The punch to my chest was real.
The pressure behind the hit was stunningly painful.
“Wh…what?” I mouthed, not being able to even catch enough breath to speak.
Deke took a step back as Liam crossed his arms over his chest. “The more I thought about it last night, the more I realized you can never be one of us, Roselyn. You’re too…common.”
Everything around me seemed to fade. All I could see was this boy who was standing in front of me breaking my goddamn heart. My mind raced with all the declarations and promises he’s been making for the past week-last night, and I couldn’t believe my ears. This couldn’t be real. This had to be some sort of sick joke at the expense of the insecurities I confessed to him last night.
“But you said…”
Liam shrugged a shoulder as the first warning bell for class rang. “I’ve said a whole hell of a lot less before to get some pussy,” he threw out callously. “It’s just…you know, you’re Em’s friend, and I liked fucking you.”
There was noise all around me with morning school activity, but I could hear none of it. All I could do was feel. All I could do was feel each punch from his words. All those words of love and forever were because of Emerson? He didn’t want me coming in between his friendship with Emerson, and therefore, Ramsey.
This couldn’t be happening.
There’s no way I was that blind.
No goddamn way.
“And so?” I asked, needing to hear him say it clearly.
His arms dropped and his next words were more damaging than anything my father, Joseph, or Brandon has done to date. “I’m done fucking you, Roselyn,” he said simply. “I’m graduating soon, and I need to find a girl who can meet Sands Cove standards. Groupies are good for a quick fuck, but nothing long term. You understand, right?”
Groupies?
Everything I feared was true; was real. I was never going to fit in with Liam and his friends. I was always going to just be Emerson’s weird friend.
My pain was real, but it took a step back to let rage take over and help me function. “You fucking bastard!” I screamed, and I didn’t care that my outburst brought everyone in the hallway to a stop. I started hitting Liam’s chest. “You fucking asshole!”
He didn’t grab for my hands and let me just keep hitting him. His face was impassive except for the tick in his jaw and it made me want to hit him more. He was ripping my heart out, and dumping all my insecurities at my feet, and he couldn’t care less.
“Why?!” I was a crying mess by now, but I didn’t care.
I. Did. Not. Care.
“Roselyn-”
“Quit calling me Roselyn!” I knew I sounded unhinged, but I wasn’t supposed to be Roselyn to him. I was supposed to be Roz.
“Look, you’re making a fool out of yourself,” he said, and I wanted to gut him. I wanted to rip him apart.
“No,” I snapped stepping back from him. “You’re making a fool out of me. You’ve made a fool out of me.” I stared into the most beautiful blue eyes I’ve ever seen, and I couldn’t tamper down the hate boiling up through the pain. “Say it,” I demanded. “Fucking say it, Liam!”
His jaw ticked again, but he didn’t disappoint. “Sooner or later, I’d resent knowing what my wife looked like with another guy’s cock in her mouth.”
My lungs ceased to function, but my mind was telling me I should be grateful that he said it low enough that no one could hear him.
I took another step back and wondered how I was even still standing. Everything was blurry from the tears running down my face and I laughed. I actually laughed. I knew it was ruining my makeup, and because I wore it the way I did, I no doubt looked like a clown.
I looked like a joke.
My eyes sought Deke, hoping for some help, some…explanation, something, but he just stood there like a sentinel behind his best friend. No expression. No anything.
The anguish came when I realized I might lose Emerson to them now. There was no way she’d pick me over Ramsey, and I’d never ask her to. I might be her best friend, but Ramsey was her everything else. She could live without me, but I wasn’t sure she could live without Ramsey.
Then the horror came when I realized that I’d no longer be under their protection. Even if Emerson and I remained friends, I no longer had their protection. What would Brandon do now? What kind of payback would he exact now that there was nothing stopping him?
I wrapped my arms around my waist and the fear was real. My broken heart and shattered soul took a backseat to the fear of Brandon’s possible retaliation. There was no way I’d be able to stay in that house and keep going to school here.
I looked back and forth between Liam and Deke and the ugly truth about us was all around me.
They had used me.
I didn’t know how to do this. I didn’t know how to be that girl who didn’t give a fuck. I gave a fuck. I cared about Deke. I cared about Ramsey and Emerson. I loved Liam. I wasn’t strong enough to do this. I wasn’t strong enough to hang out with Emerson and act like Liam didn’t affect me. I didn’t know how to act nonchalant and emotionless.
I lost Liam, but I was going to lose them all.
I took a deep breath and did my best to wipe the wetness from my face. I gave Deke a tight nod and then Liam, letting them know I understood.
I squatted and grabbed my book that I dropped when I had started hitting Liam and hugged it to my chest as I stood. And doing the best I could to control the mess of my emotions, I told them both, “I understand.”
“Rosel-”
I shook my head. “No. It’s okay. I understand,” I repeated. “If…if there’s anything of…mine, uh, just throw it away. There’s nothing I need returned.” Liam’s face softened, and that’s what broke me. I turned and ran away.
I ran until I hit the first girls’ restroom I saw, and inside the first opened stall, I slid to the floor and cried even harder than when my father left me. My father had hurt and disappointed me, but Liam? Liam just destroyed every hope I ever had of real love.
My last thought, as the tears threatened to break me, was that I needed to get out of Sands Cove.
Chapter 26
Liam~
I skipped first period even though I knew Roselyn wouldn’t be in class, and I was standing by my locker with Ramsey and Deke contemplating skipping second, when I heard Emerson’s voice ring throughout the school hallway.
“You motherfucker!” I looked over, and she was a beautiful raging energy of fury. Ramsey had her around the waist and hauled against him before she could make contact with me. Of course, this made everyone in the hallway stop and, unbeknownst to Emerson, her outburst was actually benefitting us for the purpose of whoever sent that video. “You motherfucking sonofabitch!”
“Emer-”
“Fuck you, Liam!” she yelled. “Fuck you!”
My guess is Roselyn must have called her when she ran off. Hell, with all the witnesses that had been in the hallway, someone could have easily fired off a text to Emerson or sent her a video of our fight. But it didn’t matter. We knew Emerson would find out and lose her shit when we planned this.
“Emerson!”
“Let me go, Ramsey,” she yelled, still trying to get to me.
“Goddamn it!” Ramsey snapped as he dragged her to the nearest classroom. We all followed, and when Deke noticed it was the band room with only a couple of students inside, he ordered them to get out.
Once the room was empty, Ramsey let Emerson go, but he kept his hand on her arm and held her close. “Look, Emer-”
“Why, Liam?” she asked interrupting me. “I mean, how could you do that to her? What the fuck is wrong with you?!”
“Emerson, it’s not what you think?”
She reared back and her silver eyes rounded unbelievingly. “Are you fucking serious? It’s not what I think?” She wrenched her arm out of Ramsey’s hold. “So, you didn’t just dump Roselyn in front of the entire school, then?”
&n
bsp; Fuck!
“No, I did. But-”
Her beautiful face was contorted in disgust. “Then what the fuck are you talking about?” When I didn’t answer her fast enough, her head whipped around, as she started eyeing all three of us. “What is going on?”
“Emerson, trust us-”
She speared Ramsey with a look. “Like you’re trusting me, Reed?”
Ah, shit.
The only time Emerson ever called Ramsey by his last name was when she was pissed as fuck at him.
“Emerson,” I said directing her attention back to me, “it’s not like that.”
“So you keep saying,” she retorted. “But you’re not telling me what it is like and that’s the problem.”
“Emerson, just…trust us,” Deke said, trying where Ramsey failed.
Emerson didn’t bother hiding her contempt for each of us. “Look, I get that you guys are this tight-knit little secret society, and up until now, I’ve minded my own business because I didn’t think there was anything you guys could get into that would make me look at you guys differently, but guess what? I was wrong.”
“Emerson, that’s enough,” Ramsey bit out. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Because you assholes won’t tell me!”
“I said, that’s fucking enough, Emerson!” Ramsey yelled at her and my heart sank. I knew this could cause problems between them, but I also knew Ramsey would back me. After all, he was doing this for Roselyn’s well-being just as I was. Just as Deke was.
I watched-terrified-as Emerson straightened to her full height and stared us down. “Keep your secrets then, gentlemen, and we’ll keep ours,” she threatened.
Ramsey grabbed her by her arm and shook her. “I swear to fucking God, if you do anything stupid, there will be nowhere you can hide from me, Emerson.”
She laughed in his face. “Don’t be a hypocrite, Reed. If you can back your friend no matter what it’s doing to my friend, well, then, I can back my friend whatever she wants to do.” She turned those silver orbs on me. “And I don’t care what it is she has to do to make herself get over you and your bullshit, Liam. Even if it’s fucking another guy.”
I was in her face before Ramsey could stop me. “Don’t…” I couldn’t even get the words. I was so livid at the picture she painted, I couldn’t even speak.
“Emerson, you’re making a big mistake,” Deke said coming over to stand next to me. We had her surrounded, but she didn’t give one fuck.
This girl was fearless.
“No, Deke,” she snapped. “The mistake being made is your lack of trust in me and Roselyn.” Once again, she ripped her arm out of Ramsey’s grip and stepped back. “I understand you guys are tight and have a special bond, and I’m not going to fault you for that. But that doesn’t mean what I have with Roselyn means less. She’s my friend. And if we can’t trust you guys, we’ll just go back to trusting each other just like we did before you guys came along.”
“Emerson-”
She turned to Ramsey. “Keep your secrets and your friends, Reed,” she said. “I want no part of either of them.”
“Emerson, it’s not his fault,” I jumped in, trying to salvage the situation.
She turned back towards me. “And that’s why I’ll still be going home to him at the end of the day, Liam,” she said. “But you’re out of your fucking mind if you think I’m going to associate with you three, like we’re all best friends, after what you did to Roselyn.” She turned back towards Ramsey. “And, as for you, I don’t want to ever hear you say you’ll never do anything to hurt me again, because you’re a fucking liar.” Emerson ran out of the room and Ramsey lost his shit.
Nothing was safe, and the room was destroyed in the handful of minutes it took for Ramsey to unleash the violent rage that only Emerson could bring out in him. “Motherfucker!” he roared as object, after object became ruined.
I felt like shit.
“Ram-”
He leveled me a look. “Don’t even fucking say it, Lee,” he spat. “This isn’t your fault. We’re doing what’s best for Roselyn and that means what’s best for Emerson. I get that. I know that. But…fuck!”
“Liam, we need to regroup,” Deke said. “What if…what if Emerson’s right? What if Linnie’s so hurt she runs out and does something you guys can’t come back from?”
Ramsey was still fucking shit up as I digested Deke’s words. What would I do if Roselyn retaliated?
What. Would. I. Fucking. Do?
“When I find that sonofabitch, I’m going to fucking kill him!” Ramsey roared, and, no lie, it was hard to worry about the possible ‘what ifs’ while Ramsey was losing his shit.
“Let’s tell Emerson the truth,” I told him. “It could help us both. She’ll forgive you and she might listen to me when I beg her to make sure Roselyn doesn’t do anything too stupid.”
Ramsey stopped destroying shit and looked over at me. “Are you out of your mind?” he asked incredulously. “If I give in to Emerson over this, she’ll never know her rightful place.”
“Which is supposed to be standing next to you, isn’t it?” Deke pointed out.
Ramsey shook his head. “No,” he snapped. “Emerson is meant to stand behind me always. I don’t give a flying fuck what new-age crap people are throwing around about gender roles and all that fuck. Emerson’s place isn’t behind me because she’s a girl or because she’s weak. Emerson’s place is behind me because everyone and everything will always have to go through me to get to her. I wouldn’t survive it if something ever happened to that girl. So, she stands behind me protected because she’s too important to stand anywhere else.”
Once upon a time, I’d shake off Ramsey’s madness, but I couldn’t this time. I knew exactly how he felt. The second I got that video, nothing else matter other than protecting Roselyn.
“What if we tell her and she goes on a rampage?” Deke asked. “I mean, fuck, you guys saw her. She’s like a momma bear ready to tear apart whoever hurt her cub.”
“We show her the texts and the video,” I suggested. “We let her see how bad it is and, she might still want to flay us alive, but I think she’ll understand the severity of it all and do what needs to be done.”
Ramsey let out a sigh. His keen brown eyes narrowed at me and his next words proved why he was one of a kind. “Are you willing to risk the girl you love on the girl I love, Lee? Is Emerson’s wrath worth what’s best for Roselyn?”
I didn’t even hesitate. “No.”
He gave me a tight nod. “Then we don’t tell her, Lee. She’ll forgive us. I know she will.”
I let Ramsey make the call since Emerson was his, but I had my doubts.
I had serious doubts.
Chapter 27
Roselyn~
I stared out at the water and the peacefulness of it all was making me wonder if this is all I needed to regroup. Maybe I needed to go back to Florida and finish out my senior year on independent study or something.
Emerson and I had ditched the rest of the school day and we came out to Lapis Creek. During the day, the place was pretty empty, but on the weekends, it was the party place for Friday and Saturday nights.
I had been sitting in second period when Emerson had stormed in and dragged me out of class announcing that we were leaving. I had spent all first period in the girls’ restroom crying to her, telling her what happened, and when I was done, she had walked me to second period and disappeared. When she returned and announced we were ditching, I imagined she must have let Liam have it because she had looked furious.
“I’m thinking I can go on independent study or something for the rest of the school year,” I told her. She was quiet for a bit and I knew she wanted to give into a hate speech about not letting a guy run me out of school, but I also knew that she knew I wasn’t like her. I was tough, but I wasn’t fearless.
After a few quiet seconds, she said, “I’m with you, whatever you want to do, Roselyn.”
We were
both sitting on one of the mountainous boulders that were scattered along the shore, staring out at the inlet of ocean water. I had my arms wrapped around my legs, my head resting on my knees. “I just don’t understand any of it, Em,” I whispered. “How could he…just do something like that to me? If nothing else, I thought we were, at least, friends.”
Emerson was sitting with her legs stretched out and her palms flat on the rock behind her as she stared out into the water. “I’m not defending him, Roselyn,” she said, “because there’s no defending the things he said to you, but there’s more going on here than we know.”
She told me all about how she confronted them, and they just told her to trust them, but trust them about what? That was the problem with those three. They were so…secretive and wrapped up in their own little powerful bubble, who knew what the hell was going on with them. Even if there was a good reason for what Liam did-which there’s not-why did he have to do what he did? Why couldn’t they just trust us and include us?
“It doesn’t matter,” I muttered. “I’ll never get those words out of my head, whether he meant them, or not. You just can’t…you can’t take someone’s most delicate insecurities and mishandle them like that. Even if something is going on that was…forcing him to break up with me, he didn’t have to be so cruel about it. He could have just dumped me.”
“I know,” she mumbled.
“Why do they do that, Em? Why do men break our hearts when we never did anything to them?” I asked. “I mean, at least, Ramsey thought you had cheated on him when he did what he did to you. I never gave Liam cause for anything.”
Even all this time later, I was still grateful I had been too sick to be in school the day Ramsey exacted his revenge on Emerson’s supposed cheating. She had come to me after she had showered and packed up her stuff, and when she had calmed down long enough to tell me what Ramsey had done to her, I had been frozen in shock. Then rage had quickly taken over, and I had felt immense satisfaction on her behalf when he had come begging me to tell her where she had run off to. I still didn’t know how she found it in herself to forgive him, but she did.
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