But I didn’t feel any of those things.
I felt turned on and…desperate.
I also felt disgusted and shameful and wretched.
What Peter did to me was wrong. It was unconscionable. He did things to me only monsters did. Everything about it was sick and irreparable. And the disgust at feeling turned on by Ace holding me captive, and making me take what he offered, was so stifling, I felt I was choking on it.
It was the reason I went down on him. There was no way I could let him have one up on me. There was no way I could walk out of that pantry without that exchange of power. Ever since Peter, I made sure I was so willing that no guy would ever need to convince me by stronger means. I was always on top or I let them take me from behind. I made sure to let every guy believe I was being his dirty fantasy come to life by convincing them to let me be on top or giving them the illusion that they were in control when they had their hands on my hips from behind. I’ve never let a guy screw me missionary, and I never wanted to.
Until now.
Until Ace came along and brought all my sick desires to the forefront of my mind.
I’ve spent my entire life forcing myself to believe what I controlled was what I wanted, but Ace was shattering that illusion with every word and every touch, and I couldn’t understand it. His domineering ways should be triggers to my already fucked-up psyche. My mind and body were not reacting to him like they should; like I’ve convinced myself they should.
I wanted him just the way he was, and it was unnatural.
It was unnatural to be attracted to the many different ways I’d let him have me; take me.
Since the pacing in my room wasn’t helping, I picked up the phone and dialed, heedless of the time. After three rings, I heard Delaney’s sweet, sweet voice. “Hey, lady.”
“Hey?” I croaked out, and I was shocked by the overwhelming emotion threatening to erupt.
“Ava?” I could hear the seriousness in her voice. “Are you okay? Where are you?”
I dropped on the bed, my head hung low at the concern in Delaney’s voice. Of course, she’d think I was in trouble somewhere. That’s who I was. That’s what I did. I drank, did drugs, and slept with whoever caught my eye.
I was wild.
And, for the first time in my life, I could admit I was tired, too.
“I don’t know,” she hissed away from the phone. “Calm down, Deke.”
“Delaney?”
I could hear her sigh over the phone. “Sorry,” she mumbled. “Deke’s demanding to know where you’re at so we can go get you.” My heart dropped at her words. The fact that Deke Marlow would care where I was so they could come get me was…overwhelming.
“I’m home,” I told her. “I just came home from a party, but I’m home and sa…safe,” I assured her.
I could hear her faint voice relaying the message to Deke, “She’s home. She’s okay…I don’t know, Deke. Maybe let me talk to her and find out?” I could practically see Delaney rolling her eyes at the man. “Okay, what’s up, girlie?”
“Uh, is Deke okay?” I asked, half joking.
Delaney chuckled. “He’s such a lunatic, I swear,” she laughed. “He already had a conference call going with Ramsey and Liam to go get you, wherever you were. I swear, Ava, these boys are off their privileged rockers.”
I didn’t know what to say.
If having Deke Marlow care what happened to me was overwhelming, knowing Ramsey Reed and Liam McCellan cared about what I was up to was a bit too much to absorb.
“I’m fine,” I lied. “I’m just a little…” What could I say? How do I describe tonight to her?
“Is it Ace?” she asked quietly.
I took a deep breath and said the words that were going to make all this real. “I…I’m confused. I-”
“Jesus Christ, Deke,” Delaney swore, “will you calm down. She’s fine. Ace didn’t do anything to her. And quit eavesdropping on my conversation.” I couldn’t hear what Deke said, but Delaney sounded incredulous when she said, “You’re crazy, you know that, right?” Delaney didn’t keep me in suspense. “Good God, Ava. This fool just told me there are no ‘my’ conversations, just ‘we’ conversations because we aren’t a ‘my’, we’re a ‘we’.” I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “I think all those drug-fueled parties in his past have seriously damaged his intellect.”
I smiled. “It’s kind of sweet, though, don’t you think?” I loved how Deke was crazy over Delaney.
“Sweet?” she yelped. “The guy is certifiable, Ava. There’s nothing sweet about crazy. How’s it going to look when I have to drag our kids to the looney bin to visit their father? That’s not a good look, Ava.”
That made me think of our previous conversation. “Are you or Roselyn sporting rings yet?”
“No,” she said in her best whisper. “I think Liam’s going to ask Roselyn this weekend though, because Emerson called me and told me not to make any plans for this weekend.”
I felt that pang in my heart again. I knew Delaney wasn’t going to replace me, but I knew her life was headed in a different direction than mine. “That’s awesome if he does,” I told her honestly.
“So, you want to tell me about Ace,” she said, switching subjects.
“He’s different, Delaney,” I confessed. “He makes me feel different.” I snorted a hollow laugh. “Hell, he makes me feel, period.”
“And you hate that,” she surmised.
“I hate that,” I confirmed.
She was silent for a second before she surprised me with, “When can we meet him?”
“You can’t,” I blurted out. “I mean…why would you want to?”
“Oh, come on,” she whined with great exaggeration. “This is this first guy who has ever made an impression on you, Ava. Of course, I’d want to meet him.”
I laughed, and it wasn’t a happy or joyful. “Delaney, I just left the guy at a party because he was about to kill me for…messing with him. I seriously doubt introductions are in order.” I looked at the time and saw just how late it really was. “Hey, look. It’s super late, but how about we finish this conversation tomorrow?”
“Ava…” she whispered, knowing I needed a friend now and not tomorrow.
“It’s fine, Delaney,” I lied. “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” she asked. “I can come over if-”
“No,” I interrupted. “I’m fine. Really. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”
Delaney let out a sigh, but she gave in. “Okay, but you better call me.”
“Ava!”
“What was that?” Delaney asked.
Holy shit! “Uh, nothing…I gotta go. Talk to you tomorrow,” I rushed before hanging up on the poor girl.
I ran to my door to make sure it was locked as I could hear the thundering steps that shook the floors of the house. My door was locked, and I turned around, bracing my back against the wood as if, somehow, that would make a difference.
“Ava!”
Jesus Christ. He was going to wake our parents. “Quit yelling,” I hissed through the door, not sure if he could even hear me.
The pounding against the door was hard enough to jolt my body on the other side. “Ava, open this door before I break it the fuck down,” Ace snarled.
“Are you trying to wake our parents?” I accused. “Just go to bed, Ace, and leave me the hell alone.”
“If you really don’t want me waking our parents, I suggest you open this goddamn door before me breaking through it really wakes them up!”
Would he do it?
Why, yes. Yes, I really do think he’d do it.
Chapter 12
Ace~
The entire ride back to Ava’s, my mind tortured me with different scenarios and outcomes of what I’d find when I got there.
I prayed she hadn’t gone home with that sonofabitch she rode off with, but I knew the chances were high of her doing it just to spite me. I played my hand too quickly and now Ava was holding all the aces. Hell,
the goddamn girl was holding the entire deck, if I was being totally honest.
The door to her bedroom creaked open, and I didn’t wait for the invitation inside. I muscled my way through the threshold, and when I turned to face Ava, I hadn’t realized just how violent I was feeling until this moment.
I really wanted to fucking kill her.
“Did you fuck him?” Her chin came up and her eyes darkened as, in a surprised move, she shut the door behind her. Or maybe it wasn’t all that much of a surprise. Ava was a fighter. I couldn’t imagine much scared her.
“Not really your business, now, is it?” she countered and, God, how I wanted to strangle her. “And, anyway, it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had more than one dick in one night.”
I had her hair wrapped around my fist, my hand around her throat, and her body slammed up against the door before she could escape me. “Did. You. Fuck. Him?” I snarled down at her, hating how maniacal she was making me feel.
“No,” she growled. “He just gave me a ride home.” I knew how much it was costing her to answer to me. I knew she’d kick my ass right now if she thought she could.
And because I knew how much it was costing her, I gave back. “You’re making me fucking crazy, Ava,” I admitted.
“You just met me,” she pointed out.
“You don’t think I realize how crazy this sounds? How crazy I sound?” I spewed, tightening my hold on her hair and neck. “You don’t think I know that this is…insane?”
“Let me go,” she demanded, ignoring my rants. “You have no right to put your hands on me.”
She was right.
She was right, but that didn’t matter in my fucked-up head.
In my head, Ava Hill was mine. I didn’t care who came before me or how many of them there were. I didn’t care about anything save this girl before me who I just met.
“I don’t?” I whispered darkly as my hand slid from her throat over her collarbone and down over her left tit. Her hands snaked out and fisted in my shirt as my hand stopped to hold and knead her big, heavy mound. I stared into her hate-filled blue eyes as I played with her body. “Tell me again how I don’t have the right to touch you, Kit.”
Ava’s eyes were like fatal daggers to my heart as they watered and she hissed in abhorrence, “No one has the right to touch me if I don’t want them to.”
The tears meant something.
They weren’t angry tears, though. They were…painful tears.
“You’re right,” I agreed, my hands still on her body. “But the difference here is that you want me touching you, Ava. You can be a brat. You can be a whore. You can be a bitch. But don’t be a liar, Ava Hill. You can be anything but that.”
“Fuck you, Ace,” she said, and not for the first time. “You don’t know anything about me.”
I removed my hands from her body and took a step back. “Then tell me,” I demanded.
She looked like she wanted to, but then Ava shook her head. “Get out, Ace,” she instructed. “Get out and just leave me the hell alone.”
I smirked. “That’s not going to happen,” I informed her. “If you think I’m going to be satisfied with my dick in your mouth and nothing more, then you’re sorely mistaken.”
Her brow winged upward, her chin raised again, and her fighter’s stance was back. “So you’re just going to take?”
I was back on her in a heartbeat. Looming down on her, I made one thing perfectly clear to this psychopath. “I’m not a rapist, Ava,” I spewed. “I don’t attack women. Nor do I take advantage of them. I almost went to prison for life making sure my views on women and their choices were clear. Accuse me of something like that again and see what happens.”
She looked shocked, but quickly masked her incredulousness. “But you-”
“You want me, Ava,” I repeated. “That’s the difference here. I know for a fact that you want me balls deep in that hot, willing pussy of yours, no matter what hate you’re spewing at me. You want me just as badly as I want you, but you fucking hate that.”
“So, just because I might want you, that gives you the right to take my choice from me?” she challenged, her face mutinous and angry.
I decided to make her put her money where her mouth was before she drove me completely out of my mind. “Tell me no, Ava,” I dared her. “Right now, no anger, no pride, no games, tell me no. Tell me to leave you alone, and I will. Like I said, I’m not a rapist and I don’t take advantage of women no matter how badly I might want them. So, tell me no, and I’ll walk out of this room and not bother you for the rest of the summer.”
It was a gamble, and even being so young, it felt like it was the biggest gamble of my life. If Ava told me to leave her alone, I’d have to respect that. While I enjoyed the challenge Ava offered, and I liked strong women, I meant what I said; I’d never take advantage of a female.
The struggle was clear as day on her face and I knew her pride was screaming at her to tell me to get fucked, but the rest of her was pleading with her pride to shut the hell up. Whatever was in Ava’s past that made her combative was strong and real. What you saw was what you got with Ava because she was never going to let anyone see beyond what she projected. There’s pride and then there’s pride, and Ava’s pride was something fierce.
Ava had such a strong hold on her convictions that I was willing to bet the drugs, alcohol, and sex were just smokescreens. Ava could will herself not to feel a thing if she wanted to. She didn’t need extra additives to make that happen.
Ava was fucking fearless.
So, why did she fear me?
I took a step back because I knew whatever words came out of her mouth next were going to be all Ava. They weren’t going to be due to intimidation or lust. “So, what’s it going to be, Kit?”
Her beautiful blue eyes were still full of hate, so it surprised me when she said, “If we do this…if we move forward with this, there can only be me, Ace. No other girls.”
I let out a huff because she couldn’t fucking be serious, could she? I couldn’t see anything beyond blonde hair and blue eyes to notice any other girls around me. What the fuck was she talking about? “I’m not the one who sat on one guy’s lap, then left with a different guy after sucking another guy’s dick,” I retorted cruelly. It was a fucked-up thing to say, but I still felt salty about watching her leave with another guy after what went down in the pantry.
Now, while most girls would have slapped the fuck out of me-and much deserved-Ava smirked, and that fucking chin of her jutted out again. “And I’ll do it again if you prove to suck in bed, Ace,” she taunted, and the red haze coating my vision was real.
I feared I might really kill this girl, one day.
This time I lifted my chin and ordered, “Come here and let me prove to you that I don’t, Kit.”
And. She. Fucking. Did.
When she stood before me, I slid my hand up the back of her neck, and tangling my fist in her blonde silk, I vibrated with just how much fury her statement ignited. She winced as I pulled at her hair, but she didn’t cry out or beg for mercy. “You touch another guy while we’re together, I’ll kill you both, Ava,” I promised. “No other girls and no other guys.”
“Fine,” she agreed, “nobody else as long as we’re doing this.”
My eyes ran down and back up her body and I couldn’t believe how painfully hard my dick was. I was going to be buried deep in this firecracker all night long and I wasn’t sure if my mind would still be intact when the sun came up tomorrow.
“Do I get to fuck you raw,” I asked, because, Christ, I wanted to. I’ve always used condoms before, but Ava made everything that was before disappear.
She looked pissed when she answered, “Fuck no, you don’t. I’ve never had sex without a condom before, Ace, and I’m not going to start now. Quit thinking you’re more special than what you really are.”
Goddamn this girl.
“What if we get tested?” I really, really, really wanted to dirty this girl up.
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“I’m not getting tested just so you can ditch the condoms, Ace.”
“I don’t want to ditch the condoms,” I told her. “I want to cum in your pussy. There’s a difference.”
Lust clouded everything around her before she whispered, “Let’s get tested then.”
Chapter 13
Ava~
What in the hell was I thinking?
Well, I supposed, to be fair, I wasn’t thinking.
I was feeling.
I was feeling safe, and I found myself addicted to the sensation. With all his aggression, I still felt safe with Ace, and that was dangerous.
Ace still had a painful hold in my hair, but I ignored it and let my hands reach out to snake underneath his shirt and touch his abs. From there, they ran up his chest, forcing him to have to let go of my hair so I could remove his shirt, and, damn, the boy felt rock hard and cut. With his shirt off, I got an eye-full, and Ace McIntire was built like a Roman god.
I thought he would go for my clothes next, but he didn’t. Instead, he took my face in his hands and kissed me, and my entire body ignited as his tongue immediately swept in to taste me. My arms wound around his neck and I poured everything I’ve been feeling for this boy, these past two days, into our kiss.
I could hear him growl, and it just fanned the flames threatening to burn me to ashes. I’d never been kissed like this before and I couldn’t believe how such an innocent act could feel so dirty. It was just a kiss for Christ’s sake; but it wasn’t.
I felt my back hit the wall, and I was surprised that, I’d been so consumed with how Ace was claiming me by the force of his lips, I hadn’t even noticed we had been moving around. My eyes closed and my head fell back when Ace broke off the kiss and started ripping at my clothes. He was out of control and I should have been scared. His lack of restraint should have terrified me.
But it didn’t.
I wanted this.
I’ve waited for this.
For him.
For someone who I could feel safe with while doing the very thing that destroyed me all those years ago. He was right when he said this was insane. I knew exactly how he felt when he said he couldn’t explain what was happening between us. It might not be love at first sight, but it was something just as powerful, just as strong. For the first time in my life, I was willingly letting a guy call the shots with me, and I couldn’t ignore the significance of that. Oh, I was pissed about it, for sure, but I couldn’t ignore it. I couldn’t ignore what Ace made me feel, and if we crashed and burned, so be it.
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