‘So you fell asleep? While you were driving?’
‘No. That was the other guy.’
‘Then it was his fault. Not yours.’
‘But I was driving. I was responsible. I could see he was a weaving a little. I should have pulled over…or moved to the side…done something.’ The man broke off, and bowed his head down again, banging it over and over against Brianna’s hand.
‘Kent, Kent,’ Brianna patted his head softly. ‘Listen to the doctor. It’s not your fault.’
‘But you could be paralysed.’
‘So? That’s his fault, not yours. You did nothing wrong. I’m sorry I was whinging, I was scared. I didn’t mean to blame you.’
‘But—’
To say Kelli felt for the young man was an understatement. She’d been exactly where he was…for goodness’ sake, she was still there.
Standing here, listening to him try to blame himself when it was so blatantly not his fault, did give her pause to think, though. But it was different in her case. She’d taunted her brother. All this poor boy had done was try to drive his friends home. It was different. Wasn’t it?
‘Oh, good, you’re awake Brianna,’ Carmen poked her salt-and-pepper haired head through the gap in the cubicle curtain. ‘I have your morning Modafinil dose here, a little late, but still, better late than never.’
Kelli watched as Carmen gently placed the tablet on Brianna’s tongue, her thoughts a chaotic swirl.
Kent’s story was different to hers, wasn’t it? Because Kelli could clearly see that there was no way the car accident had been Kent’s fault, yet his grief was blinding him from the truth. Had she been just as blind about Jimmy’s accident?
‘I’ve got to go,’ she blurted out once the girl had swallowed her medication. ‘Will you give me a call, Carmen, if anything changes?’
‘Of course, love,’ Carmen picked up Brianna’s chart, documenting her obs.
‘You’re in safe hands here, Brianna. I’ll check in on you a bit later.’
Without waiting a moment longer, Kelli high-tailed it out of the hospital.
There was someone she had to see.
Chapter 11
‘Can I help you?’
A short blonde woman stood on the other side of the doorway, her thin frame outlined in the fluoro-green Lycra outfit she was wearing. Maybe Kelli had the wrong house. She’d only been here a couple of times before and she’d usually sat in the car while Jimmy went in.
She flicked her eyes from the garishly bright woman to the brass house number nailed to the front of the door. It was definitely the right house. Maybe she’d moved…
‘I was looking for Teegan.’
The woman narrowed her eyes at Kelli, as though she was trying to place her.
‘I know you. You’re Jimmy’s sister, aren’t you?’
Kelli blinked in surprise, and then looked more closely at the woman. She looked vaguely familiar now if she…
‘Sorry, I’m Layla. We met at one of Jimmy’s gigs.’
‘Of course,’ Kelli smiled politely though she really had no memory of the woman. But then again, she doubted the woman had worn cycling clothes to the pub. Picturing the woman dressed to the nines instead finally triggered her memory.
‘Layla. Yes, I know you now. Down at the Black Bear Lodge.’
‘That’s right,’ Layla nodded, before her face turned circumspect. ‘I’m really sorry about what happened…to Jimmy, and all.’
Kelli pressed her lips together and forced a semblance of a smile to her face. ‘Thanks. So, um, is Teegan around?’
‘Oh, yeah, yeah, of course. She’s in her room.’ The woman turned her back on Kelli momentarily. ‘TEEG’s! You’ve got a visitor!’ She screamed down the hallway.
There was no answering call following the bellow. The house remained decidedly silent.
‘TEEG’s!’ the woman called again, but again there was no response.
‘Maybe she’s gone out,’ Kelli suggested, contemplating a rapid retreat. This had been a spur of the moment decision. Maybe she wasn’t ready.
‘Nah, she never goes out on a Sunday. Come on in, and we’ll find her,’ Layla waved Kelli inside.
The hallway was very retro, with a gray-brown laminate on the floor, and pale, apple-green wallpaper crowding her in. The hallway opened up to the right into a lounge room, where the retro theme continued. The room was dotted with mismatched furniture that looked like it was straight from an op-shop. Instead of turning in there, though, Layla led her down the hallway, past three closed doors before she stopped and banged on the fourth door.
‘TEEGAN! VISITOR!’ She called out again.
Finally Kelli heard some movement. The rustling of a doona, the stomp of feet, and then the door was yanked open.
‘What?’ Teegan demanded. The angst left her face as her eyes drifted from Layla to Kelli. ‘Kelli,’ she said at a more normal volume. ‘What are you doing here?’
But there was a noise coming from inside her room, something oh, so familiar; a sound Kelli had never thought she’d hear again. ‘Is that…Dying Embers?’ She tilted her head inside the room.
‘Yeah, I recorded one of their gigs.’ Teegan pointed towards the iPad strewn on her bed, ear buds plugged into it. Kelli could almost see Jimmy strutting across the stage, guitar in hand.
‘Can I—?’
‘Of course.’ Teegan stepped back, letting Kelli into the room.
Kelli moved towards the bed, gravitating towards the image of Jimmy. She popped the ear buds in her ears, and the earthy-rock sounds of Dying Embers consumed her. Jimmy’s voice, as he echoed the chorus, resonated through her mind, bringing to the forefront hundreds, thousands of images - memories of her brother playing, rehearsing and writing his songs. She wasn’t aware she was crying until Teegan shoved a box of tissues into her face.
Kelli pulled the ear buds from her ears and looked up at the woman who would have been her sister-in-law. Red curls flopped across her face, but it was impossible to hide the shimmer in her hazel eyes.
‘I’m not always a mess, you know,’ Teegan reached for a tissue of her own. ‘It’s just… Sunday’s were our day. We used to chill out, watching movies in bed all morning, and then head up to your mum’s for lunch.’
‘I remember,’ Kelli whispered, reaching for another tissue.
‘Now I just…I watch him…’
‘There’s nothing wrong with that,’ Kelli assured her.
‘Yeah, I guess.’ Teegan visibly pulled herself together. ‘What brings you here? I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.’
‘I’m sorry. I’m so ashamed of how I ran away from you last time,’ Kelli sniffed, wiping at the tears again. She’d come here for a reason. She needed to make things right. ‘It wasn’t you. All this avoiding I’ve been doing, it’s not been about you.’
‘I know, Kelli. I’m not upset with you. I just…I thought we might have been able to help each other. We both loved him so much.’
Kelli felt the tears prick at her eyes again. ‘I couldn’t…I couldn’t face it, couldn’t face you. Not after what I took from you, what I thought I took from you.’ Kelli grabbed another tissue and wiped her eyes again.
‘You didn’t take anything from me. It was never your fault.’
‘I’ve been hearing that a bit lately,’ Kelli attempted a smile but it failed miserably. ‘Doesn’t change how it feels in here,’ Kelli thumped a fist against her chest, over her heart.
‘You know how strong-willed Jimmy was. No-one could force him to do anything he didn’t want to do—least of all his baby sister. No offence.’
‘But I prodded him. He said he couldn’t do it anymore, he’d promised you. But I called him a chicken. A…a…whipped puppy. And then he did it just to prove me wrong. He did it. And then he died.’ Kelli’s shoulders shuddered beneath the weight of her tears.
‘So he did remember his promise, then?’ Teegan asked, hope and pleasure evident beneath the swelling tears in her eyes.
‘Yes, of course.’
‘He was always going to jump. I knew…even when he promised not to, I knew that when it came to it, the temptation would be too strong.’
‘But he wouldn’t have, if I hadn’t forced him.’
‘You couldn’t force him, Kelli. He made that decision himself.’
Kelli wiped away the tears again. ‘That’s what my friend said.’
‘And your friend’s right. Do you really think Jimmy would have stood there and watched you jump, and not jumped himself? Even if you said nothing?’
The answer was easy. ‘No,’ Kelli whispered. It wasn’t in Jimmy to sit back and let others have all the fun.
‘Then how can his jumping be your fault?’
It wasn’t.
She could see that now.
Just like Brianna’s boyfriend, Kelli had let her grief blind her sense of reason. She’d automatically blamed herself, taken responsibility for something she couldn’t change, because she so desperately wanted to change it.
She didn’t want Jimmy to be dead.
She wanted him to still be playing gigs with Dying Embers. She wanted him to be running with her on the beach after work. To be annoying her with his Saturday morning cheerfulness.
Most of all, she wanted him here, with her and Teegan. Alive and well.
But he wasn’t.
And he never would be.
‘I have to say goodbye, don’t I?’ Kelli asked Teegan, not even trying to stem the tears now.
‘We both do.’
Travis leaned forward, sighting the ball down the end of his cue. With one quick movement he charged the stick against the white ball, as though he was striking the devil himself. It bounded down the green felt, banging against the remaining black ball and the two rolled together until they reached the hole in the far corner of the table. They hovered on the lip of the table, first one and then the other, wobbling until the white ball finally disappeared over the edge.
‘Game, set and match!’ Cameron pounded a fist in the air from his perch on the stool at the wall.
‘Damn!’ Travis cursed, but fell short of throwing his cue on the table. ‘Rematch?’ he asked almost immediately, leaning down to retrieve the fallen balls.
‘Aren’t you sick of losing yet, mate?’ Cam asked as he jumped off the stool.
‘Who says I’d lose?’
‘The last four games say you’d lose. I’ve never seen your form so bad. Anything you want to talk about?’
An image of a green-eyed, golden haired vixen flashed into his mind, but he banished it just as quickly. He’d made a big enough fool of himself over Kelli. He didn’t need to tell more people.
‘Nah, man.’
‘You sure?’ Cam raised an eyebrow in doubt. ‘‘Cos Brad was telling me a bit of a story earlier—’
‘Can’t believe everything you hear,’ Travis dismissed, keeping his eyes focused on the balls as he lined them up. ‘Up for another?’ He asked, lifting the plastic triangle away from the obedient balls.
‘Sorry, can’t. Got a pregnant lady to go look after.’ Cam didn’t look all that apologetic as he placed his cue back on the rack.
‘Yeah, yeah, excuses, excuses,’ Travis ribbed but he couldn’t hold it against him. It was just good to see Cam enjoying life again. He placed his own cue in the rack and led the way up and out of his man cave. ‘Thanks for coming round, though. It was good to hang out. We’ll have to do it again sometime,’ he said as he reached the front door.
‘Definitely,’ Cam agreed, offering a hand to shake.
A car door slammed on the street and both men turned their heads at the disturbance. Travis’ heart stopped beating at the sight of Kelli’s golden curls and long, lithe body. At least, that’s what it felt like. Just for an instant.
‘And now we know the reason for your poor form today,’ Cam said at his side, but the words barely registered. All he could think about was Kelli. Here. At his house.
What was she doing here?
After he’d dropped her at the hospital this morning and her smooth dismissal of him, he’d thought it was all over.
Well, it couldn’t be over when it never really began. But he’d thought…
‘Good luck,’ Cam patted him on the shoulder.
‘Shut up,’ Travis said, batting his mate away.
‘All right, I’m going. Keep me posted,’ he said with a final wave. Travis inclined his head, the best he could do whilst keeping his eyes trained on Kelli. Cam said something to Kelli on his way down the path but Travis couldn’t make it out.
‘Hi, Travis,’ Kelli said as she stepped up onto his front stoop.
‘Kelli,’ he nodded his head, trying not to ogle her, but it was damn hard not to.
He always had trouble keeping his eyes off her, but tonight…Tonight there was something different about her. It was in the way she held herself, in the way she spoke, and there, in the depths of her eyes. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but she looked lighter, somehow.
Freer.
All he wanted to do was touch her, to run his hands over her delicious figure, to press her body against his.
But he couldn’t do it.
He refused to force himself on this woman any more.
So instead he folded his arms across his chest, the only way he knew to stop them from reaching for her.
‘Can I…ah…come in?’ she pointed past him into the house.
‘I’m not sure that’s a good idea.’
‘Oh. Okay,’ she struggled with the words. He felt like a total heel, but he couldn’t put himself out there again, and he didn’t trust himself alone with her.
She looked down, stubbing her toe against the wooden step. ‘I deserved that,’ she whispered so low he wasn’t sure he heard her right.
When she looked up again, her gaze was firmer and she reached into her shoulder bag, shuffling around in there until she pulled out a piece of paper.
‘I thought you might be interested in this,’ she said, holding the paper out to him. ‘It’s the results from your sleep study.’
She couldn’t possibly have come all this way just to give him that, could she?
‘Don’t you want to know what it says?’ she asked when he didn’t respond immediately.
‘Why don’t you tell me,’ he invited, still trying to piece together what was actually going on here.
A small smile tugged up the corners of her lips, the invitation seeming to build her confidence. ‘It turns out you were right. The study showed no sign of any significant sleep apnoea—just some intermittent snoring.’
‘Is that so?’
‘It’s all here, in black and white if you want to check it out,’ she offered, holding the report open in front of his face. He leaned forward, plucking the report from her hands without dragging his eyes from hers.
‘Is this the only reason you’re here?’ he asked, scrunching up the report and shoving the paper in the pocket of his pants without looking at it.
‘No,’ she whispered, her voice husky.
There was something in her eyes, the way she was looking at him. A surge of heat swam though his veins, sending his blood on a direct journey south.
‘Then why are you here?’ he demanded hoarsely, not wanting to jump to conclusions. He wanted her so bad, but he wasn’t sure he could handle another rejection.
‘Well…’ She stepped closer to him, shrinking the distance between them. ‘I wanted to thank you, for being so patient with me, for rescuing me, for everything you’ve done for me.’
His breath caught in his throat as her hand reached towards him. He wanted to say something, needed to clarify something, but she wasn’t done.
‘And I wanted to tell you,’ she whispered, her fingertip brushing against his collarbone, sending his pulse rate flying. ‘Something very important,’ she continued, running a fingernail down the outside of his t-shirt, sending goose bumps all over his body.
‘What’s that?’ he only just
got the question out between his suddenly parched lips.
‘I’m ready.’ She whispered the words into his ear, her breasts hovering barely an inch from his arm.
‘Ready?’ he croaked hoarsely. She could only mean one thing, surely? But he needed to be certain.
‘For everything…’ She mouthed at him, her eyes racing down his body, starting fires everywhere they touched.
He captured her hand against his chest, pulling her in close, his lips brushing against her ear. ‘There’s no going back from here,’ he warned her, breathing her in even as he gave her a last chance to leave. But Lord help him if she chose to go, he wasn’t sure he could still let her.
She turned her head into his. ‘I’m not going anywhere,’ she whispered as her lips finally found his.
Fire pounded in his loins, his arms dropping from his chest to wrap around her, to pull her close. He pressed her body to his, crushing her breasts against his chest, desire spiralling out of control as his mouth moved over hers. He wanted to feel all of her, every inch of her, all at once.
Her hands were down around his waist. An inch, maybe two, and she’d be touching his straining crotch. Without conscious thought he ground his hips towards her hands, so close they almost brushed. But then she was lifting, pushing his t-shirt up and over his head.
‘Up, up, up,’ she ordered and obediently he lifted his arms and she pulled his shirt from him, throwing it over the top of his head. It landed somewhere in his front garden.
His garden…his garden. For some reason, this nugget of information was important but he couldn’t quite work out why.
‘Urgh,’ he groaned, slamming a hand against his forehead.
‘What?’ Kelli asked, her eyes clouded with desire and confusion as they gazed up at him, her kiss-swollen lips begging for his.
‘Inside…’ He said, tugging at her hips and pulling her with him. ‘Let’s get inside.’
Had she really almost done that?
Kelli had always been a private person when it came to those matters. But with Travis everything went out the window—or into the garden.
A Heart Worth Mending Page 18
