Luckily, having been here before, I knew where the nearest bathroom was and Delaney had been hot my heels when I entered the bathroom and flipped the toilet seat lid. The throwing up and dry heaves had been so brutal, Delaney had run out and gotten me some clothes and came back to run a shower for me. Once I was done, Delaney had given me some privacy and now I was sitting on the cold tile with my arms wrapped around my legs and my head resting on my knees.
God, I was so tired.
I felt so goddamn exhausted and now I was going to have to walk out of this house through a group of people who knew my deepest, darkest shame. All my tough-girl strength suddenly depleted with the truth.
The truth was out there and I couldn’t hide it behind my don’t-give-a-shit attitude anymore because I did give a shit. I had to in order to fall apart in front of Ace, Delaney, and the entire crew.
There was a soft knock on the door and I knew it was Delaney. “Come in,” I rasped out, my throat sore from the vomiting. Luckily, Delaney had brought me a toothbrush and toothpaste when she brought me towels and extra clothes.
It took all the remaining strength I had to look up at Delaney, but when I did, my breath left my lungs as I saw Emerson standing near the door and not Delaney. She had the decency to look uncomfortable. “I know you probably thought I was Delaney, sorry.”
I shook my head and said, “It’s okay,” simply because I couldn’t think of anything else to say to this girl.
“Do you mind if I sit?” she asked.
What the hell?
I shook my head again. “Uh, no. Go ahead,” I mumbled.
She sank down to sit against the door and propped her legs up like mine were. “I…I hope you don’t mind, Ava,” she started. “The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable.”
I let out a pathetic puff of a laugh. “I don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable again, Emerson,” I told her honestly. She nodded in understanding, but how could she understand?
“You know,” she began saying, “I’m not sure if you heard about me and…uh, my situation when I first moved to Sands Cove.”
Sure, I knew. Everyone knew. That bitch of a cousin of hers had told everyone who would listen how Emerson’s dad killed her mother and now she was forced to live with them because Emerson had still been a minor at the time. “I heard,” I confirmed for her.
I watched this beautiful girl take a deep breath and her silver eyes reflected an old soul. “What no one knows outside the people in this house is that my father didn’t just beat my mother. He beat me, too. He started beating me as soon as I was old enough to discipline in his eyes; six.”
I couldn’t stop my gasp. Looking at Emerson, no one would ever think she was abused as a child. “That’s…horrible,” I muttered, feeling her perfectly concealed pain.
“Yeah, it was,” she agreed. “But it wasn’t as unconscionable as what was done to you.” She stretched her legs out and dropped her hands in her lap. She cocked her head at me and I was blown away by how…unparalleled this girl was. “What you had to endure was way worse than whatever my father put me through, but we do have one thing in common.”
“What’s that?”
Emerson’s smile was sad. “We were both betrayed by people who were supposed to protect us, not offer us up to their demons like a sacrifice.”
Tears began to escape, but I didn’t bother to wipe them away. “How do you erase almost ten years of horrible choices and painful mistakes? How do I stop being this person who is in perfect mental control, but emotionally out of control with rage, hate, and resentment?”
She shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t know the answer to that, Ava,” she admitted. “I never sought therapy for what I had to live with, but I’m not against it either.”
“Plus, now you have Ramsey,” I pointed out.
“I love Ramsey more than I ever thought I could love someone,” she replied. “I love him like I can’t breathe without him sometimes. But that doesn’t make what we have healthy. Our co-dependency is…dangerous, and all those self-help books tell me I should be with anyone other than a guy like Ramsey. He’s calls to the darkness that lives within me. That pull, that hold…it’s bound to become a breaking news report one day.”
“And, knowing all that, you still stay with him,” I replied, awed and confused.
“Because he sees all my broken parts and thinks I’m beautiful, anyway,” she said softly, love dripping from every word. “Just like I see all his broken parts and know that there is no one else for me but him.” She smiled, and it still floored me how stunning she was. “I think you just need to find someone who can look at all your broken parts and see what a beautiful person you are despite all those sharp shards of pain. I just don’t think you’ve had enough people tell you you’re beautiful regardless of how evil has touched you. You’re not evil, Ava. You’re…as beautiful as the rest of us who are just trying to live and cope with the ugly parts of ourselves.”
I started really crying. “How can you do that?” She cocked her head at me, confusion marring her pretty features. “How can you want to help me knowing what you know?”
Her gaze raced upward, as if she wished she could see through the door, and back towards me. “Because I’m lucky enough to know that, Ramsey is so out-of-his-mind in love with me, that he can’t acknowledge anything in his life before me. It’s scary and overwhelming, but I have no cause to be jealous of anyone, Ava. Ramsey’s life before me doesn’t exist for him. I have no doubts where he’s concerned.”
In that moment I had never envied someone so badly in all my life.
There was a knock on the door that kept me from replying to what she said, but, seriously, what was there to say?
Emerson stood up and opened the door. Delaney walked in and she looked so torn up, a part of me was sorry I came here. “What’s up?”
She didn’t hesitate. “Ace is here, Ava,” she whispered. “He’s here, and he’s not leaving until he sees you.”
Well, hell.
Chapter 18
Ace~
I stood in a perfectly decorated living room of opulence waiting for Delaney to bring Ava to me, and shit was uncomfortable as hell. Delaney had made quick introductions before she ran off to get Ava, but no one was here to make friends.
On the couch was a couple that Delaney had introduced as Liam and Roselyn. Roselyn was wrapped up in Liam’s lap, and they looked good together. Roselyn was very pretty with rainbow-colored hair, a pixie-like face with big blue eyes and a dainty nose ring. Liam looked like an All-American with his dark blonde hair and sky-colored eyes. I couldn’t really tell, because he was sitting down and Roselyn was curled up in his lap, but I gauged him to be about as tall as Deke and Ramsey.
Where Deke had green eyes and black hair, Ramsey had dark brown hair and brown eyes with a scar that sliced down the right side of his face. It started at his brow and ran down towards the edge of his nose. He also had a fucking wedding ring on, but he had to look about my age.
He also looked lethal.
Separately, I could probably hold my own against each one of them, but if they decided to defend Ava’s honor at the same time, I doubt I’d survive a fight with them. But something told me they didn’t get down like that. These guys were too confident to have to jump anyone. My bet would be Ramsey coming after me. Something about the guy was just…sinister.
My head turned when I heard footsteps coming from behind the staircase. I watched as a stunning brunette came walking out. She had long brown hair and silver fucking eyes. Her clothes couldn’t disguise her curves, but there was more to her than that.
She was hypnotizing.
She was also wearing a wedding set that probably weighed more than she did.
Behind her was Delaney, and behind her I saw a glimpse of blonde. I didn’t say anything as the brunette walked over to stand next to Ramsey, and, boy, did that ever make sense. Looking at them together, I recalled how Ava had taunted me when I called the people of Sands
Cove pampered pussies.
I was wrong.
Fuck, I was wrong about a lot of shit.
Delaney went to stand next to Deke, and he immediately wrapped her up in his arms. As Ava’s best friend, he had to know how invested Delaney was in with whatever was happening.
Ava came and stood in front of me, and I had to hand it to her, the girl had massive balls of steel. “What are you doing here, Ace?” she asked. “How d’you even know I was here?”
“I didn’t,” I answered. “I checked all the GPS addresses programmed in the cars and Delaney’s address was in every car. Last night at the party, a girl mentioned someone named Delaney being your best friend. I took a chance.” I glanced around the room. “Can we talk somewhere more private?”
Ava scoffed, and that wasn’t a good sign. “Why? The sex, the drugs, the booze, the fights…they can’t do what they’ve been doing anymore, Ace. It’s out there. You know, and because I could only handle that secret when it was a secret, I ran over here and blabbed that shit to everyone in the room.”
“Stop it, Ava,” I snapped as I stepped towards her. “This is serious.”
She planted her hands on her hips. “I’m not lying, Ace,” she spewed. “They all know!”
“Even so, is this an argument you want to have in front of ev-”
“What argument?” she scoffed, all attitude. “What do we have to possibly argue over? What? Because you had your fingers in my pussy, you think that gives you some right? Well, I got news for you, you’re not the only person in this room-” I had my hand wrapped around her neck, cutting off whatever she was about to say. I knew she was pissed, and I knew she was hurt, but airing everyone’s dirty laundry was something she’d regret forever.
“Let’s get something straight here, Ava,” I snarled, beyond caring that we had an audience. “I don’t care if you’ve fucked all six people in this room.” I tightened my hold around her neck, and the fact that no one was stopping me told me all I needed to know about this crowd and the roles in their relationships. “I don’t care if you slept with everyone on this fucking block just last week. That was before me. Before now. Before us.”
Ava was beautifully infuriated when she yelled, “And you’re telling me you don’t care that I was touched in all the wrong ways by a dirty, old man?”
I let go of her neck. “No! I don’t care that you were touched by a dirty, old man, Ava. I care that a dirty, old man touched you. There’s a difference.”
“Not for me there isn’t,” she choked out.
I heard a gasp, and when I looked over at the sound, I saw Delaney full on sobbing silently in Deke’s arms. The tension was beyond dark and depressing. Everyone in the room was on edge over how to handle this. You could tell from everyone’s demeanor that we were all damaged in some way, but I knew Ava’s torment outweighed the entire room’s put together.
I looked back down at Ava, and the misery on her face felt like a razor blades across my chest. “I’m not going anywhere, Ava,” I announced to her and everyone in the room. “I don’t give a fuck what you do. I’m not going to let you push me away.”
“Why?” she asked, tears leaking down her face. “Why do you care? You’ve only known me for two goddamn days!”
I did not want to do this in front of everyone, but I felt like I needed to. If these people knew something so precious about Ava, then I wanted her to see she wasn’t alone. “Because I’ve felt more with you in two days than I have with anyone else in my entire life, and I’m not going to ignore that,” I told her honestly.
Ava shook her head. “I’m tainted, Ace,” she whispered. “Can’t you see that?”
“No, you’re not!” Delaney yelled from where she broke away from Deke’s hold. She marched up to Ava and grabbed her by the shoulders. “You are not tainted, Ava,” she repeated. “You’re…you’re kind, and giving, and brave, and beautiful. You’re my best friend. You…were my backbone when I wasn’t sure of myself. You’ve been my only friend for years. You…are so much, Ava. So, so much. You are not what those monsters did to you.”
My heart ached with every word out of Ava’s mouth. “Maybe not, Delaney,” Ava replied, “but I am everything I’ve done since it happened.”
This time, it was Roselyn who wrenched herself away from Liam, and was in Ava’s face. “That’s bullshit,” she hissed. “You have a reputation, so fucking what? This town has no parents. Everyone has been screwing everyone since puberty in this goddamn town, Ava. You act like everyone around you is a virgin. Newsflash, babe, we’re not.” Roselyn stole a quick glance back at Liam and then Deke and then focused her attentions back on Ava. “Sex is the last thing that makes up a person’s character.”
Ava’s head dropped, and her shoulders slumped, and we could all see the fight leave her body. When she looked up at Roselyn, she said, “I feel…so much regret, my back is broken with the weight of it, Roselyn. The shame is crippling, but the regret…the regret is a poison that feeds every emotion I feel.”
I couldn’t stand it any longer. I stepped to Ava and wrapped my arms around her from behind. I dropped my chin on her pretty blonde head and squeezed. “Let’s get out of here, baby,” I muttered, tired for her. Exhausted for all she’s had to cope with for all these years.
I felt her head nod, and it was the sweetest victory I’ve ever experienced. “Yeah, okay…”
Before I could gather her up in my arms and walk out with her, the brunette next to Ramsey spoke. “Ramsey,” she said. Just one word; his name.
“What’s his name, Ava?” Ramsey asked, his voice cold and sharp as icicles.
“Wh…what?”
“What’s his name?” Ramsey repeated.
Ava took a deep breath, and it was like she was invoking the boogeyman by saying his name out loud. But she did. “Peter Scranton. His family was in robotics. At least, that’s what I remember him claiming. But you don’t have-”
“Yes, I do,” he said, interrupting her. “Even if I didn’t care, which I do, I’ll never deny Emerson anything, Ava. You know that. Everyone knows that.”
So, the brunette’s name was Emerson.
Emerson addressed the elephant in the room, and knowing nothing else about this girl, I knew she was special. “I’ve already said this before, but I’m going to say it again, in front of everyone, so that there’s no confusion, Ava. Ramsey’s, Liam’s, and Deke’s pasts are no prettier than mine, Roselyn’s, or yours. Delaney…sure.” Everyone chuckled at that, even Ava. “I love Ramsey too much to hold anything he’s ever done against him; even that day in the hallway at school.” I didn’t know what that meant, but by the clenching of Ramsey’s jaw, my guess was that it wasn’t a good memory. “I’m not going to let something that happened years before I came along stop me from doing the right thing.”
“And what’s that?”
“Give you closure and peace of mind,” she stated simply. “Maybe a chance to heal.”
Ava broke down in tears and I gathered her up in my arms. Delaney raced to open the front door for us, and I walked us out realizing Ava had a whole team of people on her side.
Chapter 19
Ava~
I had been beyond exhausted.
When Ace carried me out of Delaney’s, he had strapped me in the car, leaving mine at Delaney’s, drove us home, carried me out of the car and up to my bedroom. He had laid me on the bed and sat down, rubbing my back, arms, thighs, whatever until I fell asleep.
Waking up, I didn’t know what time it was, but it did feel like I’d been hit by a truck. I felt wrung the hell out. I sat up, but didn’t see Ace anywhere, and if the dude fled to a hotel for the rest of the summer, I wouldn’t blame him. He said a lot of pretty things at Delaney’s, but I knew the responsibility of dating someone with my baggage.
I drug myself out of bed and headed towards the en suite. I needed another shower in familiar surroundings. I needed to regroup, and I needed to do it where I was comfortable and somewhat in control.
After brushing my teeth again, I turned on the shower and adjusted the water temperature before undressing and stepping inside. The shower had multiple massaging jets that shot out all over the place, and this was one of the few times I really appreciated the feature.
I let the water cascade down my body, and I stood there, eyes closed, wondering if I should just move away and start over somewhere. There weren’t any sex tapes floating around in the universe of me, well, not that I knew of, so starting over somewhere else wasn’t such a farfetched idea. Sure, I’d miss the hell out of Delaney, but she was going to college in the fall. Ramsey had made sure Emerson, Roselyn, and Delaney were enrolled at Blaineview with him, Liam, and Deke. But even if she wasn’t enrolled to attend college with Deke, she was always destined to leave Sands Cove. Delaney was whip-smart, and she was always going to go on to do great things.
Sure, I’d be running away, but at least I’d be free to fix myself somewhere that was void of all my bad choices. Talking with Emerson and Roselyn, I knew they didn’t care about my past with their boyfriends, and I believed Emerson when she said Ramsey’s mind was blank of anything that didn’t have to do with her, but this was about more than just how I slept around with no regard to anyone but myself.
This was about how I didn’t know how to trust anyone at face value. I will always feel a little bit dirty. I will always feel like that girl who has nothing special to give the guy she finally falls in love with. I will always feel the threat of the male species lingering in the back of my subconscious.
My book wasn’t finished, but I didn’t know how to change the story from the way it began to how I’d love for it to end. I’ve been writing the same chapters over, and over again for years. I didn’t know how to write a new one.
The sound of the shower door sliding open snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked up and Ace stood outside the shower door, naked, and looking better than any guy had the right to look.
“Care if I join you?”
I stared at him and wished I was strong enough to tell him to leave. I wanted to tell him I did mind, and I needed some space from…everything.
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