As soon as my mind clears enough to register thought, all I can think is…how will I ever express how much she means to me? Telling her I love her isn’t enough, though it comes out anyway.
“Charlotte…” I say in a raspy whisper through heavy breaths as our rhythm ebbs to slow and easy. I kiss her shoulder softly as she continues to catch her breath. “I love you.” Moving gently, we disconnect so I can roll her sated body over to look her in the eyes, glazed and drugged from our lovemaking. Pulling her farther up on the bed, I spread her legs so I can lie between them, our bodies touching, wet and hot. I cradle her head in my hands, lean down, and give her a small kiss on the lips, then take my thumb and wipe away a tear that has escaped her eye. “Did you hear me, Charlotte? Those words are not enough for you to understand what you are to me, what you mean to me.” I kiss away more tears, salty and warm. “I didn’t know I was dead, my little enchantress, until you brought me back to life.”
Her eyes look through me, reaching in to touch my soul. Then she pulls me down to her mouth and kisses me with such emotion, I have no need to hear the words. She tells me what I want to know in a way words could never communicate.
Twenty-One
Charlotte
After taking a recovery nap from round three of Ian’s pleasure tour, I’m packed and ready to go on our trip to paradise. I’m not thinking about being nervous. I’m trying to focus on what to bring. He told me it’s about as casual as it gets. That bikinis, cover-ups, sundresses, and flip-flops will suffice. With the lack of bulky items, I’ve managed to get a week’s worth of clothes and necessities into one medium-sized duffle bag, which kind of has me concerned that I forgot something important.
Giving up on trying to figure out what that might be, I walk into the living room to find Ian staring at my portrait he drew, now framed and proudly showcased on my console. He reaches down and picks up the pink rose he also gave me, sitting next to the portrait in full bloom and breathtakingly beautiful. Bringing it up to his nose, he closes his eyes as the aroma penetrates his senses.
“That rose is amazing, Ian. I don’t think I ever properly thanked you.” Moving to him, I put my hand on his back and lean in. “Not only is it stunningly beautiful, the scent is so wonderful it’s almost hypnotic.”
He brings it back toward me so that I can smell it, as well. It’s divine and I wish I could bottle it, then spray it all over me and everything I own.
“You have a knack for disarming me with your unexpected chivalry.” I move behind him and wrap my arms around his firm waist, resting my head on his back. Noticing he hasn’t said anything or responded in any way, I let go and ask, “Is something wrong?”
He puts the rose down and turns to me. “Your phone is on the counter. You’ve had several texts come in…from Gabriel.” The look on his face makes my chest hurt. Does he think I want more than a friendship with Gabriel? Surely he knows better than that at this point.
I turn to retrieve my phone, nervous about what I might find. My stomach drops when I see several texts in a row, the first few words visible: Hello beautiful… I’ve been thinking about you… Are you feeling better… Please join me for dinner.
I feel awful. I hate the thought of him thinking I might want Gabriel’s attention this way. I stare at my phone too long, wondering what to say. Ian and I have spent the past twenty-four hours together in a way that I haven’t even spent six months with someone. Our connection is deep and uncommon, to say the least, but we still don’t really know each other.
Looking up at him, I start talking. “Ian…I’m not interested in Gabriel that way… I shouldn’t have accepted his dinner invitation. I was only thinking—”
“Stop.” The sternness in his voice startles me. He’s standing in front of me, but not close, with his hands in his pockets and tension radiating in all directions. “Just the idea of another man coming on to you makes me goddamn insane. But knowing that one has access to you, that he can text you…refer to you as beautiful and tell you he’s been thinking about you… Charlotte, I’ve never been a jealous man, but then again, I’ve never cared enough to be jealous.” He stares at me in the heavy silence. “Now I do. I care so much it fucking hurts.”
My first instinct is to grab onto him. Wrapping my arms around him, pulling him to me as I rest my head on his chest, holding back tears. The thought of him hurting because of me is making me sick, so I squeeze him tighter. Finally, he takes his hands out of his pockets and softly wraps them around my back. He’s hesitant, though, so I try to reassure him.
“Ian…I am not attracted to him and have no interest in being with anyone but you. I had already cancelled one dinner with him and didn’t want to be rude, because a connection with a large Brazilian group like Novas Alturas would be great for business. I was hoping he would realize that I wasn’t interested that way…but I think things are different in Brazil. He’s very persistent.” I pull back so I can look in his eyes. “All I want is you, Ian. I know this is all new, but whatever this is between us is…different. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s so deep, surely you can’t question that.”
His hands glide up my back and neck, stopping to cradle my head. Holding me there, staring into my eyes in wonderment, he says, “You feel it, too. Don’t you?”
“Yes,” I whisper.
“When we are near each other…”
“Yes.”
“When we touch…”
“Yes.”
“When we kiss…” His lips gently touch mine.
“Yes.”
“When I’m inside you…”
Butterflies swirl in my stomach. “Yes.” My eyes close.
“Say it, Charlotte. I know you feel it. Let me hear you say it.” His voice is gravelly and his grip tightens, my heart beats faster, harder. I feel like I’m falling again, losing my breath. What am I so afraid of? Why won’t the words come out?
He kisses me again, slowly, pouring his love into me. It anchors me, filling me with a happiness so pure I swear it brightens a light inside me that is tangible, literally visible behind my closed eyes. It’s invigorating to all my senses as it races through me, shifting and swirling, tickling me from the inside out. He continues, deepening his passion as the light brightens to a blinding white.
Then suddenly, as if someone flipped a switch, I am no longer standing in my condo. I am someplace else, in a beautiful scene, vivid and serene. It’s a meadow on the edge of a grand forest so green it seems impossible. The sun is shining brightly through a crystal blue sky and across the mountains in the distance, sparkling water runs through a rocky stream nearby and the distinct smell of brine is thick on the wind. There are purple flowers and green grass so thick and starkly colored it looks fake. This place is stunning in its beauty, and even though my conscious mind knows I have never been here before, it’s familiar to me nonetheless, and I’m overcome with a sense of nostalgia that is both joyful and saddening all at once.
Ian’s arms are still around me, warm and strong. I can smell him, taste him, feel his lips moving across mine, making my skin shiver with excitement. My mind is shifting back and forth, trying to decipher what is reality and what is a dream. There is no way I can physically be in this magical place, but somehow, I am—and Ian is here with me. Holding me and loving me as a sense of freedom comes over me, and I can finally tell him how I feel. When I release the kiss to look up at him and say the words that have been on the tip of my tongue, I see that his eyes are the same intense, vibrant turquoise that makes my knees weak, but he is different otherwise. It confuses my already clouded mind, and before I can fully register the subtle contradictions beyond his long hair and rugged features, I snap out of it on a startled gasp.
Ian grabs onto me as my knees give out, calling to me through the haze of whatever just occurred. “Charlotte! Are you all right?” Not waiting for an answer, he scoops me up in one swoop and takes me to my bed.
The strange thing is, I really didn’t feel like I was going to faint. I w
as so relaxed I couldn’t stand, and there was a part of me that wanted to go back to wherever I’d been, even for a moment longer.
“I’m fine, Ian. It’s okay,” I say from my now prostrate position on the bed. He’s sitting next to me, draped over me with one elbow on the bed and his other hand touching me everywhere, as if to make sure I’m really there and that I’m really okay. His face has a look of such concern, I feel guilty for worrying him. Reaching up to put my hand on the side of his face, I say, “Ian, I promise it’s okay. I’m sorry… I don’t know what happened.” I’m smiling as I remember the overwhelming joy that came over me minutes ago. I’m still a little freaked out about being catapulted into a dream that clearly had significant meaning, but more than anything, I need to tell Ian the truth.
Pulling myself up to a sitting position, I scoot closer to him and lean in to touch my lips to his in a chaste, playful kiss. “I can’t handle another kiss like the one you just gave me.” I kiss his cheeks and lips in quick succession. “At least not right now. It does strange things to my head and”—I hesitate as leftover nervousness flutters through my insides—“I have something important to tell you.” I kiss his lips one more time, then look into his eyes, eager with anticipation. I pause to take him in and everything that has happened between us in such a short period of time. The explosive energy of our connection, the fear I’ve overcome that has allowed pure happiness into my heart, the lingering emotions from the dream I just had and every subtlety in between, make it easy for the words to flow from my soul.
“I love you, Ian McAlistair, in the purest way possible, with all that I am…body, heart, and soul.” I finish on a whisper as a warm tear escapes. My eyes close as Ian leans in, taking it between his lips, the sensual touch sending chills across my body. He pulls back, mesmerizing me with his intent focus as he studies my face, stopping at my eyes, a slow smile forming on his beautiful mouth.
“Say it again, Charlotte.” The deep tone is hypnotic as he leans forward, gently pushing me to lie back on the bed as he lifts my sundress up to kiss me below my navel.
“I love you, Ian.” My breath hitches as he removes my panties.
“Again.” His voice is deeper now, his expression severe as the energy shifts and he is suddenly naked above me. My legs spread automatically, allowing him to press against my entrance with his hard, thick shaft.
“I love you,” I say, barely audible through the emotion, right as he thrusts himself directly into my core, where a fireball of sensation shoots through me, making me scream out his name.
“Again,” he says on a growl through gritted teeth as he drives another hard thrust, reaching the farthest point inside me and holding it there, igniting an electric shock of pleasure-pain that causes my fingers and toes to tingle before going numb.
“I love you, Ian.” I’m trying to fill my lungs, but he claims that, too, as his mouth crashes onto mine and he breathes into me, forcing me to take the air from his lungs. I’m already lightheaded, and he pushes me further as he takes my exhale through his devouring kiss.
Desperate for oxygen, I turn my head, giving him access to my neck, where he sucks hard through the steady rhythm of his taking. And he is taking me, claiming me as his own in a way that is primal, beautifully articulated through an instinct that is as old as time.
I let him mark me. I want to be his in the deepest way possible, and as my body adjusts to the force of his rhythm, the pain turns to an intense pleasure that has my mind floating in some surreal place outside my consciousness. I feel the involuntary tightening of my orgasm begin as Ian’s movements become stiff and labored.
“A-gain.” He barely gets it out as his own orgasm takes hold, triggering mine to erupt, the contractions milking him as his face contorts and his muscles bulge and strain to maintain control.
“I love you,” I say, louder, through the force of my climax. I reach up, pulling him down so I can have his mouth again. Kissing him until he relaxes, I push him over to his back so I can ride him through the last pulsing of my release. Oh God. My back arches as I moan out in pleasure. This new position has put pressure in all the right places, reigniting the flame I thought was burning out. “Ian.” My fingernails dig into his chest as I start to move, my pelvis rocking back and forth. I lean forward enough so his hard abdomen puts more pressure where I am most sensitive.
“Christ, woman…you’re making me hard again.”
I open my eyes to see his glorious body under me, so masculine and powerful. His eyes are black, his lips red, his skin wet from exertion.
“The way you look at me, Charlotte…” He grabs onto my hips, pulling them down and forward as he thrusts up into me again, making me scream. “…it triggers something inside me, and I lose control.” He’s pushing and pulling and thrusting, harder and harder. I can barely breathe. “Just like the first time you looked at me.” His fingers are bruising my hips, and I don’t care. “That’s when you did it… That’s when you cast your spell on me.”
I can’t hold myself up anymore. I fall forward, and he wraps his arms around me, holding me firmly in position so he can drive himself into me. “You’re mine. You’ve always been mine,” he says through the strain of his effort. Grabbing onto my sweat-soaked hair, he holds it tight at the back of my head, sending a shock of pleasure down my spine to where our bodies are connected, pulling my head back so I can see him. “And you will always be mine.” His mouth connects with mine as his other hand reaches down, slipping through our wet secretions to tease me on my tight, virginal hole, pushing us both into an intense release that has me seeing stars.
Time passes slowly as we come down from our lovemaking. I am altered, permanently, by what we shared. This is different and well beyond anything physical. I am still on top of him, my legs straddling his waist. His breathing is slow and even, as if he is asleep, so I lie there, listening to his heartbeat.
A few minutes later, as I start to doze off, his voice echoes in his chest—“Again.”
Smiling, I rub my hand across his chest, the skin tight over sinuous muscle, the hair coarse, his nipple erect. Lifting my head, I find his eyes closed, face content in its deep relaxation.
Moving farther up his body, I put my lips on his and say, “I love you, Ian McAlistair.” Then I kiss him once…twice. “Body, heart, and soul.”
He smiles against my mouth. “Hmmmm…I expect to hear that often.” His lips pucker in a playful kiss. “Although it does crazy things to me.” He nips at me in a tender bite. “Turns me into a caveman.” His fingers move through my hair, pushing it over my shoulder. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
“Yes. But in a good way.” I run my finger across his lip. “In a very good way. I’ve never known such pleasure, Ian. Such emotion. It scares me as much as it makes me happy…but happy doesn’t describe how you make me feel.” I pull his bottom lip down, letting it pop back up as we both laugh. “Don’t you think it’s strange that we’ve fallen in love when we don’t really know each other? I mean…we’ve shared a lot and declared a lot, yet you don’t know much about me as a person.” The thought that he may not like something about me or my history makes my stomach uneasy and a dull ache settles in my chest.
The sadness must show on my face because he taps my nose and says, “Look at me, Charlotte. Stop it. We settled this earlier. I’m in love with you, and it’s not something I take lightly. And, for the record, the only thing that scares me is the thought of not being with you.” The look in his eyes makes my heart swell. “You just told me that you love me, six times…I counted.” He winks as his face lights up with a smile. “But I already knew it when I walked through the door last night and saw you standing there. I could see it in your eyes, feel it in your kiss. And when our bodies finally came together, there are no words to describe it…” His voice goes low as he runs the back of his fingers across my cheek. “There are no words for the reuniting of two souls. There is only what we feel, and it is ours. Only you and I know what is between us, Charlotte. I
t would be impossible to explain, even if we tried. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“Yes.” I suddenly have a lump in my throat.
“Then how could anything else matter? Do you have any idea how much I’m looking forward to getting to know every single thing there is to know about you?” He sits up then, so that I can straddle his lap, my arms around his neck.
“Yes. I feel the same way. But…” I pause, uncomfortable bringing up my past. “…I have some insecurities when it comes to something that seems too good to be true.”
“Our story is our own, Charlotte. It doesn’t belong to anyone else. Look at me,” he says, pausing until I comply. “I know what happened with your parents, and not because Jackson told me. I can explain how I know later, but knowing that part of your history, the pain that you endured at such a young age and the fact that you persevered, blossoming into the magnificent woman that you are, was one of the reasons I fell in love with you.” He leans forward and kisses one cheek, wet with tears…then my mouth, then the other cheek. “I will protect you, my love. I told you, you’re mine, and that means you’re safe. I will never hurt you and I will catch you if you fall.”
Grabbing onto him in a tight hug with my arms and legs, I remember the dream I had, where he handed me a drawing of him holding me, catching me from a fall. A surge of emotion runs through me, and for the first time since tragedy struck my life, the thought of my parents’ story and how it ended doesn’t make me want to hide inside my fortress, locking away my ability to trust and love. “Ian. Thank you. Thank you for finding me, thank you for loving me.” I pull back to look at him. I can’t help the smile that takes hold. It’s big and easily spreads across my face, like it did when I was a child. I haven’t smiled like this in a very long time.
“My God, Charlotte. I could sit here and stare at you like this. Promise you’ll smile at me like that always.”
The Essence of Fate Page 21
