My Vows Are Sealed (Sealed With a Kiss)

by Carmen Richter

  I sighed in relief and nodded, and she handed me her keyring.

  “Lock the doors as soon as we get out,” Ashton told me. “And make sure you lock the car when you come inside.”

  “Okay,” I yawned.

  Ashton got out of the backseat and Kate got out of the driver’s seat. As soon as they shut their doors behind them, I hit the lock button, and they started to walk inside. A knot formed in my stomach and I got more and more nauseous by the second as I realized that, once again, I was left completely alone. Between Kate, Ashton, Naomi, and Brendan, I hadn’t been alone very much since everything happened with my dad. I didn’t know why I got so anxious when someone else wasn’t with me, but I couldn’t make it stop, no matter what I did.

  A sound similar to a smoke alarm made me jump in my seat as my chest tightened, and it took me a few seconds to realize that it was just the text notification on my cell phone. Taking a few deep breaths and willing my heart rate to slow, I pulled the blue rectangle out of my purse and looked at the message.

  Kate: I don’t see him. I think you’re good.

  Me: K thanks.

  Kate: Deep breaths. We’re not going anywhere.

  I let out a sigh of relief, and a whimper escaped my throat as I tried to blink back my tears. So many emotions were flooding through my head right now, I didn’t even know how to begin to process them. I was scared, sad, confused, relieved, and angry all at once.

  Getting out of the car, I hit the button to lock the door and forced myself to focus on my breathing as I walked toward the entrance to the bookstore. When I opened the door and glanced around for my mom, I almost missed her because she was wearing a huge, dark pair of sunglasses and hunched over in a corner. Before I could walk over to her, my phone chimed again, and once again my heart leapt into my throat at the unexpected sound. As I pulled it out of my purse, I took another deep breath to calm my nerves while checking the message.

  Brendan: Breathe, baby. I can see you and your mom, even though you can’t see me.

  Me: What are you doing here?

  Brendan: You didn’t really think I’d let you come alone, did you?

  Me: Kate and Ash already had that covered.

  Brendan: They’re not me.

  Brendan: I’m over by the cookbooks. Find me when you’re done with your mom.

  Me: K.

  Slipping my phone back into my purse, I walked over to my mom. As soon as I was within arm’s reach, she pulled me into her arms and squeezed tight, a sob escaping her lips.

  “Darla,” she sniffled. “Oh, sweetheart.”

  I swallowed down the lump in my throat, determined to make it through this without crying. I still wasn’t sure how to put a label on the mixed feelings I was harboring toward her. It had scared me to death when I heard her screams after she stopped my dad, but I couldn’t understand why she was still with him. Why was she keeping me away from my home instead of kicking him out? Why hadn’t she left him and taken me with her a long time ago?

  “Hi, Mom,” I mumbled.

  “I’m so sorry, honey,” she choked out. “I’m sorry about everything.”

  “Why, Mom?” I asked her, my voice breaking. “Why are you still there?”

  “It’s complicated, sweetheart. You wouldn’t understand.”

  Tears started to stream out under her sunglasses. When she took them off to wipe her cheeks, bile rose in my throat as I noticed that her left eye was swollen halfway shut and her nose was probably broken.

  How could she stay with him after he’d done that to her? I just didn’t get it. Brendan had never even raised his voice with me, let alone his hands. But if he had, I would have left after just one time. How could she stay with my father – and keep me there with him – when he beat her black and blue? Especially with her fragile health? This couldn’t have been good for her with the multiple sclerosis.

  “How can you stay with him, Mom?” I sniffled. “Make me understand. If I can’t go back to my own house, I deserve to know why. I deserve to know why you’re staying with a man who would have raped his own daughter, your daughter, if you hadn’t stopped him.”

  I had to consciously stop myself from raising my voice, because the more I thought about that, and the more I remembered how terrified I’d been and how wrong it had felt, the angrier I got. How could she condone that behavior? How could she go sit in the front row of church every Sunday and Wednesday and play the adoring wife in public when he was a monster in private?

  “Because he’ll kill us both if I leave,” she sobbed. “I tried to leave once, when you were just a little girl. You would have been too small to even remember it. I think you were three. I acted like I was sick and had to stay home from church one Wednesday night, and I packed a bag and took you to a friend’s house. But it didn’t even last a whole night. He found us and dragged us back home. He actually threw you into the wall just because he knew it would kill me to watch him hurting you. And then…the things he did to me…and he wouldn’t let me go to the hospital or even see a doctor. He told me that was just a warning, and that the next time I tried to leave, he’d make me watch while he killed you and then make me beg for death before he finally delivered it, and that they’d never even find our bodies. He’s still looking for you, and that’s why I need you to stay far away. I can’t let him get his hands on you ever again. He can do what he wants to me. I made my choices a long time ago, but you still have a chance for a life. You have a chance to be free. You have a chance to find a man who loves you and not to make the same mistakes I did.”

  I was in tears by the time she was done talking. She’d never told me that story before. I’d never known how bad it was.

  Was he going to hunt me down like that now? I’d left, just like she’d tried to. Was that my future? Would he ever stop trying to track me down just so he could drag me back home and kill me himself?

  And hearing her tell me that I had a chance to find love…God, I was so close to breaking. To telling her that I already had found love. A man who I already knew I was going to spend rest of my life with. A man who would die before he ever raised a hand to me, and who would die protecting me if he had to. When I was little, I’d always imagined being able to tell my mom when I met a boy. I’d imagined gushing to her when I had my first crush, my first kiss, my first “I love you.” But I couldn’t tell her anything at all. I’d be lucky if she was even able to be at my wedding, which was happening way sooner than she knew.

  “Why didn’t you ever tell me, Mom?” I managed to get out through my tears. “Why didn’t you tell the police? Tell someone?”

  “I tried to. Just like you tried to talk to your teachers at school. But he has so much influence in this town. He managed to get them all to look the other way, just like he did when your teachers at St. Bishop’s confronted him,” she sniffed. “I know you might not fully understand my decision, but please believe me when I tell you that I love you more than anything else in this whole world and that everything I’ve done, everything I’m doing, is all for you. I was trying to make sure you never found out just how dangerous your father really is, and I’m so sorry I failed.”

  I nodded, but I didn’t say anything else. I didn’t know what to say.

  “I can’t stay long, sweetheart,” she said, taking a deep breath as she grabbed a duffel bag from next to her. “I put as many of your clothes in here as I could. And there’s something else in there too. Don’t open it until you’re back at wherever you’re staying.”

  I threw my arms around her. “I love you, Mom. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry, Darla,” she whispered. “Never be sorry. Don’t be sorry for finding love. Don’t be sorry for finding a way to be free. Don’t be sorry for not letting him break you the way he’s broken me. You’re stronger than I’ll ever be, and I am so proud of you.”

  I couldn’t find any words to say. Because the reality was, maybe I was strong for finding the will to leave, but what she was doing required its
own kind of strength. She was staying there because she wanted to protect me, to keep him from trying to find me. She was willingly subjecting herself to absolute horror and physical danger just so her daughter could have a fighting chance for a better life.

  “As soon as I’m eighteen, I’m telling the police,” I told her. “I’m filing a restraining order against him, and I’m telling them everything. I’ll get you out of there too, Mom.”

  “It won’t work,” she sniffled. “And it’s too dangerous for both of us.”

  I took a deep breath. I knew it might take her a little while to accept that this was what I had to do, because I couldn’t live the rest of my life in fear. I couldn’t really have a life if I was always looking over my shoulder, scared of when he’d finally find me and try to hurt or kill me. If I was ever going to be truly free, I had to know that my father was behind bars.

  “I’ll find a way,” was all I said. “I love you, Mom. I’ll see you soon. I hope.”

  “Even if you don’t see me at your graduation in a couple of weeks, I’ll see you,” she said, cracking half a smile. “I’m so proud of you, Darla. I’m so proud of the woman you’ve become. And I want nothing more than to know that you’ll be happy and safe and loved for the rest of your life.”

  My mom leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead, then squeezed my hand and turned to walk out of the bookstore. I couldn’t help more tears from spilling over my cheeks as I watched her making her way to the car I’d ridden in more times than I could count. Once she was inside, I picked up the duffel bag and slung it over my shoulder, then made my way over toward the cookbook section.

  As soon as I turned down the aisle, I froze for a split second before spinning right back around and trying to walk away. Because Brendan was there…but he wasn’t alone. He was with Marie.

  I didn’t even make it five steps before I was caught up in the gentle, strong embrace I knew so well. The one that always made me feel safe, no matter how bad things were. And that was how I knew I could trust it. Because despite my fear, that feeling of safety, of home, was still just as strong as it had been on Saturday night.

  “It’s okay, baby,” Brendan whispered into my ear as he turned me around to face him. “You’re safe. She knows. She’s known for a long time. She reached out to me because she was worried about you. She and Peter both were.”

  “She…” I hiccupped quietly. “She knows?”

  “She’s a therapist, Dar,” he reminded me. “She sees this kind of thing every single day. She figured it out even before I did. Peter wanted to come today too, but she convinced him to stay home because she thought you might be more comfortable talking to her alone. And I’m not going anywhere unless you want me to.”

  “No,” I whimpered, tightening my arms around him. “I need you.”

  “I’m right here,” he promised with a kiss on my head. “Come on.”

  He pulled out of the embrace and took my hand as he led me back toward Marie, and she met us halfway, pulling me into her arms as a sob tore out of her throat.

  “Oh, sweet girl,” she choked out. “I was so worried.”

  “I’m sorry,” I sniffled.

  “Don’t apologize, Darla,” she murmured. “Absolutely none of this is your fault. You are so strong and so brave. And so, so loved. I hope you know that. I hope you know how much Peter and I love you. You’re like a daughter to us.”

  I nodded. “I love you guys too. So much. And the twins.”

  “I wish you would have said something,” she sniffled. “I understand why you didn’t, but I wanted to help you and it killed me that I couldn’t.”

  “How’d you figure it out?” I wondered.

  And did everyone at church know? If so, how could they stand to sit there in that congregation and listen to that hypocrite spout lies and partial Bible verses twice a week?

  “Because I recognized so much of myself in you.” She pulled back and wiped a few tears from my cheeks. “We’re more alike than you know, sweetheart. Peter saved me from my father, the same way Brendan saved you. I left home when I was seventeen, and we ended up having to move here from Georgia to get away from my father. Got married the second I turned eighteen and had Danny and Dawson not even a year later. It wasn’t easy, and sometimes all we had to carry us through was our faith, but I never regretted my choice to leave home for a second. It was what I had to do to survive. And the life I have now with Peter? It was worth every moment of heartache and pain and fear. Just like I know your life with Brendan will be.”

  Brendan wrapped an arm around me and pulled me into his side, pressing his lips to my hair, and I just let myself melt into his arms.

  My heart broke for Marie. The knowledge that someone I loved so much, someone I admired and looked up to, had been through the same horrors I had was devastating. But at the same time, it gave me hope. Hope that Brendan and I would make it through this and come out on the other side.

  “I have something for you,” Marie said, taking a deep breath and pulling a wrapped gift out of her purse. “I know you’re not going to be able to come to church for a little while, so I figured this might make it easier for you. Your relationship with the Lord and your faith don’t depend on being in a building or on reading the Bible every day, but I know how important Bible study is to you. Go ahead and open it.”

  I tore off the wrapping paper to find what looked like a guided Bible study book that was written specifically for young women. It looked well-loved, and the dust jacket was torn slightly in a few places.

  “I had to stay away from church for a while too when I left home,” she explained. “And this book was what got me through it. I used it as a devotional guide for years, but right now, you need it more than I do. And I put my cell number on a piece of paper inside. If you ever need me, call. I don’t care if it’s at three in the morning. I’ll be there. Okay?”

  I gave her a hug as more tears spilled over my cheeks, and she squeezed me tight and kissed the side of my head.

  “I know it’s not safe for us to stay here long, but will you let me pray with you before we leave?” she asked.

  I nodded against her shoulder, and she let go of me with one arm and took Brendan’s hand as her eyes slid closed.

  “Lord Jesus, I just want to lift Darla and Brendan up to You right now. Please give them both peace and comfort in this scary and confusing time, and please give them wisdom and guidance to know where to go from here. Lord, I’m asking for You to watch over both of them and the people helping them. Please protect them and keep them safe from harm. I know You have a plan for both of them, and I know that when this is over, You can use their story of faith and survival to do great things. Help them through this trial, Jesus, and show them Your love and grace in their time of need. I ask all this in Your holy name, amen.”

  “Amen,” Brendan and I murmured at the same time.

  “I love you so much, sweet girl,” Marie whispered, squeezing me tight again.

  “I love you too,” I sniffled.

  She let go of me and gave Brendan a hug too. “And I love you.”

  “Love you too,” he chuckled weakly, sounding like he was trying to hold back tears. “Thanks for everything, Marie.”

  “You don’t need to thank us. I just wish we could have helped sooner.” She put a hand on my shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I’ll see you two soon.”

  I heard her start to walk away, and I turned to Brendan and slid my arms around his waist, resting my head on his chest. He folded his arms around me and dropped a kiss on my head.

  “We need to get you out of here,” he whispered.

  I nodded. “I know. It’s not fair. Is this what it’s going to be like for the next few months? Only getting to see you for five minutes at a time?”

  “Absolutely not,” he said, pulling back just enough to give me a soft kiss. “I can’t live like that. I refuse to. I’m way too selfish. We’ll figure something out.”

  “There’s a lot I ne
ed to tell you. About what my mom said. But I don’t want to do it here,” I told him, my voice breaking. “Can you come to Kate’s later? I’ll text you the address.”

  He nodded and kissed me again, this time running his tongue along my bottom lip. I parted my lips to grant him access, and the fear and heartache I felt coming from him was enough to make a lump rise in my throat. But the love, the certainty, the determination…it was enough to calm all of my fears. At least for a moment.

  I sat on my bed at Kate’s house staring at the old shoebox in front of me, which I’d found in the bottom of the duffel bag my mom had given me. I hadn’t found the strength to open it yet, because I had no idea what might be inside. Maybe it was stupid, but I literally couldn’t handle any more unknowns right now. Not even something as small as this. Not by myself.

  A rap on the window made my heart stop for a second before I remembered that Kate had basically given Brendan permission to use the window to get in and out. Taking a couple of calming breaths, I peeked out the window to see my favorite face in the world. I opened it as far it would go and popped the screen out, and Brendan took it from me and leaned it against the outside wall before hopping up onto the ledge and stepping inside.

  As soon as he closed the window, I threw myself into his arms, and he picked me up and sat on the bed with me straddling his legs.

  “I missed you like crazy last night,” he whispered, kissing my head. “I hated going to sleep without you.”

  “I didn’t even sleep,” I mumbled against his shoulder. “I got like maybe an hour of sleep all night. Annie’s so sweet, but this isn’t my house. This isn’t my bed. And I hate being alone right now. I know it’s stupid, but I can’t help it.”

  “Baby,” he cooed as he combed his fingers through my hair. “God. Why didn’t you text me? I would have been here in ten minutes.”

  “Because I need to get over it. I need to get over this…this crushing fear that he’s going to come barging through the door the second I’m alone,” I sighed. “It’s ridiculous and I know it, but it’s like I can’t make it stop.”