by V. A. Lewis
Sevin slowly worked his mouth. "Err… maybe 10— 12 gold?"
"Done," I said, grabbing a handful of gold coins and handing it to him. I was not sure if that was a good price— in fact, I felt like that was rather cheap. However, whether or not he was ripping himself off was none of my concern; he named his price, and I paid for it.
I held up the gun, aiming it in the direction of the rock wall and firing a few shots.
"So with this Inferior mana crystal in, it won’t be able to kill anyone, right?"
"Yes. Just make sure to delicately control the mana inside of it when you switch between Lesser or Inferior mana crystals. You don’t want to accidentally push the mana too hard when you’re using the Inferior, like you would with the Lesser."
"Right," I said, "don’t want it to blow up on me."
"It’s not going to blow up on ya, lass," Gennady chimed in from the side, having gotten himself another drink. "I taught the lad how to make it so it won’t explode if you destabilize the mana crystal. Real Tinkerers design all their tools with that in mind. All of my weapons have that safety precaution on them. He’s a fast learner, unlike you."
"I’ve been busy." I scowled.
"Excuses, excuses."
I rolled my eyes, focusing back on the topic at hand.
"So what happens instead?" I asked.
"Nothing," Sevin said. "Or at least, it’s not supposed to do anything."
"It’s not going to fire some sort of supercharged bolt, is it?" I looked dubiously at him. But he quickly brought two hands out placatingly.
"It can happen, but that bolt itself wouldn’t be very… stable. I wouldn’t trust using a weapon like that that can blow up in my face. And once again, it won’t be incredibly powerful. Maybe it’d be more powerful than the regular bolt fired with a Lesser mana crystal? But it’s not worth it since it will destroy your mana crystal."
"Hah." Gennady folded his arms, gaining a look from me. "That shows you’re still inexperienced, Sevin. Tinkerers have to be open minded. They have to expect their weapons to blow up in their face if they want to improve."
"So if I accidentally destabilize the mana crystal in one of your weapons, it won’t explode on me, it would just fire something that could explode on me," I said, voice flat.
He held out a finger smugly. "Or it could just fizzle out. Or it could do something completely unexpected. Or it could just waste a mana crystal, doing absolutely nothing."
"I take it this is a last resort sort of thing?"
"‘Course," Gennady said, confident as ever.
"Well, I don’t want to test my luck— I don’t have good luck." I sighed, lowering the pistol. Turning to Sevin, I addressed the young man. "Thanks for this. I’ll probably be using it a lot, so keep making mana crystals, and I’ll buy them."
"And I can teach you how to make them too," Sevin quickly said.
"Sure. But tomorrow. I need to grab a bite to eat, then rest."
I bade farewell to the two of them, going to the dining area. It was a wooden building that could fit about 30 people all at once, and rummaged through the boxes for any dried food to eat. Their cook was asleep, but there was a pot of stew left in the open, so I grabbed some of that along with some dried meats before heading back to the ship. I never made it there, however, as I was intercepted by Braz.
"Yo!" He waved a hand cheerfully at me.
"Hello," I said, nodding my head at him before trying to sidle around him. "If you’ll excuse me, I have to go—"
"Nope," he cut me off. "The Captain wants to speak with you. And me. It’s important or something."
I sighed. Well that’s just great.
I said farewell to my delicious meal, before following after the man.
"Melas," Ginah greeted me as I entered the door. "Sorry for calling you over so late, especially after you had a long day of fighting."
"It’s fine," I lied. I glanced over at Lisa and Jack standing in the corner of the room, then to Kai was who was standing across the table from Ginah. "What’s wrong?" I narrowed my eyes.
"Nothings wrong— sheesh, why are you always so uptight?" The pirate Captain rested her hand on her forehead. "If anything, you should be asking what is right, because we have news from Lisa."
News? I cocked my head, but refrained from speaking.
"She told us that our attacks on the Elise have actually been working. So good job to you, Kai, and Braz."
"No probs!" Braz flexed an arm casually.
Kai and I sighed simultaneously, but did not remark on it. Ginah continued.
"In fact, our attacks have been working so well, we’ve drawn out the Half Elf himself: Bahr."
My head snapped to Ginah. "What?"
"Yes," she said. "Bahr himself will be overseeing the arrival of his next supply of enuim reaches the docks of Luke without any trouble. This presents for us a perfect opportunity."
"You want to cut the snake off at the head."
"Correct."
"I…" I turned from face to face, meeting everyone’s stare. I paused for a moment at Lisa. Is this a trap? I thought. But I shook that thought out of my mind. Figure out what’s happening first, before judging.
"So what are we doing?" I asked.
"Right now? Nothing." Ginah crossed her arms over her chest. "We’re not going to begin our plan until we know whether you’ll be joining us or not."
I frowned. "What do you mean by that?"
"Kai has told me a lot about you, Melas," she said, and I felt my heart jump for a moment. Panicked thoughts crossed my mind for a moment… until she continued. "He told me that he thinks you’re reliable. Trustworthy."
"...what?"
Kai straightened, then nodded in my direction. "I’ve seen you fight, Melas. You fought the Dark Crusaders without hesitation, and you’ve also helped us against the Elise. If you haven’t betrayed us so far, I have no reason to believe you’d betray us now. And against Bahr— a Dark Acolyte Apostle— we need every help we can get. Especially from a spellcaster like you."
I paused. Wait, so he trusts me? I had assumed he didn’t. I thought he was still skeptical of me, but apparently he wasn’t. So the reason why he didn’t send anyone to help me earlier was because he thought I could take care of myself? Was that it? I frowned, but another, more important question pervaded my mind.
"So you guys just called me here to ask me whether I’ll help you out on this?"
The two of them just nodded.
I considered it for a second, thinking about the consequences of my actions. If I did this, I once again went directly against the Dark Crusaders. It was a dangerous thing; they were an incredibly powerful group. And yet, I had made a decision like this before, so I answered with certainty.
"Of course I’m in."
"Good," Ginah said. "It’s late, so you can go get your rest. We just needed to get confirmation so we can start planning."
"...that was it? I can leave now?" I felt my nudging me to quickly go, but I had to make sure.
"Yep," she confirmed, and turned to Jack and Lisa. "You two, too. You could’ve left earlier, you know?"
Lisa just shrugged. "I wanted to see what she had to say, that’s all."
"And I was waiting for Lisa," Jack grunted.
"Alright then," I said, slowly backing out of the room. I pointed a thumb behind me. "I’ll just leave now…?"
I waited for a moment, and when no one stopped me, I quickly left the room. I started back to where I left my food, feeling triumphant that I could not only finally eat my di— supper— but also possibly get to the Taw Kingdom sooner than I thought.
I was just gathering my food, before Braz interrupted me… again.
"Melas," he said, striding up to me. "You sure about this?"
Sighing, I lowered the bowl of stew back down to the table. "Why wouldn’t I?"
He hopped up onto the table and sat on it. He patted on the wooden surface, indicating for me to join him, and I did it begrudgingly.
"They were giving you a choice, you do realize that, right?" He cocked an eyebrow. "You don’t have to do this. You’ve already helped us enough."
"My deal with Ginah was to help her halt this enuim trade."
"But this goes above and beyond that," Braz said. "You’d be helping us in severing the head of the Elise, not just stopping the spreading of these drugs."
I wanted to answer sardonically, but I paused. I looked at Braz curiously— this was the most serious I had ever seen him before. He usually was goofy and laid back.
I spoke slowly. "But that’d be achieving the same results, no?"
"But you’ll be doing more than just that." He shook his head. "Goddess grace us. If we kill Bahr, the entire underground of Luke will explode into chaos. There’ll be many different factions clambering to fill the spot he left behind. It’d be a warzone."
"That’ll be your guys’ problem," I said simply. "You guys caused it, so you’ll have to fix it."
"Of course Ginah wants us to help calm things down. Make things return back to normal like before the Elise popped up. Maybe even make things better. But… that’s too much, don’t you think?"
I shrugged. "I don’t know."
"Haven’t you put any thought into it at all?" Braz asked. "Ginah has been stressed about what will happen once— or if— we actually win against the Elise. And I have too."
"I have no reason to," I said. I turned to face the man. "That’s your guys’ problem, isn’t it? I agreed to help put an end to a problem, not to fix the other problems that will appear once that problem is gone. If I did that, I’d be stuck here forever."
"So you’re just going to help us kill this Bahr, and then you’re gone?"
"Yes." I nodded.
"Isn’t that thoughtless?"
I felt my lips drawing into a thin line. "What do you mean?"
"You’re just acting without any care in the world if you do that, aren’t you?" he said. "That’s thoughtless."
"How exactly am I being thoughtless?"
"You’re joining a fight that doesn’t affect you in any way. And what do you have to gain? A free trip across the sea? It doesn’t sound like it’s worth it."
"It’s worth it to me," I said. "And don’t act like it doesn’t affect me. It does."
"How?" Braz asked, his gaze boring into me. "How has the Elise affected you? What have they done to you?"
"Done to me? Nothing." I brought a hand up, stopping him from responding as I added. "However, I hate them. Or that Half Elf, at least. He’s detestable. True scum. And that’s one of the reasons why I chose to join in."
The man cocked his head at me. "Why do you hate him so much?"
"He’s a terrible person, Braz," I said. "He takes advantage of weak people. People who are desperate. People who just want to live better lives. Why should I not hate him?"
He frowned, folding his arms across his bare chest. "But it doesn’t matter to you, does it? Whatever happens to these people— they’re just one of the many bad things happening in this world."
I stared at the man, slightly aghast. Slowly, that feeling turned into annoyance. It was so obvious. Why was he asking such a question? I bit back any venom I had, and simply answered the question.
"Because it’s happening right in front of me, and I can do something about it. There’s a difference between a tragedy happening a thousand miles away, and a tragedy happening in front of my eyes."
"And what is that difference?"
My eyes flickered up, meeting his gaze. "I’d feel terrible if I don’t."
He simply sat there, waiting; when it became clear I had nothing else to say, he placed a hand on his chin and nodded. "Makes sense."
"Of course it does," I said, sighing. "I’m not being irrational. I’ve thought this through."
"You’re right," he agreed, almost too happily.
"I just want to survive, but I will help people when I can."
"Totally rational!"
I pursed my lips. "You’re being sarcastic, aren’t you?"
Braz gave me a blank look. "Why would you think that?"
I shook my head, exasperated. "Look," I said, no longer hiding the dissatisfaction in my voice, "if there’s anything wrong with my logic— with my philosophy— explain it to me. Don’t just mock me."
He paused, considering it for a moment. Then, he leaned forward, losing his laid back posture as he looked at me curiously.
"So you want to survive?"
I nodded. "Yes."
"But you want to help those you can?"
"Yes— and stop repeating what I just said."
Braz ignored that comment. "And to do that, you put your life in danger… which significantly decreases your chance of survival. And that’s counterintuitive, no?"
I stared at him for a moment, processing what he had said. He had more depth than I thought. Since when was Braz more than just the friendly, goofy pirate? However, I was not trapped. I did not hesitate before giving my reply.
"That’s only if I charge headfirst into a situation with no context behind it. I judge them not by some general rule, but on a case by case basis," I explained. "I am strong. I could be stronger, but I know I’m already strong. If I assess a situation, and determine it’s too much for me to handle? I will not fight. I will not intervene, for my life is more important than my conscience. "
"But what if you assess it wrong?" he asked. "What if you think you can win— but you lose? And you lose your life."
"It’s a risk, but everything comes with risks, Braz," I said simply. It was not some esoteric way of thinking I was espousing; it was rather straightforward. "Leaving your house comes with a risk, for you can be attacked by a Monster and die. Eating food— any kind of food— comes with a risk, for you can get food poisoning and die. Even just talking to others— what happens if they have the Noxeus? You could catch it and die too.
"Helping others may not be the same as that, of course. I understand that there is a distinction between going about and living your day-to-day life, and saving a child from a burning building. But I was that child once— I was trapped. I needed someone to save me. And someone did come, however he did not save me. He only made me think he did, to get what he wanted. I was still surrounded by flames. I was still locked in that burning room. And I had to break myself out."
I looked away from Braz, and towards the cave opening into the night sky.
"I had to break myself out, but it wasn’t easy. So when I see someone else in that same burning room, I am compelled to break them out. It is as simple as that. And that’s the thought I’ve put behind this. That is why I do the things I do."
Braz paused, considering this. He looked away from me, at some far off thing, before turning back.
"You’re like a Saintess, aren’t you?"
I hesitated, chewing my lower lip. Saints and Saintesses were the equivalent of heroes and heroines in this world; the terms heroes and heroines existed, of course, but they were synonymous in concept.
I closed my eyes for a moment, blocking out all other sensations as I focused entirely on my answer.
"I am not a Saintess," I said.
I opened my eyes, then turned heavenward, facing the dark rock ceiling
"Saintesses— they dedicate their lives to others. They fight for the weak. They lift up the misfortuned. They save those who need to be saved. I don’t do any of that. I simply help those I can: that is the difference between me and a Saintess."
I cared not for others; I helped people for the sake of myself, not for them. It could be argued that all lives were equal— and perhaps a neutral third party could carry out this philosophy for others so easily. But to me, an interested party, it was different.
It sounded cruel to even think it, but I believed from the bottom of my heart that my life mattered more than the life of a stranger dying in the street. If I could somehow reverse our roles to save that stranger, I would never do it. I held my life above theirs specifically because it was mine
.
Was it selfish? Was it narcissistic? Was it a self-centered worldview predicated on my egotistical desires?
Yes it was.
But I had died once. I had my life unfairly taken from me. And I had suffered a lot in the past year. It was not the worst thing to ever happen in this world, sure. However, to die so soon after all that, and without living a fulfilling life? I did not want that to happen.
So I lowered my gaze. I placed one hand over my chest, and spoke honestly.
"I do not care for others, Braz. I care only for myself. For my needs. For my wants. For my fears. That is why I’m doing this. That is why I hate those thugs at the Elise who would permeate the enuim throughout the city of Luke. That is why I hate that Bahr for being behind all this."
Braz just nodded, listening to me. I thought he would say something back— either revert to his usual self and make an unneeded comment, or ask me another infuriating question— but he didn’t. Instead, he spoke softly.
"I was like that once."
I cocked my head, confused, but otherwise said nothing.
"Before Ginah became my Captain. I served under her father. We did terrible things, Melas. Terrible, terrible things. And I was fine with it."
I froze; my mind flashed with all the possibilities, as I edged away from him. I instinctively reached for my dagger, but stopped myself.
‘...what do you mean?"
"I mean," he said slowly, "I was just as bad as this Bahr, one time. As wicked as you think he is. I partook in these terrible acts you’re probably thinking of right now, and I only changed once Ginah changed me."
I felt my perception of Braz slowly twist. I had always seen him as a goofball; someone who never took life seriously. But I realized now how obvious of a farce it was. I remembered seeing him passed out drunk many times since I came here, and I realized now why he did that.
"If I told you what I did and why I did it, would you ever forgive me?" he finally asked.
"I—" I bit my tongue, stopping the reply. "Why are you asking me this?"
He shrugged, finally getting up off the table.
"Just something for you to think about," he said. And with that, he left me alone.
I stared at his back as I watched him leave. I didn’t even realize I was tightly gripping the hilt of my dagger. I just sat there, unmoving.
