My scales flash across my arm where she touches, and her grin grows soft as she looks up into my eyes. “I always did like the color green,” she says, and I press a kiss against her forehead, softly, putting everything I’m feeling into it.
“Me, too.”
With Oz spread out before us, and unknown dangers behind us, we set off to find the sister I’d betrayed in more ways than one, but I hope, I pray to whatever idol plays with our destinies, that Tiger Lily will forgive me, that she’ll give me a chance to explain.
I don’t deserve it. I never will. But I hope, one day, she’ll look at me without the disappointment she’d had in her eyes at the end. I hope one day, we can be brother and sister again.
And if not, I’m going to die trying to earn her trust back.
Somewhere, in the distance, the sounds of the earth cracking grates against my ears.
Tiger Lily sat beside me. We’re children, forever frozen at sixteen, but we have no memory of a time before, or a time after, only the present. Neverland never changed. One day, Lily will be a great Chieftess, but she doesn’t want the job. I don’t want it either though, and between the two of us, Lily is the one more likely to step up when I refuse. It should be me. I’m supposed to take on the mantle, but something tells me I’m meant for something else.
What that is, though, I have no idea.
“Do you ever feel like someone is playing with us like toys?” I ask, staring up at the darkness that always surrounds the island. Sometimes, I wonder what it’s like out at sea, if the stars are worth it to not set foot on land. I couldn’t do it. The animals speak to me, always hovering, always finding me. My sister speaks to the very land itself, but me? I speak to the animals. Even now, a tiny bird lands on a branch before us and turns a beady black eye on me, watching, waiting to see if I will speak. As if he’s answering my question. Perhaps, whatever strings are attached to us are similar to how I speak to animals. But I’m not ordering them around. I’m not controlling them. There’s a respect between us, one I don’t want to abuse.
“Always, Bane,” Lily answers, glancing at me before focusing on the same little bird I am. “We are but pawns for nature.”
I shake my head. “No, I mean something else, like something is guiding you in a direction you don’t want to go.”
Lily frowns and meets my eyes, studying my face. “Is this about being chief?”
“No. It’s just a feeling. I don’t want to be chief, but something tells me that’s not my purpose in this world.”
For long minutes, my sister doesn’t speak. She studies me, searching my soul maybe. Her eyes have always been penetrating, and though we’re one and the same, though we’re siblings, Lily has always felt a little more other. She was a force, and I was a simple leaf on the wind, being pulled in the direction of my fate.
She takes my hand and squeezes in reassurance finally, her smile not reaching her eyes. She senses it, too, now, this uncontrollable string, but there’s nothing we can do about it.
“Well,” she says, “let us hope whatever is pulling at us leads us in the right direction.”
But I don’t think it is. I think I’m being lead away from Lily, so I wrap my arms around her and hug her.
I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be Wolfbane of the Tribe.
The foreboding of prophesy coats my tongue and makes it impossible to speak.
THE ORIGINAL HAPPY THOUGHT
THE STORY OF SMEE AND PETE: A RECITATION BY SMEE In other words, Wendy forced me to write this history of Neverland.
Chapter One
Seventeen. I was seventeen when Peter Pan tempted me from the streets to take his hand. He stood at the end of the alley I was sleeping in, shining and full of the promise of adventure, the promise of sleeping on something other than the cobblestone ground, and I couldn’t resist. Somewhere it was easier to find food? I went willingly. And perhaps, that was the saddest part of all.
Because I’d assumed Neverland would be easier.
As a boy, I’d grown up knowing I was different, knowing I couldn’t speak of it while in the orphanage for fear of them throwing me out. We didn’t speak of boys who liked other boys. We didn’t draw attention to it. We didn’t get caught.
I expected Neverland to be the same, so I didn’t tell anyone when Peter dropped me on a pirate ship in the middle of a calm sea. I never spoke a word as the young Captain Hook, so agonizingly handsome it nearly crippled me, opened his mouth, and ruined the image. I held my silence as he gave me new clothing and I found myself on The Star Chaser as part of the crew.
That’s how it all began. And this is how everything else came to be.
The day was like any other. The sun always shone when you weren’t on land here, the sunbeams hot but they always felt fake, something off about them compared to my world. There were no mermaids, no monsters coming up from the sea. Last week, we lost a boy to the one-eyed monster that showed its face every so often. Someone should have really killed that thing long before I ever came to Neverland, but no one ever did. Eventually, it stopped appearing and we assumed it died. I always had a feeling it simply swam away. In the beginning, I wished I could swim away with it.
I was mopping the deck, the job Captain Hook gave me—someone had to do it—when I caught sight of Peter Pan in the skies above, a boy in tow. It wasn’t an uncommon sight. As a matter of fact, it was a welcome one. A new boy meant less mopping. I crossed my fingers that he was skilled with cleaning supplies, or better yet, food. The cook at the time was atrocious. He burned everything. I’d have killed to have a taste of something less charred.
Where I was all darkness with my darker hair and tanned skin, the boy Peter dropped on the deck from too high was all brightness. Pan didn’t speak a word when he dropped the boy off, though he never did. Pan was a whole other beast, and I preferred to stay away from him. Hook, on the other hand, could often be found trying to goad the boy into a fight. It rarely worked, but when it did, we all stayed as far away as possible.
I remember that the new boy grunted when he hit the deck and even that sound was attractive. How could someone grunt attractively? It was a first experience for me. I was the first to his side, asking if he was okay, my mop and bucket forgotten for a moment to help him stand. It wouldn’t do for him to meet Captain Hook on his hands and knees, not if he wanted to stand tall before him and stay onboard. Hook had been cruel enough to kick boys from the ship in the middle of the sea as meals for the mermaids. Something told me I didn’t want that to happen to this one.
When the boy stood, golden and shining, cool blue eyes crashing into mine, I paused. My hand was curled around his strong forearm to help him stand, my fingers burning a brand there. He appeared the same age as I was, and he was beautiful. Looking at him was a little like looking at the sun. My eyes burned but I couldn’t look away.
I didn’t want to look away.
But I held a secret that could spell my death on a pirate ship, so I bowed my head and backed away when Captain Hook stepped forward to meet his newest crewmember. It nearly pained me to release his arm and only after I stepped back, did I realize he’d never shaken me off and that he had perused me the same as I had him. I thought I was mistaken. He was just being nice; it would be rude to shake me off after I helped him up.
“What’s your name, boy?” Hook asked, stepping around him. Where I was lanky, this boy had the beginnings of muscles that came with adulthood, his shoulders wide. He’d be frozen forever at the cusp of manhood, just as I was, not quite a man, barely still considered a boy. Peter Pan must be experimenting again. Sometimes the boys would come far too young to belong on a pirate crew. Those we sent to live with the Tribe. Sometimes they were my age. But none ever appeared at the same age as Captain Hook. He was the only one who was nineteen. The rest of us were all younger.
The boy tilted up his chin to meet the Captain’s gaze head on. He’d either get himself killed with a look like that or
find himself in a high position. I hoped it was the later. He was too beautiful to toss to the mermaids.
“Pete, sir. My name is Pete.”
I picked up my mop and bucket, the sound of his voice sending a shiver through me I needed to hide. I began to mop the deck again, scrubbing at the boot scuff marks the blasted crew were fond of making.
“Well, Pete. You’ve found yourself on a pirate ship. If you want to stay, you’ll have to earn your keep. If you don’t, you can jump over the side and swim to shore. If the mermaids don’t get you, you’ll have a chance at a new life.”
Hook never took the older boys to land if they didn’t want to stay. If they wanted to leave, they had to brave the mermaids. In the time between when I came to Neverland and Pete did—so long, I couldn’t even begin to estimate the time—I’d only ever seen one boy make it to shore, and it was because he dove overboard closer to shore and was a fast swimmer. By the time the mermaids realized a boy was in the water, he was already out of it. The rest were always dragged down by the monsters.
“I’ll stay, sir.” Pete’s eyes trailed around the crew and landed on me again. I could feel his gaze even if I kept my eyes down, aware that there were too many crew members paying attention. They were watching, and though some might not know what the lingering looks meant, some would. I had no desire to fight the mermaids.
“It’s Captain,” Hook growled. “And to start, you can help Smee mop the decks. We’ll see how well you fare after that.”
“Yes, Captain.” When Pete stepped up to me, I passed him the mop, knowing I’d get punished if I didn’t. We only had one mop, and by helping, Hook had meant for Pete to do it all to see where his strengths would lie. With nothing in my hand, I moved to busy myself coiling ropes that the crew insisted on tying up in knots. Some of the boys were great pirates. Others stumbled through their chores like they’d never done more than the barest amount their whole lives.
I hazarded a glance at Pete again, at the golden shine that made me want to draw closer, and found his gaze already on me. I blushed and looked away, but I found my eyes drawn back to him again, and again, and again.
For once, the sun seemed just a little brighter.
Chapter Two
Months passed with little to no excitement. The mermaids were behaving themselves, keeping away from the pirate ship in favor of whatever other victims they found close to shore. I was no longer on mop duty if I didn’t want to be, but I often found myself doing it anyways out of boredom. I wasn’t going hungry, wasn’t worried about a place to sleep, but I found life onboard Hook’s ship to be without incident unless he made one. Being the only ship, the only incidents that happened dealt with the sea monsters or Peter Pan. We never went on land because that was the domain of the Pixie Queen and the Tribe. It would be foolish to tempt them by intruding on their territories. While they might not hate all of us, they certainly were not fans of Captain Hook.
Pete was put on rope duty, but the poor boy didn’t know how to tie a knot. I watched him for long minutes as he tied a knot that slipped free over and over again. No one else stepped forward to help him. We were a crew, but it was a bit ‘every man for himself’ onboard the Star Chaser. After watching him tie too many knots that never held and knowing if he couldn’t learn, the Captain would toss him overboard, I set my mop aside and moved closer.
“Would you like me to show you?” I asked, keeping my voice down. The less attention we drew, the better.
“Please,” he murmured. “I’m hopeless when it comes to tying knots, apparently.”
I took the rope from his hands, careful not to touch his fingers, and slowly walked him through tying the knot. “Over and under,” I encouraged. “The better your knot, the stronger the hold.” I tugged the knot free and passed it to him. “You try.”
Pete clumsily tied a knot that I knew would never hold up against the pull of the sails. He cringed when he held it up for my inspection, already knowing there was a problem with it.
“It takes some practice.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out a small length of rope, only a third meter long. “You can use this to practice on. It’s how I learned. It’s better to learn now rather than find yourself tossed overboard.”
Pete took the rope carefully. This time, our fingers brushed, and I tried hard to ignore the shiver it sent through me. He was just being nice. I was imagining the lingering eyes and the coy glances. I had to be. The smile that crossed his face wasn’t special for me alone. Even if it was, it was dangerous.
“You’ve got that right.” He leaned forward and whispered, “I can’t swim.”
I raised my brow. “Then you have even more reason to learn to tie the perfect knot, so the Captain doesn’t ever decide to make you walk the plank.” I smiled. “Here, let me tie the rope in a few knots for you to practice.” I took the rope back and tied three knots in it along the length before passing it back. “Study those. They’re the one we use the most.”
“Thank you, Smee.” We both shared a smile, looking into each other’s eyes for a little too long.
“What are you two doing standing here?” Danny, another crewman, asked, clapping us both on the back and nearly making me jump out of my skin.
I tensed and backed away. “Nothing.”
I kept my eyes down the rest of the day, afraid if I looked up at Pete, he would be looking at me, too, and get thrown overboard. Besides, he was only being nice. His gaze didn’t hold the heat I thought I saw there. It was just my imagination. I knew too well what happened when intolerant men saw such weakness in other men. I’d been privy to it before I ever came to Neverland, had felt the blows myself.
“What are you doing with another boy in the closet?” the older boy had sneered. He was big, too big for me to fight and win, but I tried, if only to protect the other boy, the one I knew wouldn’t be able to fight at all. I kept their attention on me as he ran away. He didn’t look back even once to see if I was okay. He never came asking and I never went searching.
“Nothing,” I growled, jerking at the hold he had on the front of my shirt. “I wasn’t doing anything, at all.”
“I think you were kissing the other boy.” His fist slammed into my ribs while his friends held my arms behind my back. I wheezed with the force, the pain that radiated out.
“We weren’t!” I cried. A lie. We’d definitely been kissing and the boy hitting me knew it.
His fists rained down on me that day, leaving me bruised and broken. My rib had been cracked and it had been a pain to heal without a doctor, but I did. I overcame it and realized it was best to keep such things hidden. You never knew who was tolerant and who wasn’t, not unless you specifically asked.
I avoided Pete’s gaze the rest of the day, afraid if I looked up for even a second, I’d get lost in his eyes and reveal my true feelings. Still, I couldn’t help the smile when I saw him working on the knots that night, untying it and retying it over and over again until he had the perfect knot, until he tied it so tightly, the sails would never come loose.
My dreams were full of rope being used in other ways, and it made for uncomfortable sleep.
Chapter Three
I was sometimes content with hiding who I was, knowing it was necessary, and other times, I wanted to rebel against the judgement constantly passed down upon me by those who found out my secrets. All those mixed emotions meant I never moved in either direction, stuck in warring indecision. There was barely any privacy on a pirate ship, not unless you were the Captain. Most men did their business in the open in their hammocks, which made for sometimes disgusting nights where the sounds of slick fists overpowered the sound of waves crashing against the ship.
Pete’s hammock was set up beside mine, a fact I both revered and hated. He was near enough I could look over at him as he was sleeping without worry he would see it and question my thoughts. I didn’t know if Pete also liked men the same as I did—there was no way to ask without revealing my secret—but it didn’t hurt to look at how b
eautiful he was as long as no one ever pieced together why I did.
Some nights, sleeping became too difficult, however, no matter how pretty Pete looked in his hammock. It had been so many months since Pete came aboard. I wasn’t sure how many had passed—time moved differently in Neverland and I was piss at tracking the days—but I knew it had to be a few at least. Pete was already growing into a fine pirate, carefully learning each new skill I taught him until I was sure he wouldn’t ever walk the plank, not for minor things like letting the sails slip. Captain Hook would never look at him and see an incompetent sailor. I made sure of it.
Pete was always nice, never shying away, and the few times he caught my lingering glances, he only smiled. He absorbed everything like a sponge, soaking in as much information as possible, and I knew, he would be a permanent fixture on The Star Chaser. He was too good of a sailor not to be, far better than I was.
I left my hammock in the middle of the night, careful not to wake anyone or bump them. I could do without the grumbles and grunts about how I should be tossed overboard for being awake at this hour, especially since I didn’t have night duty. Someone was always in the crow’s nest, no matter the hour, to make sure we never ran aground. It was difficult to anchor when the creatures would take advantage of such weakness, so we continued to gently sail through the night, one sailor in the crow’s nest, another at the helm. Neither of those two pirates were the company I wished joined me as I stepped on deck and took a deep breath.
The crew quarters could feel so stifling sometimes, the air not moving, the gentle sway. I needed fresh air and the stars to ease my soul, to help me breathe just a little bit easier. I didn’t want the sailors on deck watching me and wondering what I was doing so I found the closest crates to the side and sat down with my back to them, hiding me from view in all direction but the sea. My secret nook, one I dutifully made sure was always there in case I needed the fresh air. I tucked myself away and stared up at the stars, the crisp wind tickling my nose. It was moments like these that made living on a ship worth it. It was still better than where I came from, even if I could never reveal who I truly was, even if I could never share that with anyone.
Monstrous as a Croc (Daughters of Neverland Book 4) Page 6
