by E. V. White
He pulled a couple of slices of ham and cheese out of the fridge, opened another kitchen cabinet and found the bread. He made a couple of grilled ham and cheese sandwiches and devoured them standing in the middle of the kitchen. He looked out of the window. It was a sunny day and this made him feel at peace with himself. He closed his eyes, breathed deeply a few times and, despite the pain in his ribs, enjoyed the sun. The previous night seemed so far away he did not even remember it.
He walked to the bathroom, stripped his dirty clothes off and slid inside the shower. He took all the time he needed to relax and get ready for the photo shoot.
Emily had awakened on the park bench with the sun shining on her face. For a moment, she thought about the night before and wondered if all she remembered had really happened or was the result of her imagination induced by oxycodone. A feeling that lasted for only a few seconds as soon as she saw she was wearing his jacket.
Involuntarily, without even being fully aware of it, she swathed herself in the leather fabric and inhaled it deeply. It was impregnated with the scent she was beginning to appreciate. She smiled and put her hands in the pockets. There was not much except for a pack of cigarettes and a pick, which she took out and examined. She remembered seeing him enter the club that night with a guitar case on his back but could not remember seeing it on him when he was with her. She thought maybe he was a musician and wondered what his life was like.
She had never had a hobby or a passion, or better yet, she liked to do only a few things but never had the opportunity to do them. She remembered how one of her classmates taught her a few ballet steps when she went to her house in the afternoons to do their homework together. She remembered how beautiful and elegant she felt as she tried to imitate her very graceful movements. Unfortunately, she was not even able to find out if that, too, would have been her passion because her family could not afford dance school. In the end though, even such opportunities to mirror her friend in the basement of her house ended up becoming rarer and rarer when the girl’s parents got to know her family and decided she was not suited to play with their daughter anymore.
Emily sat up and took a deep breath, trying to keep her mind clear from those thoughts before they could turn into anger. When she calmed back down, she got up and walked to the places where she knew she could scrape together some money.
Alex entered the room with only a towel wrapped around his hips, dripping water from his hair. He looked at himself in the full-length mirror and, in addition to several bruises on his chest, noticed that he had lost weight. He could count his ribs with the naked eye. Unintentionally, he fingered the tattoo that drew his attention on his chest. A black heart dripping blood with a butterfly resting upon it. A thought that brought back memories was immediately banished from his head. Years and years of practice had helped him learn to get rid of them quickly.
He opened the wardrobe. A pile of dirty clothes was strewn on the floor. He mentally noted down to put them in the wash. He rummaged through the clean clothes and found a pair of elegant black trousers, a black shirt and a jacket of the same colour. He coordinated them with a pair of stylish leather shoes and put them on. A wide-brimmed hat on a chair caught his attention. He smiled and after drying his hair with a towel, put it on.
Alex was standing around in the living room looking for his leather jacket. He could not remember where he had put it the previous night. He sat on the sofa, thinking about what had happened and where he had left it. Suddenly, random flashes of the night before came to mind.
“Shit! It was my best jacket,” he cursed when he remembered giving it to Emily to wear.
He could not explain why but a smile suddenly materialised on his face. He knew he should have been upset but wasn’t. That girl was a mystery to him. He knew nothing about her yet he continued to worry about her nonetheless. He remembered how she was irritated by his presence and smiled recalling the acidic tone in her voice, which he just picked up on right then, when she answered him.
He looked at the time on his phone and swore under his breath. It was late, which was not a good thing when it came to going to work. He grabbed a coat and ran out of the flat towards the tube. He bumped into some people who berated him angrily. Smiling and waving a hand, he apologised to them but did not stop.
Matt still had his phone to his ear even though Christopher, the talent agent, had already hung up. He had called to try to extend the deadline for the two songs but had found himself confirming that they would go into the studio later that month with two new songs they don’t actually have. He acknowledged then that he was not experienced enough for that environment to be able to deal with those who had done that kind of job for years. He had found himself saying yes to all of Christopher’s requests unconditionally, which infuriated him even more. Not because the man was insistent in his demands, that was his job and had to be done that way, but because he was not shrewd nor persuasive enough to make the agent change his mind.
The thought of an arrogant, drunk Alex made its way into his mind and sent him back into a fury. He chose to completely fall apart at a time when they needed him most to be sober and present. The fact that he did not care about the other three in the group made him so angry he seriously began to think that he was not worth saving after all. That thought popped into his mind with such intensity that it almost frightened him. They had grown up together since they were four and he had never come to the point of thinking of abandoning him even if Alex had made his life quite difficult. Somehow, the mixture of feelings stewing inside of him destabilised him and he mentally thanked his colleague who entered the office that very moment and pulled him back to reality.
Matt put aside all his thoughts and apprehensions concerning Alex for a moment and returned to focus on the work he was still forced to do in order to survive.
Alex was out of breath when he entered the entrance of the car dealership. He looked around for the owner and found him in a small and smelly office at the back. The stale stench of cigarettes was so strong that a wave of nausea stirred in Alex’s stomach as he desperately struggled to keep his breakfast down.
“Hello,” he began.
The man raised his head and smiled.
“May I help you?” He asked putting his pudgy hands on his desk.
“I’m here for the photo shoot,” explained Alex. “I’m the one who’s supposed to pose for the pictures,” he added seeing the confused face of the man in front of him.
The man stood up. His huge belly shook like jelly over the belt that supported his trousers. He looked like the living version of Homer Simpson and Alex had some difficulties holding back a chuckle.
“My nephew, the photographer, could not be here today so he postponed the photo shoot to tomorrow,” he explained with a smile.
Alex felt anger brewing in his stomach. He was more than certain that no one had notified him of that schedule change.
“And no one here thought of letting me know?” He asked struggling to contain his disappointment.
The man laughed heartily.
“Come here tomorrow, you’re a model. You have all the time in the world,” he claimed.
Alex was outraged. He bid the man farewell with a fake smile and shook his clammy hand. He left the dealership in a pace that would have flattened anyone on his way. He tried to call the photographer who, from what he had just learned, was the nephew of the most irritating man in London. He did not answer. Alex put the phone in his pocket and continued on his way.
He was walking toward the tube station when he realised he knew that part of town. Matt worked in one of the offices at the end of that street and so he decided to pay him a visit. After all, he had all the time in the world, according to the man he just met.
He texted Matt and waited on the street below his office building. A few minutes later, his friend was running down the stairs. He looked really worried.
“What happened?” He asked without even greeting him.
“Nothing, I
was in the neighbourhood and decided to come by. That’s it,” he said.
Matt looked furious.
“That’s it? You sent a message saying, ‘I’m waiting downstairs’. I thought something had happened,” he charged in a higher pitch than his normal one.
“If I had texted that I was here to have a coffee, would you have come down?” Alex grinned.
“No,” Matt replied and Alex could not tell if he had lost his patience or just resigned.
“So I wrote something else,” Alex reasoned with a sly smile.
Matt sighed.
“You’re incredible. What do you want?” He demanded. “Why are you dressed like that?” He added, noting his attire.
Alex glanced at what he was wearing and shrugged. Matt had never seen him dressed that way other than at funerals.
”Just for a job,” he explained.
“You have a job?” Matt asked in disbelief.
“Not exactly, but something like that,” he downplayed. He did not want to explain what he was really doing because he was ashamed of it; he felt a failure in comparison to his friend.
Matt looked at him more seriously than usual.
“Have you started writing those songs?” He insisted.
Alex sighed with disappointment. It seemed like Matt’s only concern during that period were those two songs.
“Why don’t you just write those fucking songs by yourself?” He retorted in a huff.
Matt became irritated and had trouble reining in his anger. Alex could read it in his face.
“We both know that the only person capable of writing a song here is you,” he replied. “Plus, you would never sing a song written by someone else,” he added.
“Bollocks, we play covers, remember?” Alex reminded him irked.
“Yes, I do. You choose songs like ‘Hurt’. The pain in those lyrics is devastating. You can’t sing nothing but about pain,” Matt pointed out.
Alex did not answer. Everything his friend was saying was true. And now he was no longer able to find any more pain in his soul; he could not find anything. Just a big black hole and nothing else.
“Listen, I have to get back to work. We can meet at the Underbelly tonight. We can talk about it and try to find a solution, okay?” Matt tried to soften up.
He already was on his way to the office when Alex shouted at him. Matt turned.
“Why didn’t you call me last night? I could have been dead somewhere,” Alex asked, genuinely interested.
“I was fed up with you. You made a real dog’s dinner last night, remember?” Matt answered in a harsh tone then turned without even waiting for his reaction.
Alex was hurt by those words but said nothing because he really could not remember a thing. He knew it had been a bad night for him but he had hoped Matt would have helped him get through it.
Emily reached Bobbyʼs house. She was prepared to knock once again but then had second thoughts. She still had enough oxycodone to survive for one or two days so, under the circumstances, she almost felt guilty for thinking about buying more rather than something to eat in order to survive. She had convinced herself that leftovers could always be found in bins; drugs, on the other hand, were harder to come by. If she started to get withdrawal symptoms, it would certainly be worse than having cramps from hunger. She had repeated this to herself so many times that she almost believed it. Then she realised that they were excuses, mere justifications that only an addict like herself gave in order to feel less of a failure. They were alibis, like those her mother used to downplay her stepfatherʼs behaviour.
She swallowed her ego once more and knocked on the door. As soon as the man opened it, she pulled the money out of her pocket and handed it to him. She did not look at his face to avoid seeing his smug grin. Bobby took the money and counted it.
“If you fork over your jacket, Iʼll give you enough stuff to last you for a fortnight,” he proposed.
Emily looked at the leather jacket she was wearing and felt herself being overwhelmed with anger. It was the only reminder she had that someone cared very much for her and that he chose to be cold for her. She would have never given up that jacket for anything in the world and, with that thought in mind, she found the courage to stare him straight in the eyes.
“I have to die first before you can even think of putting your hands on this jacket,” she hissed scornfully.
The man had a smug look on his face.
“I guess I only have to wait, then. It wonʼt take long, now,” he pointed out.
Emily was stunned by the manʼs words, but tried not to let him see it. She knew that, sooner or later, it would be a fact; it was what happened to all addicts like her who could not beat the addiction. She clenched her fists inside her pockets and waited for the man to bring her a dose.
Alex entered the Underbelly. Matt, Jordan and Jaden were at a table. Alex approached the bar, ordered a scotch and joined the others sitting next to Matt. Seeing the glass, Matt grabbed it from his hand and pulled it away.
“Hey!” Alex groaned.
“We need to talk and you need to be sober,” said Matt in a serious tone.
He did not have the courage to answer, not after recalling how they had left each other in the afternoon. Jaden and Jordan looked uncomfortable. Even Alex could clearly see that the situation between him and Matt made everyone uneasy.
“I talked to Christopher, he wants us in the studio by the end of the month, new songs included,” explained Matt.
“New songs that we havenʼt got,” Jordan looked for an answer in Alexʼs eyes.
“Don’t look at me. Iʼm not the one who wants the lyrics,” he replied raising his hands in the air.
“Can we start recording the old songs first to give Alex a little more time?” Jaden suggested.
Alex thanked him with a smile; he was always the one who tried to find a suitable compromise. Sometimes he was a bit naïve, but he always did everything with his whole heart, never sparing himself.
“I could ask him but without those songs, everything could blow up,” agreed Matt contemplating the feasibility.
Jordan and Jaden began suggesting some topics to use for the songs. Alex knew they were doing it because he had writer’s block and were simply trying to help him. He, however, was unable to heed their advice. He appreciated their effort very much but, at that moment, he certainly did not have the mind-set to write. Matt was furious about it and he knew, but he had no idea how to change the situation. He knew he had to sit on the couch and not leave it until he finished writing but he was not able to do it. His mind was swarming with thoughts and could not be bothered with anything else. In cases like this, he usually drowned himself in alcohol in order to dodge a difficult situation.
“Iʼm going home,” Alex announced out of the blue, getting up from the couch.
The three chaps stared at him completely stunned.
“Seriously?” Jaden asked. “We arenʼt done yet,” he complained.
“I know, but I need to get up early tomorrow. I need to sleep,” he lied; the truth was he could not stand their discussion anymore without a sip of alcohol.
“Are you high, by any chance?” Jordan asked him seriously.
“No, Iʼm not. Why? Can’t I simply go home without you making a scene now?” He grinned.
Jordan and Jaden looked at him resigned and bid him goodbye by waving their hands. Matt got up and followed him.
“Iʼll take you home,” he said without even looking at him.
Alex stopped in the middle of the entrance corridor, astonished.
“Why?” he asked suspiciously.
“Because I want to make sure that you won’t stop anywhere else to get pissed,” Matt replied sincerely.
“Are you joshing me?” He snorted, completely baffled.
Matt did not answer and continued walking. Alex followed him.
They were nearing the park and, as usual, he cast a look inside at the bench looking for a familiar face. He saw her lying there
like the night before and she was wearing his jacket. Alex stood in front of the gate and decided to enter. Matt stopped and looked at him confused.
Alex came up to Emily without saying a word. When he was a few feet from her, he stooped over her.
“Does it keep you warm?” He asked pointing to the jacket.
She looked confused. She kept looking at Alex and then at Matt, who stood embarrassed a few paces away from them.
She nodded, sitting up on the bench. Alex sat down beside her.
“Why donʼt you have a place to stay?” He probed.
“None of your business,” she snapped.
Alex chuckled. He liked the way she stood her ground to him; she had a spine.
“Why are you always so surly with me?” He asked her.
“Because you keep following me. Youʼre quite creepy, you know?” She replied.
“Iʼm not following you!” Alex tried to calm her as he chuckled under his breath.
Emily raised her eyebrows as if she did not believe a single word he was saying.
“Okay, maybe a little, but only because Iʼm worried about you,” he conceded trying to justify his behaviour.
“Why? I mean, you don’t even know me,” she demanded.
Alex looked down; he himself did not know the answer.
Matt observed them at a distance. He could not understand why Alex was so taken in by the girl since it was obvious that it was not the first time they had met. He was surprised and worried at the same time because she looked like a drug addict; then he started to wonder if she was the reason why Alex had been so glum lately, at least more than usual. He tried to draw his friendʼs attention by clearing his throat without much success.
“Alex,” he called him.
He looked at him and smiled.
“We should go,” he added.
Alex looked at the girl and stood up.
“Would you like to come with us?” He asked her.
Matt was completely stunned by his question. Did he really think of taking her home with him? Why?
“Where?” She asked confused.
“My place,” Alex said, smiling.
