“Thanks. I’d rather just move on and forget the whole thing.”
The officer nodded. If he thought Carson’s behavior was unusual, he didn’t say so.
“Let’s go,” Carson said to Gabriella. The night that had held such promise had turned into a total disaster. Had he honestly expected it to go otherwise?
Tonight had proved that he’d been right to protect Gabriella from the mess that his life had become. He didn’t want her to become a target for harassment—even if indirectly—so he had to stay away from her. The mere thought made his heart ache because he knew without a doubt that he had fallen in love with her. What else could he do? He couldn’t bear it if anything happened to Gabriella.
She’d come here to figure out her next move. She didn’t need anything distracting her from that and complicating her life. Becoming wrapped up in his problems would definitely do that.
Gabriella frowned and he prayed that she wouldn’t argue. “Fine.”
They walked back to the car at a much faster pace than when they’d initially crossed the sand to the water. After they reached the pavement, they put on their shoes and got in the car. Neither of them spoke until they were driving down the quiet street.
“What’s going on, Carson?”
She’d spoken softly, but he heard the concern in her voice and it was nearly his undoing. She deserved to know, but he didn’t want to have this conversation while they were driving. “I’ll tell you when we get back to your house.”
She nodded.
Neither of them said anything else until he parked in her driveway and turned off the engine.
“Do you want to come inside?” she asked.
“No. Let’s sit out here.”
They got out of the car and walked up the stairs to the porch swing. She sat down and then looked at him expectantly. After hesitating, he sat beside her. If this was going to be the end, he wanted to inhale her sweet scent for as long as he could. She crossed her ankles and folded her hands in her lap.
He gave the glider a gentle push, setting it in motion. On any other occasion he would have enjoyed the intimate moment. Now, realizing it might be their last time together, he was reluctant for it to end.
The silence stretched, and he realized that she wasn’t going to pressure him to talk. She was going to give him however much time he needed to gather his thoughts.
There was no way to ease into the conversation, so he just blurted it out. “My dad was a criminal.”
She jerked and the swing rocked. He put his foot on the porch floor, bringing the swing to a stop. “Say that again.” Her voice quavered, and he could only imagine the thoughts that were racing through her mind.
“My father was a criminal.”
“Are you talking about embezzling or something?”
“I wish. No. He actually killed someone.”
She sat there as if digesting what he’d just said. Or maybe she was too stunned to reply. He’d certainly been in shock when he discovered what his father had done. Even now, although he’d seen proof, he still had a hard time believing it.
“Who told you that?” she finally asked.
“Donovan Cordero.”
“Your former fiancée’s husband?” He heard the skepticism in her voice and knew it was only because of her loyalty to him.
“Yes.” He raised a hand to forestall any argument she would make. “He saw the entire thing.”
“What?” She blew out a breath and then shook her head as if she was still unable to process what he’d said. Since he’d had the same difficulty, he understood. “Start at the beginning.”
“You know my father died.”
She nodded.
“Donovan came back to town at the same time. Remember I told you he’d been gone for ten years. Anyway, he said that my father was the reason he’d left town and hadn’t been able to raise his and Raven’s son, Elias. I tried not to think about it, but it continued to nag at me.
“After the funeral I was cleaning my father’s office. I discovered that he had two sets of journals. The ones he kept for posterity’s sake, in case anyone ever wanted to write his biography, and a hidden set where he’d written down events that only he would know about. I started reading from that second set. They went back years and years. Most of them were pretty boring accounts of business deals or donations he’d made to politicians. Anyway, in a journal from about ten years earlier, I found a reference to Donovan. My father had written that Donovan had better keep his mouth shut but didn’t say about what.
“So I went to Donovan to find out what it was that he knew. He was reluctant to tell me at first, but I was persistent.” Sometimes Carson wished he hadn’t been so determined to know the truth and had just let the matter go. But that was the scared little boy who’d idolized his father talking. The man he was now knew that discovering the truth, no matter how painful, was always better than believing a lie.
“What did he say?”
“He said that he’d witnessed my father shoot someone. Donovan had never seen the man before and didn’t believe he was from around here. When he’d realized my father had seen him, Donovan begged for his life. My father remembered how Donovan had always been good to me, so he didn’t kill him. Instead, he told him that he’d better leave town right then and never come back. And he could never contact anyone. If he didn’t do exactly as my father said, he’d kill not only Donovan, but his parents and Raven, too. So Donovan left and didn’t come back until he learned that my father was dead.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. Wow.” Carson felt himself tensing up as he always did when he thought about what his father had done, and forced himself to take a deep breath and then blow it out slowly. “You weren’t here that summer, but we all wondered what had happened to Donovan. He’d disappeared without a trace. Everyone looked for him for months and months, retracing his steps in an attempt to find a clue that could help us find him. His parents put up flyers for years. The church raised money for a reward for information. My father, hypocrite that he was, contributed twenty-five-thousand-dollars.”
“That’s pretty...something.”
“Looking back, my father had been acting strange around then. I just figured that he was worried that whatever had happened to Donovan could happen to me. You know, like a serial killer or something. The truth was he was worried that Donovan might come back and tell someone what he’d seen.”
“Oh.”
“Anyway, Donovan didn’t return until he saw news of my father’s death on TV.”
“So, did anyone ever find out who the man was that...” She waved a helpless hand in the air, and her voice trailed off as if she couldn’t say the words.
“That my father killed?”
She nodded.
“Yes. Once I knew what my father had done, I was determined to get justice for his victim. I told Sheriff Leonard what I knew, which wasn’t much. He interviewed Donovan, who agreed to sit down with a sketch artist, and they came up with a picture. At the same time, the sheriff contacted the FBI. They brought in cadaver dogs and scoured every inch of the ranch until they found the man’s remains. Once we identified him, I contacted his family.”
“Why? I mean, I get telling them what happened, but shouldn’t the authorities have done that? Why were you the one to do it?”
So many people had asked him that question. Why hadn’t he just let the police handle it? Why had he felt the need to face the family and apologize for his father’s actions? He hadn’t had an answer then and he didn’t have one now. Other than it had felt like the right thing to do. Maybe he had wanted to prove that he was different from his father. He’d admired his father so much as a child and had wanted to be like him. Now he’d wanted to make it clear that they were nothing alike.
The victim’s family hadn’t appreciated the gesture. He’d had children who�
��d grown up without a father. When he’d vanished without a trace, they’d been left wondering if he’d stopped loving them.
“To give them closure,” he finally said. It was the best answer he could come up with. Not that his action had given them any more peace than it had given him.
“I appreciate the need for closure. I still don’t understand why you had to be the one to give it to them.”
“It was a matter of honor. My father was the reason that man was dead and that his children had grown up believing he’d abandoned them. I didn’t want to take the easy way out by letting someone else apologize on my behalf.”
“You had nothing to apologize for.”
“Well, on behalf of our family, then.” He rubbed a hand across his head. “I had to do it. I can’t explain it any better than that.”
“Okay. How did it go over?”
“About as well as you would expect hearing from the killer’s son that your father or husband had been murdered.” They’d ranted and raged at him, not that he would tell Gabriella that. She’d only say the same thing the investigator and the sheriff had said. That they were wrong to blame him. He didn’t need to hear more useless platitudes.
He just needed to find a way to forgive himself. Even though he knew what his father had done, a part of him still loved and missed him. And that was unforgivable.
“Okay. So what does that have to do with Rusty? He wasn’t related to the man, was he?”
“No.”
“Then what’s his problem?”
“I have no idea.” That was something he hadn’t been able to figure out. They had never been friends, but they hadn’t been enemies, either. But then, Rusty’s life hadn’t turned out the way he’d planned. He’d briefly worked for Carson’s father, but that had been years ago. He hadn’t lasted long and had bounced around from job to job since then.
“Well, if he knows what’s good for him, he’ll stay out of my way. I don’t like bullies.”
“About that.” His heart began to race and fill with dread as he did what he had to do.
“What?” Her voice sounded wary, as if she knew what was coming.
“I don’t think we should see each other any longer.”
Chapter Thirteen
Gabriella sucked in an agonized breath. She tried to keep the pain from her voice, but she couldn’t. “Why?”
“After what happened tonight do you really need to ask?”
“Yes.”
“It’s not good for us to be together. You came here to figure out how to move forward with your life, not to get entangled in my problems. You’re only going to be here for a few more weeks anyway. There’s no need to make them difficult.”
How could such a smart man be so wrong? “Being with you isn’t making my life difficult. Being with you makes my life better. I’m happier with you than I’ve been in years.”
“That’s not me. That’s Sweet Briar. You’re reliving happy childhood memories. I just happen to be a part of a lot of them.”
“Maybe. But I’m also creating new memories with you. Wonderful memories.”
He turned his face away from hers and stared into the dark night. “We’re having fun together. There’s nothing wrong with that. But there’s no future for us. I knew that all along. I just forgot it until tonight.”
“That’s not true.” She closed her eyes, summoning all of her courage. It was now or never. If she let Carson walk away from her, she might not get the chance to say what she felt. If he was still determined to leave after hearing her out, so be it. But she wasn’t going to let the words go unsaid. “I’m falling in love with you.”
Shaking his head, he jumped to his feet and backed away from her as if she’d morphed into a two-headed monster. “No. You’re not.”
She stood in front of him and blocked his path to the stairs. He glanced over at the porch rail as if contemplating climbing over it before turning his eyes back to hers. Even in the pale moonlight, she could see the panic on his face. Was being loved by her so awful? Stepping closer, she reached out and touched his cheek gently so as not to spook him. “I am. And I might be wrong, but I think you’re coming to care for me and my kids, too.”
He closed his eyes, but not before she saw the naked longing there. He blew out a long breath. “My feelings aren’t the point. All that matters is you and the kids. Think about it. Do you really want to raise them in this situation knowing at any time they could be harassed? And what about their father? How would he feel about me, the son of a murderer, being a part of their lives? Think of the trouble he could make for you.”
She hadn’t considered that. But then, she’d only just found out what Carson had been hiding from her. Would Reggie make a big deal of this? After all, Carson hadn’t done anything wrong. He was the one who’d brought his father’s crime to light.
“No, he wouldn’t do anything like that. Reggie is a good man.”
“A good man wouldn’t ignore his children. You’re fooling yourself if you believe otherwise.”
Gabriella opened her mouth to reply and then clapped it shut. She’d almost answered in anger but caught herself in the nick of time. She wasn’t going to be distracted or drawn into a senseless argument. Reggie wasn’t the issue here. “You never said whether I was right or wrong, so I’ll ask you straight out. Do you love me?”
He stiffened then looked at her with tortured eyes. “Of course I love you,” he said, his voice fierce with emotion. “That’s why I have to stay away from you. I’m bad news. Maybe only a few people wish me harm, but that’s still too many. I won’t put any of you in a bad situation. I’m sorry, but it’s over.”
Gabriella didn’t try to stop Carson as he stepped around her. She watched in silence as he descended the stairs and then all but ran to his car. She hoped that he would realize he was wrong and turn around, but with each step he took that hope diminished. By the time he’d gotten into the vehicle, no hope remained.
Of course he wouldn’t turn around. Carson was an honorable man. He wouldn’t do anything he thought would put her or her children at risk. In his mind, Gabriella being with him was harmful. She knew he was wrong. He was the best thing to happen to them. He was good for them and their lives were richer because of him. But he had to figure that out on his own. He said he loved her and now he knew that she felt the same way. He needed to believe their love was worth fighting for. Hopefully, in time he would.
But she didn’t have time to worry about that right now. She had to focus all of her attention on her kids. They were going to be devastated when she told them that they weren’t going to be spending time with Carson for a while. Justin was going to be especially disappointed. He’d come to idolize Carson and loved every minute they spent together.
Gabriella stood on the porch long after the taillights from Carson’s car had faded from view. The night, which had started so wonderfully, had ended with her hopes and dreams dashed into dust. But she wasn’t ready to throw in the towel just yet. Surely, with a little time and space, Carson would come to see that he was overreacting. She just hoped it didn’t take too long.
* * *
“But why can’t we go over to Carson’s house today?” Justin glared at her as if she was the one standing in the way of their friendship and not Carson. When she’d picked the kids up from the sleepover party, they’d been bursting with stories and had chattered all the way home. Once she’d pulled into the driveway, Sophia and Justin had hopped from the car, ready to make a beeline to Carson’s ranch. She’d stopped them and told them that Carson needed some time on his own to figure things out. They’d looked perplexed but she’d managed to distract them.
That was four days ago. Even daily visits to the youth center hadn’t been enough to lessen the pain of Carson’s absence. In fact, the visits had the opposite effect. When they arrived home each afternoon they’d been brimming with exc
itement and eager to tell Carson all about their day. She’d hated being the bad guy who made them respect his boundaries.
The separation was hard on her, too. On more than one occasion she’d found herself halfway down the driveway on her way to Rivers Ranch. When she’d realized what she was doing, she’d forced her legs to walk in a different direction.
Gabriella had told the kids that this was just temporary, and soon things would go back to normal. As yet another day passed, she was beginning to wonder if she’d lied to all of them. Maybe Carson had actually meant it when he said they were over. Perhaps he would always believe it was risky for them to be around him. If that was true, how did that affect her plans for the future?
Despite the way things looked now, she’d believed they had a future together. She had told him she was falling in love with him, but that hadn’t been the entire truth. She was in love with him. But could she stand living near him without being a part of his life? And what about Justin and Sophia? Would they be able to cope with his rejection? They deserved better than to have another man walk out of their lives. They were hurting now, and she was to blame. She should have known better than to let them get attached to Carson. They were in the exact same situation with Carson that they’d been in with Reggie—craving the attention of a man who no longer wanted to give it to them.
“Mom,” Justin said loudly when she hadn’t answered. “Why can’t we go to Carson’s?”
“Because he needs some time to think about things. He can’t do that when we’re around.”
“Why not? I can be quiet. Remember how quiet I was the other day when you were doing some work?”
A week ago she’d been writing down the pros and cons of buying this house and starting over in Sweet Briar. Of course, that was before her relationship with Carson had imploded, taking most of the pros away and leaving only the cons. Along with heartache and rejection.
“Yes. You were really quiet. But Carson needs the kind of quiet that only comes from being alone.”
Redemption on Rivers Ranch Page 18
