by Jennie Lucas
“All right.” Biting her lip, she lowered her arms and said uncertainly, “I just remembered. Today is the anniversary of your diagnosis last year. How are you feeling?”
“Never better,” he said shortly. “I got a clean bill of health last month. Still in complete remission.”
A warm smile lit up her face. “I’m so glad. I wish you’d told me you—”
“Look, Holly, I don’t mean to be rude, but can this wait? I have a conference room full of lawyers waiting.”
“Yes. Yes, of course.” She blushed a little, looking sweetly shy. “I’m looking forward to tonight. Will you be home early?”
“Unlikely,” he said shortly, wondering why she’d be excited for him to come home tonight so they could argue, and he could tell her, to her face, what she should have already known—that he’d never love her. “I’ve got to go.”
“All right.” She came closer, her eyes glowing, her expression caught between hope and fear. “There’s something I want to tell you. Something important. I—”
But as she looked at him, something made her expression change. Something made her back away.
“Never mind,” she choked out, shaking her head. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll see you later—”
And she turned, and fled his office with the baby.
Stavros exhaled, relieved. Maybe he’d been wrong. Holly wasn’t falling for him. She was too smart to give her love to a man who didn’t deserve it. And what could a man like Stavros ever do to truly deserve her love and light?
He couldn’t. So there was no point in trying. It would only lead to loss and darkness—
Pushing away the twist in his gut—it felt like being punched—he clenched his hands into fists. Striding out of his office, he barked at one of his assistants, “Call my lawyer. I want the deal with my cousin canceled at once.”
He didn’t slow down to hear the reply. Because if there was anything his illness had taught him, it was that life was short. You had to do the important things now, because you never knew if there would be a tomorrow. You had to know what was really, truly important.
And blocking out all emotion from his soul, Stavros hurried to the conference room, where a billion-dollar deal waited.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
SHE’D ALMOST MADE a horrible mistake.
Holly was still shaking as she pushed the stroller down the long city block toward the small café where she was supposed to meet her sister for coffee.
She’d been heartbroken when she’d woken up to discover Stavros had never come home last night. When her sister had invited her out for her birthday, she’d chosen a café near his office. She’d gone there with her heart on fire, half longing for him, half hurt.
And she’d nearly blurted out that she loved him. Surely, once he knew that, once he understood that he held her heart in his hands, he would treat her with greater care?
But looking at his coldly handsome face in his office, Holly had suddenly realized that he wouldn’t. Because he already knew.
He knew she loved him. But he didn’t want her to speak the words aloud.
Because then he’d be forced to admit he didn’t love her back.
Now, hurt and grief threatened to overwhelm her as she maneuvered the stroller down the Midtown sidewalk, crowded with last-minute holiday shoppers. The windows were full of brightly decorated Christmas scenes. But in her current mood, as her eyes fell on the vestiges of melted snow in the shadowed places on the sidewalk, the city seemed gray and dirty. Just like her dreams.
Her baby gave a little plaintive cry from the stroller, snapping Holly back to reality. Stopping on the corner to wait for the crosswalk light, she caressed Freddie, even as she fiercely blinked back tears. Reaching into his blankets, she found his pacifier and popped it back into his mouth, causing him to settle back into the stroller.
Straightening, Holly took a deep breath. As the light changed, she crossed the street surrounded by happy, smiling crowds laden with holiday gifts. Looking down at Freddie in the stroller, she felt her heart in her throat as Stavros’s words came back to her.
Love always has a winner, and a loser. A conqueror and a conquered. I decided long ago I never wanted to be either.
She’d thought, when Stavros married her, he’d changed his mind. But he hadn’t. He just wanted them to be a family.
So did she.
Holly took a deep breath. Maybe she could love him enough for both of them, she tried to tell herself. If Stavros treated her well, if he cherished her, couldn’t that be enough? As long as he was a good father, and a good husband? As long as he spent time with them? Which she was sure he would, as soon as this business deal was over.
Stavros might not be in love with her, but he cared about her. After all, he’d arranged a big birthday party for her tonight. A sort of surprise party, their first social event as a married couple. All their friends and family would be there.
She just had to focus on the positive. She was twenty-eight now, a married lady with a baby. It was time to grow up.
She could live without her husband’s love.
Lifting her mouth into a smile as she reached the café, she pushed the stroller inside. She saw her little sister sitting at a nearby table, her face in her hands. Next to her on the table, there was a small birthday gift beside a large coffee mug.
Holly parked the stroller beside the small table. “Nicole?”
Her sister looked up. Tears were streaking her face.
“What is it?” Holly cried, horrified.
“I just got a call from Oliver,” she whispered. “Stavros canceled the annuity. So he’s leaving me.”
“Oh, no!”
“He’s moving in with someone else.” Her voice choked. “A rich older woman who can give him the lifestyle he deserves.”
Sitting in a nearby chair, Holly pulled Nicole into her arms as her baby sister cried against her shoulder.
“I’m so sorry, Nicole,” she whispered, rubbing her back. “This is my fault. I told Stavros he shouldn’t pay Oliver to be married to you. You deserve more. Marriage should be about love, not money.” But as her sister’s crying only increased, Holly blurted out, “I’m sorry.”
Nicole pulled away, wiping her eyes. “This is your fault, Holly. Your fault for trying to take care of me, even when I didn’t deserve it. You fault for always thinking I was wonderful, even when I was a total jerk. Even when I stole the man you wanted.”
“Stole...” Nicole had tried to steal Stavros? Holly stared at her, confused. Then she understood and exhaled in relief. “Oh, you mean Oliver.”
“I knew you had a huge crush on him as his secretary,” Nicole sniffed. “But I still took him. And now the universe is punishing me as I deserve.”
“You’re wrong,” Holly said. “Oliver was never mine. The romantic dream kept me company, that was all. It was never real. You didn’t take anything from me, Nicole. You don’t deserve anything but love!”
“That’s what I mean,” her little sister said, shaking her head as she gave a tremulous smile. “Even when I’ve been horrible to you, you find a way to see me in the best possible light.” She wiped her tears. “When Mom and Dad died, you gave up everything to raise me. I never appreciated that. It’s only now I realize how selfish I’ve been.”
“Oh, Nicole...”
Her sister took a deep breath, leaning back into her own chair. “It’s time for me to strike out on my own. The fact that Oliver has left makes it easier.”
“You don’t have to be alone. Come stay with us for Christmas. There’s plenty of room!”
Nicole shook her head. “I’m going to visit my old roommate up in Vermont. Her family has a ski resort, you know, a little one, which they operate on a shoestring. I need some time away, to figure out what to do with my life.” She paused. “Besides. You have your own problems.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Like I said. You always see the best in people, Holly. Even when they don’t deserve it. You see what you want to see with those rose-colored glasses. Oliver. Me.” She tilted her head. “Stavros.”
“You think I don’t see him how he really is?” she said slowly.
Her sister’s eyes challenged her. “Do you love him?”
Holly took a deep breath. The truth forced itself from her lips. “Yes.”
“Does he love you?”
In spite of Holly’s efforts to convince herself she didn’t need her husband’s love, a lump rose to her throat. She looked away.
“That’s what I thought,” Nicole said quietly. Putting her hand on her shoulder, she repeated the same words Holly had just said to her. “You deserve more.”
Suddenly, Holly was the one who was crying. Angry at herself, she wiped her eyes. “We can still be happy. Stavros just loves me differently, that’s all. He cares for me. He shows it through his actions. Like the party tonight...”
Nicole frowned. “What party?”
She smiled through her tears. “You don’t need to pretend. I know he’s throwing me a birthday party. He insisted on doing it, since I didn’t want a wedding reception. There’s no way he wouldn’t invite you.” Holly’s lower lip trembled. She desperately needed to feel some hope. “So you can tell me about it. It’s not a surprise.”
“I’m not trying to keep anything a surprise. There’s no party, Holly.”
She stared at her sister. As a waiter came and asked if they needed anything, Nicole shook her head. Holly didn’t even look at him.
“No party?” she said numbly.
“I’m sorry. Maybe he’s doing something else to surprise you?” Her sister tried to smile as she pushed the small, brightly wrapped present toward her. “Here. Wrapped in birthday paper, like you always wanted.” She smiled ruefully. “Not Christmas paper, which you’ve always had to put up with from me.”
Holly looked down at the present. It was beautifully wrapped, in pink and emerald, her two favorite colors.
“What’s inside is even better. Something I know you’ve always wanted but were never selfish enough to admit it. Open it.”
Slowly, Holly obeyed. And gasped.
Inside the box, nestled in white tissue paper, was the precious gold-star necklace that had once belonged to their mother.
“Told you I’d find it,” Nicole said smugly. “It was tucked in my old high-school sweatshirt buried at the bottom of my keepsake box.”
A lump rose in Holly’s throat as she lifted the necklace. Their mother had worn it every day. It had been a gift from their father, who’d always called Louisa his north star.
“I know you wanted me to have it, so I’d never lose my way,” her sister said in a low voice. “But I think you need it more than I do now.”
Nicole’s husband had left her, they’d soon be going through a divorce, but she still thought Holly needed it more? Her hand tightened around the necklace as she said hoarsely, “Why?”
“You told me love makes a marriage, not money.” Nicole shook her head. “Are you really going to spend your life waiting for Stavros to love you—waiting hopelessly, until you die?”
Holly stared at her little sister in the small New York café. As customers and waiters bustled around them, the smell of coffee and peppermint mochas in the air, the heat of the café made her feel sweaty and hot, then clammy and cold.
Then she realized it wasn’t the café, but her heart.
She’d spent her whole life taking care of others, imagining herself in love with unobtainable men—first Oliver, then Stavros. Even now, she’d been ready to settle for a dream to keep her warm, so she didn’t feel so hopeless and alone, rather than be brave enough to hold out for the real thing.
Her gaze fell on Freddie, wrapped in blankets, sucking his pacifier in the stroller. Was this the example she wanted to set for her son? That marriage meant one person martyred by love, and the other a tyrant over it?
Love always has a winner and a loser. A conqueror and a conquered.
Which one was she?
Closing her eyes, Holly took a deep breath.
Then she slowly opened them.
No. She wouldn’t settle. Not anymore. Not when her and Freddie’s whole lives were at stake.
And Stavros’s, too.
He’d never wanted to hurt her. He’d said from the beginning that he had no desire to be a conqueror. And yet her love for him would make him one.
Holly reached up to clasp her mother’s necklace around her neck. She touched the gold star gently at her collarbone. No. She wanted love, real love. She wanted what her parents had had.
Love made a marriage. Not money. Not sex. Not even friendship. Only love.
And she wouldn’t, couldn’t, spend the rest of her life without it.
* * *
It was nearly midnight when Stavros arrived home.
For a moment, he leaned his head against the door, exhausted. He’d only slept three hours in the last forty-eight. But the deal was struck at last. He was done.
At least until the next deal. He was already considering a potential acquisition of a company in Pittsburgh that had developed an AI-based sales networking platform. He would call his lawyers about it tomorrow. With any luck, they could strike first, while his competitors were still lazing over Christmas presents and turkey dinners.
Entering the dark, silent penthouse, he turned on a light in the foyer. He nearly jumped when he saw his wife sitting on the sofa of the great room, staring into the pale flames of the gas fireplace. Beside her, the lights of the Christmas tree sparkled wanly.
“What are you doing up so late?” he said uneasily. It couldn’t be anything good.
Slowly, she rose to face him. She wasn’t in pajamas, as one might expect, but was fully dressed, and not in the sleek designer clothes he’d bought her, but the simple sweater and jeans she’d worn when they’d left Switzerland last month.
“We need to talk.”
“So you said. But it’s been a long day. Can we do it tomorrow?” Or never. He raked a hand through his dark hair, setting down his laptop bag as he gave her a small smile. “The deal is signed.”
“Oh?” She came toward him. “So you’re done?”
“Yes.”
She paused. “So you’ll be home more—”
“There’s always another deal, Holly.” He hung up his black Italian cashmere coat. “There’s a new potential acquisition brewing. I’ll need to leave for the office early tomorrow.”
Her lips parted. “But tomorrow’s Christmas Eve. And you just got home. We haven’t seen you for weeks—”
“I’m CEO of a major corporation, Holly.” His voice was more harsh than he intended, but he was tired. He didn’t want to hear her complaints. He didn’t want to feel guilty right now—or feel anything at all. “This is how we pay for this lifestyle. For all your jewels and fine clothes.”
Holly lifted her chin. “I never asked for any of that.”
She was right, which left him no room to negotiate or blame her. It irritated him. “Look, I’m exhausted. Our talk is just going to have to wait.”
“Until when?”
He shrugged. “Until I have time.” Which, with luck, he never would. All he needed to do was line up endless mergers and acquisitions, endless reams of work, and he’d have an excellent excuse never to have to tell her out loud that he didn’t love her, or see her beautiful face break into a million pieces.
But as he turned away, he was stopped by her voice.
“Do you know what today is?”
Scowling, he glanced back. She’d better not bring up last year’s fatal diagnosis again. “The day I signed a new billion-dollar deal?”
She gave him a thin smile. “My birthday.�
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He blinked, then a savage curse went through his mind. Of course. December twenty-third. Her birthday.
Now he felt guiltier than ever, which only made him angrier. He’d totally forgotten her birthday, and his promise to throw her a party. He was the one who’d first insisted on throwing her one, like a big shot. Now he looked like a flake. Now he’d let her down.
Stavros hated the disappointment in her green eyes—the hollow accusation there. It was the same way his mother had looked at his father when Aristides failed her, time and time again. As a boy, Stavros had always wondered why his mother put up with such treatment.
Now, he was somehow in his father’s place. He hadn’t cheated, but he’d accidentally lied. There was no party. He wouldn’t, couldn’t, bear to think of himself as the villain in this equation.
“I’m sorry,” he said tightly. Admitting a mistake was difficult for him. He resisted the temptation to make excuses, to blame her for expecting too much when he’d been swamped with the business deal. Setting his jaw, he said only, “I forgot about the party. I will have my secretary arrange it as soon as possible.”
“Your secretary?”
His jaw tightened further. “Would you rather have a gift? Jewels? A trip?”
She took a deep breath. He saw tears in her eyes. “What I wanted was your time.”
Seeing her tears hurt him so badly, he couldn’t help lashing out. “Then you had unrealistic expectations. Did you really think our honeymoon could last forever?”
“Yes,” she whispered. She looked down at the big diamond ring sparkling on her left hand. It glittered like the tears in her eyes. “I love you, Stavros. Can you ever love me?”
It had finally come. The moment he’d dreaded. He wanted to avoid the question.
But looking at her miserable face, he had to tell her the truth.
“No,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry, Holly. It’s nothing personal. I told you. I’m just not made that way.”
Her shoulders sagged. Then she looked up with a tremulous smile. “I’m sorry, too. This is what you meant, isn’t it? About the conqueror and the conquered.”
