. “I talked to someone for a short time, yes. Seriously, though, he’s not a good fit, but a nice enough guy that I wish he had been.”
She glanced out the window at the tidy homes lining her street. They sat on maybe a tenth of an acre. Right now, the tiny backyard was enough for Blake. Well, between that and trips to the park and his afternoons at the beach with Kate, but soon he’d need more room.
Her growing boy was already six inches taller than the average four-year-old, something he got from his father. Once he started school, started having sleepovers, made more friends, he’d need a bigger backyard for running around with his buddies.
It would be a stretch, but one she would work on making happen. If they could stay in this house for another year, she and her sister splitting the bills, Abby would get her school loans paid off and that money could go into a bigger place.
Abby shrugged and glanced at her sister. “Maybe it’s not the right time for a man anyway. I’m not settled, not by a long shot.”
Kate pushed herself up out of her chair and refilled her cup. “There is never a good time for a man. It’s like babies. There are better times than others, but no perfect time. If you get settled, who’s to say you’ll want to uproot everything for a man?”
And that was the rub. “Yeah, you have a point.”
“There’s no sense going down that road right now. I would say we have a handful of minutes before the Screamin’ Demon wakes up and this conversation evaporates, ever to be avoided from here on after by my baby sister. Now, out with it. What did he look like?”
Abby smiled. Maybe there was no harm in a little fantasy. And Ben might well fuel her fantasies for some time to come. She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes, picturing Ben from the night before. “He’s tall and fit, with an impressive broad chest. He has a short beard and mustache, short hair with a little spike to the top, and…” she sighed, “…aquamarine eyes.”
Kate let out a husky laugh in appreciation. “Oooh, he does sound good. I wonder what’s wrong with him.”
Abby frowned at her. “What’s wrong with him?”
Kate shrugged and took a sip of her coffee. “Well, yeah, he’s at a bar alone. Woman trouble, maybe he’s married but trolling, gay…the possibilities are endless.”
“Wow…you just reek of positivity over there. I don’t hear you talking like this when it’s some guy you’ve met.”
Kate snorted, cupped her chin in her hand, and propped her elbow on the table. “I don’t have to speculate when I meet a man, honey. I know there’s something wrong with him. If he’s interested in me, it’s practically a guarantee.”
She was right. Abby hated to admit it, but the good ones her sister had found turned out to have huge medical issues that cropped up later, leaving her widowed twice already at thirty-nine. Her sister deserved better. She deserved to be happy.
Of course, had her sister’s life gone any other way, Abby wouldn’t have her here with her in Tallulah Cove, willing and able to take care of Blake so Abby could focus on her new career.
Maybe they were cursed. It couldn’t be natural for a set of sisters to both be widowed by the time they hit thirty. That had to be some sort of record.
She closed her eyes and shook off the memories. No good could come from that line of thought. “No woman trouble, not married, that was the other guy who almost slid in next to me, and definitely not
gay.”
“How can you be sure?” Kate asked, blowing on the top of her steaming hot mug.
“Well, I guess I can’t. I mean, he could be married and lying, but I doubt it. He didn’t seem like he was in a relationship, either. And he definitely likes women, or did at one time since he has a son a year older than me.”
Kate’s head snapped up. “Well, well, well, you snagged a daddy.”
“He’s not a daddy, ack! God, that term belongs nowhere near any talk of a guy being sexy. Well, but technically—” she winced. “Look, he gave his son up for adoption at seventeen, so I would hardly say he’s ready for retirement or anything. He’s forty-eight. He’s like one of those seasoned guys from those books you like so much,” Abby said.
“Hmm, he sounds it. Now I’m even more curious about how he snagged your attention. You’ve always liked your men clean-shaven and your age,” Kate said with a snort as though Abby’s choice in men was the shortbread cookie of tastes.
Well, last night, she had wanted to indulge in that chocolate chunk while it was still warm, leaving gooey chocolate on her bottom lip to lick off later. “Hey, I’ve never ruled out someone older.”
Kate grinned. “I seem to recall this guy, Cal was it? He…”
Abby held up a hand. “Cal doesn’t count.”
“Well, he was a man of means and only in his early forties.”
“Yes, and if I was willing to attend every social event with him in those damn shiny suits, his chest hair squeezing out of his half-unbuttoned dress shirt, and thick gold chains around his neck, he would have been great.” She shivered. “No, you know what? The bonded teeth wouldn’t have made it past me. His teeth looked so big and unnatural in his mouth. Like they were going to revolt and eat his own face one day. Couldn’t do it.”
“See?” Kate said.
“Yeah, but that had nothing to do with age. It was everything other than his age.”
