It was just, just, just wider than HMS Sceptre herself.
Expert navigation was needed to prevent the submarine from becoming jammed. If HMS Sceptre did become stuck, then they would all die a slow and painful death.
“Hold tight, ladies!” called out the prince. “We’re going in!”
DUMF!
The submarine shuddered as it scraped the side of the entrance to the tunnel.
All eyes turned to the prince, who was trying his best to keep his cool.
CRUNCH!
Another knock.
“HOLD HER STEADY!” he ordered.
Enid held the steering wheel tightly, sweat pouring from her brow. Agatha mopped it up with a lace handkerchief.
DUNK!
Another hit.
“Hold her steady.”
The submarine began passing up the Tube tunnel itself.
“HURRAH!” shouted the ladies.
The plan was working.
HMS Sceptre edged closer and closer to the palace.
Then… KERRUNCH!
The submarine lurched to a halt.
Horror upon horror, they were stuck!
“BACKWARDS!” ordered the prince.
There was a deafening grinding noise.
GGGGGRRRRR!
But the submarine didn’t budge.
CRUNCH!
“FORWARD!”
Again, there was nothing but an earsplitting noise.
GGGGGRRRRR!
GRONCH!
“BACKWARDS!”
GGGGGRRRRR!
KERRUMPH!
It didn’t move an inch.
Then, in an instant, the submarine was plunged into DARKNESS.
The lights on board had failed.
They were doomed.
“Everyone stay calm!” commanded the prince. It was little use. Panic was spreading through the submarine like wildfire.
“CALM!” exclaimed Enid. “We’re stuck!” She checked the dial on the air supply. “And we only have an hour until the air supply runs out!”
“Please just stay calm,” implored Alfred.
“You already said that!”
“It was all my stupid idea,” said Mite. “I should take the blame. Not him.”
Agatha found a box of the Old Queen’s matches and struck one.
STRIKE!
That at least gave a flicker of light inside the submarine.
Then… DISASTER!
All that could be heard for a few moments was the creaking of the HMS SCEPTRE’s hull.
TWANG! TWONG! TWUNG!
It sounded like the ancient submarine was going to snap in two!
“ARGH!”
“NOOO!”
“HELP!”
Screams rang through the gloom.
“Oh, Mama, I’ve failed,” sniffed Alfred.
The Queen reached out in the darkness for her son.
“Don’t say that,” she replied, gripping his hand tight. “This isn’t over yet. There must be a way out of the submarine.”
“I am so, so sorry,” said Mite.
“Over here!” ordered Enid.
Agatha brought the flickering flame to the ladder, and Enid scaled it, holding a hammer. After a good deal of banging and bashing…
CLUNK!
CLINK!
CLANK!
…she came back down the ladder and turned to the Queen.
“I am sorry, Your Majesty, but you’re wrong,” said Enid sorrowfully. “It’s impossible to open the hatch from the inside, and there is no other way out of the submarine.”
“So, we are doomed?” asked Agatha.
“Yes, my dear. Doomed,” replied Enid.
“It’s all my fault,” said Mite.
There was silence for a moment, before the prince broke it.
“The torpedo launcher!” he exclaimed.
“I beg your pardon!” replied Enid.
“If you can launch a torpedo, then maybe you can launch me!”
“Preposterous!”
“Nonsense!”
“The boy has lost his marbles!” muttered the old dears.
“It’s not preposterous!” snapped Alfred. “I’m about the same size as a torpedo!”
Alfred was small for his age.
“It’s too dangerous!” announced his mother. “It is certain death.”
“But staying here is certain death…” reasoned Alfred.
“Being shot out of a cannon is an even more certain death,” remarked Enid.
“How can it be even MORE certain?” asked the boy.
This rather stumped Enid, who shut up.
Agatha took over. “Forgive me, but I think what my fellow lady-in-waiting meant was that being shot out of a torpedo tube is a faster way to die. But, and this is a big but, if you survived it, there is a chance you could open the hatch from the outside.”
“As your future king,” announced Prince Alfred grandly, “I am willing to try!”
“I am too!” said Mite.
“You ruined my big moment!” he complained. “I was being all royal and heroic.”
“I don’t care. Listen! I’m a really good swimmer. Let me come too! I can help!”
“All right, all right!” replied Alfred.
“Good boy!” said the Queen.
“Splendid! Then I suggest that your girlfriend—” began Agatha.
“She’s not my girlfriend!” snapped the boy.
“He’s not my boyfriend!” snapped the girl. “I would rather eat my own foot than go out with him!”
“And I would rather eat my own –” Alfred was struggling to think of something worse-tasting than foot – “BOTTOM!”
Enid looked as if she might faint at this rude word. Agatha reached for a bottle of smelling salts and wafted them under her friend’s nose.
“I suggest your friend,” continued Agatha, “who happens to be a girl, but is definitely not your girlfriend, goes first.”
“YES!” exclaimed Mite, victorious.
“In case she is crushed to death, being fired out of the torpedo tube.”
“Oh,” said the girl. “On second thoughts, Prince, you can go first!”
“ME?” said the boy.
“Yes. You are royal, after all!” With that, she did a little flourish with her hand, mocking the whole cavalcade of royalty in one tiny gesture.
With the light of the match illuminating the panic in his eyes, Alfred lowered himself into the torpedo tube. Enid then explained what the boy needed to do to open the hatch from the outside.
“Turn the left lever anti-clockwise.”
The boy nodded his head – he had sort of understood.
“Torpedo – I mean, boy – ready to fire!” called out Enid.
“I love you forever, Lionheart,” whispered the Queen.
“I love you forever, Mama.
FIRE AT WILL!”
BOOM!
WHOOSH!
Alfred was blasted out of the submarine.
WWWWWOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH!
Alfred was being propelled through the water so fast he thought he was going to end up in outer space. The water in the Underground tunnel was black and he had no clue whether he was upside down or inside out.
He fanned out his hands to try to slow himself down, but it was no use.
THUD!
His body was hurled against an underwater wall.
Alfred grimaced at the pain, but no bones were broken. He pushed himself up and away from the wall, and gulped a mouthful of much-needed air at the surface.
GASP!
He was alive.
Just.
Right ahead of him he saw a half-submerged sign that read GREEN PARK.
It was an ancient platform notice. If they had reached what once was Green Park Underground station, they were now very near Buckingham Palace.
An old vending machine bobbed in the water.
PLOP! PLOP! PLOP!
Such a shame I don’t have a 50p piece to buy a
chocolate bar, thought Alfred, who was starving.
There was a faint glimmer of light dancing on the surface of the water. Not far off, he could just make out the outline of the HMS Sceptre. He could see that the vessel was at an angle, which was why it had become stuck in the tunnel.
At once, he began swimming towards the submarine.
Then WHOOSH!
Mite shot out of the torpedo tube and smashed SLAP BANG into him.
BASH
“ARGH!” he cried.
“That was COOL!” exclaimed Mite.
“I am still alive – thank you for asking,” said Alfred sarcastically.
“Come on!” said the girl, and she powered through the water towards the submarine, leaving him flailing behind.
Just as he was catching up, Alfred felt something bashing and scratching at his head.
BOSH! BOSH! BOSH!
He turned round to see a cloud of bats flying towards him!
SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!
“ARGH! BATS!” he screamed.
“Yes. I should have mentioned them,” said Mite. “The place is crawling with them.”
SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!
Alfred dived so he could shake them off. After a few strokes, he’d reached Mite back at the submarine.
“Look! This is the hatch here,” she said.
“Now did Enid say the right lever or the left? And was it clockwise? Or anticlockwise?” asked Alfred.
“I wasn’t listening.”
“I thought you were.”
“That was the boring bit.”
“Oh, for goodness’ sake! You take that one, and I’ll take this one.”
After they had both yanked their levers to and fro for what seemed like an age, eventually the hatch opened.
CLUNK!
SUCCESS!
There were cheers from the ladies below deck.
“HURRAH!”
One by one, they began climbing on to the surface.
The Queen.
Enid.
Agatha.
Virginia.
Beatrix.
Daphne.
Judith.
“Thank you, son! You saved us all,” said the Queen.
“You took your time!” remarked Enid.
“Now, can you all swim?” asked Alfred.
“Doggy paddle, yes,” replied Agatha. “I have my twenty-five-metre badge.”
“Then let’s go,” commanded the prince.
Together, they swam towards the light at the end of the tunnel.
The light grew dark, as if a thundercloud had passed over it.
“I should warn you,” began Mite. “We need to look out for—”
But before Mite could say “bats” the swarm of creatures dive-bombed them.
SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!
As much as the old ladies attempted to bat the bats away with their hands, still the creatures attacked without mercy.
“ARGH!”
“GET OFF!”
“FLYING RAT!”
“SUBMERGE!” ordered the prince.
One by one, their heads bobbed under the water, and they swam as far as they could below the surface.
As soon as any of them bobbed up for air, the bats would strike again.
SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!
Eventually they reached the underneath of Buckingham Palace.
“Where are the steps that lead up to the palace vault, Mite?” asked Alfred.
“I’m trying to find them.”
“Well, please try to find them a little bit faster!” called Agatha. “I’m not sure how much longer I can tread water! I never got my badge for that!”
Mite’s hands scoured the top of the Underground tunnel, until she finally found the bottom step.
“HERE!” she exclaimed.
One by one, they hauled themselves on to the steps. Then they scrambled up them until they reached the top.
Above them was the large stone in the floor of the vault. Together the prince and Mite pushed it up and aside.
CLUNK!
Alfred climbed up first, and then helped the others into the palace vault.
Little did they know who was waiting for them, looming in the shadows…
“Oh, my little prince!” exclaimed Nanny, who had been waiting for them in the vault. The old lady hobbled over to the boy and held him tight.
“Hello, Nanny,” said Alfred.
“I was so, so worried about you, being taken to the Tower and all,” she said.
Mite looked on, mightily unimpressed by this show of affection. “Remember me?” she asked sarcastically.
“Oh yes, dear little Mite! One moment you were standing there in the kitchen while I went to fetch the chocolate. And the next moment you were gone! Where oh where did you get to?”
Mite shook her head, unmoved by this performance. “An army of guards burst in and dragged me kicking and screaming to the Tower!”
“NO!”
“Yes!”
“Oh! I was so, so worried about you disappearing like that. Please tell me you are all right!” pleaded Nanny, bending down to stroke the little girl’s cheek.
“I’m fine! No thanks to you,” snapped the girl, batting the old lady’s hand away.
Nanny bristled at this, but the Queen, standing behind the girl, provided a perfect distraction. The old lady did a little curtsey.
“Your Majesty.”
“Nanny,” replied the Queen, nodding her head politely. “How is the King?”
“Tut-tut-tut! Ooh, not good, Your Majesty. Not too good at all. He sent me down here to find you,” said Nanny. “The King needs you all to come up to the ballroom at once.”
Alfred was suspicious. “But how did you know we’d break into the palace this way?”
Nanny thought for a moment. “Mite showed us both this secret way in, remember? I am not as daft as I look! Ha! Ha! Now, come on,” she continued. “There is no time to lose! My little prince, you be sure to stay close to me.”
The old lady hobbled off through the maze of boxes and crates in the vault, holding the boy’s hand tightly in hers.
A little too tightly. Nanny’s grip was so strong it was actually painful.
“Nanny, your nails are digging into my hand,” said Alfred, wincing.
“I just don’t want you to let go is all,” she replied.
The Queen, Mite and the six ladies-in-waiting followed on not far behind.
Then Nanny did the strangest thing. As she and Alfred passed behind a mighty metal box, she yanked him down to the floor.
“OW!”
Alfred was stunned. Then it dawned on him what was happening.
“IT’S A TRAP!” he shouted to the others.
At that moment from behind boxes and crates dotted all over the vast vault, a dozen or so royal guards revealed themselves. The soldiers had been hiding there all along. Their lasers were drawn, and immediately they began firing at the revolutionaries without mercy.
ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Mite and the Queen managed to duck down just in time. They hid behind an old leather trunk, as laser blasts skimmed over their heads.
ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
“I knew that evil old witch was in on it!” hissed Mite over the noise.
“But why?” asked the Queen.
The ladies-in-waiting sprang into action. Immediately they began arming themselves with the treasures in the vault. Down here there were all kinds of deadly weapons. They found swords and axes and sabres and spears and flails.*
Enid found a helmet and breastplate from a medieval suit of armour, which she hastily threw on to lead an attack on the royal guards.
“CHARGE!” she ordered, flailing a flail above her head.
The zaps of the laser guns bounced off the metal of her armour.
ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!
TING! TING! TING!
She clonked one of the guards over the head with the metal b
all as hard as she could.
CLUNK!
“AAH!”
Meanwhile, Agatha was taking the army of guards on with not one, but two samurai swords!
CLINK! CLANK! CLUNK!
“COME ON!” she shouted over the din.
The old dears were fighting back!
Meanwhile, Alfred was trying with all his strength to escape Nanny’s grip.
As he fought to get away, he saw the old lady’s face contort into what she really was.
Pure evil.
“LET ME GO!” shouted the boy.
“OH NO!” she cried. “The Lord Protector has plans for you, my little prince!”
In desperation, he bit her hand.
“OWWW!” And she released her grip.
On his hands and knees, Alfred began to flee across the floor.
ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The old lady grabbed him by the ankles and dragged him back.
“ARGH!”
Alfred attempted to kick his way out of her clutches.
“GET OFF ME!”
But she pinned him to the stone floor with her hands and knees. “I poisoned you all these years with my eggy-wegg!”
“You evil old witch!” snarled the prince. “I knew it tasted off!”
“It was off. Very off. So you would be nothing more than a sickly child. Unable to cause any trouble. Not even able to get out of bed. No threat to the Lord Protector’s magnificent scheme!”
IT WAS TRUE! Alfred went red with rage!
“You monster! But why have you done all this? You haven’t told me why! WHY?”
Nanny smiled, revealing her false teeth. “None of you have ever worked it out, have you?”
“Worked out what?” demanded the prince.
“That I have a son.”
“A son?”
“Oh yes!”
“Who?”
“You still can’t guess!”
* * *
* The flails were the deadliest of all: a spiked metal ball attached to a handle by a chain. This could do an awful lot of damage.
“The Lord Protector!” exclaimed Alfred.
“The very same!” declared Nanny.
This was a complete surprise to Alfred, as it would be to everybody else in Buckingham Palace. Over forty years, the evil pair had never betrayed for a moment that they were mother and son.
The Beast of Buckingham Palace Page 13
