by Sam Merwin
though," she reminded him. "And you're going to hit it againout there in exactly five minutes."
* * * * *
Lindsay was extremely conscious of the eyes of the vidar cameras uponhim as President Giovannini, having finished his introductory speech,led him to the alabaster stele in the center of Giac's great centralchamber and turned him over to du Fresne, whose official robe hungunevenly from the hump of his harness.
Lindsay handed the Minister of Computation the question he had preparedon paper, was brusquely told, "Read it please, Ambassador."
He cleared his throat and began.
"I am asking a question highly pertinent to the welfare and future amityof the United Worlds," he said slowly. "More specifically to the futureamity of Earth and Mars. It is a simple question without involvedmathematical qualifications--but one that no computer and no man hasthus far been able to answer correctly.
"It is this continued failure of computers to come up with a logicalanswer in the full frame of interplanetary conditions that has done muchto make the people of my planet feel that no computer is trustworthy tomake decisions involving human beings."
He paused, looked covertly at du Fresne, repressed a smile. The Ministerof Computation was already showing signs of distress. He was shaking hishead, making little pawing motions toward his glasses.
"Here it is," Lindsay said quickly. "Should the governors of Mars, whoseresponsibilities lie at least as much in the economic improvement oftheir own world as in inter-world harmony, permit their planet toreceive goods which retard that economic development so that it becomesa race to maintain current unsatisfactory standards, merely becausecertain computers on Earth are fed false facts to permit continuation ofsome illogical form of government or social system--or should thegovernors of Mars permit their planet to suffer because of computerillogic in the name of a highly doubtful status quo on the parentplanet?"
He walked slowly back to his place and sat down, almost feeling thesilence around him. Nina whispered, "What in hell does it mean?"
Lindsay whispered back, "It's a bit of the iron dog and the whale, a bitof the Red Queen, a bit of the suicide idea--and something else. Let'ssee if it works."
Lindsay watched du Fresne, whose moment of triumph was marred by hisobvious discomfort. The twisted little man was very busy running thequestion into its various forms for submission to the feeder units,whose mouths gaped like hungry nestlings along part of one side wall.
If du Fresne failed him....
It was a long nervous wait. Lights flickered in meaningless successionon subsidiary instrument boards and du Fresne darted about like abespectacled buzzard, studying first this set of symbols, then that one.
Lindsay glanced at Maria, who sat huddled beside her father beyond thepresident. To break the suspense he whispered to Nina, "What about_her_?"
Nina whispered back, "I've got it taped. I'm going to give her a niceempty job on the moon--one with a big title attached. It will get herout of the way--she can't do any harm there--and make her feel she's_doing_ something. Besides"--a faint malicious pause--"there are stillfour men to every woman on Luna. And they aren't choosy."
"You're a witch," said Lindsay. He snickered and someone shushed him.Looking up he saw that things were happening.
"In exactly"--du Fresne glanced up at a wall chronometer--"six secondsGiac will give its answer."
They seemed more like six years to Lindsay. Then the alabaster stele inthe center of the floor came abruptly to life. A slow spiral of red,composed of a seemingly endless stream of high mathematical symbols,started up from its base, worked rapidly around and around it like anold-fashioned barber-pole's markings, moving ever upward toward its top.
"Effective--very effective," murmured President Giovannini.
Suddenly a voice sounded, a pleasant voice specially geared to resemblethe voice of the greatest of twentieth-century troubadors, Bing Crosby.It said, "Interplanetary unity depends upon computer illogic."
There was a gasp--a gasp that seemed to emerge not only from the companypresent but, in reverse, through the vidarcasters from the entirelistening world. President Giovannini, suddenly white, said inelegantly,"Son of a bitch!"
Nina laughed out loud and gripped Lindsay's arm tightly. "You've doneit, darling--you've _done_ it!" she cried.
"On the contrary," he said quietly, "_I_ haven't done it; du Fresne didit." And as he looked toward the Minister of Computation that little manfainted.
* * * * *
But Giac kept right on. It blanked out briefly, then once more thespiral of red figures began to work its way around and up the stele. Andonce again the pleasant voice announced, "Interplanetary unity dependsupon computer illogic."
It blanked out, began again. And this time, from somewhere in thebuilding, came the thud of a muffled explosion. A spiral of greensymbols began to circle the stele, then a spiral of yellow. The redreached the top first and the Bing Crosby voice began again,"Interplanetary unity de--"
The green and yellow spirals reached the top. A few seconds of sheerJabberwocky emerged from the loudspeaker, ending in a chorus of,"Illogic, illogic, illogic...." with the words overlapping.
Panic began to show itself. The president gasped and Maria suddenlyshrieked. Frightened onlookers crowded toward the door. The presidentlooked from the machine to Lindsay, bewildered.
Lindsay got up and strode toward the microphone by the stele. He shoutedinto it, "Turn off the computer--turn it _off_."
And, moments later, while the angry hot glow of the stele faded slowly,he said, "People of Earth, this is Lindsay of Mars. Please be calm whileI explain. There is nothing wrong with Giac or any of your computers."He paused, added ruefully, "At least nothing that cannot be repaired inshort order where Giac is concerned.
"I am going to ask to look once more at the question I submitted to thismachine--_and_ to the language tape fed into it by the Honorable Mr. duFresne." He waited while they were brought to him, scanned them, smiled,said, "No the fault was not with Giac. Nor was it consciously with Mr.du Fresne. The question was loaded.
"You see, I happen to know that your Minister's belief in computers issuch that he suffers an involuntary reaction when he hears them defamed.I defamed computers both in my preliminary address and in my question.And when he had to transfer to tape the phrase '--or, should theGovernors of Mars permit their planet to suffer because of computerillogic in the name of a highly doubtful status quo on the parentplanet?'--when he transferred that sentence to tape he was physicallyunable to write the phrase 'computer illogic'.
"Involuntarily he changed it to 'computer logic' with the result thatthe question was utterly meaningless and caused Giac's tubes to shortcircuit. None of the recent computer failures was the fault of themachines--it was the fault of the men who fed them material to digest.
"So I believe it is safe to say that you may rely upon yourcomputers--as long as they do not deal with problems affectingyourselves and ourselves. For those you need human speculation, humandebate, above all human judgment!"
President Giovannini, able politician that he was, had joined Lindsay atthe microphone, put an arm across his shoulders, said, "I feelhumble--yes, humble--in the great lesson this great envoy from oursister planet had taught us. What they can do on Mars we can do onEarth."
When at last they were clear of the vidar cameras Lindsay grinned andsaid, "Nice going, Johnny--you'll have more voters than ever come nextelection."
Giovannini simply stared at him. His eyes began to water, his nose torun and he turned away, groping for an evapochief.
Lindsay looked after him and shook his head. He said to Nina, who hadrejoined him, "How about that? Johnny's in tears."
"Of course he is," snapped Nina. "He's allergic to the word 'voters'.Night soil, but you're simple!"
Lindsay felt his own eyes water. He sneezed, violently, for the firsttime since coming to Earth. Concerned, Nina said, "What's wrong,darling? Have I done some
thing?"
"If you ever say 'night soil' again..." he began. Then,"Krra_chooooo_!" He felt as if the top of his head were missing.
Nina hugged him, grinning like a gamine. "I'll save it for _very_special occasions," she promised.
