by Peitho
I felt brave as I continued talking, “And when we went away for summer, I thought that maybe things would go back to the way they were before…” I didn’t know how to describe it. Before she dated Stuart, things were fine. I knew that she was in love and wanted to spend every moment with him. That was natural. I kind of felt that way about Abe. Even if we weren’t dating.
So, I started to think about how to tell him this story. This nightmare called my life.
Okay.
I took a deep breath and replayed the speech in my mind, ´Well, it was as soon as they got married, that was when everything changed. Everything.´
Mom wasn’t smiling, she wasn’t happy. She had sad eyes, bags under them most of the time from not sleeping and from Stuart lashing out at her. Even if she was trying to keep it all one big secret. There was no hiding from the damage he did to the house or even her face. No amount of make-up could hide it at times. He hit her, not just once but several times. She tried to hide it, but she wasn’t doing a good job of it.
I decided that I wouldn’t tell Abe that part, so I decided that I would tell him about that night. The problem was that I wasn’t brave. I couldn’t tell Abe what happened that night. We hadn’t spoken in weeks and the amount of times that I wanted to pick up my phone and call him or text him was crazy, but something always held me back. I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea, even though Teresa kept telling me that he was into me. We were friends and if he thought or even knew that I wanted us to be more than that could change everything and not for the best. It would only change things for the worst.
Was I being paranoid and mistaking what Stuart had intended? Was it my fault that he thought he could come into my room?
I couldn’t talk to my friends about it, I felt so ashamed, but it wanted to come out of me, the words wanted to leave my mouth, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell anyone.
I opened and closed my mouth a few times, ready to say something, but no words came out as my heart stopped every time I tried to speak.
“My dad moved out over the summer,” he blurted out as he started to stroke my hand. “Kind of the reason that you didn’t hear from me very often.”
“Sorry to hear that,” I sighed thinking that there was no way that I could tell him what happened that night. He had his own issue. His own problems, I couldn’t load him with mine.
He laughed nervously. “It happened so quickly and then I spent the whole summer just trying to hold my mom’s hand. It’s as if she can’t stop crying and blaming herself for it. It’s not her fault that he doesn’t love her anymore. Is it?”
I shook my head.
“She can’t stop crying and I hate it. I hate him for making her cry but then he’s my dad and I love him. I need to be something that I’m not. I’m too young for all this emotional shit.”
This time, I wasn’t the one pacing in my room, he was as his emotions ran out of his mouth. Something that I admired about him, the fact that he wasn’t scared to say how he felt on and off the field. That was what the girls loved about him. And one of them just happened to be me. He talked about his love for both his mom and dad, but the predicament that he’d landed in was one that left him in a world of hurt. A world that I didn’t envy.
“At the same time, he’s my dad and she’s my mom. Now, he wants us to connect, but then, I feel that I’m stuck in the middle. You know, betraying her by talking to him and betraying him by not talking to him. And all of this shit doesn’t feel fair. All I want to do is play ball, graduate and take one really great girl to prom.” His eyes froze and stuck on mine, as if to impart some knowledge he couldn’t say out loud.
Did he mean he wanted to take me to prom?
Nah.
Me?
There was an unnerving silence, but I couldn’t break that silence because I didn’t know what to say to him, when I had a confession of my own to make. More than one, actually.
“Wow!” He’d taken me by surprise and for some crazy reason it was the only thing that I could think to say. He pushed his hands through his hair again and it spiked up into silver peaks as the moonlight glinted off it.
I loved seeing this side to him, but then I hated the idea that he was telling me something in confidence, so I did what I’m good at and distracted myself. I looked at the clothes he had on and tried not to hum in approval. He wore a black polo shirt with black pants and damn! He looked hot in black.
I blushed as I realized what I’d done. Here he was sharing his crappy life with me and all I could think about was how hot he was looking right now as I wondered which girl he was talking about taking to the prom?
Me?
“It’s tough. I don’t know what to say…”
Apart from ask, which girl? I felt guilt tear at me because I should ask him how he’s coping, offer him advise, but all I could think about was the fucking prom? What the hell was wrong with me?
“I want you to go to the prom with me.” He blurted out, his green eyes peering into mine with an intensity that made me want to step closer to him.
“What?” I couldn’t believe he’d said it. I was certain my mind was playing tricks on me.
“This is what I wanted to ask you before you left. Would you go to the prom with me?”
I laughed, too shocked to believe him. Deflect, deflect, deflect, my brain repeated. “It’s not until next year.”
Again, I ended up saying the wrong thing, I didn’t mean to but his words just came out of nowhere. One minute his parents and now us. Or me? Teresa was right. Fuck! I wanted to tell her, smile and tell her that she was right, Abe did like me.
He smiled, as he took my hand and came closer to the edge of my bed.
“It’s just that between my mom and the situation at home I was really confused and with the coach on my back to up my game for college and all. I didn’t have my head in the game.”
“Which game?”
God, sometimes I wonder if there’s anything in my head when it comes to emotions. I’m great at school, my friends and hanging out with them, but when it comes to the opposite sex I had zero clues. Both Teresea and Ava told me that he was into me. I told them that he was meant for a cheerleader or one of the other popular girls in school. He could have any girl, why me?
As he started to talk, I had to ask the question. “You’re smart, funny and I just don’t get it. I thought you wanted tutoring. I mean what else would you want with a girl like me? Every single girl wants you, even the nerdy girls.”
He moved a single step closer, his breath ragged as he thought frantically for what to say. “I didn’t want you to think that I just wanted to be tutored.”
I saved him the hassle of saying what was on his mind, “You wanted a friend. Female friend. I get it. You’d just moved here. You’ve got all the cheerleaders and even the nerds after you. You wanted…”
Before I could even finish talking, he pulled me close to his chest and kissed me gently. Something that took me aback.
My heart raced as Teresa’s words replayed in my mind. “Girl you’re blind cause that new boy? He’s into you!”
I wanted him to do it again, but he pulled back. It was a gentle kiss. An innocent one. And that’s when I realized as he looked into my eyes and his green eyes shone that it was a permission kiss. I’d heard about these ones. The type that guys go in gently to see if they have permission to do a lot more. It was cute that Abe was shy and I wondered for a split second if he was just as inexperienced as I was. Until he kissed me again and gently parted my mouth with his tongue.
My heart started to race as I leaned in closer, I was loving the direction of our kiss and no longer did I regret letting him in tonight. It was the complete opposite, it was turning out to be the best night of my life. One that I didn’t even think was possible. Abe was really into me and all my fears and insecurities that I had, before he climbed the tree seemed to disappear as he firmly sat on my bed. This time I was the one making the move, as I moved closer towards him, an open i
nvitation to let him know that I wanted him.
He started to tease me as his tongue gently caressed the sides of my lips.
I smiled, enjoying it. As I started to moan, he drew my lips between his. He had full control, not only because he started kissing me, but he was more experienced than me. I wasn’t going to pretend that I’d done more than kiss John Cane in sixth grade. It was a golden opportunity and I wasn’t going to let it pass, but the excitement of knowing that this was going to happen and never thinking that it would made me smile as he drew me in closer.
“Vicki you up?”
Shit!
Mom!
I pulled away from him.
“She’s awake.” I whispered and wished that she’d gone out or even been asleep like I thought she was when he came up the tree. I felt comfort in the kiss, something that I craved right now.
It was as if he woke up from a trance as he said, “I better get down that tree.”
I gently kissed him again and then I didn’t care what was waiting for me on the other side of the door, now that I had my first kiss with the hot baseball player next door. Everything that I thought would go wrong the moment I came back home maybe would go right.
Chapter Two
“What’s taking you so long…you should have shot down that tree and we should have been on our way already” Teresa whispered loudly to me as I ran towards her. I knew what her beef was, we were going to the party of a lifetime, the first time that we’d ever been invited to Rex Brentwood’s house. He’d seen me with Abe a couple of times and maybe assumed that we were dating or something, cause the last day of junior year, he invited us. Me. I couldn’t believe it.
Rex was the popular guy and the rich one. His house had a pool, staff and shit like that. The kind of guy that didn’t hesitate to flash his money. His parents were old money. The type that nearly owned everything in town from the local bars, businesses and everything. His great granddaddy bought the land, his granddaddy (his words, not mine) built on it and his daddy profited from it. That’s the story in high school. His family’s name is on practically every business here. Kind of crazy. Our town’s small compared to most towns, but not so small that everyone knows everyone’s name.
“Shh,” I whispered back then she took my hand and we walked away from my house. I was still panting from jumping from my window to the tree next to my window to the ground. It was weird, I’d done it so many times that I thought it would be easier, not harder.
“I forgot my damn phone. I was trying to get back up!”
She laughed and her Afro puffs seemed to grow as she did it. “Girl, you’ve done gone and lost your mind. There’s no way that you’re going to get back up that tree. Besides, it looks as if your mom and Stuart are still up. I wouldn’t risk it.”
I sighed looking back at the house and avoiding her dark eyes staring at me.
“Yeah, it’s a bit weird. You know Mom’s a little robotic when it comes to her routine. And she’s always in bed by eleven.” I was trying to catch my breath as we walked to Ava’s house. “Last night, she was in bed by eight and then came to my room a couple of hours later.”
I wanted to say more, but I bit my tongue, I planned to tell both of them together. I’d hardly slept all night thinking about the moonlight and what it was like to kiss Abe in that moonlight in my bedroom, thinking about what it meant letting Teresa know that she was right. He was into me.
Teresa nodded and then passed me her soda. And then I remembered as I took a sip, why it was hard to get down from the tree. I’d eaten nervously all day, just thinking about the party we were now headed to. I didn’t even want to know how much weight I’d put on this year. It was a lot more than five pounds and the number one issue was soda. I was addicted to the stuff, and chocolate and cakes too. The list was endless.
“You going to tell me or are you going to finish my soda?” She grabbed my hand and took her soda back only to discover that it was nearly finished. So, I decided to tell the latter part of the story, the crappy part. The part that I hated talking about but seemed to repeat it over and over again, because ever since they got married, it had become the story of my life.
“Well at ten tonight, they went to bed and then all of a sudden, they were up and fighting. So, that’s why I got distracted. Trying to eavesdrop and get ready at the same time. Because we agreed eleven thirty and I thought – sure enough they’ll be in bed, but their fighting was different this time, it was kind of like mom wanted me to hear it. Usually she would keep it on the downlow, but she was screaming back.”
Teresa smiled, while putting a reassuring hand over my back.
“All couples fight. Nothing new. Nothing old. Look ever since they got married, you’ve been eating way too much and complaining all the time. What gives? It can’t be just because they’re fighting. There must be more to it.” She stopped in her tracks, “We’ve been friends a long time. You know that you can tell me anything.”
I sighed, thinking about the fact that Teresa was one of my best friends and I loved her honesty but on this occasion, I wished that she hadn’t said anything about my weight. We went shopping back in the spring and we were the same size. I went shopping with her today and she looked shocked when I bought something that was three sizes bigger than my normal size. In fact, I was kind of shocked myself. I knew that I’d put on weight but didn’t realize how much until today in the store. Then again, it shouldn’t have been a big shock, the choice of clothes have been decreasing every month. Before, I could decide to wear anything, but lately it had only been clothes which weren’t fitted, like my joggers and XXL shirts. Anything else, wasn’t even an option.
“It’s not that I’m unhappy about her getting married, but there’s something not right about them. I don’t know. I want to be happy for Mom. I really do. But, it’s like she says that she’s happy, but then doesn’t look it when we are here. When we were away at Gran’s house she was smiling and happy, just the way that she was when it was the two of us.”
Shit, just spit it out. She’s your oldest and closest friend. She won’t judge you or your mom. She loves you too much!
Teresa shook her head and we started picking up the pace again.
“Your mom is a grown woman. If she isn’t happy then she needs to do something about it. Not you. Besides they’ve only been married six months.”
I nodded, “And only knew each other six months before that. They dated for four months, then he moved in. After that, they get married a short two months later. What the fuck? It was all so rushed. It made no sense, and I asked her if she was pregnant. She told me that she was too old for that.” I rolled my eyes as I remembered it, remembered how I’d sat back, stunned as I watched it play out. Nobody had asked me if I wanted a stepfather or had even bothered to ask if I liked the guy. Mom had just married him, moved him in, and by her actions, told me to suck it up.
“My parents thought that she was pregnant.”
See, I wasn’t the only one! I was going to tell her the truth. All of it. Lay it all out on the table, but before it I knew it, we’d reached Ava’s house. It was a couple of blocks away so it made sense that it wouldn’t take us long to get there. I brushed off the conversation, thinking that I’d tell both of them. This thing was eating me up and I had to tell someone. I couldn’t talk to Abe. It had to be them. They were my eldest and closet friends, nothing would change that. Nothing
“Your parents think everyone’s pregnant.”
We burst into laughter, as we reached Ava’s front door and Teresa pressed the bell without hesitation. Unlike Mom and Teresa’s parents, Ava’s were relaxed about bedtimes and her friends being over. She didn’t have to sneak out. Her first alcoholic drink? Her parents gave it to her. Smoking a joint? Her parents gave it to her. They even gave her condoms and took her to the doctor for birth control when she told them she needed it. Not only her mom, but her dad went along with them to the doctor. They were new age parents or from a different planet? I could neve
r figure out which one it was.
I asked her mom once why was she so cool?
She told me, that she wanted Ava to make her own choices and avoid mistakes. She’d made her own mistakes one too many times trying to sneak around and be the bad girl, the complete opposite of what her parents tried to bring her up to be.
Why couldn’t my mom be like that? Shit, if she was then I wouldn’t have to nearly break my neck climbing down a tree to go to my friends’ houses or just to get away for a little while.
Teresa had even asked why all moms couldn’t be like Ava’s?
I’ve never figured out the answer to that question.
My hand was just about to touch the doorbell when Ava opened the door. The plan was for me to sneak out, Teresa to say she was staying at mine, but she refused to climb down the tree so she waited for me outside, and then we were to meet up at Ava’s so we could all ride in her car to the party.
Yeah, her parents bought her a car too!
And then we would be at the party of the lifetime. The one that Abe would be at too and I was saving that piece of information for when we were in the car, but only when we would be stationery like at a stop light or something. I didn’t want Ava having an accident.
“We’re not going,” Ava choked as she looked at us with pitiful emerald eyes that normally lit up the room. She moved her long dark hair from her face as her eyes started to fill with tears. At last, her parents had decided to be strict and normal, like everyone’s parents, I thought.
“There’s been an accident.” She hiccupped her way through the first part, but managed to gain some strength as she continued. “The hospital. We need to get there now.”
“Why?” I asked scared to know the answer to my own question. Because, I realized that not only was she shaking, but she was talking directly to me.
Sure, we’d spoken on Skype but neither of us had seen each other since we got back. I’d seen Teresa briefly this morning when we went shopping and then when she called to make sure that the plan was still in place, but Ava no. I expected the normal screams and hugs that we would do if we hadn’t seen each other in three days. But we hadn’t seen each other in four weeks and she was acting kind weird. That’s all I could think about, where were the hugs and screams, not the part where she said we had to go to the hospital. Then she confused me even more and spoke again.
