by K. L. Slater
Ten minutes later, I open the door and nod to two members of staff who are walking past wearing ID lanyards and serious expressions. I head to the family room, push open the door and step inside. Mum, Dad, Tom and Chloe are sitting in there together, talking.
Why do I feel I’m on the outside looking in… and why didn’t Tom come to my room first?
He looks up.
‘Juliet! I was just about to come and find you.’
I frown. He doesn’t look like he was on his way anywhere.
‘I need to speak to Chloe,’ I say. I’m trying to keep my voice clear and level, but I sound groggy and disorientated.
Chloe touches her chest with her fingertips. ‘Just me?’
I nod, noticing that she’s styled her hair and applied a pale pink lipstick. ‘There’s an empty office next door.’
For a second or two, she actually looks nervous.
‘Do you need me to come too?’ Tom stands up and brushes the creases from his shirt. ‘We’ve just been discussing the implications of the fire.’
I bite down on my back teeth. Why would he talk to Chloe about that instead of me? Who does the business belong to?
I want to stay calm and reasoned, but my head feels heavy and weighed down. It’s a strange feeling, like a slow-build anger is stoking inside me.
‘I’ll have a quick word with you first, Tom,’ I say gruffly, and shuffle out without speaking to my parents, who are sitting there like waxworks.
Forty-Two
‘Why have we got to come in here to talk?’ Tom says, shaking his head. I close the office door behind him. ‘What’s wrong?’
I take a breath and it all rushes out. ‘You’re not going to believe this, but Beth just called to say the business insurance policy has lapsed. We’re not covered for any losses caused by the fire.’
I watch his face as he realises the crushing implications.
‘You mean…’ He can’t bring himself to say it.
I nod. ‘We’ve lost everything. And as if things couldn’t get any worse, there hasn’t been a back-up done for any of our files for weeks.’
‘Shit! How did that happen?’
‘Chloe is how it happened. It was her responsibility to renew the insurance policy, her responsibility to run the back-up. I asked her yesterday morning if she was on top of the admin, and she assured me she was.’
I grit my teeth. Each time I think it or say it, the more angry I feel. It’s not even the act of letting an important policy lapse that’s getting to me. It’s her constant denial, the way she doggedly pushes away my concern.
‘I think we should look at the details together, Jules. Make absolutely sure we’ve got this right before you go ahead and accuse her.’ He pauses, and seems to turn a little paler.
‘I’m done tiptoeing around her, Tom. I’ve got to speak to her now.’
‘It’s not worth falling out over this.’ He stuffs his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
‘Are you serious?’ I let out a harsh laugh. ‘She’s been unbelievably negligent. She’d be fired on the spot in a normal company. I’m sick of watching my step around her when I know something’s wrong. She’s been detached from me and her job for months now, and it’s time we discussed it.’
‘But your family needs to gel at a time like this, not start a fight about something else.’
The grinding pressure in my head is increasing by the second. I can’t believe that Tom, who has been the first to criticise Chloe in the past over her lax attitude, now seems to be trying to protect her. It doesn’t make sense.
He holds his hand up in a stop sign. ‘I’m just trying to cool things off a little.’
‘I know that, and it’s out of character.’ I narrow my eyes. ‘You seem to have suddenly found a great deal of empathy for my sister.’
He hesitates. ‘You don’t want to make yourself feel worse than you do already.’
‘I might be on antidepressants,’ I say, ‘but right now, I feel like I’m the only one in the family who’s got my head screwed on.’
‘I know, but I just think—’ Tom stammers.
‘You think what, exactly? Is this why you’ve been lying to me, keeping stuff from me?’
His face drains of colour. ‘What?’
‘How could you keep something like that from me? You had no right!’ My own words pound in my ears; they sound muffled, like I’m underwater.
His face seems to crumple. ‘I’m so sorry, Juliet. Please understand I had no choice. I couldn’t just come out and tell you. I was waiting for the right moment.’
‘I’ve a right to know if there are problems with our daughter, Tom. I don’t believe she stole that money from Mum’s purse; she’s just not a dishonest girl. Remember when she found twenty pounds on the floor at the Tesco checkout? She handed it in without a second thought.’
I look at him, and the strangest thing happens. The tension slides from his face and he actually smiles.
Ridiculously, I have to fight the impulse to hammer on his chest with my fists. Tom and I have never lifted a finger against each other, but this… this has really pressed my buttons.
‘Calm down, Juliet.’ His voice sounds infuriatingly reasonable. ‘This is not the worst thing that has happened.’
The fury dissipates as quickly as it came, and now I just feel empty inside. ‘I’m her mother, for goodness’ sake. I had a right to know.’
He clenches his jaw, and it looks so square and angular, it could be made of stone.
‘I had to make a judgement call, had to decide if the incident with Maddy was serious enough to risk the pressure it would put on you.’ He looks at my tear-streaked face and his expression softens a touch. ‘I don’t think you’re aware of how much stress you put yourself under, Jules. Working every hour God sends on the business and then pushing yourself to do even more at weekends. You’ve been so… so tense and snappy since getting that big order. I thought telling you about this might tip you over the edge.’
I get ready to retaliate, but there are no comeback words there when I reach for them.
It’s true I’ve been worried about the big order. These last few weeks have been crucial. Getting the details finalised and contracts signed… anything could have gone wrong.
Nothing else seemed to matter. Nothing. And now look what’s happened… Maddy is being accused of a terrible crime and the business is virtually destroyed anyway.
But Tom is laying it on thick. Every hour God sends? An exaggeration, surely. I’ve made it a priority to pick Maddy and Josh up from Mum’s house no later than six each day, and we’re always home around ten minutes later. I thought that was enough to qualify me as a good mother, a parent who is there for her children.
Yet I feel a niggle deep down that tells me he’s right.
Once I get through the door each evening, I simply set my laptop up on the kitchen counter and carry on working. I often cook the children’s tea around updating the InsideOut4Kids website.
The reality is, I’m there… but I’m not really there. Not all of me.
For the first time, I consider the echoes of my own childhood, when Mum spent so much time in her bedroom.
I can’t remember the last time we all sat down and ate together, or watched TV as a family. We often stay in different rooms until it’s time for bed. And the outings to the park or the cinema we used to plan and enjoy at weekends? I seriously can’t remember the last time we did that.
I thought I was being Superwoman, and it turns out I’m struggling to tick all the boxes like any other mere mortal.
The realisation renders me speechless, and it doesn’t take Tom long to capitalise on it.
‘Don’t feel bad, Jules. I know you haven’t registered the extent of it until now. We used to talk about everything.’ He pauses. ‘I don’t know what happened to us.’
While I work most of the evening in the kitchen, Maddy and Josh watch television in the living room and Tom sits in there with them, often doing puzzles
on his iPad.
When we go to bed, I’m usually answering emails or looking at trade brochures. Tom puts in his earbuds and listens to a chapter or two of his current audiobook, usually falling asleep well before I turn my lamp out.
The days of lying snuggled up together while we talk about our day have been over for a long time now, and we haven’t made love for months.
‘You could’ve said something,’ I offer faintly. ‘If it’s bothered you so much, you should have said so. We could have tried a bit harder.’
A look of incredulity settles over his features.
‘I’ve lost count of the times I’ve tried to discuss it with you, Jules. You always agree we should try harder, but that’s not the problem.’ He smiles sadly. ‘The problem is in following through and making it happen.’
He’s right, I know he is, but I’m getting that old familiar feeling that all our shortcomings are being firmly placed on my shoulders.
‘I was building the business for us,’ I say slowly so my voice doesn’t break. ‘For our future. The four of us.’
‘I know that,’ Tom says quietly. ‘I’m so proud of what you’ve achieved, but… I never realised you would become so immersed in it. I didn’t know it would take so much of you.’
A sense of loss settles over me. Everything I’ve worked for has gone up in smoke. Literally. The business has been a drug to me. Even though Chloe is a director, she hasn’t got the same passion, the same all-consuming drive as me. I shudder to think what else Beth might unearth that my sister has let slip.
‘It’s sad, what we’ve become,’ Tom says softly. ‘So busy with our lives we’ve no time to reflect on what we’ve got. What we had.’
A chill prickles the tiny hairs on my forearms. He’s talking as though we’ve already lost that special spark we had together, that nothing can be salvaged.
I think about all his recent work meetings, and how he regularly pops out for work commitments at weekends too. I only ever half listen to what he says, so I can’t even recall the reasons he gives.
He’ll often have a shower as soon as he gets in, and yet he hasn’t been to the gym for the last six months or so.
‘If there’s stuff I haven’t told you, it’s for your own good, Juliet,’ he says, the corners of his mouth drooping. ‘I just want what’s best for you. I hope you’ll remember that.’
For a second I think he’s going to tell me something else, and I hold my breath ready for the blow, but he just pinches the skin between his eyebrows and sighs.
For the first time, unlikely as it seems, I turn and look at Tom and question if it could be remotely possible that my husband is having an affair.
Forty-Three
The door opens without a knock.
‘You’d better make your chat a short one,’ Mum says brusquely. ‘They’re talking about interviewing the girls again.’
I feel relief that they haven’t given up on Maddy, aren’t ready to throw the book at her without a bit more digging.
Chloe stands behind Mum, and I see her swallow hard and glance questioningly at Tom as he leaves the room. What is it with those two? Maybe they’re worried I haven’t taken today’s tablets and am about to have a full-scale meltdown. Well I’ll let them fret. A meltdown feels pretty close right now.
‘So what’s this about?’ Chloe says boldly when the others have gone, already recovered from her apparent nervousness.
‘Tom says you’ve been talking about the fire this morning,’ I say.
‘Yes… and?’ The old attitude is back with a vengeance now. ‘It’s terrible news, but I think you’ll agree there are other things to worry about here.’
‘Cast your mind back to yesterday morning, when I asked you if you were on top of the admin.’
She frowns. ‘I told you I was.’
‘And you blatantly lied.’ I take a step towards her, struggling to keep a lid on my fury. ‘We’re not covered for the fire. No cover in place for any contents – computers, stock, furniture – because you failed to renew the insurance policy.’
‘What? No I didn’t!’ Her fingers tap around the bottom of her neck. ‘I mean, we’ve had the reminder, but it’s not due until…’
Her mouth is still moving but the words are failing her now. She looks so scraggy and washed out.
‘I didn’t realise… Oh God, no.’
‘Everything in there has literally gone up in smoke. It will probably totally ruin us.’
‘The new Van Dyke order,’ she says faintly.
‘Thank goodness the Van Dyke merchandise hasn’t arrived yet, so wasn’t destroyed. Beth’s going to try and rescue the order for us, and she’s going to carry out an assessment of where we stand and what we’ve lost as soon as the senior fire officer gives her the all-clear.’
‘Beth!’ Chloe’s mouth twists. ‘She always manages to worm her way in.’
‘Thank God for Beth,’ I say curtly. ‘Because we’ve nobody else to help us.’
Chloe doesn’t answer. She hasn’t even apologised for her seismic error yet, but she does look wretched.
‘Look, Chloe, I’ve been asking you for weeks, months even, what’s wrong. I know something is, so don’t bother denying it. I’ve known you long enough to tell when you’re distracted.’
I’m taken aback when her eyes suddenly swim with tears. She opens her mouth, and a strange little gasp escapes. She tries again and gets the same sound, as if she’s trying to form a word that won’t quite emerge.
‘For goodness’ sake, what is it?’ Even though I could throttle her for making such an utter balls-up, I soften my tone a little. ‘Just spit it out. Tell me now.’
A desperate look crosses her face that makes me fear what she’s about to say, and then, just as quickly as it appeared, it evaporates and her forehead creases up with undisguised scorn.
‘It’s nothing.’ She turns quickly and pulls open the door. ‘Instead of worrying about me, maybe you should focus on what’s going to happen to your daughter.’
And suddenly I find myself alone in the room as Chloe returns to the family fold next door.
Forty-Four
The police station
Dana tapped on Neary’s office door and he beckoned her in.
‘Thanks for coming in early,’ he told her, shuffling through papers on his desk. ‘The witness is on his way.’
‘Expecting to find out anything we don’t already know?’
Conor frowned and consulted a note on his desk. ‘A Mr Peter Brewer, who lives in the house opposite Bessie Wilford’s, called the appeal number last night. He said that as he opened his front door yesterday lunchtime to leave for a work trip, he spotted the girls skipping down the street and entering via the property’s gate. He watched them disappear down the side of the house before he walked to his car parked on the street.’
So now they had a witness to say the girls had entered the property together.
‘Sounds pretty conclusive to me,’ Dana murmured, replaying the facts in her mind. ‘Sadly, though, only the girls themselves know exactly what happened once they were inside the house, and they’ve still not told us everything.’
‘Well that’s just it. Apparently he has some other information he thinks we’ll be interested in, but he was a bit unclear in what he said, which is why the officer taking the call asked him to come to the station as soon as possible. We expect him to arrive within the next fifteen minutes.’
* * *
Dana grabbed herself a coffee and sat outside underneath the enormous canopy of an old oak tree.
She thought about her first disagreement with Lizzie last night, after she’d cooked dinner for the two of them. It had all started off quite innocently.
‘I feel bad that we spend so much time at your place,’ Lizzie had said.
Dana pulled a face. ‘It doesn’t matter to me. I like having you here. It sounds like you’re best out of your place for the time being anyway.’
Lizzie nodded gratefully. ‘You’re no
t wrong. I hate going back there. I’d willingly leave everything and put it behind me forever, but I’ll have to go through Mum’s stuff at some time.’
She had told Dana a little about the nightmare she was going through after the recent death of her mother.
‘The hospital were negligent,’ she’d said, her face patterned with grief. ‘I’ve got two witnesses to say they didn’t do anything to help her after her heart failure. It was as though they’d just written her off because of her age and condition.’
‘Sounds terrible,’ Dana said sympathetically. ‘Your poor mum.’
‘It’s one of those things that’s difficult to prove but I know in my heart of hearts they could probably have done something. If they had, Mum might still be here.’
Lizzie was such a caring person; she had a big heart.
It was ridiculously early days to even be thinking it but secretly, Dana enjoyed telling herself that Lizzie might just be the one she’d settle down with.
But maybe it wasn’t as daft as it sounded; after all, they weren’t naïve nineteen-year-olds in the flush of a first relationship. Dana was forty-two and Lizzie had just turned thirty a few weeks ago. They both knew what they wanted from a partner.
‘What are you smiling at?’ Lizzie said shortly, and Dana realised she’d let the thought of settling down with Lizzie affect her expression.
‘Oh nothing, just this and that,’ she said. ‘Another gin?’
‘No thanks.’ Lizzie stood up. ‘In fact I’ve decided I ought to go home after all. I said I’d babysit for a friend who’s stuck for help. I’ll call you tomorrow.’
And two minutes later she was gone, leaving Dana berating herself, although she wasn’t sure exactly what it was she’d done wrong.
What was it with her and relationships?
