“I’d die if Timmy were taken from me. I love him so much.” More soft sobs. Sniffles.
“I know you do, and you’re a damn good mom. I won’t let anything happen.” He placed his two fingers under her chin and tilted her head back and her eyes met his. “I’ll make sure it’s all good, okay?” Savannah nodded slightly and he wiped the wet streaks from her face then pressed his lips gently to hers.
“One of the things that kills me is that Bret doesn’t even want Timmy in his life. The other is that my mom’s the one who told him where we are. I spoke to her before coming to breakfast this morning and she confessed.”
“Why the fuck would she do that?”
Savannah wiped her nose with a tissue. “Because she loves me and Timmy. She wants me to have the fairytale Disney marriage. And she wanted us home for Christmas.” Once again, she twirled tendrils of blonde around her finger. “In all fairness, my mom doesn’t know the whole story … only you do.”
As Savannah spoke, anger burned inside Ryder, and he tucked her hands in his and gently squeezed them. “Baby, I’m telling you that I’ll make sure you and Timmy are safe. No one’s gonna bully you to do something you don’t want to do. I swear that if the fucker comes back on my property, I’ll take care of him.”
A tiny smile tugged at the corners of her kissable lips. “I’ll admit I feel better knowing I have you on my side. I’m just not sure what I’m going to do.”
Ryder’s stomach clenched. “Are you thinking of going back to him?”
Savannah shook her head. “Absolutely not. I’m not going back to Boston either. I’m better off without the Carltons, and Timmy doesn’t deserve a father like Bret.”
A long pause yawned between them until Ryder let out a long breath. “Stay with me.”
Her eyes locked with his and he saw tenderness, compassion, and relief, but there was also fear in them.
“We’ve only known each other a short time,” she said.
“I know, and it’s fucking strange that I’m even asking, but I’ve been wanting a woman like you in my life since I can remember. I just didn’t know it, and it’s taken a lot of shit and pain to realize it.”
Savannah slipped her hands away from his and cast her eyes downward. “What about Brandi? I mean she’s so young—I know men prefer younger women.”
Ryder stared at her slouched shoulders; she looked so petite and vulnerable at that moment. The fucker really did a number on her. “You’re the woman I want. Brandi’s a nice girl who helped me out when I got tired of my hand doing all the work. It wasn’t like we had a romantic relationship or anything. It was just sex, and it wasn’t all the time. Maybe a handful of times in a year. Brandi’s age had nothing to do with us having sex—she was the only one who didn’t mind that I didn’t have a leg.” He picked up his coffee mug and took a sip. “I’m not a cheater—never have been and never will be. I’m loyal to a fault.” After a few seconds of silence, Ryder reached over and lifted her chin so her gaze met his. “I’m not Bret. The way he treated you and Timmy was fucking cruel, and he needs a good ass kicking for sure.”
Tears filled Savannah’s eyes. “I felt the goodness of your heart from the first day you came blustering into the trailer. I’m just afraid.”
“Of what?”
“My feelings for you.”
“I know what you mean. We’re still getting to know each other, but my gut tells me this is right. What’s yours telling you?”
“The same,” she whispered.
Silence stretched between them until the chair scraping on the floor broke it and Ryder stood up. “I’ll be right back.” He walked out of the kitchen and straight to the workroom where he took out the cigar box, and then headed back to Savannah.
The box made a small thud when he put it on the table in front of her.
“This is my past.” He sat back down on the chair.
For a second, her eyes just shifted between him and the worn-out box, then she placed her delicate fingers on it and opened the lid. She glanced up.
“Take the things out.” He balled his hands into fists and inhaled and exhaled a couple of times. “You can ask me anything you want.”
“Are you sure about this?” Savannah’s eyes stayed on his fists. “I don’t want to dredge up painful memories for you.”
“It’s about time I face the shit that’s been holding me prisoner, and I want to do it with you.”
After a slight nod, she picked up the photographs and browsed through them. Snippets of his past raced through his mind, and it seemed right that the woman who’d brought light into his life should be rifling through them—through all the darkness of his past.
Savannah cleared her throat and looked up from the last picture Dana, Colt, and Ryder had taken. It was before he went back over on what had become his last tour of duty in Afghanistan. I had no idea that was going to be the last time I saw you, Colt. I’d have told you I loved you more and held you tighter if I would’ve known. Ryder’s body grew more rigid.
“We can stop,” Savannah said, putting the photograph on the table and taking one of his fists into both her hands.
He just shook his head and stared at her.
“Okay … why did you break it off with your fiancée?”
“Dana broke it off with me after I lost my leg. She said she couldn’t handle it.”
Her eyes widened but she just nodded. “How long were you together?”
“Eight years.”
“Oh, Ryder,” she whispered, reaching over to stroke his face.
He jerked back. “Don’t pity me, Savannah. I’m not doing this for that reason.”
“It’s not pity, it’s compassion. I can’t believe that after all those years, she left you because of a physical disability.”
“She couldn’t handle it. I was livid and hated her for years, but through therapy, I got to the point where I could acknowledge that the challenge of being with an amputee may have scared the hell out of her.”
“Is that the reason she gave you?”
The inclination was to tell her yes, but he’d wanted her to know everything, even the shit that bruised his pride and made him feel less of a man for the past five years. “No. She told me it disgusted her, creeped her out, and she could never be sexually attracted to me again.”
“Fuck,” she murmured. “That’s horrible.”
“It’s the way it was. She took Colt and bolted. Never even gave me a chance to see my boy again—that’s what hurts the most.”
“Does she have any family?”
“Dana’s from Pinewood Springs like I am. We met at a party when I was twenty-one and she was twenty. Her mom, Maggie, was the only relative I knew of, and she disappeared along with Dana and Colt. I figured they changed their names.”
“Did you hire a private eye to try and find them?”
“Yep. Hawk’s been helping too, but so far nothing. I won’t give up though. I figure when Colt gets his first job, he’ll have to use his social security number. So far, Dana hasn’t used any public programs, unless she got fake numbers for them. Maggie wouldn’t do it because she’d be giving up her benefits when she turns sixty-five. I’m keeping track of all that.”
“What an awful thing to do. Her not being able to handle it is one thing, but to take your son away from you? What a bitch.” Savannah’s hand flew to her mouth and covered. “I’m sorry.” Her voice was muffled. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
Ryder shrugged. “Why not? She is a bitch. Dana punished me for getting my fucking leg blown off just like your fucker punished you for getting pregnant. They’re both fucked up.”
For a few seconds, they held each other’s gaze, and Ryder’s fists slowly unfurled.
“Was Dana the love of your life?” she asked in a hesitant tone.
“I thought she was, but now I’d have to say no.”
Savannah picked up the Purple Heart and pressed it against her chest. “You fought for us. You’re a hero.”
Ryder snorted. “Fuck that … I’m no goddamn hero.”
“Yes, you are. My dad fought in Vietnam. I know how hard war can be on a person. He still goes to his VA group twice a month.”
Surprised at her revelation, he leaned back in the chair and stared at her.
“The camaraderie has stayed with my dad—he still has a few buddies from the Army—as well as the atrocities. My dad was lucky though. He came back without any injuries, but some of his friends and members of his unit came back in body bags. It still haunts him today.”
Chills ran up his spine as he shifted in his chair. She fucking gets it. Her old man’s a vet. Memories of her calm, reassuring voice bringing him back to reality when he’d had his nightmare raced through his mind. Can I do this?
“Do you want to talk about it?” Her calm voice touched him deeply.
Taking a big breath, he exhaled it slowly through his nose. “It was my third tour of duty, and my unit and I were engaged in combat against militants, driving them farther back into the province. After we succeeded, several guys in my unit, including myself, moved in to clear the compound—a cluster of old Afghani houses. We had to be sure there were no Taliban or mines there.” Ryder tilted his head back as distant voices echoed in his head.
The feel of Savannah’s hand tapping his arm pulled him away from the noise. “Stay with me. We’re in the kitchen in your cabin. Don’t leave me,” she said.
He nodded and took a gulp of coffee; it was lukewarm and had a metallic taste like blood. Get a grip. You can do this. “Right before I reached the compound, I saw a movement out of the corner of my eye. I turned quickly and started shooting, which triggered the other guys to shoot as well. My best buddy, Jeremy, started running toward me. I told him to stay back, but he thought I was in danger so he kept coming.” Another gulp of coffee. “I looked at who I was shooting at and … I saw a group of kids running and falling. For a second, it looked like I was playing a fucking video game.”
Savannah kept tapping his arm.
“Then I saw who I’d shot—it was a boy around Colt’s age. I ran toward him, forgetting about the war, forgetting about the mines, and all I saw was Colt on the ground bleeding with his guts spilling out. I just wanted to save him. When I was about twenty yards away, I heard Jeremy calling to me, and I turned around. That’s when I heard the bang. Jeremy was up in the air and chunks of him started to break away.”
“Stay with me, Ryder.”
For a second he didn’t recognize the woman’s voice, but then her scent enveloped him as she came behind him and draped her arms around his neck. He rested his head against Savannah, inhaling her familiar fragrance.
“That’s when I stepped on the landmine. There wasn’t a boom, and my ears didn’t even fucking pop. I closed my eyes and when I opened them again, I was upside-down and falling backwards toward the ground. I went to sit up and saw my knee coming off, and with the whole shinbone sticking out with no foot at the end of my left leg, I knew I was fucked. I looked over to find Jeremy, but I couldn’t see further than my weapon because there was this fucking massive dust cloud. The pain was horrendous and there was flesh everywhere. In that second, everything hit me, and I knew my life would be forever changed.”
“You were so brave,” she muttered.
“I lived. Jeremy’s the one who gave up his life. He’s the hero, not me.”
“You both were. Two young guys fighting under extreme conditions just trying to do the right thing. You were fighting for us. You wanted to save the young boy.”
“I’m the one who fucking killed him.”
“But it wasn’t under normal conditions. You know you would’ve never done that if it hadn’t been during wartime. You lost your leg by trying to save him.”
The ends of her hair brushed against his hands that were on top of hers. “I told Jeremy to stay back. If I hadn’t shot that kid, Jeremy would still be alive.”
“You don’t know that, and as hard as it is to accept, Jeremy made the choice to follow you, you didn’t make him. You have to forgive yourself … Jeremy would want you to.”
Ryder pursed his lips together and blinked rapidly. There was no way he wanted Savannah to see the tears threatening to stream down his face. As the seconds turned to minutes, a sense of lightness descended on him, and for the first time since that fateful day, the burden of what had happened didn’t weigh so much on his soul. It was as if some of the chains fettering him had broken away.
He reached behind him and slipped his hand under Savannah’s soft hair and cupped her neck, bringing her face down to his. He locked his lips on hers then swung her around as he pushed the chair back. Securing Savannah on his lap, he kissed her again as his heart hammered against his chest.
“I love you more than any other woman I’ve loved in my life. I want you and Timmy to stay and be a part of my life.” The rush of emotion surprised him, but he’d never met a woman like Savannah before.
“Oh, Ryder. For so long I’d longed for this, and now I can’t bear to lose it. Your affection, your love, your everything makes me feel so complete, but I’m scared to death that we’re rushing into this too fast. I keep thinking that maybe we’re just replacing the ones who hurt us with each other to make a patchwork quilt of a life together.”
“Do you love me?” Ryder held his breath.
“I do, very much.”
“Then we’ll sort the rest out, woman. I’m not asking to get hitched right away—we gotta grow together a little more before that—and I know that I’m not replacing Dana and Colt with you and Timmy. I’m fucked up, but not that much. I just feel this is right, and I know my love for you is real. I’ve never fell so hard and so fast with any other woman before, and the depth of the love and admiration and respect I feel for you is more than I’d ever felt for Dana. You’re the woman I’ve been looking for my whole life … Dana was just the detour.”
Savannah peppered his face with kisses then rested her head against his shoulder. “I do believe in wishes coming true and the magic of Christmas. You’re my wish come true, not just for me, but for Timmy too—he’s crazy about you. There was a reason we were stranded on your property.” She poked him in the ribs. “I know you’re rolling your eyes at me.”
He chuckled. “Damn, you’re good, woman.” The truth was he didn’t really believe in coincidences, but he had to agree with Savannah that it seemed like their stars must have aligned to bring her and Timmy to him. Christmas magic? Who the fuck knows? He turned his head and kissed her again.
“I’m still married to Bret—at least on paper. We’ve really been separated since Timmy was born, but I have a huge battle in front of me.”
“I’ll be there for you—even go to Boston with you.” He ran his hand up and down her back.
“I know. I’m meeting with that attorney Cara recommended to me on Monday morning. Cara looked up the statute, and in Massachusetts, grandparents don’t have a right to their grandkids. They may ask the court to order some visitation, but that’s only if I don’t let Timmy see his paternal grandparents, which I wouldn’t do. But I do want sole custody of Timmy.”
“And you’re going to get it.”
“I hope so. Corinne has a lot of money to fight me, and so does Bret.”
“You gotta believe in yourself, darlin’. Don’t worry about the money, I’ve got you covered. I get a share of the money the Insurgents bring in.” He ran his finger over her frowning face and chuckled. “It’s all legal.”
“Do you want to play with me, Ryder?” Timmy asked as he stood in the doorway.
“Come over here, honey,” Savannah said.
When Timmy was next to them, Ryder scooped him up and placed him on top of Savannah’s lap.
“Ryder’s asked us to stay. Would you like that?”
Timmy bobbed his head and wrapped his arm around Ryder’s neck. “Would we live here?”
“If that’s okay with you.”
“I like it here. I like my friends. Can I go to the sa
me school as they do?”
“Sure,” Savannah said. She kissed her son and pressed against him. “I love you.”
“Is Daddy going to be mad that we’re not coming home?”
“Yes, but Mommy and Daddy haven’t been happy for a long time.”
“Daddy doesn’t like me.”
“Oh, baby,” Savannah said as she rocked Timmy on Ryder’s lap. “It’s not you. Daddy doesn’t like anyone but himself.”
“I like you very much, kiddo,” Ryder said.
Timmy smiled widely. “I like you too. Do you wanna play a video game with me?”
“Yeah. You’re gonna need to show me what to do.”
“I will,” Timmy said as he scrambled down and dashed into the other room.
Ryder kissed Savannah again then helped her off his lap.
“I know I’m gonna regret doing this ’cause I know he’s gonna kick my ass.” He chuckled and patted Savannah’s butt as he made his way into the family room.
Chapter Twenty
Holiday music curled around her as Savannah wove through the crowds. She pushed open the doors at the French Bistro and the aroma of freshly baked baguettes tantalized her as she entered the eatery. A quick scan around the small restaurant told her Cara hadn’t arrived yet. Deciding to secure a table, Savannah rushed over to one in the corner that had just become available.
On one of the chairs, she stacked her packages then sat down with a contented sigh to finally be off her feet. The café had a warm feel to it, and amid the brightly decorated trees and dangling strings of lights, oil paintings depicting street scenes of Parisian life decorated the yellow walls.
“Would you like anything to drink?” a young waitress asked as she handed Savannah a menu.
“A friend of mine will be coming,” she said and the waitress put down another menu. “I’ll have a hot chocolate and a glass of water with extra lemon, please.”
“I’ll be right back with your drinks.” The young girl rushed away.
The restaurant filled up, and soon there were no tables available for the line of people crowding the reception area. Savannah looked out the window, watching the shoppers as they clutched shopping bags and hurried down the bustling street. She saw Cara rushing across the road and she smiled. Cara had turned out to be a great friend to Savannah, and the family law attorney she’d recommended really knew her stuff. Savannah had met with Francine Roberts that morning then she’d dashed around buying last minute items and specialty foods for the dinner she planned to make that evening.
Christmas Wish Page 20
