A sob caught in her throat as she tightened her arms around me and buried her head in my chest. Her tears soaked through my shirt, and I took a deep breath and swallowed down my own tears before dropping a kiss on her head.
She didn’t have to say another word for me to know what had her so upset. I’d already added it up in my head. And while it scared the shit out of me because there was way too much going on right now for us to even try to prepare for a baby, at the same time, I couldn’t help the spark of joy that lit up inside me.
Had I wanted to wait a little while before Darla and I started a family? Of course. But ever since the day I’d admitted to myself that I was hopelessly in love with her, I’d always known she and I were going to start a family one day. This pregnancy was way sooner than either of us had planned on, but it wasn’t anything we didn’t already know was going to happen eventually. And I already couldn’t wait to meet our child.
“We need to talk,” she sniffled. “But after Nate goes home.”
My head was spinning and I couldn’t even begin to make sense of the emotions swirling around inside me, but I knew I had to be strong for her right now. And part of that included not making her wait until my brother was gone before getting this off her chest.
“You don’t have to say anything, Dar,” I whispered, pressing my lips to her head again. “I know what you need to tell me, and it scares the hell out of me, but I love you so much and I promise we’ll make this work, just like we’ve made everything else work. We always knew we’d have a family one day. One day’s just happening a lot sooner than we thought.”
“How?” she choked out. “How can we do this? I’m scared, Brendan. We can barely support ourselves, let alone a baby.”
Yeah, I knew that. I made an okay living with my uncle, and between that and the financial aid Darla would be getting for her college expenses, she and I would have been able to support ourselves. But babies were expensive. I knew that probably better than a lot of guys my age because I’d seen how much money my parents had to spend making sure Nathan had his basic needs met.
“I know. But we’ll figure something out. We’ve got a little time,” I reminded her.
“We’re just kids,” she whispered. “I’m not even eighteen yet. What do I know about being a mom?”
I sighed. There was that too. And maybe the smart move would have been to give this kid up for adoption and try for another baby when we were older and more financially stable. But I couldn’t even begin to consider that. This baby was something that we’d created together, something that had come into being because of our love for one another. The thought of letting someone else raise it was too painful to even contemplate.
“About as much as I know about being a dad,” I chuckled weakly. “But I love this baby so much already, and I can’t even think about doing anything but raising it ourselves, even though we’re probably going to make a ton of mistakes and screw up royally. We’ll learn.”
A smaller arm snaked around my waist, and Darla and I both looked down at the exact same time to find Nathan joining in on the hug. I wanted to be mad at him for interrupting, but he was just trying to make sure his surrogate big sister was okay, and I couldn’t be upset about that. Darla needed people in her life who cared about her.
“Hey, little man,” she sniffled, lightly ruffling his hair. “Sorry I ignored you when I came in.”
“It’s okay,” he said quietly. “You weren’t feeling good. That happened to Billy’s mom when she got pregnant too.”
Damn it. Sometimes my brother was too smart for his own good. I knew he wouldn’t say anything about this on purpose, but if my mom thought that he was keeping something from her, she wouldn’t stop until she found out what it was. And if she found out, Darla’s father would learn about it within three minutes, and that would be a disaster of epic proportions.
“How’d you know?” she asked.
“I just guessed,” he mumbled. “And then when I came in to see if you were okay, I heard you saying you were scared because you don’t know how to be a mom. But you guys don’t have to be scared. You already know how to be parents because you’ve loved me and taken care of me for my whole life. Mom and Dad never loved me or paid attention to me or helped me learn things the way you guys do. That’s how I know you can do it.”
I smiled and let go of Darla with one arm so I could hug my brother. Leave it to the eight-year-old to drop an epic truth bomb at a time like this. He was right. I’d basically raised him without ever even realizing it. And even though she hadn’t lived with him, Darla had been more of a mother to him than my mom had ever been.
Darla broke down in tears all over again, and I squeezed her tighter and kissed her temple.
Nathan let go of me so he could hug her with both arms. “Don’t cry, Darla. It’ll be okay. Peter and Marie say that God chooses our families for us. God chose you guys to be this baby’s mom and dad, and that means He’ll help you find a way to take care of it too.”
See? Too smart for his own good. He was eight years old and he’d been able to figure out this whole situation in thirty seconds. Either that or he’d heard more of our conversation than we realized. Or both.
But he was right. God knew our situation right now. He knew our needs. And I had to have faith that He wouldn’t have let this happen if He wasn’t going to provide a way for us to make it work.
It was almost eleven at night by the time the knock finally came on my door. Darla shot up from the couch like lightning and dashed into the bedroom, pulling the door shut behind her, while I turned to look at Nathan.
“You know you can’t tell Mom about any of this, right, bud?” I whispered.
He nodded. “I promise.”
I half-smiled as I got up and headed for the door, pulling it open. My mom was standing there with a fake smile plastered on her face, and I had to fight the urge to slap it off. I couldn’t even stand to look at this woman anymore. If it wasn’t for the fact that I loved my brother more than I hated her, I would have told her where she could shove her fake Christianity and faux headaches a long time ago. But I knew she’d cut me off from seeing Nathan if I did, and I couldn’t stand to lose him.
“It’s almost eleven, Mom,” I said flatly as I opened the door to let her in. “You said the Bible study would be over by nine-thirty.”
“I know, honey,” she said in a syrupy sweet voice that dripped with disingenuity. “But Paula and I just got to talking, and we lost track of time.”
“Nate’s about to pass out. You ready to go, bud?” I asked, looking back at Nathan, who was still sitting on the couch.
“Yeah,” he mumbled. “I’m just tired.”
She rolled her eyes. “It’s not like it’s the school year. He’ll live.”
“And the fact that I have to be up at the crack of dawn to go to work means nothing to you, apparently,” I spat. “You’re not the only one with a life, Mom.”
I turned and gave Nathan a hug, and he squeezed me tight, like he didn’t want to leave. God, I wished I could just have him come live with me. I’d actually been thinking about talking to Darla about challenging my parents for custody. But now with the baby on the way, I knew we couldn’t afford to support him.
“I’ll see you at church in a few days, Nate,” I said quietly. “Love you.”
“‘Kay,” he mumbled sleepily. “Love you too.”
Nathan started to walk toward the door, not even bothering to wait for her. He looked like a soldier trudging off to war, not like a boy going home with his mother, and it broke my heart even more than usual. Maybe knowing that I was going to be a father soon just made the ugliness of this situation hit home with me more tonight.
I would never let my child know this kind of pain and neglect. They would never have to wonder if Darla and I cared about them. I would make sure they never had a doubt in their mind that even though they weren’t planned, they were very much loved and wanted. I might not have known how we were going to put
food on the table or where we were going to fit a crib in this shoebox apartment yet, but I did know that much for sure.
“You’re still planning on spending time with him after church on Sunday, correct?” my mom asked, staring me down like it was a contest.
“Yeah, that’s the plan,” I sighed.
“Very good,” she said, like she’d just completed a business transaction.
Then she turned on her heel and walked out the door without even bothering to say goodbye. As the door shut behind her, I let out a huge sigh of relief. She’d never even suspected that Darla was here.
I went to lock the door, then headed into the bedroom, where I found Darla sitting on the bed wringing her hands together. Sitting down next to her, I pulled her into my arms and kissed her head.
“She’s gone,” I whispered.
She sniffled quietly as she slid her arms around me. “What are we going to do, Brendan?”
“Well, for the moment, we’re going to focus on making it another couple of weeks until your birthday. And then once we get married, I’ll start looking for a second job,” I told her.
“You don’t have time for a second job,” she mumbled.
“I’ll make time,” I insisted. “You’ve worked too hard to get into college with a full ride. You can’t give that up.”
“Taking care of this baby’s more important,” she countered. “I can get a job.”
Yeah, I wasn’t going to let that happen. I’d work three jobs and only sleep two hours a night before I let her give up the education she’d worked so hard for and the chance to become a teacher. But I knew we weren’t going to get anywhere talking about this right now. She’d had a long, emotional, exhausting day, and she wasn’t firing on all four cylinders.
“We don’t have to figure it all out right away, baby,” I told her. “We have a little time.”
She sighed. “I know. My head’s just about to explode.”
“Mine is too. But I already love this baby so much that I can’t even wrap my mind around it, and I can’t wait to meet her.”
“Her?” she asked, looking up at me.
Honestly? It had just slipped out of my mouth before I even had a chance to think about it, but somehow, it felt right. Didn’t they say that parents sometimes had intuition about what gender their baby was going to be before they could find out for sure?
“Don’t ask why, but I just feel like it’s a girl,” I chuckled, kissing her forehead.
Her hand drifted to her stomach, and she looked down where our child was growing, cracking a smile. “I thought it was the mom that was supposed to have the crazy intuition right away?”
I shrugged. “Maybe. Or maybe both parents can have it. What do you think it is?”
She giggled quietly. “I think you’re right. It’s a girl.” Then she sighed. “I should probably get going. You have an early day tomorrow.”
My chest tightened and tears stung my eyes as I thought about the prospect of her leaving this apartment tonight. Both of us had a huge bombshell dropped on us today, and I just wanted to spend the rest of the night holding her and making sure she was okay. I never wanted to let her go to sleep alone again, but it wasn’t safe for her to move in permanently yet, so I’d have to settle for tonight.
“Stay. Please,” I begged. “I can’t stand the idea of you walking out that door tonight.”
A few tears started to trickle down her cheeks, and she looked up at me again as she nodded. “Okay.”
She still looked so scared and lost that it broke my heart, but at the same time, it looked like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Like she could breathe a little easier. And once again, I was filled with a conviction that, somehow, God would see us through. Even if I couldn’t see His plan, I had to trust that He had one and that this baby was part of it.
Chapter 30
Darla
He
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Brendan asked as he sat on the edge of the bed and laced up his work boots. “I can call in.”
“I’m fine,” I mumbled sleepily. “I’m just tired.”
He turned to look at me and brushed some hair off my forehead before bending down and giving me a kiss. As our lips touched, for a moment, it was easy to believe that somehow, we would figure everything out. But the second he pulled back, reality set in again.
I was pregnant, and I wasn’t even eighteen years old yet. I’d already enrolled in college classes, and I didn’t have a job or any way to support the baby that was growing inside me. And, on top of that, it wasn’t even safe for me to move in with said baby’s father yet, because my father was still out there looking for me.
“Get some rest, baby,” he whispered, giving me another feather-light kiss. “We can talk more tonight when I get home, okay?”
I nodded, and he reached down to rest his hand on my stomach as our mouths connected again.
“I know the timing’s horrible, but we will make this work,” he whispered. “You’re my whole world, Dar. You and this baby. I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure I can give you both the life you deserve.”
For the gazillionth time in the past twenty-four hours, a lump rose in my throat. Brendan seemed so certain that we’d find a way to be able to raise this child, but I wasn’t so optimistic. I knew there was a very real possibility that we might have to give it up for adoption so it could have a fighting chance of having a normal life.
“I love you,” he murmured, planting a kiss on my forehead. “I’ll see you when I get home.”
“Love you too,” I sighed as my eyes drifted closed again.
My ringing cell phone woke me from a dead sleep, and I groaned as I sat up and grabbed it. A glance at the screen told me it was Brendan, so I answered.
“Hey,” I mumbled sleepily.
“Did I wake you up?” he chuckled, and I could hear the smile in his voice.
“Yeah,” I admitted. “I don’t know why I’m so tired all the time lately.”
“I’m not sure how much of it was real when my mom had Nate, but I remember her being tired a lot too,” he told me. “Anyway, there’s some cash on the coffee table, and I ordered you some Chinese food. Hopefully that doesn’t make you sick.”
I snorted quietly. “It’s so weird that I can’t stand the smell of my favorite food now.”
“I know for sure that’s normal. Anyway, don’t go back to sleep until the food gets there. And text me when they get there and after they leave so I know you’re okay. I hate having you open the door at all while I’m not there with you, but I figured you could use some comfort food. Not to mention, I have to go grocery shopping, so there’s almost nothing in the fridge.”
I smiled. “I hate that I can’t offer to go for you because someone might see me at the store.”
“Just a couple more weeks,” he reminded me. “And then it won’t matter if anyone knows where you are.”
“I know. But that seems like forever now,” I sighed.
“I know it does. Look, baby, I have to get back to work, but I already told my foreman that I’ve got stuff going on at home and I need to have my phone on, so if you need me, call. Okay?”
“‘Kay,” I murmured. “I love you.”
“I love you too. More than you know.”
Brendan hung up, and I let out a yawn as I got up and headed into the bathroom. I’d gotten my own toothbrush, toothpaste, and hairbrush to leave here a while ago, and I’d left a few items of clothing in a drawer, so I quickly brushed my teeth and hair and got dressed. Just as I was walking out into the living room, I heard a knock on the door.
It seemed a little fast since I’d just gotten off the phone with Brendan about five minutes ago, but I didn’t know when he’d called that order in for me. So I pulled my phone out of my pocket and sent him a text.
Me: Delivery’s here already. That was fast.
I grabbed the money from the coffee table, then headed to the door and unlocked it, but before I could open it, my
phone started ringing with a call from him.
“Hey,” I answered.
“Dar, do not open that door,” he choked out, sounding more terrified than I’d ever heard him. “Do you hear me? I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
A knot twisted in my stomach and my heart leapt into my throat.
“Oh, my God,” I whispered, barely audible. “No.”
Jesus, help me, I prayed, my hand shaking as I put it back on the deadbolt. What have I done?
Before I’d even gotten to lock the door halfway, it was forced open and my father was barging into the room.
“Did you fucking think you could hide from me forever, you deceitful harlot?!” he roared. “You’re my child! And you’re coming with me!”
He grabbed the arm that was holding my cell phone, and I immediately let the phone fall and kicked it away as he started pulling me toward the door.
“Brendan, call the police!” I screamed, hoping like hell that it was loud enough to hear through the phone, then turned in the opposite direction that my father was trying to pull me in. “I’m not going anywhere with you, Dad!”
My father continued to pull me in the direction of the still-open door, but I braced myself and refused to let him move me. After about thirty seconds, searing, white-hot pain radiated up and down my whole arm and I felt bile rising in my stomach from the sheer agony. And that was all he needed to gain the upper hand. Once again, he pulled me toward the door, and the pain in my arm was so intense that I thought I was going to pass out. I knew what a dislocated shoulder felt like, and this was so much worse than that.
“Help! Someone!” I screamed as tears started to stream down my face, praying that someone would hear me.
“You’ve turned from the ways of the Lord and you’ve dishonored your father!” my father growled. “There’s no help for a fucking delinquent like you! You will accept your discipline and submit!”
“No!” I yelled. “I’m not going anywhere with you!”
My Vows Are Sealed (Sealed With a Kiss) Page 34
