by RH Tucker
“It’s horrible,” she replies.
“If you don’t mind me asking …” I trail off, really wanting to know her answer to my unasked question, but afraid to ask it.
“What?”
“Well … why are you with him? Your boyfriend.”
Chewing on her lip, she stares down at her knees. She fidgets with the sleeve of my hoodie that she’s slipped on, shaking her head. “I … don’t know.” Letting out a defeated laugh, she covers her face. “Oh my God, I’m horrible. That’s such a bad answer.”
“No, it’s fine.”
“No. It is horrible. I guess I’m with him because we started going out and I loved that we are both musicians. When I met him, he had this drive, which he still has now, but … At the time it was endearing. He wanted to make it. The longer we’ve been together, and the more popular me and the Kings have gotten, sometimes I think he resents it. Me. I guess I don’t want to break up with him because I feel like I’d be abandoning him.”
She gazes at me, seeming to look for comfort or approval.
“You’re incredible.” That is all I can reply. She stares at me, confused. “Sorry, but you are. You’re this superstar with every opportunity to be the biggest diva like some of those other celebrities out there, but you don’t. You stay grounded, and you’re giving this guy chance after chance to be better than he seems to be, and …” I smile, earning one from her. “You put away double bacon avocado burgers like a champ.” She laughs. “You’re incredible, Jade. Kristen Jade.”
A quietness falls between us. For a split second, I think I might’ve said too much or overstepped my bounds. But she reaches over, taking my hand. I swallow the nerves as her dark green eyes lock on mine. “Thank you,” she whispers.
She leans closer to me, and I can’t take my eyes off of her lips. However, before anything can happen, my phone starts going off. We both pull away, and I feel my face heat up as I reach into my pocket for my phone.
“Hey,” I answer.
“Dude, where’d you go?” Shawn yells.
“Oh crap,” I reply, laughing. “I completely forgot. I’m sorry, man.”
“Where are you?”
“I … I’m at home.”
“What? Why?”
My eyes jump over to Jade, who stares at me curiously. “Uh, a friend needed a ride.”
“Oooh.” He starts laughing. “Don’t even worry about it, then. Make sure you leave a sock on your door handle, just in case.”
“Okay, shut up,” I say. “Do you need a ride?”
“Naw, don’t even worry about it. I’ll take a Lyft or something.”
“Okay, thanks.” Hanging up, I give Jade a nervous smile.
“I’m so sorry,” she says. “I didn’t even think about you being there with someone.”
“It’s no big deal. Just my roommate.”
“Are you sure? I can call my friend, or get a car service and—”
“Jade, you’re fine.” I smile. “You sure you don’t want some food?”
“I’m good.” She gives me a sideways look, with a small grin. “There is something I’d like, though.” I cock my head to the side, unsure. “Can you show me your Legos?”
17
Jade
I should’ve left ten minutes ago. When I exchanged that momentary silent stare with Austin. When I saw small flecks of caramel in his dark chocolate eyes. When my gaze lingered just a tad too long on his lips, after venting frustrations on Bret. Wondering why Bret’s never seemed to take two minutes to listen to me like Austin, instead always trying to find an angle for his band.
I should’ve excused myself, thanked him for the help, and left. But I didn’t.
“These are amazing, Austin.” I examine the Lego Batmobile. “How long did it take you?”
“That one took a couple of days. I usually just work on them a little here and there.”
When he told me about the Lego thing, I didn’t think his room was going to be filled with nerdy things and toys littered about the floor. I did expect something like that, but other than the Legos, his room is pristine. His bedsheets are black and blue, white walls, and bookshelves lining the walls. There’s an abstract poster on the wall. It doesn’t look like anything in particular but adds a splash of orange and red color to the room. As a matter of fact, the entire apartment is like that. The living room is clean and orderly, with a large, dark brown leather couch and a large screen TV in the corner.
“It’s cool, Austin.”
He laughs. “I think you mean nerdy.”
“Yes, nerdy.” I giggle. “But cool, too.”
My stomach grumbles, and my eyes widen. I look up at him, hoping he didn’t hear it. He did. “Okay, someone’s hungry.”
I can feel my cheeks burning in embarrassment. “No, I’m good.”
“Yeah, right.” He grabs my hand, pulling me out of the room to the living room. “See what’s on Netflix. We’ve got a frozen pizza I can pop in the oven.”
“Oh,” I elongate the word, smiling. He turns and stares at me, unsure. “Austin, are you asking me to Netflix and chill?”
It takes everything in my power to not laugh. He freezes in place, and his face drops. His eyes jump everywhere in the apartment except for on me, and he starts to turn bright pink. “Oh. No, I … I didn’t mean … Um, we can just—”
“I’m kidding.” I can’t hold it in anymore. I start laughing and plop down on the couch, grabbing the remote. “What kind of pizza?”
“Pepperoni.”
“Sounds great.”
As I turn on the TV, my eyes are drawn to an acoustic guitar sitting off in the corner that I noticed when I first came in. Setting down the remote, I get up and pick up the guitar, lightly strumming the strings. It’s out of tune, so I adjust the tuners, picking at the strings to make sure they sound right. I don’t know what I’m feeling, but I remember the song I started singing when Lily walked into the studio.
Humming the tune, my fingers glide over the strings, and I close my eyes. I feel the rhythm take over and bob my head a little more, thinking about being free. Being happy. I start to vocalize the lyrics without words, picking up the beat. The smile stays on my face, and I finish the song, ending with one last strum of the strings.
“That was …” Austin’s words break me from the song. He’s leaning in the kitchen doorway, and I see the same expression on him I’ve seen before. Joy. “Amazing.”
“It was okay.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “Jade, I don’t think you know how great you are.” I see his Adam’s apple bob up and down. His eyes dart around the apartment. “I mean, uh, you and the Kings. You guys are great. But your voice, Jade? The music I hear you create?” A calmness takes over him, and his eyes land on mine. “It’s beautiful.”
Now I know I’m blushing. Breaking his gaze, I look down at the guitar. Then I hear him chuckle, and the couch slumps as he takes a seat next to me.
“Of course, you could use some work with the strings.”
It forces a laugh out of me. “Is that right, music teacher?
“I mean, you do usually play bass.” Putting his arm around me, he puts his free hand on the guitar. “Plus, your rhythm could use a little help.”
“Wow. Okay, show me how it’s done.”
His fingers beat against the wood, bobbing back and forth. It’s funny and cute, and I smile with his other arm around me still. “See? Feel the rhythm.”
I start strumming the strings on the neck. Without my other hand picking at the strings, it feels off, and the rhythm doesn’t really sound right, making me laugh. “Like this?”
He chuckles. “Eh, maybe you should stick to bass.”
“Jerk,” I reply, still laughing.
Reaching up, he pulls a piece of my hair back, tucking it behind my ear. It calms the laughter but keeps the smile in place. Leaning closer, his eyes stay on mine, before looking down at my lips.
I shouldn’t want to kiss him, but I do. He doesn’t
want anything from me like Bret, except being close to me. I don’t remember the last time Bret made me feel like I was his girlfriend and not someone who could help his career.
Lifting my hand, I feel the slight stubble across his face. His nose grazes mine, and he almost kisses me but holds back. Or do I hold back from him? I want to feel his lips, but I know I shouldn’t. At least, not yet.
Before either of us can do anything, a timer starts beeping. His gaze breaks away from mine, looking over my shoulder. “Pizza’s ready.”
He gets up from the couch, and I take a deep breath, trying to regain my composure.
What am I doing? How could I be feeling about Austin like this? But I do. In the short time I’ve known him he’s been more comforting and warmer than I can remember Bret being. And he hasn’t asked me for anything. Well, except what I want to eat. Twice. The thought makes me giggle to myself. I don’t remember the last time I was even offered to be taken out on a date. Lunch. A sandwich from a gas station while at a gig.
“Pizza time,” Austin says, interrupting my reverie as he sets the pizza down on the table, already sliced.
“Sounds great.”
After reclaiming his seat next to me, he reaches over and places a slice on a paper plate, handing it to me. Grabbing his own slice, he leans back. “Can I ask you something?”
I don’t know what he’s going to say, and I’m honestly a little nervous. “Okay.”
He pauses, staring at his plate. For a moment, I think it’s going to be some bombshell request, but it’s not. “Why straight edge?”
Another smile crosses my lips because he wants to know more about me. No one, not even EJ, ever asked me this. They all just took it as me picking something up for unknown reasons. I would’ve told them, but they never asked.
“What?” he asks, seeing my grin.
“No one’s asked me that before.”
“Really?”
“Well, no, they have. Magazines and websites have asked, but I always give a cliché reason of being in a band, and it’s better to stay focused or whatever. I didn’t want to give the real reason to them, and friends and stuff always kind of just went with it, never asking.”
“Oh.” He glances back at the pizza in front of us. “Never mind. You don’t have to tell me. I probably shouldn’t have asked.”
“No, it’s okay. I want to.” His smile turns to a more natural, warm one. Lifting my shoulders, I stare at my own slice of pizza. “It’s because of my brother.” Glancing up, his expression turns serious. “One night, just before Teen Icons came out, we were at a concert. I’d drunk a little here and there with the guys, but that night …”
I stare at the plate in my hands, remembering that night. Austin must sense my mood shift. He reaches over, taking my hand. “Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.”
“No, no.” I shake my head. “It’s silly, really. It’s not like someone died or anything.”
He lifts his shoulders. I find his eyes, and once again, I’m calmed. “No one has to die for it to be serious.”
“I love Maddox,” I begin again. “And he hasn’t stopped partying and everything. That’s Maddox. He likes having fun. And I’ve grown used to it, but that night … It was bad. We were all freaking out, Derrik and EJ, too. Maddox passed out, then got sick all over himself. We were going to call Peter, our manager, but Maddox came to for a little bit and begged us not to. He promised he’d never let it get that bad after that, and he hasn’t. Yeah, he still likes partying, but nothing like that night has ever happened again. It scared me. After I saw that, I swore I was never gonna drink again. I don’t know, I was probably overreacting, but—”
“No.” He shakes his head, keeping his hand over mine. “It’s part of you. It shaped you. And you’ve stuck by it, Jade. That’s incredible. Some people might’ve decided something like that but forgot about it the next weekend.”
My smile stays locked in place, and I have to bite my lip to keep it from overtaking my entire face. If I didn’t want to kiss him before—I did—I doubly want to now.
He clears his throat, finally taking his hand off of mine, grabbing the remote. “Anyway, um, what are we watching?”
I take a bite of my pizza, hoping to calm all the nerves in my stomach. “Do you like The Office?”
“Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica,” he replies, making us both laugh.
18
Austin
Somewhere in between Steve Carrell’s character on The Office making inappropriate jokes to his coworkers and a third slice of pizza, I must’ve dozed off. I would’ve expected Jade to wake me up, thus embarrassing me and telling me she was going to leave, but that never happened.
I don’t know what exactly happened, but my eyes crack open, and I scan the ceiling of my apartment, feeling Jade in my arms. Glancing down at her, I see we’re awkwardly half sitting/half lying down on the couch. She’s scrunched between the sofa cushion and lying against me, with a hand over my chest.
I run my fingers over her arm, unsure of what to do. There were multiple times last night I wanted to kiss her. And unless I was completely misreading the situation, I think she was feeling the same thing. When she was playing the guitar, when I was learning more about her and the things that have shaped her, even when I was showing her around the apartment. She didn’t seem uncomfortable. On the contrary, she looked like she was enjoying being herself around me.
A loud yawn sounds behind me, and I crank my neck around to see Shawn walking out in his boxers.
He cringes. “Oh. She’s still here? I got in last night and saw both of you passed out with The Office playing. I figured she would’ve left already.”
I lift my brows, unsure how to respond. “I guess not.”
Jade stirs, and I glare at Shawn, silently telling him to leave. He nods and hurries toward the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
“Oh my God,” Jade whispers, sitting up. “Crap. I’m so sorry, Austin. I must’ve fallen asleep.”
“It’s okay,” I try to calm her. “I fell asleep, too.”
“This is so embarrassing.”
Sitting up, I hold her arm. Her eyes meet mine, and the same feeling from last night reappears. “Jade, there’s nothing to be embarrassed over. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have fallen asleep.”
She smiles. “It’s fine. You know …” She averts her eyes, and I’m not sure what her next words are going to be—if she’s going to treat this like a mistake or act like I’m some guy who works at the record studio. “I don’t remember the last time anyone’s treated me like you have.”
I grin. “Well, I mean, you are a superstar. I’m sure I’ll figure it out eventually. I still need to learn which Skittles colors you prefer separated.”
A small giggle falls out of her, then her green eyes meet mine. She catches me off guard, lifting her hand and holding my cheek. “No. That’s what I mean. Not like a superstar. Not treating me like I’m one of the Kings or Jade Barkley. Kristen … You treat me like I’m Kristen.”
I nervously cringe. “Is that good?”
She leans closer. “It’s better than good,” she whispers. “I’m just a girl to you. I like that.”
I draw closer. Her gaze moves from my eyes to my lips and back. I swallow the nerves, running my hand up her arm, cupping her face. Her nose brushes against mine, and I feel her breath across my lips.
Then we both hear a flush.
She jerks her head back a touch, and I close my eyes, feeling humiliated and annoyed. The bathroom door clicks open, and Jade looks over my shoulder.
“Sorry,” Shawn says, and I can hear the awkward tone lace his voice.
“Yeah,” I whisper, “you and me both.”
The comment makes Jade giggle. Looking over at him, her eyes widen. “Hey. You’re the security guy.”
“That’s me,” Shawn replies.
Jade sits up, adjusting her shirt. “I should probably get going,” she says, getting to her feet.
&nbs
p; Shawn heads back into his bedroom, closing the door. Jade pulls out her phone, and I stand up next to her. “I can take you.”
“Oh, it’s okay. I’ll just call a car service.”
“Are you sure? I don’t mind.”
She stares at me for a moment, seeming to think it over. “Okay.”
Grabbing my keys, we head back down to my Range Rover. The car ride is quiet, besides the directions she gives, telling me the way to where she lives. It starts to mount the nerves inside because I feel like this is going to be my shot with her.
I never saw myself as going out with someone who already had a boyfriend, but from all accounts, it seems like she’s not happy. And the time I’ve spent with her is the exact opposite. She smiles and laughs when I’m around, which brings the same out of me. If she’s not happy in her current relationship, who’s to say that she doesn’t just want breathing room right now.
But maybe she doesn’t even want to be in a relationship. Perhaps Bret ruined my chances without even knowing it, and she wants to be single for a while and just focus on her music. Even if that’s the case, I still have to know. It could result in me being shot down and making it awkward when I see her around the studio, but I need to take a chance. No guts, no glory.
Following her next direction, I take a left and pull into a parking garage for her building. I stop near an entrance, and she seems to wait for a moment, staring at the dashboard in front of her.
“What are—”
“I know—”
We both try speaking at the same time, talking over one another, then abruptly stopping. She smiles, looking away, and a shade of pink covers her face. “Sorry,” she says. “Go ahead.”
“No, no. You go.”
“Well, I …” She starts picking at her cuticles, her sandy hair falling over her face. She tucks a strand behind her ear and finally meets my gaze. “I was just going to ask what are you doing later today?”
That she wants to know what I’m doing, allowing me the slightest possibility of hope that it means she’d want to meet up, forms a grin from ear to ear. Even if I have to decline.
