by Sonya Lee
Chapter 2
"Okay girls, here I come," said mother stalking around the house.
Karen and I had chosen different hiding places this time. Whenever we tried to hide together we would ultimately get to talking and mother would find us. I peeked out from behind the curtains trying to see where mother was located. It looked like it was safe to run out and touch the door where she had counted off from. I had just run across to touch the door when it swung open and our father walked in.
"Daddy!" I screamed before hurling myself at him.
He caught me and held me away from him, examining my lack of attire. "Pupkin, where are your clothes? Does your mother know you’re walking around the house with no clothes on?" he asked.
"Yes, daddy. We're playing hide and seek. We always play hide and see like this. Mommie says we shouldn't be ashamed of our body," I said in an adult like manner, even though I was only four years old.
"Pupkin, you need to go upstairs and put some clothes on right now. A lady never allows a man to see her without her clothes on unless he is her husband. Do you understand me?" he asked me before setting me down to go do what he said.
"Yes, a lady wears clothes all the time, unless she's with her husband," I said.
"Yeah, something like that, we'll talk about it again later, now go upstairs and remember you are a lady."
"Yes, I'm a lady," I said before running upstairs to get dressed. A couple of minutes later Karen entered our room.
"Daddy told you to put some clothes on too?" I asked.
"Yes, I knew daddy didn't like for use to play hide and seek like that but mommie wouldn't listen to me," said Karen gathering panties and a t-shirt from her drawer.
We heard our parents’ door slam and raised voices. I looked at Karen sadly. Our parents seemed to do a lot of arguing nowadays. It always scared me.
"You stay here, I'll be right back. Don't worry, everything is going to be okay," said Karen before she slipped out of our room. She returned a couple of minutes later.
"Daddy is fussing at mommie about the hide and seek game. He doesn't like for us to be running around the house without clothes on. He thinks mother is trying to turn us into whores," said Karen.
"What's a whore?" I asked.
"I don't know. But whatever it is, daddy doesn't like it one bit. So we're not going to play hide and seek with mommie anymore unless we're allowed to keep our clothes on like we do at school, okay?" asked Karen.
"Okay," I replied.
buzz! buzz! buzz!
The alarm clocked jolted me out of the dream. I reached over to turn it off not paying any attention to the time. I left my room trying to shake off the memory of the dream I had. Four year old me and eight year old Karen playing naked hide and go seek with our mother. I thought that I was over my past but seeing Vanessa Bell last night seemed to trigger that memory. It was probably because seeing her reminded me that I once had a sister.
As I entered the hallway I could see that Chris had already cooked breakfast and gone for her morning run. I went into the kitchen to see what concoction she had dreamed up this morning. Chris was a Culinary Arts major and loved to experiment with different recipes. She always cooked breakfast, lunch and dinner on Saturdays and Sundays when we weren't working.
I could smell the blueberries as I walked towards the kitchen. Upon entering the kitchen I found that she had cooked blueberry muffins and pancakes. I scavenged around in the refrigerator for bacon. There was bacon in the frig but she hadn't cooked any. She liked her bacon fresh.
Chris always said, "Some foods you could microwave and they would be fine but others should never see the inside of a microwave." Bacon fit that category for her.
I heated up my breakfast and sat down to eat. The apartment was too quiet by far which allowed my mind to flash back to the previous night. Vanessa Bell looked identical to me, all the way down to the dimples in my cheeks. Maybe I was switched at birth, I thought to myself. To me there was no other alternative to what I had seen last night. I just couldn't imagine my dad getting someone else pregnant, in the end he hadn't seemed to want me.
I considered calling Vanessa. I still had her card in the back pocket of the pants I was wearing. I changed my mind about calling her as soon as I thought of it. I couldn't imagine what we'd talk about if I did get up the nerve to call her. It's not like I plan on going into law and I'm looking for a mentor. Becoming a lawyer was the last thing on my mind. It was the career my mother tried to force on me when I was in high school. I'd burn in hell before I'd give her that satisfaction. My mother had this annoying habit of coming up with things she wanted me to try and become interested in. She just couldn’t allow me to be me. It was like she had a road map of where she wanted me to go. I was just a daughter who was too stubborn to follow her chosen path.
My cell phone rang, disrupting my memories of my mother and her demands. I picked up the phone and looked at the screen. The call was blocked. I almost didn’t answer it but decided I needed to in case it was an emergency. I reluctantly clicked the call button.
“Hello.”
“Pam, you just don’t accept calls from your mother any longer, do you?”
I took a calming breath before I responded to that quip. I should have never answered the call I thought. “Not when they are meant to annoy me. What do you want mother?”
“Pam, I’m not trying to annoy you. You’re the only daughter I have left. I love you. I just wanted to make sure you received the announcement concerning our anniversary.”
“No I haven’t. We haven’t checked the mail yet. It’s not like I’m invited,” I said coolly.
“Darling, of course you’re not invited. I wouldn’t want your father to get angry with me. I just like you to know what is going on with your father and me.”
“Well, consider me informed, bye mother,” I said before clicking the off button. I shook for several moments at the memory of the call. I don’t know why she insists on calling me to share her joy. I guess I’ll have to stop taking blocked calls as well. I’m so tired of her games, one minute she’s all caring and supportive, the next she wants nothing to do with me, and it’s all at the whim of her precious husband. I don’t know why she won’t leave me alone.
I put my dishes in the sink and went to get dressed. As I stood before the mirror in my bathroom, combing my hair, my face reminded me once again of my encounter with Vanessa Bell. To call or not to call was the question floating around in my head. If I called her I might learn that we are some kin. Maybe there will be some normal people in my family. I don't know very much about my father's or mother's side of the family. Neither of my parents had kept in contact with their families. My sister and I had grown up on an island of loneliness. I don't even know if we have any relatives living or dead. She could be a cousin. Maybe she could introduce me to the other side of the family that I've never met. No way. There's a reason why my dad hasn't spoken to his family since I don't know when. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I finally decided to sit on the card until I could make up my mind. Several other thoughts ran through my head and I quickly squashed every last one of them.
Chris made it back to the apartment as I completed my musings. We needed to sit down and pay our bills for the month. It wasn't easy being a student with means but really no means at all. I didn't qualify for financial aid but I didn't have to pay for school either, having gotten a full scholarship to Atlanta's School of the Arts. I just had to worry about my apartment and food. I had long ago given up any hope of assistance from my parents. It was understood during my high school years that once I graduated I was on my own, which is why I had been working since the age of sixteen, shortly before my graduation from high school. I had no plans of staying in their house a moment longer than necessary. It turned out that the choice was taken out of my hands. My father put me out of their house the day after graduation.
My
parents’ lack of support and caring for their only living child sealed my resolve to become a world renowned writer. I knew that my life story alone would catapult me to the best sellers list or make a psychiatrist very rich. Not that I had any plans on writing it but if I ever got desperate who knows. Chris snapped me out of my self-imposed dialog with a snap of her fingers.
"We're set. The light bill isn't as high as we thought it might be which gives us a little cushion for later in the summer. If work is steady like it has been, we should be able to save enough to last us through winter. Which means we won't have to work so many hours during the week," said Chris.
"That works for me," I replied with a sigh.
Chris hesitated for a moment before she pulled out an envelope and handed it to me. “I was going to throw this away but I think you need to see it just in case it’s important.”
I reluctantly took the envelope knowing who it was from. “It’s another card from my mother, she called earlier. It’s an announcement concerning their anniversary,” I said before opening the envelope. I flashed the printed picture at Chris, then I read the card out loud. “It’s a celebration of a love to last a lifetime, Charles and Linda Columbus will be celebrating a renewal of their nuptials on Saturday, August 3, 2013. It’s funny, but all of these pictures look almost identical. Do they ever change their pose?” I tried to laugh off the hurt I was currently feeling.
“I should have just opened it myself and not let you see it, your mother’s such a “B”,” said Chris evenly.
“Don’t worry about it. I think I’ve gotten immune to the little tricks and snide things my mother does. She loves rubbing the fact that my father is all hers in my face. She just doesn’t realize that I wouldn’t want him in my life, whether he was with her or not,” I said wistfully.
Chris looked at me closely. "Stop reminiscing on your wonderful childhood."
"Oh come on Chris, who wouldn't reminisce on a childhood like mine," I replied sarcastically.
"Hey, the life you make for yourself will be the one that counts," she said.
"I know, I know. I just wish sometimes," I said before she cut me off.
"Wishing doesn't make anything happen, doing does. And speaking of doing, have you called your twin yet?"
"She's not my twin, she's older than me, at least I think she's older than me. She's a lawyer, so she's got to be older than me and no I haven't called her nor will I be calling her at 12:00 in the afternoon!" I nearly shouted as I looked at the time. "Chris how could you let me sleep so late? I was supposed to meet Gregory at 11:30, you know he hates to be kept waiting," I said in exasperation.
"He called and canceled, he left a message on the answering machine."
"Did he say why he was canceling?"
"He claims his boss invited him to go to the Braves game, it's a double header, if I recall correctly. You know this is the fourth Saturday he has cancelled on you Pam, when are you going to wake up?" asked Chris looking at me pointedly.
"What do you mean, when am I going to wake up? I'm not sleep."
"Where Gregory is concerned, you're sleepwalking. You both have busy schedules and when you both find time to spend together he inevitably cancels on you at the last minute. He's stringing you along. There's got to be someone else," said Chris.
"Okay, first of all, there is no one else. We're both working internships and second jobs to make ends meet. His boss probably insisted he go to the game. He has to play nice in order to make a good impression. So stop jumping to the wrong conclusion," I replied.
"Okay, but you're not getting any younger. You're going to be twenty-three before you realize what a big jerk he is and then your beauty and youth will have faded," said Chris with a smirk on her face.
"I'll still be young at twenty-three which is three years away, I might add and beauty is in the eye of the beholder," I replied.
"You always do this Pam. Why do you defend guys that aren't worth defending? You already caught him cheating on you once and you took him back. Now he's canceling dates left and right. He uses you for his own convenience. When are you going to learn not to be someone's doormat?" said Chris.
"I am not being a doormat. Gregory is a great guy with a great future. I want to be with someone I know is going to make it in this world. You on the other hand will be alone, always so suspicious of everyone. You need to learn to be more trustful."
"No, you need to be less trustful," said Chris. "You need to start seeing the world...
The doorbell rang interrupting Chris' speech. She looked at me.
"Who is that?" I said with a small amount of relief. The doorbell ringing had just saved me from one of Chris' interminable rants about my boyfriend.
"I don't know, perhaps it's your boyfriend. Maybe his boss let him off the hook and he wants to surprise you," she said sarcastically.
"I hope it is, just so I can shut you up," I said hopefully as I walked over to the door. I looked through the peephole and saw the last person on earth I thought would come knocking at my door.
She was dressed casual chic today. She wore cream colored pants and a burnt orange silk blouse. She had on matching shoes and bracelets. Her hair was pinned up in a bun and orange tear shaped earrings dangled from her ears. I stepped away from the door and slowly backed down the hall.
"Who is it?” asked Chris coming up behind me.
"It's her," I whispered not wanting to be heard. There was no way I was opening that door. Something deep down inside told me that opening that door would open up a world I wasn't prepared for in the least.
"Her who?" asked Chris mimicking my speech.
"My twin from last night," I whispered again.
"Well, let her in," said Chris loudly.
Instead of unlocking the door, I continued to retreat in the opposite direction. A sense of foreboding set solidly between my shoulder blades. Opening that door would lead me down a road, one which I wasn't sure I wanted to go.
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