Not Quite Whole

by Kaye Draper

  Fin and Angel buried themselves inside me with twin gasps at almost the exact same time as I spilled into Emerson’s mouth, all of us tied together by Angel’s magic and his need to bond with his lovers.

  The orgasm seemed to last for a few years. When Fin pulled out and collapsed on the bed, his legs unable to hold him up anymore, I pushed at Emerson’s broad shoulder, urging him off my spent and over-sensitive cock.

  The ogre straightened and paused to brush a tender kiss across my cheek before he hurried off to get something to clean up the mess he’d just made while the others had fucked my brains out. Angel pulled me down to him, his dick still seated inside me and his heart thundering against my chest. His wicked smirk was more subdued now, and he practically glowed with magic, the energy sparking along his opal skin in a way that I could only just catch out of the corner of my eye, when I wasn’t looking directly at him.

  “I’ve got news for you,” I told him gravely, leveling a serious look his way.

  He chuckled and raised one silver eyebrow as he brushed the damp hair back from my face. “Oh, and what’s that, darling? You like the underwear after all?”

  I made sure to dig an elbow into someplace soft as I squirmed around to reposition myself. “No. But I’m never moving after this, so you’re fucked.” I dropped my head to his shoulder and settled in to sleep for about a week or so.

  The siren stroked my back, his touch light and playful. He did that a lot now—touched me just because he could, even when sex wasn’t on the table. Like he couldn’t ever get enough of just being able to call me his.

  I knew the feeling all too well. I resolutely shoved down the panic that wanted to rise up when I thought of us as mates. Old habits died hard, but Angel’s magic was nothing to fear. Not for me, stupid cat.

  “As lovely as that sounds,” Angel said, putting a little wheeze into his words for emphasis, “I’d prefer you remove yourself from crushing my vital organs so we can shower before you start snoring.”

  I heaved a massive sigh, but finally pulled myself together long enough to go get cleaned up.

  It was only much later, as we all lay curled up in my big bed like a freaking pile of fiend hellhound pups, that I felt it—the little shiver of unease and restlessness in the back of my mind. Fin was snoring behind me and Emerson lay on the other side of him, his arms and legs flung out in his sleep, sprawled like a kid, despite the fact that he was taking up two-thirds of the fucking bed. But Angel was still awake, his gold eyes trained on the door.

  I lifted a hand and rested it on his chest, inching closer to him as I lay on my side. “Okay, siren?”

  He glanced over at me and I made out his faint, sad smile in the dim light that filtered in through my window. “Of course.”

  Lifting up on one elbow, I stared him down. “Liar.”

  He drew in a breath and let out a long sigh. “It’s fine, Sam. Go to sleep.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “I was trying to sleep. You fucking woke me up.”

  He looked surprised at that. “I did?”

  I sighed and flopped back down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling so I could avoid looking at Angel while we talked about...feelings. “Yeah. I think so.” I rubbed my chest, right where I’d felt that tug of yearning and loneliness as I drifted in between sleeping and waking. “I feel...like something’s missing. In here.” I pressed my hand over my chest for emphasis, even as the feeling began to fade a bit now that I was awake.

  Angel rolled toward me, sliding a hand over my hip and pressing a kiss to my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Sam. I...didn’t realize you could feel that.” He huffed. “I’ve heard all these stories all my life from my mom—about how life changes for our fiend type when we bond to our mates. But there weren’t a lot of details, you know? No one ever sat me down and spelled it all out for me, explained the ins and outs of being connected so deeply to someone. And I’m only a cur after all, not a full fiend.” He sighed. “I suppose I can’t complain. It’s not quite the same—not as strong, supposedly—for females of our species. So, I suppose Madam Moonlight did the best she could to explain it to me.” He huffed. “But I’m finding that things aren’t what I’d expected.”

  I reached down and gripped his hand in mine, stopping the gentle, rhythmic caresses over my skin. “I really can feel you in my head, can’t I?”

  His gold eyes were hooded when they met mine, his expression guarded as he braced for my wrath. “I think so, yes. And I can feel you as well. Just...little bits here and there. A thrill of happiness. A burst of anger.” He laughed. “Thank all the Gods you aren’t quite as angry as you used to be. I don’t think I could survive that.”

  I huffed, but didn’t take the bait. Sure, a small, paranoid part of me wanted to rise up and be pissed off because Angel was in my head—in my heart. But it was just Angel. So what if he knew what I was feeling? Big fucking deal. We had more important things to worry about.

  “You know,” I said evenly, “you can just go be with him, if it’s bothering you so much. I’m not gonna get mad, or some shit.”

  He sighed, giving my hand a squeeze. “I appreciate that. I really do, Sam. It’s...I don’t think anyone else really knows how big your heart is, you softie.”

  I squeezed his hand right back, hoping I caused some bruises. “Shut up.”

  He sighed and sat up, freeing himself from my grip so he could pull his knees to his chest and wrap his long arms around them. His pale skin shimmered in the dark room and he looked ethereal, like some mythical creature that was too good for me. “It’s not that simple, though, Sam,” he said quietly. “If I go to him, I’ll still have the same problem. Only...I’ll be constantly feeling the distance between me and you then. I’ve tried not to get too attached to him for just that reason...but I think the bond keeps growing regardless.”

  I sighed and sat up beside him, careful not to jostle Fin. The leprechaun would probably curse us with bad luck if we woke him up in the dead of night so he could hear all about our damned relationship drama. To Fin, these things were simple. He just did what felt right and carried on with his life. What would it be like to be that fucking confident all the damned time? I sure as shit wouldn’t know.

  My head hurt. Angel was attached to Theo. They hadn’t formally bonded, but there was an organic bond growing between them nonetheless. And then there was the fact that they just plain fucking loved each other without all that fiend mating bond bullshit. I was the problem. As usual. Theo didn’t want to be connected to me in that way. Not that I blamed him. And not that I wanted to be tied to his stupid ass either. Please. I rolled my eyes in the dark. So I wasn’t good enough for the stupid politician. So what? I didn’t need his undying adoration.

  But fuck, he had to really, really hate everything about me if he was willing to just ignore his instincts and keep me at arm’s length. And why the fuck did I care? I didn’t. He was my boss and he paid me tons of money to do my job. End of story.

  Except...Angel. I turned my head and glanced his way. “Oh, just get out of here already!”

  He didn’t buy my growling for a single second. “Are you sure you don’t want to join me?” he waggled his silver eyebrows at me like an idiot.

  I shoved him, hard. His eyes widened and he rolled right off the bed, landing with a thump and an undignified male squeak of surprise. “What the fuck, Sam?” he muttered from the floor.

  I laid back down and rolled over, giving him my back. “Just trying to get you to hurry away to your other lover. Theo hates me. He’s probably waiting up for you. And he writes my paychecks you know, so...scurry off.”

  He sighed and stood. “Theo doesn’t hate you, Sam. Why do you always assume the worst in every situation?”

  I pulled the blanket up over my shoulders and closed my eyes. “Because that’s what keeps me alive, moron. It’s a hunter thing. Self-preservation. Now fuck off.”

  He sighed again, but I felt him move away. The soft click of the door closing seemed loud in my ears. Fo
r fuck’s sake, I didn’t need another mate. Especially one who didn’t even want me.

  But I was worried about Angel. It had to be hard on him to keep up this constant balancing act. I cursed my newfound awareness of my feelings and relationships. Fuck that noise. I think I got more sleep at night back when I had nothing better to do than kill shit.

  Chapter 4

  I was on my way out back to visit Josie when Jules glided into the hall from a small office that he used as his own. I had just assumed Theo tucked the guy into a closet when he wasn’t in use, but no—turned out he had an actual office. “Pardon me, Viceroy,” the butler said politely, but in a way that told me he knew just how much I hated being called “viceroy.” “But you have a telephone call.”

  I slowed and narrowed my eyes at him. “My name is just Sam, not ‘viceroy.’ For the hundredth fucking time.” Who the hell would be calling the sovereign’s mansion specifically to talk to me? No one I knew was rich enough to have a working, reliable phone. “If it’s the police department, I’m not here and I have no idea who sent them those recommendations for employing curs. Forgery, probably. Maybe some weird political game. Definitely wasn’t me.”

  I may have implied they should first put a policy in place that barred anyone from discriminating or taking legal action if they found out that they already had curs working on the force in secret. Because if there was one thing I had learned lately, it was just how many non-humans were able to hide in plain sight. But the people in charge might not have liked the implication that they were blind.

  Jules smirked at me. “It’s not the police department, Just Sam. Miss Ada would like to speak with you.”

  I huffed. That was even worse. “No, thank you.”

  Jules arched a pale brow at me. I still didn’t know what the fuck he was. I was pretty sure he wasn’t a full fiend. Maybe. But he had once threatened to drown me using the moisture in the air around us, so...who knew? “I believe she wishes to discuss the sovereign’s upcoming plans.”

  His plans for outing himself as a full fiend to the entire human population of the city? “Yeah...” I said slowly. “Not really convincing me to go pick up the phone there, Jeeves.”

  He just straightened his already immaculate butler’s jacket. “I can tell her you’re too busy to speak at the moment, Viceroy, if you’d rather handle the media people who are pulling up the driveway as we speak, instead?”

  I pushed past him and into his office. “You’re an asshole, you know that?”

  He just gave me a bland look. “I have complete faith in your opinion on the matter, Viceroy.”

  Wait...was that basically a “Takes one to know one?”

  I growled, fighting a grin. Jules turned on a heel and left, off to give someone else a migraine. Crossing to his desk, I picked up the receiver of the ancient, gold rotary-style phone. “Yeah, what?”

  “Sam! It’s so nice to hear your voice,” Ada cooed. Theo’s cousins all seemed to be insane. Maybe there was something wrong with that whole gene pool.

  “Awesome,” I said, deadpan. “Glad I could help. Bye.”

  “Sam Forest, don’t you dare hang up on me!” she yelped.

  I sighed and sank down into Jules’s plush office chair. “What do you want, woman?”

  I could almost see her smiling at me, as if there was nothing that amused her more than my rude behavior. “I just wanted to let you and Theo know we arrived safely. Theo’s parents want to come visit him, but I told them now isn’t the best time. You guys should probably expect a visit from them sometime soon, though.”

  I rolled my eyes upward and tilted my head back so I could study the details of the textured ceiling. “Uh-huh.”

  She sighed. “How is he, Sam? I heard about his insane plan. Tell me you’ve talked him out of it.”

  I kicked back and put my feet up on the desk, boots square in the middle of Jules’s pristine monthly desk calendar. “Theo is Theo,” I said flatly. “And why would you think I could talk him out of anything?”

  She laughed. “Oh, Sam. You’re funny. As if he wouldn’t listen to his mate if you tell him to stop this craziness.”

  I scowled at the wall. Did everyone know about the whole mating call debacle? For fuck’s sake. “I’m not his damned mate. And, hello—he never listens to me. Are you blind?”

  She let out that bubbly little trill of laughter again. Ada wasn’t a fiend like Theo. She was human, for all intents and purposes—a cur with very diluted blood, just like their other cousin, Carlyle. But at that moment, she sounded just as bird-brained as Theo. “Right.” Then her voice grew serious as her laughter died down. “You’ll watch over him, won’t you, Sam? You know how he can be. He has no regard for his own safety when he’s got his mind set on one of his mad schemes.”

  I huffed. This was coming from the woman who once sidetracked our caravan into an ambush by insisting we change course last minute to visit a shack town of banished criminals—all while she was so pregnant she was about to burst.

  Ada just plowed on, and I forced myself to remember that she had once been Theo’s right hand, a quiet presence that read all the social and political undercurrents around the sovereign, all while everyone underestimated the soft-looking human woman. “People will be divided. But the city council will be your best allies, if you can make sure they’re on board. They’re the only ones with any sort of influence over the election of the sovereign.”

  I nodded absently. Sovereigns weren’t elected like some other city officials. They were nominated and assigned by other sovereigns in some process I didn’t fully understand, even now. All I knew was Theo had obtained his own position in large part because he had befriended or impressed a bunch of other rulers, including the tough, no-nonsense old-west sovereign of Golding. Golding was a much bigger city than Westhold and the sovereign there, General Braxton, apparently had a lot of power to influence the other cities around his territory.

  General Braxton, according to my own crazy sovereign, knew what Theo was. Or at least, he knew Theo wasn’t completely human. And he had backed Theo anyway. He wanted to see the crazy-ass new sovereign succeed, so I doubted the city council was going to change his mind anytime soon. But who knew? Maybe there would be pressure from the other sovereigns in the area. I rubbed my forehead to ease the tension there.

  “There is a network of supporters I brought over from Golding to Westhold when Theo moved there,” Ada said, bringing my wandering thoughts back to the conversation. “I’ll activate them as soon as we hang up.”

  I sighed. “Why did you feel the need to tell me all this crap, Ada? I’m not involved in anything but shooting and stabbing.”

  She let out a gusty sigh of her own. “Because he’s going to need all the support he can get. There’s a lot going on behind the scenes, and I’m helping as much as I can from way over here. Theo can handle the political stuff, no problem. But he’s going to need help.” Her voice softened. “He’s going to need you, Sam, but he won’t tell you himself. Can I count on you to be there for him?”

  I narrowed my eyes, wishing she was here, so she could feel the full force of my glare. “You don’t need to tell me how to do my job, lady.”

  She snorted. “I’m not talking about your job, hunter.”

  Maybe I should insist she come back. So I could claw her face off. “Well, I am.”

  She ignored me. “He loves you and trusts you. Make him lean on you when he needs to.” A heavy sigh gusted out of her, crackling through the phone and making me jerk the receiver from my head so I didn’t go deaf. “You know his parents abandoned him, right?”

  I sat up and found a pen so I could doodle on Jules’s calendar, outlining the scuff marks I’d left with my boots. “Sure. Who doesn’t have a sob story? My mom tried to drown me in the river at birth. Woo-hoo!”

  She ignored me. Again. “He was taken in by some distant relatives who were also related to my family. One of them was human and the other was a weak phoenix cur. It seems like phoenix
crosses come out all or nothing, I guess. Anyway, the whole reason his parents ditched him was because his phoenix cycle was abnormal. They’re usually way more powerful when they’re in their ‘weak’ state. And not nearly as human-like as Theo. He was an embarrassment.”

  I heard a baby coo in the background and Ada paused to make shushing sounds. “His adoptive parents love him, Sam, they do. But they fucked him up in different ways. They always made him hide what he was. It was extreme—like shit I’d call borderline child abuse. I think that’s why he’s so hell bent on making it so no one else has to hide what they are. He’s been bottled up too long. And he’s never known what it’s like to be loved for who you are.”

  I finished drawing a penis on the corner of the calendar and closed my eyes. Fuck my life. I did not need to feel some sort of sappy kinship with Theo. “Wow, neat story,” I said in a bored voice.

  Ada hissed. “I wish I could reach through this phone and slap you.”

  I let out a short laugh. “So violent. And with a baby in the room, no less.”

  She growled at me. It was impressive. Almost shifter-like. “You’d better keep Theo alive, Viceroy. And you’d damned well better love him the way he deserves, or I swear to fuck I’m going to come over there and rip your balls off. If you even have balls. Do you? I was never sure.”

  I hung up on her.

  The phone immediately started ringing again. I let it ring about ten times before I picked up again. “Hello. This is the sovereign’s residence. Armed and pissed-off killer speaking. How may I help you?”

  Ada let out an exasperated sigh. “Sam.”

  “I’m sorry, you’ll have to say that again. There’s static on the line. I can’t hear you.”

  “So help me God, you’re just like him! Just keep me updated, please?”

  I put the pen away and studied my handiwork. Fuck, I should be an artist, not a hunter or viceroy or whatever. That penis was some of my best work. All that detail on the foreskin. Jules was going to love it—especially how it was ejaculating all over his note about Theo’s little coming out party.