by Abby Green
She couldn’t do this—not now...not when she felt so raw.
But she had no choice. She had to let him know.
She went back into the bedroom and steeled herself, not prepared for the deflation she felt to find Maks still asleep. She looked over his body greedily. She noticed that he had shadows under his eyes. As if he hadn’t slept for a while. Wishful thinking that it might have anything to do with her.
She dressed quickly, quietly, wanting to be ready to face him.
Maks stirred again, and those grey eyes opened. He looked for her and found her. Came up on his elbow, smiled sleepily. Sexily. Held out his hand. ‘Hey, come back here.’
Zoe teetered on the brink of blurting it all out. She had to tell him. Now. But in this moment before she said anything, before she ruined it with reality, a different future shimmered between them. A chance to go back into that Maks bubble, where time stopped and became magical.
Zoe wished she could go back there even as she knew it wasn’t really what she wanted. Because she’d suddenly realised here, just a couple of kilometres from her old family home, what she did really want. And she couldn’t bear to have Maks lay it to waste. Not just yet.
Instead of blurting out what she should be saying, she said, ‘I’m sorry, I can’t do this. I can’t just go back to what we had for as long as it might last. I want more, Maks.’
She turned before she could see his expression change and fled the room, heading blindly downstairs and back out of the hotel, down to the stony beach.
* * *
Zoe felt Maks’s presence before she saw him. She was sitting on the beach, knees pulled up to her chest. He sat down beside her. She didn’t look at him.
He surprised her, asking, ‘Is this near where your house was?’
She nodded. ‘It’s the big yellow house up on the cliff behind us. This beach is where we used to come and play.’
‘It’s beautiful here. You were lucky.’
Zoe felt a pang to think of Maks’s toxic childhood. At least she’d known happiness and love for a while.
Knowing that she couldn’t delay any longer, Zoe stood up.
Maks rose fluidly beside her. She tried not to be so aware of his body.
‘Maks, I—’
‘There’s something—’
They both looked at each other. Maks’s mouth quirked. ‘You first.’
‘No, you—please.’
Coward, an inner voice mocked her. She pushed it down.
Maks huffed out a breath of air, ran a hand through his hair, making it stick up messily. Sexily.
‘Okay. I want to say that when I came to your flat and found out you weren’t pregnant I expected to be relieved. After all, having a baby is the last thing I’ve ever wanted. A family...’
‘You told me.’ And she really didn’t need reminding. Not now.
‘But the truth is that I wasn’t relieved. What I felt was a lot more ambiguous.’
Zoe’s breath stalled for a second. She looked at Maks. ‘What are you saying?’
He shrugged minutely. ‘Just that I realised I’d changed. Seeing Nikos with his family...seeing how happy he is...it made me realise that not all families are toxic.’
‘Mine wasn’t,’ Zoe said, almost to herself. ‘My mother and father adored each other—and us...’
It had been so perfect and she realised now that a part of her had always afraid she’d never attain that level of perfection, more than she was ever afraid of loss or grief. If she was brutally being honest with herself.
Maks continued. ‘It made me realise that perhaps a baby wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world...’
Zoe stumbled backwards so abruptly that Maks reached out as if to steady her. She ducked out of his reach, dreading him touching her for fear he’d see his effect on her.
‘Why would you say this now?’
Dear God. Did he know? Could he tell? He’d always been able to read her mind.
He frowned. ‘Believe me, it’s the last thing I ever thought I’d hear myself admit to anyone.’
Zoe shook her head. ‘You know, don’t you...? You’re just saying that now because...’ Her breaths came choppy and fast.
Maks frowned. ‘Know what? Zoe, what is it?’
She turned away, but Maks caught her arm, turning her back. He was close. Too close.
‘Zoe, what the hell is going on?’
The words tumbled out—finally. ‘I am pregnant, Maks. I lied in London because it was too much, seeing you in my flat. You were saying that stuff about me colluding with Dean, and I couldn’t believe you still didn’t trust me, and I just... I was so hurt. I couldn’t tell you then.’ She stopped.
Maks was looking at her. His face stripped bare of expression. She saw when her words sank in. He let her arm go. Stood back.
‘You are pregnant?’
She nodded, and braced herself for his inevitable reaction, in spite of what he’d just said. Surely the reality would remind him of how he really felt... But what she saw was dawning anger.
‘When were you going to tell me? After you’d had the baby? When it was three months old? The way Nikos had to find out about his son?’
‘No. I don’t know. I was going to tell you soon... I just...’
How could she articulate what she’d been afraid of? First that he would reject his unborn child and now that he would reject her?
‘Maks, I’m sorry. I should have told you that day in London.’
He looked at her for a long moment, a slightly shell-shocked expression on his face, and then he said, ‘This changes everything.’
Zoe looked wary. ‘What do you mean?’
‘We’re a family now.’
Zoe was shaking her head. ‘No, we’re not. That’s a ridiculous thing to say.’
So why did it make treacherous hope bloom?
She thought of something and hope dissolved. ‘I saw those photos of you in Paris with your brothers. That’s why I held back from telling you even when you arrived here. I read the speculation in the papers that you’re all under pressure to settle down and prove that the Marchetti Group is stable. That’s why you’ve suddenly decided that maybe it wouldn’t be a bad thing if I was pregnant, isn’t it?’
* * *
Maks shook his head, as if that would make Zoe’s words make sense. He had no idea what she was talking about. And then he remembered. That drink in Paris with his brothers. Someone had taken surreptitious pictures with their phone and sold them to the tabloids.
‘No, Zoe. No. That’s not what happened.’
But she wasn’t listening. She was backing away again.
‘I won’t do it, Maks. I won’t pretend to be a happy family when we both know it would be a lie. You came here to rekindle an affair, not to make a family. I won’t let you use our baby like this.’
Maks was still reeling at the news that she was pregnant. Reeling and filled with something else—something that was spreading out to every cell in his body, filling him with resolve.
‘Zoe, I came here because I couldn’t stay away. You’ve haunted me for over a month. I can’t look at another woman.’
She shook her head. ‘That’s just lust. You don’t want a family. Stop pretending you’re okay with this.’
All the jagged edges that had rubbed inside Maks all his life were finally slotting into place. He just had to convince Zoe.
He thought of something and pointed out, ‘We didn’t use protection just now.’
* * *
Zoe looked confused, and then understanding sank in. She blushed.
Maks said, ‘If your cycle is regular, and if you weren’t already pregnant, then I think it’s safe to say we took a great risk today. It didn’t even occur to me to use protection, because when I’m with you I can’t think straight. I want you so badly that
all the things I thought I believed in and wanted suddenly don’t matter any more. You’re the only thing that matters.’
Zoe wasn’t sure what Maks was saying, but walls were collapsing and dissolving inside her. Walls she’d erected long ago to keep pain out. Walls that had also kept joy out.
Emotion rose before she could stem it. Emotion she’d been suppressing for years. For ever.
Brokenly, she said, ‘I can’t have a family, Maks. I won’t do it.’
He came close. Too close. ‘Then why didn’t you just get rid of the baby if you feel so strongly about it?’
The very thought made her feel sick. She put a hand on her belly. ‘I never even contemplated doing that.’
‘So you’re happy to have it be just you and the baby?’
Zoe nodded. She could manage that. She couldn’t manage more. She couldn’t manage what Maks seemed to be suggesting with his presence, and with a look in his eyes that sent far too dangerous yearnings deep into her soul, where she knew what she wanted but was too scared to articulate it out loud.
Maks shook his head. ‘That’s not how this is going to work. I won’t let you keep my child from me, Zoe.’
‘But you never even wanted a child.’
‘That was before it was a reality. That’s before I realised that I didn’t actually know what I wanted.’
Zoe didn’t want to ask the question, but the words fell out of her mouth. ‘What do you want?’
‘You,’ Maks said simply. ‘Us.’ He put a hand down on hers over her tiny, barely there bump. ‘This.’
‘Why are you saying this?’
Maks’s steel-grey gaze locked onto hers. ‘You don’t get it yet?’
She shook her head, terrified of the emotion simmering too close to the surface, threatening to break free.
He smiled, and Zoe was almost too distracted to notice that it lacked his customary confidence.
‘I love you, Zoe. I came here to pursue an affair, but deep down I knew that there was no way I could let you go again. I knew I wanted more than that. And it’s not just because of the baby. I won’t lie and say it’ll be easy. It won’t. The thought of being a father terrifies me. But I know I want to do it differently from my father. I want to give my child all the love and support I never had.’
Hot moisture prickled behind Zoe’s eyes. She desperately tried to stem the flow, but her cheeks were wet before she even realised she couldn’t stop the tears. Silent sobs racked her body.
Maks cursed and pulled her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her, holding her tight. Not letting go even though Zoe clenched her fists against him, as if that could stop him offering comfort.
He said gruffly, ‘I’m not letting go, Zoe. Ever.’
When the storm had passed, and Zoe was numb from the release of emotion, she pulled back. Maks looked down and cupped her face, wiping her cheeks with his thumbs. She sniffed. She could only imagine what a sight she looked. Puffy eyes. Puffy cheeks.
‘Do you really mean it?’
Maks’s mouth quirked. ‘That I love you? Yes, I do. The whole damn world knows it too, if they care to look at my expression in that photo rather than at the rest of my body.’
Zoe realised she’d seen it that day, through her viewfinder, but she’d been too scared to believe it for a second.
‘I know you love me too, Zoe. So don’t try and deny it.’
She looked up at Maks. A sense of futility washed through her. She did love him. She’d loved him from the moment she’d trusted him enough to let him make love to her.
Still, something stubborn inside her made her resist taking the final leap of faith. She said, ‘It’s just the baby.’
Maks shook his head. ‘No, you don’t get to use the baby as an excuse not to trust me, Zoe.’
‘But how can we do this after everything we’ve been through? I’m scared, Maks. Scared to allow myself to love you or to feel happy. Because I know how quickly it can be snatched away.’
And because she didn’t deserve it.
Maks raised a brow. ‘Is that a good enough excuse to half-live your life? In a perpetual state of fear and misplaced guilt?’
She looked up at Maks, but before she could respond he said, ‘There’s something else you need to know. I meant to tell you earlier...but you distracted me.’
‘What?’
‘You’ve never looked up anything about the crash in the press, have you?’
Zoe shuddered at the thought. ‘No, why would I?’
‘So you’ve never known that the reason your father crashed wasn’t because he was distracted. It was because a couple of joy-riding kids had stolen a car and were driving on the wrong side of the road...’
Zoe searched Maks’s face for signs that he was just making this up. But the faintest glimmer of a memory was coming back to her. People talking in hushed voices as they looked at her with pity. She’d blocked out so much of that time, and she’d been so young...and then she’d never wanted to think about it.
That moment when her father had looked back at her just before the crash had been crystallised in her mind, but maybe...
‘Zoe, even if he’d had his eyes on the road he wouldn’t have had a chance. It was too narrow to escape them. You need to know that. It wasn’t your fault.’
This was huge. Too huge to take in fully right now. But even as she thought that she felt something shift inside her, like a knot loosening.
Maks said, ‘We’re different, Zoe. Things can be different for us. I’m willing to take the risk if you are.’
Could she do it? Hand herself over to this man whom she loved but didn’t have the guts to say it out loud to yet?
And then it hit her. She simply didn’t have a choice except to move forward. For the sake of their baby as much as for her own sake. That was why she’d come back here. That was why she’d never contemplated anything but having her baby.
Maks turned her around to face the water and wrapped one arm around her while pointing out to sea with the other. The clouds were parting to reveal blue sky. And a rainbow.
He said, close to her ear, ‘We can’t do anything but trust in each other and weather whatever comes our way, but I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else. I love you.’
The rainbow shimmered and glistened, beckoning her to put her trust in this man. She had a sense of her family around her, urging her on. Urging her to finally let go of the guilt that had dogged her whole life. The guilt that she’d used like a shield to stop herself from getting hurt.
It hadn’t been her fault.
Zoe felt a sense of peace wash over her. Acceptance. And a rush of love so intense that she turned around, rose up on her toes and wrapped her arms around Maks’s neck.
She’d thought it would be hard to say the words, but in the end it was the easiest thing in the world. ‘I love you, Maks.’
‘Say that again.’
‘I love you.’
Joy flooded her being when she saw the awe she felt reflected in Maks’s eyes.
He said, ‘Will you marry me? Not for the baby or for any other reason except that I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I want everyone to know you’re mine. And because I love you.’
Zoe bit her lip, scarcely believing what she was hearing. Slivers of lingering fear and guilt—for wanting what her parents had had and hoping that her life could be different—that it wouldn’t be cut so tragically short-threatened to rise and drown her again.
But Maks brushed her hair back and said, ‘I know, Zoe. I get it. I’m scared too—believe me. I only saw meanness and selfishness. I’m afraid I don’t know how to be a good father. But I know I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else. So will you? Marry me and take the biggest risk of your life?’
The fear and guilt receded, banished finally by the naked emotion she saw
in Maks’s eyes. A giddy happiness flooded her whole body.
Zoe smiled through her tears. ‘Yes, I will. I love you, Maks.’
The risk was huge, but she knew that the reward would be even greater.
He covered her mouth with his, taking her breath and taking her soul and her heart for ever.
EPILOGUE
Four years later. London.
‘THERE’S MAMA! LOOK!’
Maks hushed his three-and-a-half-year-old daughter Luna as they walked into the huge, cavernous studio where the photo-shoot was taking place.
‘Yes, I see her, piccolina. But we can’t say hello just yet—she’s working.’
‘Okay, Papa.’
His daughter wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her head in his neck, and his heart swelled at the easy, instinctive gesture.
Luna had eyes that were an unusual mix of green and grey, and dark blond hair like her father.
Never, not for a moment, did Maks take the love of his daughter or his wife for granted.
Zoe looked around at that moment, saw them, and smiled. Her hair was up in a loose topknot. She never used it to hide her face any more. She sent them a small wave and a kiss. Maks sent her an explicit look that she clearly recognised, and when she blushed in response, he smirked. Even as his own body reacted to that blush. Still.
Time and the reality of family life, terrifying and exhilarating all at once, hadn’t dimmed their desire or their love. It had only compounded it, turning it into something Maks had never believed existed. Trust. Harmony. Endless love.
Zoe turned back to finish photographing the model for a magazine cover. The model was striking—one of the hottest at the moment. Zoe had actually spotted her on the street and nurtured her herself. Originally a refugee from Angola, the girl was stunningly beautiful, yet her face was marked with the scars of war. But she wore them proudly and they’d become a trademark of her look, thanks to Zoe.
Pride filled Maks as he watched his wife at work. There was a quiet buzz of activity in the studio, but also a serenity—a trademark of Zoe’s method. She’d already made a name for herself as one of the world’s most in-demand photographers, but what had earned her even more respect was the fact that she’d insisted on working her way up through the ranks. Biding her time and learning with the greats. Not using her contacts to get ahead.
